Obsession with being seen as desirable

No_Jelly_6635 · 2023-04-02T15:31:35+00:00

One word.

Narcissism.

Chemical-Quote-7082 · 2023-04-02T17:02:56+00:00

I just want to check: please don't ruminate over this guy who clearly had lots of psych issues that he then made your problems. Just checking, because you don't deserve to waste your time on that. This guy sounds like he doesn't even deserve a 'thank u, next'.

sadgal999 · 2023-04-02T21:36:06+00:00

My redpill ex was the EXACT same. His desirability meant more to him than anything else in the world, even to men - not in a sexual way but he wanted even the men around him to respect him the bigger he became through his "bulks". He triangulated me with his "friends" too, and almost enjoyed watching some sort of invisible competition from the girls in his life. What he personally valued in the women he wanted as his end-game vs the women he actually chose / kept in his rotation, were wildly different too - I never understood either.

XihuanNi-6784 · 2023-04-02T21:03:06+00:00

There's a subsection of society which is obsessed with material wealth, status, and desireabiltiy. They bully each other and constantly compete for attention from the opposite sex. These people don't have real romantic relationships, and even worse, not even any real friendships. They're the sort whose whole interaction with their friends is talking shit about and insulting each other. Yes, everyone does this to an extent, but I mean this is all they do.

When your entire social world is composed of this, your friends in real life, and your social media communities, it becomes like a total reality to them. They objectively know that people outside don't live like this, but they can't truly let themselves believe it because it causes too much cognitive dissonance. There's a massive sunk cost and they don't want to think about how happy they could be if they just walked away from it all and stopped caring. So they continue. On and on and on.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-04-03T00:57:11+00:00

He is probably is very narcissistic and greatly desires that others admire him for being more accomplished than others. Different narcissists will derive this sense of superiority from different sources like intelligence, wealth, athletic ability, and in his case success with women.

In the past he may have been a social reject who was ignored by women. This made him pursue being physically attractive as a way of validation to prove that he isn't a "loser" anymore.

This also says a lot about you and your possible attraction to narcissists. You seem to put up with bad behavior from others and tolerate being mistreated. Sometimes this happens because of the way we were treated as kids. You deserve a partner who treats you well.

rafaman777 · 2023-04-03T00:13:58+00:00

Insecurity leads to micro managing. Narcissism means your ego is fragile and needs to be constantly propped up by others. This comes with trying to control how you are perceived by others at all times. Image, speech, dress, job, status, friends, money, wealth, level of attractiveness and number of sexual partners. Its a fruitless task and these types always crash and burn because the strategy is never enough. Because the external validation only last a few seconds and must be replicated with every personal interaction around you. This is impossible to achieve when the person truly believes they are worthless inside. It's like trying to fill a bucket with holes in it.

thegameoflovexu · 2023-04-02T15:49:26+00:00

The end game is your empty pocket if you're a man. If you're a woman then the end game is being a slave to said men.

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2023-04-02T18:41:45+00:00

What's the endgame? Same as any RP talking point; use of women as objects, in anyway which benefits them (ego, sex, etc.)

Naus1987 · 2023-04-02T18:48:01+00:00

Shallow people who build their lives of superficial things have nothing else to fall back on. All they ever have is their pride, so they lean into it.

It’s why I always think dating (and life) just sucks if you’re an average intelligence person.

Not dumb enough to live in blissful ignorance, but not smart enough to realize their choices are what makes them miserable.

—-

Eventually some people can mature and grow out of bad phases. Like how OP was stuck dating a toxic person, and now hopefully they’ve matured past it.

But a lot of people just stagnant. Go their whole lives miserable chasing false dreams.

softmetallic · 2023-04-02T17:29:43+00:00

Feeling undesirable makes your sexuality feel disgusting and shameful, something that isn't a gift to be shared but an embarrassing character flaw that women hate. Red Pill is all about compensating for this feeling of inadequacy by attacking the self esteem of the woman you are attracted to, bringing her down to your level, so to speak.

Rook_Cross · 2023-04-03T02:46:53+00:00

As others have said, narcissism, and, trying to fill a hole and not realizing that's not the way to do it. Being shallow, not knowing what's really valuable in life. Sorry you got sucked into it for awhile. Actually being valuable is much harder than having the illusion of being so. The illusion they're going for, having a bevy of women around, isn't the key to happiness, even should they achieve it. They're wasting their lives and don't know it and often can't be convinced otherwise, because yes, they have some sort of personality disorder or narcissistic tendencies, etc.

larry_tron · 2023-04-03T11:36:27+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear that your ex wasn't a good person to you. I hope you move on and find someone who genuinely values and respects you

When something is really lacking in an individual's life to the point where it creates self-esteem issues which leads to mental health issues, they become convinced that the extreme opposite, where they have a lot of what they're missing, will solve all of their problems and finally make them happy

This can be anything from money, attention from the opposite sex, fame, etc...

People who get caught up in the toxic red pill community are often very lost in life or are just plain a**holes that need to go outside, touch grass and hug their mothers. Those communities are appealing to them because they feel insecure that they have never had attention from women or they've been in a bad relationship once and are looking to place blame on the other person without being introspective about themselves

A footnote to think about: If they're so obsessed with other men to the point where they have a borderline homo-erotic idea of what a "masculine man" should be, you have to question what they may be hiding from

meisterkraus · 2023-04-02T16:34:39+00:00

How do I find someone to build a life with without being desirable?

Enough_Chemistry3258 · 2023-04-02T16:11:49+00:00

Being desirable makes finding a partner a lot easier

BessieaHughes · 2023-04-02T15:49:20+00:00

because men are by default undesirable, sexually worthless

you cannot understand, because for you, a woman, being desirable is like air - you've always had it, and know you always will

but without it you would choke

you have no idea, what's it like to live your life, without any sexuality, to always suppress that large part of yourself because it's undesirable and worthless

you would have a mental breakdown the second your sexuality would no longer be seen as something positive, but as something negative instead

Dahks · 2023-04-03T21:11:14+00:00

In the RedPill world, they unconsciously accept that men's value comes from the validation of women. This is why PUAs try to "game" the validation they obtain or why incels feed their misery with this, because they can't obtain this validation. MGTOWs differ only in theory, because in the practice they want the passive validation of everyone knowing that they don't need women.

Title	Obsession with being seen as desirable
Author	pfiz23
Upvotes	43
Comments	82
Date	April 2, 2023 3:19 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/129o9gw/obsession_with_being_seen_as_desirable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/obsession-with-being-seen-as-desirable.1207102 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207102

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