Boyfriend Watches Porn Everyday

blackopium777 · 2020-03-03T00:36:28+00:00

I am very sorry to tell you that you will probably not have a happy future with this person. He knows exactly what he is doing and I doubt that talking will help. Like you already said, he will probably just use incognito. Its a waste of energy. I can also totally see him using you for extra money, since he has no problem to lie about the porn. You should prepare to get away and do it silently. Dont tell him what you saw, you will help him getting better at lying to the next woman he meets. Dont explain yourself, exit as soon as you can and as silent as possible.

AyemHerself · 2020-03-03T00:42:31+00:00

This sounds like addict behavior. He's probably ashamed of his habits to the point where he knows to hide them, but not ashamed enough to do anything about it. Confronting him won't help. He won't change until, like any addict, he hits his personal rock bottom.

As for the money thing, there's no excusing lying to and stealing from you. You should form your exit plan. I'm sorry

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2020-03-03T01:12:29+00:00

The problem is that he always told me the total amount he paid was 1400 per month, which means I’ve been paying him 700 per month.

This is super common. LVM are shameless parasites.

I lived with an ex boyfriend who flat-out lied about what half the rent and utilities cost as well. He made a big show of saying he was paying 80% of our expenses, used that to justify not taking me out anywhere nicer than Taco Bell, and generally lorded it over me for two years.

The guy was ten years older than me and made a respectable income as a sales representative. I was in college and had no credit history, so all the utilities went in his name. Eventually I graduated, got a real job, realized what a controlling piece of shit he was, and kicked him to the fucking curb. He said he was moving out and told me I would have to do the same because "I definitely couldn't afford to live there." I got a roommate instead and aggressively budgeted to make the numbers work. Imagine my shock when I started getting bills in the mail for a fraction of what he claimed they were. I had been working a near-minimum wage job and paying well over half our expenses the whole fucking time.

Even ignoring all the other low value behavior - he is using you. He is stealing from you. Dump this absolute fucking piece of shit now.

HWestNewYork · 2020-03-03T00:46:27+00:00

You should check out this AITA post

This woman went through a similar situation where her boyfriend told her how much the rent was and she found out he had been pocketing her money and she was paying more than half. I think there were some decent responses you may be able to use to move forward regarding the money issue.

I think you should cut your losses and move out ASAP if that’s possible and safe for you. For all you know he’s probably spending the money he’s taken from you on his porn habit.

90sCosmoEnergy · 2020-03-03T06:58:56+00:00

which is our men shouldn’t be watching porn

I don't like the use of "our" there. I claim no ownership for any of these boys.

Im a horrible person in that I looked at his browser history.

You're right. You're a horrible person. A total asshole. The worst person to ever live on this planet. Sit down Hitler, you've been replaced.

... I mean, is that what you wanted me to say? Why would you call yourself a "horrible person?" Your problem isn't this man, it's that your self-esteem is in the toilet. You looked at his search history. So fucking what? Men look at the most depraved shit and message girls behind our backs, but we're jerks if we check the receipts? Bull-fucking-shit. 12-year-olds know how to clear their tracks online. If he was too stupid to clear his browser history, fuck him.

Don't put yourself down. Ever. Men put us down enough.

I’d be so sad if he was using me for the extra money and lying about it.

Every woman here is going to tell you to leave him or to start dating other people behind his back. But you're not going to listen. You need to read the handbook, then read it again, then read the books recommended and endorsed by this sub. You haven't yet had an "a-ha!" moment, but it will come if you internalize the right information. Good luck.

2020-03-03T00:50:40+00:00

Oh yeah no break up. The porn is already bad but the rent thing shows that this is the tip of the iceberg

9penguin · 2020-03-03T01:58:37+00:00

Call his dad and ask how much is the rent and tell him his son have been lying about the amount of payment. If the dad is a good person he'll pay back the excess rent to you. If not, at least you got the answer. And break up with him no matter what, he's trash and he'll only get worse. I'm really sorry.

whathisbastardid · 2020-03-03T00:52:08+00:00

Don’t ever feel bad for going through a mans phone/browser history. Ever.

It can save your life.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-03-03T02:34:16+00:00

The more I see posts like this, the more pro snooping I am. I've never done it, but it's obviously very important so that you don't end up wasting years or having kids with shameless liars. Right after my EX husband and I decided to separate, I needed his phone to search something and right there in the search bar was something about mail order brides. Marriage wasn't even cold and he was considering an "easier" option for the bangmaid he thought I'd continue to be to a low effort scrub. It made me sick, but I was already done with him so it didn't hit too hard.

That rent thing is killing me. That's some devious shit right there. I'm sorry OP. I rented a separate apt from my last ex. He tried to get an extra month of rent out of me when I dumped him. He was clearly dumb because my bank keeps records and I was able to show him I already paid July rent. Said it right on the memo and was written end of June. His comeback was that people don't pay their rent ahead of time LMAO and the memo that said JULY RENT didn't mean anything and that it was still June rent. When I stopped responding he decided to change his tune to OH this has just been a huge misunderstanding and here I was thinking you weren't paying rent on time and it made me treat you like shit. Do you actually want to stay broken up over this tiny misunderstanding? The AUDACITY!!! He's why I've stayed single. I'm exhausted and don't give an inch anymore when it comes to men.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2020-03-03T00:59:37+00:00

Get out now!!! Please! Those are two hugely disrespectful things!

CuriousCatNYC777 · 2020-03-03T01:50:09+00:00

OK - you need to begin planning your departure.

Start quietly organizing your finances and searching for another place. If you have someone you can confide in, let them know you need support (emotionally).

Not only is he addicted to porn (which is scientifically proven to cause brain damage and lead to violent acts against women), he’s also STEALING money from you.

Please get OUT as soon as you can - be mindful, safe and strategic.

Good luck.

HWestNewYork · 2020-03-03T02:46:29+00:00

In the future, don’t move in with a boyfriend after dating for five months! You don’t know someone well enough to move in with them after five short months. Everyone else has given you good advice regarding the other issues. I hope you are able to extricate yourself quickly and safely.

randomgirlimok · 2020-03-03T06:08:39+00:00

You’re with a guy who lies and scams you. He isn’t a good person. Stop wasting your time with him.

grimreapersdtr · 2020-03-03T02:32:41+00:00

r/pornfreerelationships

I would tell you to get your ducks in a row and plan on moving out as soon as you possibly can. He's using you. He'll probably drop all pretense of being anti-porn as soon as he figures you're really trapped. If he makes a big fake show about being a "righteous family-oriented man", he will definitely try to trap you in order to keep his fake facade believable for his family---- definitely don't get engaged and double down on your birth control. Guarantee you he'd drop all pretense of being anti-porn if you were married to him and/or had his child.

vp2407 · 2020-03-03T14:32:38+00:00

This is a lesson I'll note to myself. If I agree to move in with a guy, I want to see the bills for myself instead of just taking his word for it. And if he gets defensive, makes excuses, or withholds the info, I feel like that's all I'll need to know.

laeriel_c · 2020-03-03T01:36:29+00:00

WOW he's been lying to you about so many things. Please leave this guy, he's not going to be a good husband. Don't be ashamed of whatever you needed to find out the truth. Don't confront him, just leave his ass.

extraacct1234 · 2020-03-03T02:31:20+00:00

That rent thing! Asolutely dump him. Like someone else said, that's just the tip of the iceberg. If he feels comfortable doing that to you he absolutely does not love you and he's probably doing other things like cheating. Get out before you waste more time.

macguffin99 · 2020-03-03T11:30:03+00:00

I can’t wait to hear his concocted ‘reasons’ for lying to you about the rent.

I’m guessing maybe: “I wanted to surprise you with a holiday / dream honeymoon / puppy / investment of some kind. I did it for us.”

Or: “Poor me, I was ashamed to tell you someone else took financial advantage of helpless me and I didn’t know what to do, please comfort me.”

Or: “I thought it was fair, because I bought you all those coffees / sodas / car miles driving you places and those things add up. Why are you being unreasonable?”

This guy is a particularly special kind of wicked, OP. I hope you ditch him and never ever look back. ❤️

SarcasmSlide · 2020-03-03T16:29:46+00:00

You know the answer to all this, love. He’s a LVM actively lying about porn addiction who’s also scamming you out of money.

Come on. You know you can’t be with a guy like this and have self-respect. FDS requires we be bold and courageous enough to not tolerate people like this. I wish you peace.

jess_611 · 2020-03-03T02:41:31+00:00

I agree with the posts that you shouldn’t try and change him. I wouldn’t bring it up now, however I would absolutely be trying to catch him in the act. I’m also curious about the computer thing - do you guys not share any passwords?

7_0f_9 · 2020-03-03T04:18:08+00:00

I'm sorry to say but he is gonna Gaslight you on this no matter what way you go about it. I know your already moved in together but he's not gonna change. Just cut your losses. Don't stick with him just because you've already invested. If you invest any further you're just wasting your life. Men who watch porn will categorically not stop. He will continue lying and being sneaky. He will derail and blame you.

BunniferJones · 2020-03-03T02:39:35+00:00

throw the whole man away. if these basic ass things are what you’ve discovered of 2-3 months living together it ain’t gonna get any better. give him $600 and maybe try to put child restrictions on the wifi if he “lets” you have logins to the router

AntiCircles · 2020-03-03T02:41:05+00:00

Leave him asap

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-03-03T03:49:05+00:00

He’s a liar. I am sorry you’re going to be sad but I’m happy that you found this out now, before you “love him” and don’t want to do what’s best for you. It sounds like he knows the porn addiction is going to be an issue (anytime somebody hides something like this, it is an addiction) and took proper steps to conceal it. Don’t tell him why, don’t make it a big thing (he’ll cry, promise to change, maybe get angry, it’s not worth it, you’re not going to change him). One thing I’ve learned in life is that those who vocally oppose things are often guilty of them (look at how many anti-abortion politicians have gotten quiet abortions for their mistresses). Be strong. Save up. Start looking for some good roommates that aren’t lying about rent and using you. You got this 🙂

BrooklynBabe33 · 2020-03-03T02:06:14+00:00

I’m more angry that he’s ripping you off for the rent every month

Fitncurly · 2020-03-03T04:06:18+00:00

Leave now, it’s so early on and you’re not married and have no kids. I’m sorry for what’s happening. But it WILL get worse. Don’t let your feelings trap you. Wanna read a book with a nightmare ending? Quicksand by Nella Larsen. She ends up stuck in a very unhappy marriage in a place she hates and after pumping out child after child it ends with her succumbing to comatose PPD, surrounded by children she didn’t want and people she didn’t like. So depressing, and I’ve seen versions of this play out in real life. It doesn’t have to be you.

kaizentigerr · 2020-03-03T06:23:52+00:00

Holy frick. That’s so evil. Stuff like this really makes me lose faith in men...

unknownsoulalways · 2020-03-03T02:13:35+00:00

Yes. Mine was Mr Perfect, one never needs porn if you love someone. Multiple back operations seemed valid to explain dead bedroom. I went and downloaded his history from all apps real fast, and emailed them all to myself one day. Sorry little LVM had to go.

whathisbastardid · 2020-03-03T02:34:43+00:00

Please also post this in our sister sub r/PornFreeRelationships

honeydewmelonz · 2020-03-03T04:54:44+00:00

I don’t think he was ever a good boyfriend if he makes less than you and has you split the rent with him....That is such a bad agreement.

I_have_to_go_numba_3 · 2020-03-03T02:29:59+00:00

Don’t waste any more time with him. This sounds like my ex and it was hard to leave him but it was the best decision I have ever made. He doesn’t deserve you. He will lie to you about other things and probably already is. He will beg and plead but don’t give in, don’t let him explain, just leave. He will not change and you can’t change him.

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hongkonghenry · 2020-03-03T00:26:14+00:00

You could say you typed 'po' because you were about to go on the pottermore website, if you're a Harry Potter fan it's a plausible cover. I know it's not good to lie but sometimes it can keep a discussion non track instead of it becoming about you snooping.

HWestNewYork · 2020-03-04T00:17:10+00:00

For me both of these things are blaring red flags.

My thoughts on watching porn are an entirely different thing. (I’ve personally stopped and I wouldn’t tolerate it if he became addicted and refused to get help). My overall problem here is the fact he lied. By lying, he was willing to jeopardise your relationship and also cut off any support he could get if he realised he was getting bad and wanted help.

I treat porn addiction like alcohol and drug addiction. If god forbid either of those things happened, I am open to give support during the hard times and will direct him on the right path to get help. But the second the refusal starts and they start hurting me to prioritise their addiction, I’m out.

I feel like it is also a problem that you felt you needed to check to see if it was there. What led you to this? Do you trust him?

The rent issue also seems very suspicious. Why is he taking more money from you than he needs?

Honestly things aren’t looking good for you both. Prepare to leave if need be. Him lying about this is a big problem

Title	Boyfriend Watches Porn Everyday
Author	HWestNewYork
Upvotes	107
Comments	67
Date	March 3, 2020 12:17 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fclwb9/boyfriend_watches_porn_everyday/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/boyfriend-watches-porn-everyday.681069 https://theredarchive.com/post/681069

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