Complimenting other women - red flag?

apommom · 2021-11-23T23:41:37+00:00

Hard to say, I think “beautiful” is a natural descriptor for women that most people use without thinking too much about it. But it does remind me of when I was talking to a guy about Ariana Grande’s talent and the only thing he could contribute was “yeah, she’s super hot.” He was definitely disgusting, but your situation sounds more nuanced. I wouldn’t say this is a major red flag in itself but curious to hear what others think.

Bwolffff · 2021-11-24T04:22:44+00:00

I legit went on a first date with a guy who said “Ariana grande is sooo hot” when I mentioned I’m a fan of hers. I found it to be kind of sleazy and a turn off, especially on the first date when a guy is pretending to be a better person than he really is. 😬

millennialpink2000 · 2021-11-24T03:26:41+00:00

I've had men admit to being careful regarding how they mentioned other women in front of me, so that likely applies to the majority of men. Chances are he knew what he was doing. Whether it was a mention or a gush, he knew what he was saying

GlitterLoveAngel · 2021-11-23T23:49:07+00:00

Tbh I think it’s a little disrespectful. Especially when you’re starting to get to know the person and try to pursue them.

Just like you mentioned, you wouldn’t think to talk about how attractive and successful famous men are to your date so why is it okay for him to do it?

I honestly wonder if he would be okay if you spoke about Henry Cavill and said that he was extremely attractive and listed his attributes to him.

scorchedsouI · 2021-11-24T04:03:25+00:00

Yes, it is very strange. I've never heard of a woman complimenting the looks of other men on a date. Most men wouldn't like it if that happened to them.

plomerst · 2021-11-23T23:53:00+00:00

It’s always an alert/flag if a man calls another woman beautiful in my presence, particularly early on in dating. I wouldn’t compliment on a man’s physical attractiveness in the early dating stages. I wouldn’t cut them off over this, but it would leave a bad taste.

lansburysoda · 2021-11-24T01:37:31+00:00

Massive red flag. Look up “triangulation”.

kansascitydream · 2021-11-24T00:17:06+00:00

I feel like it is a red flag. Of course many women are attractive. However, I think that men should only be complimenting you like that. I have an ex that would talk about how hot he thought his “friends” were. It was awful. I think if you are with a man for a long time it’s ok if he thinks a celebrity is pretty and talks about it, as long as it’s not excessive, and he doesn’t compare you to them. As an aside I think that men and women have celebrity crushes differently. For example, us ladies will say a celebrity is fit/handsome or whatever. When ever I hear a man speak of celebrities it is out right disgusting. I once heard a scrote at a bar exclaim, “Zoey Daeshanelle is so hot, I want to c*m on her face.”

Big difference in how we express our celebrity crushes.

Monstermagnetmarye · 2021-11-24T16:11:05+00:00

Not a good sign. Before FDS i would always say something back about a hot actor or charasmatic artist. They would always be so jealous calling that man gay, asshole.. or really? Not Leonardo DiCaprio? Maybe in the 90's, but no the reason why he dates around so much is because he's famous and rich. So no they know it's not cool to do that.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-11-24T00:02:44+00:00

To me, this reads as trying too hard. It’s like men who wear the Nice Guy facade. They don’t really believe that the famous women are that great; they want you to believe that he’s this great, enlightened fellow - not like other men! - who isn’t intimidated by accomplished women. It’s a Nope for me.

Softrito · 2021-11-25T00:21:38+00:00

I would never mention other men to a date, I don't have a high opinion of most men, but I would never stoop down to thinking they were 'that' socially inept.

Platipus6 · 2021-11-23T23:58:19+00:00

He forgot you were there and forgot social norms. He slipped and is telling you what he really thinks. Consider it a gift.

(It's not about her looks, it's that he's gauche and crass and easily vagues out and rambles about inappropriate things at inappropriate times).

anadreamy2 · 2021-11-25T00:48:56+00:00

If you feel uncomfortable with this then it’s a problem. And I can see how a guy could use this in a way to make you feel insecure or create a triangulation with that celebrity or maybe not even that could just be a girl you know or a random woman in the street. At least to me it’s quite weird for him to be making these kind of comments because he’s not making a good impression either on purpose or because he doesn’t care( not sure if this could be a red flag or a yellow flag but it certainly not ok).

blessedwiththree · 2021-11-24T05:13:37+00:00

Yes- red flag. This is really typical behavior of narcissistic man who are triangulating you. I've always believed that a man who is interested in you (and not some sort of manipulator), will never bring up other women in this way, because they understand if they talk to you like they would to another man, that it would convey they do not see you as a romantic prospect. Even for myself, I would not be discussing men's looks with a man I was interested in having a romantic relationship with. If I were discussing men in front of another man in that capacity, it would indicate I wasn't romantically interested in them because I wouldn't care if they got the wrong idea. If a man is discussing another woman's looks in front of you, there's a large chance he is trying to make you feel insecure. If he's really that obtuse and isn't being manipulative, then he won't be a good partner in a relationship anyway. In addition, if he is analyzing a bunch of women and their looks, I'm betting there's a good chance that he's a porn addict or at least a misogynistic asshole who is evaluating women based on appearance factors.

ThrowRA_lantern · 2021-11-24T06:23:45+00:00

I’d say red flag but it depends! Like for me, after some pretty hardcore vetting, the only thing I could tag against my current bf is that during our earlier days, he occasionally called a few actresses “beautiful” or “attractive”. Of course I took very careful consideration, especially after being with narcissists in the past, but then I realised he says this about everyone!! Maybe even more so with male actors/singers. And often in a light-hearted, cheerful or humorous manner.

And while he does that, he never forgets to repeatedly compliment me and always call me his most stunning woman. He just seems confident in himself and his masculinity to appreciate beauty and the effort it often takes to be beautiful. And he hates on men as a collective for putting zero effort in their appearances.

In a conversation about his mother, he would say things like “I don’t know why she allows her to be treated this way, she’s a wonderful, beautiful and smart woman,” and in that context it’s hard to consider a comment on his mother’s beauty a red flag…

Moral of the story is I guess it depends on the circumstances. Any guy that harps on about a celebrity or model’s hotness and wanting to do disgusting inappropriate things… need to be thrown into the trash like… IMMEDIATELY.

alpinepunch2021 · 2021-11-24T02:37:53+00:00

I think it depends on the nature of the compliment. If they compliment some woman for being particularly smart or good at something and it seems like she actually is smart or good at that thing, then that seems reasonable. If, on the other hand, he says anything about her appearance or attributes positive traits to her that don't apply (likely because she's attractive and he's suffering from the halo effect) then clearly that's a red flag. It might also depend on the woman. If a guy compliments Hilary Clinton or Tulsi Gabbard or something that seems cool, but if he compliments Emma Watson, Natalie Portman, Bjork etc. I'd eye roll myself into oblivion. It's not so much about whether the woman's attractive (since Tulsi Gabbard's honestly probably the best looking out of the people I've mentioned) but more about whether they've done something to genuinely warrant a compliment, beyond just looking pretty.

It also probably depends on the way they say it. There's a way of acknowledging someone's impressive in some way that strikes me as respectful recognition and a way of doing it that strikes me as something more like admiration. The latter's probably an indicator of either intentional triangulation or underlying cheating tendencies.

Ok-Yogurtcloset3467 · 2021-11-24T16:05:51+00:00

I don't know if its an outright red flag. Its definitely more red than green though.

Does he speak of other female celebs or women in general like that? Does he always feel the need to mention their beauty? Does he get even slightly vulgar when talking about it? Is it only women whose attractiveness he needs to point out ie he can't acknowledge a woman's talent unless she's attractive?

And most importantly how do you feel about it?

Title	Complimenting other women - red flag?
Author	Healingirl
Upvotes	167
Comments	31
Date	November 23, 2021 11:31 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/r0qf52/complimenting_other_women_red_flag/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/complimenting-other-women-red-flag.1086893 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086893

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