Open communication doesn't seem to be a thing anymore

apommom · 2021-09-27T20:54:34+00:00

Their goal is to lower your standards and completely normalize those low standards, so then you’re the crazy one for wanting effort, respect, affection, compassion, communication, wanting someone who can provide, commit, and not watch pornography.

It’s much easier to get you to feel like you’re expecting too much than for them to live up to higher expectations. It works because there are women that put up with the bare minimum and even less than the bare minimum: cheating, abuse, blatant disrespect etc.

That’s why we say the bar is in hell, they want that bar to not even exist.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-09-27T21:01:24+00:00

One man, who I dated for months until he started withdrawing, told me that wanting a clear and consistent communication was too much and he couldn't give it to me.

Notice how they are eager to talk to you daily when they are in love. The communication drops or doesn't even pick up when they are emotionally not very involved.

They do this so they can maintain a situationship under the impression you have a relationship. It's manipulation and avoidance of responsibilities.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-09-27T20:50:52+00:00

I don’t know about OLD but it’s clear from other dating subs that a lot of guys these days want an exclusive friend with benefit and call it a relationship. Sex on tap but no living together, no seeing each other or hearing from each other everyday, no responsibility. They feel they have already done that with their ex wife and not prepared to commit again but still want regular sex. Just as and when, as you said convenient and functional. I don’t know why anyone looking for an actual relationship would accept that.

As far as OLD is concerned, I’m sure the forced covid dry spell has made most guys more desperate for sex than before. They might say they want a relationship but they probably just want to get laid. I’d stay clear if I were you.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-27T21:52:09+00:00

I don't think you should ever presume what a guy is looking for based on what app you are on.

Most people are useless lol, good on you for clearly seeing through it. Just unmatch right away and chat with someone else :)

Platipus6 · 2021-09-27T21:20:36+00:00

99.99% of the scrotes in my OKC deck are looking for hookups and have a 1 line bio. And they all look homeless. While being inside a house.

They'd all be thrilled with the free escort the seem to think the app will provide.

They're in a steady relationship with porn, and ordering that escort is a lot of work.

donttextme_k · 2021-09-27T23:11:27+00:00

I mean he don’t have to but I’m going to take it as him not liking me as much as he says he does. Seriously, if you actually like the person, you would want to share your thoughts and just talk with your SO. I don’t understand how some people can go a day without checking up on their SO. After a busy day at work, the first thing I want to do is head home and tell my husband about my day.

ceramicunicorn · 2021-09-27T21:41:15+00:00

Yes, I do sense a shift towards convenience and utilitarianism that erases the person she is, much like purchasing a product designed to provide a service (except they want it as a free giveaway). Lot of theories on why- technology providing instant grat in a lot of other arenas, too much porn, etc.- but the way OLD is designed in terms of the illusion of choice (we know the apps are fleshed out with fake profiles to keep men engaged), the efficiency of the swipe, the dehumanization , the low investment required to have “access”....well, it certainly exacerbates the issue. Aside from rural areas where there just aren’t many people, I’d like to see women exit swipe-style OLD en masse, as the model does not serve them.

The_Oracle_of_Delphi · 2021-09-28T01:30:29+00:00

Honestly, ALL relationships feel so transactional anymore, I wonder why I even bother. This includes women, too. I recently left a job and thought I would remain friends with a few of the women who I knew for many years. Well, it looks like I am no longer “useful” to them, so my texts are met with minimal responses now. It seems that they are redirecting their energy/attention to other places now, which are more immediately useful. I also tried befriending a new woman recently. She likes the activities I plan, but doesn’t seem the least bit interested in getting to know me on a personal level. She’ll text me to find out if I have any good ideas and want to do something. Then she sends me some rather demanding texts, wanting to know where and when to meet, and what we can do afterwards. I feel like her Social Director rather than her friend. In short, I feel kind of used… And that is how I feel after putting in the effort to build connections with WOMEN! I’m not even bothering with any men lately….

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-09-27T20:56:16+00:00

This seems like the next iteration after that whole "alone together" thing libfems were pushing a few years back where you would do different things "together" (read: he plays video games while you plan dates or vacations on your laptop next to him on the couch or cook dinner or do chores in the next room). My ex loved that concept because it was billed as "quality time" thus fulfilling a love language but we never actually talked or interacted during that time. This could go on for days.

So one step further would be just not being in the same space together since you're not interacting anyway and calling it a relationship.

Space_Gators · 2021-09-28T00:20:11+00:00

You know that OLD goes against the FDS handbook, and this is one of the endless reasons why. It gets really old seeing woman after woman think she’s somehow different and won’t have an awful experience on OLD, and it’s tiring when she inevitably reports that she has. We all have. That’s why the handbook is sternly against it.

This is like sticking your hand in boiling cooking oil, being shocked it burned you, and then writing a post asking others if they had similar results trying the same activity.

Get off OLD. You’re only hurting yourself.

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-09-28T03:56:44+00:00

The whole “you’re responsible for your own orgasm” crowd has definitely lost perspective on what relationships are all about.

fireforestfairy · 2021-09-28T10:56:37+00:00

They're clarifying the type of women they want. I assume many of these men on OLD think physical or emotional cheating is ok which is why they want a woman who is ok with him being "secretive". Men hate women asking them too many questions about their lives for a reason.

divination__ · 2021-09-28T16:58:52+00:00

If it makes you feel any better, a disproportionate amount of people, men particularly, on dating apps and websites are chronically single with avoidant attachment types. There are plenty of people who believe that open communication is good and necessary... unfortunately a lot of those people are already in healthy and committed relationships. However I wouldn't use the sample of men on dating apps to representative of the population as a whole.

Shot_Presence_8382 · 2021-09-28T20:04:33+00:00

My LVX husband believed that I was "asking too much" for me wanting to cOmMuNiCaTe with each other and to actually hold an intelligent conversation. We have two kids together, too! Like how would you not want to communicate with your spouse, especially when you have small children? It came to a point where I just started talking about the kids and what they did throughout the day, instead, because talking about my day, LVX would either never bother to look at me like I was even talking, or he'd say something quickly so he could get out of the conversation and go outside to smoke a cigarette and be on his phone. It was too much for him to even hold a conversation with me. Then he'd have the audacity to complain that I "never tell him anything anymore." UM? 🤔

Men don't want to use any brain power on anything other than porn, their pEnIs, lying to cover up shady behavior, manipulation, their hobbies, video games and what lies they can tell to a woman, so they can dupe her into low effort sex. Notice how none of those things are positive, good, or worthy of our time and interaction, anyway, so...they really are useless. They can't even hold a conversation with a woman anymore, unless it leads to sex. Really disgusting creatures they are.

Aksentia_Ivanovitcha · 2021-09-28T06:38:09+00:00

Yea, i also felt that alot with guys. I must disagree with you though, real emotional connection in relationships was never a thing. Real emotional connection wouldve made it harder for men to demand crazy cultural norms of you such as having no body hair at all time, taking on most house cleaning chores, engaging in his sex fantasies while accepting that "tHe cLIt is LIke RCkEt sCiEnce". Giving birth to his kids then raising them practically by yourself while contributing 50% of income and "mAKing hIs LifE BetTer".

Real emotional connection is something very new and rare in human history. The fact women are even able to demand it is new and amazing.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2021-09-28T09:49:59+00:00

This is why it’s so important for women to band together and demand better treatment, rather than acquiescing to men all the time. The bar is in hell. It’s so frustrating.

teaandcoffee717 · 2021-09-28T12:36:10+00:00

My ex neglected communication during our LONG DISTANCE relationship. When I asked him to give me FIVE MINUTES out of a month to call me , he said I was being too needy and not understanding of the fact that he works a lot and needs time to spend with his family.

Garbage, I tell you.

Title	Open communication doesn't seem to be a thing anymore
Author	Healingirl
Upvotes	413
Comments	57
Date	September 27, 2021 8:37 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pwpzob/open_communication_doesnt_seem_to_be_a_thing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/open-communication-doesnt-seem-to-be-a-thing.1073919 https://theredarchive.com/post/1073919