Don't take romantic relationships so seriously

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-05-23T10:13:09+00:00

Your life didn't end and begin with a man. A man is not a be all, end all.

A man is not your purpose.

Your purpose of living life to the fullest and dying with no regrets. 💚

IAteTheDragon · 2021-05-23T11:32:24+00:00

I don't know how it's gonna sound, but I've always been anxious about my relationships lasting forever. I change a lot every decade, how am I supposed to know if I will even want to be with him this long? If I will still love him? And forget about other good relationships till the day I die? Tbh it's not really for me, and as much as I would commit to this one person and respect them, the 'forever' part frightens me more than soothes.

alraqsfidawalqamar · 2021-05-23T13:01:16+00:00

NEVER make important life decisions (changing places, choosing your college etc) just to stay close to your partner. When things will go wrong you’ll regret it

to_learn_to_fly · 2021-05-23T11:27:28+00:00

This should be in the handbook as the right mindset to adopt before even starting to date and applying all other FDS principles.

fdssavedmylife · 2021-05-23T12:32:49+00:00

It’s really depressing to look back and realize those men that you thought the world of, that you had all these romantic fantasies about, that you felt you had this ~deep connection~ with were just smiling and nodding their heads while thinking about how they can get your clothes off. Men want to have sex with a woman until they like her enough to have conversations and then maybe they date and then eventually think “oh I guess I could marry this woman.” That love story in your head ain’t playing in theirs. Men don’t think about relationships this way and they look down on women who do. They’re laughing at us and how easy we are to manipulate. Men aren’t romantic.

But that being said, why are there so many fake love songs by men? Are they all about women who rejected them? Or do the 1% HVM all become singer/songwriters? (I know that’s not it lol) I’ve never heard a man discuss women the way men sing about women. Is it all a farce? I understand romcoms are full of lies, but the music industry as well? Damn.

millrice · 2021-05-23T15:18:39+00:00

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

betsybasset · 2021-05-23T10:36:31+00:00

✅✅

Remember ladies:

The only thing constant is change. What you are/ he is today may not be what you/he will be next week/month/ year. If he's unable to change to the better, or you no longer be with him because you changed, and there's no longer concerted effort to us as this post says, be prepared to leave.
As no 1, relationship is work. Constant effort is key. Only communication won't work, it's only part of the effort. Both ways.
Don't kid yourself love will win. No it doesn't, never was, never will. Love is not a feeling Love is a verb. It's a doing word. Words are cheap, actions are everything.
You can't change him. You can only change yourself. Stop expecting him to change 'one day'. No he won't.

You are your prince charming. Own it.

Twolipz_78 · 2021-05-23T12:39:23+00:00

I agree with this but my issue is idealizing and attaching very fiercely. What are some mental tricks I can do to avoid this? What are some good resources I can utilize as far as information to help me with this? I mean besides therapy?

I guess this is why we keep a scrotation, huh?

WittyImprovement · 2021-05-23T15:20:25+00:00

Saving this as a reminder for when I start dating again. I have a bad habit of over romanticizing my interactions with men I'm interested in. I haven't dated in a while though so maybe I'll be better next time since FDS has allowed me to have a mindset shift

nom-de-plume_12 · 2021-05-23T13:07:37+00:00

I wish I knew this when I got into relationship. funny now that I remember, It was thrown at me, this mindset by ex, when I use to tell him how some of his actions or lack thereof bothered me. I used to get classic snapback”why do you take this so seriously”.

fairywakes · 2021-05-23T17:16:28+00:00

Such an important topic. I think women around the world are so socialized to value a relationship with a man ABOVE ALL in their life. Yet, they (men) are hardly told the same. They do not prioritize the way we do.

vanillahcupcakes · 2021-05-23T16:01:54+00:00

Don't be at a point where your whole life revolves around him and you
think you can't live without him. Most men do not see their SOs in this
manner and are fine with cutting all ties with you once they no longer
have any feelings for you. Always be ready to walk away if things go
south. Most people you come across in life are "passers-by" who will no
longer contact you when there is no reason to continue meeting each
other irl and this applies to the guy you are dating.

THIS. Thank you.

Zurflu · 2021-05-23T14:48:42+00:00

So true. You see this on the other relationship subreddits when the OP is clearly in a horrible relationship and people will say "well don't break up with him before you try X" or "it wouldn't be fair to dump him for that". Newsflash, you can dump anyone for any reason and even for no reason at all!

Also, "he is the love of my life so please don't suggest we break up!" girl your man sucks and there are 10 more waiting for a chance with you...

eleaena · 2021-05-23T17:28:54+00:00

I definitely understand that in a relationship, I’m not going to dedicate 110% of my emotional, mental energy into it like I’ve done before. Maybe like 50%, maybeeee. I’m just tired of putting my whole heart into a relationship and getting hurt, this way if anything happens in my next relationship, I’ll be able to move on much faster. Men are not everything, not even close lol

Nice_Pass2393 · 2021-05-23T13:07:18+00:00

I've realized this and now invest little time and energy into dating and I constantly get blocked because of it. Oh well. I'm not going to jump through hoops for someone I barely know.

spinaflora · 2021-05-24T00:24:37+00:00

This is an essential thing to learn - even in the happiest relationship, ALWAYS centre yourself and your life without them.

ellalovegood · 2021-05-23T16:01:14+00:00

Practice non-attachment ❤

Lightbeing999 · 2021-05-24T14:43:55+00:00

Thank you for this.

My last relationship was with an emotionally abusive man, and I felt destroyed when that relationship was over. I hated my job and I barely had enough money to pay the bills. I spent a lot of time in therapy to cope.

About a year later, after the dust had settled, I remember my therapist encouraging me to date again.

I said: “That’s not a priority for me right now, I don’t feel happy in my life. I want to find my happiness, my dream job, and stability first. I want to be happy on my own, and any man can be bonus.”

Her answer? “Fascinating.”

I stopped seeing her shortly after that. She was just reinforcing societal norms. I was searching for empowerment and happiness on my own terms. Why is that so hard for people to understand? It wouldn’t be “fascinating” if a man behaved that way.

I’m finishing my masters degree this summer in a field that I love. I’m cultivating a beautiful life. If a HVM wants to join in, lovely. If not, the foundation of my life and happiness will be solid either way.

haunted_vcr · 2021-05-24T09:05:07+00:00

I think some things can be serious and HVM are capable of prioritizing us... that being said, the vast majority are clowns and entertainment at best.

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LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH