Disclaimer: This is my personal perspective not a dictionary definition. I understand that certain conditions such as depression may make certain sections of this list feel unrealistic to some so do keep in mind it is an opinion piece (and hopefully a source of inspiration as well)

Introduction

A high value woman is NOT simply a woman who has come across FDS, realized she has been wronged by LVM and decides to raise her standards going forward while feeling preemptively bitter and guarded towards 95% of men.

A high value woman is a woman who comes across FDS and has an epiphany regarding toxic patterns in her previous relationships with men. She takes the time to understand the psychological (attachment styles/ trauma/ etc) factors as well as the societal factors (patriarchal expectations of women/ societal conditioning etc) that lead most women to settle for those situations. She understands that there are some truly sick, violent, manipulative, narcissistic, heartless, porn-fried-brained men out there and she gives herself grace for not having had the wisdom to know better at the time.

These realizations awaken something inside her that’s been laying dormant all her life and suddenly everything becomes crystal clear.

She allows herself time to grieve and to forgive her past self (long and ongoing process) to feel angry about the depraved and heartless manner in which the men in her life have treated her, and to deeply feel any of the natural emotions that come with going from brainwashed to painfully awake. She focuses inwards during this phase and seeks therapy if she can.

Later down the line, if finding a relationship with a HVM is one of her goals, she’s aware of two truths:

  1. Being a woman who has been wronged by a man but now knows better doesn’t automatically make her a HVW worthy of a HVM, she needs to put in the work to strengthen or acquire traits that make her truly valuable to both herself and the people she seeks to attract in life.

  2. Since true HVM are incredibly rare, being single and focused on self-growth and self-induced happiness is a more than valid alternative (either as a phase before attempting to date again or as a path going forward in life)

In no particular order, these are what make a High Value Woman:

General demeanor

A high value woman has rock-solid self respect and never lowers her standards, knowing all too well what that has cost her in life. If you can’t meet her standards, she’s not even going to meet you half way, she’ll simply move on to someone who can. She’s constantly working to strengthen her self-esteem in a society banking on her maintaining a fragile and easily-manipulated sense of self. She stays away from negativity, has solid goals in life and is constantly pursuing them. People naturally gravitate towards her because she looks put together, is intelligent, exudes confidence and goes through life with a strong sense of purpose. She’s someone who comes into your life and leaves a lasting positive impact.

Mental health

A high value woman understands the importance of mental health, especially it’s importance in helping her understand her past to avoid repeating the same mistakes. She seeks therapy (or works towards seeking it) she stays away from toxic people and situations, she prioritizes alone time and deep self-reflection and has plenty of activities to help regulate her stress levels. Peace of mind is her ultimate goal in life.

General Health

A high value woman always prioritizes her health. She cooks and eats healthy and nourishing food 80% of the time and indulges in ‘food for the soul’ 20% of the time. She works out several times a week but doesn’t beat herself up on days when her body prefers to rest. She makes appointments and goes to all her annual medicals- especially Pap smears, general exams and the dentist 2x a year.

Education/Career

A high value woman takes her education very seriously and aims for degrees in higher education (if she has the time and means to do so, thank you to the commenter who mentioned the importance of time and finances, I didn’t mean to overlook these glaringly important factors, it was only vaguely implied in next sentence)

She also knows it’s never too late to do so and that it can be one of the biggest indicators of future career success (depending on field)

Career-wise she is constantly doing her best while maintaining a healthy work-life balance to avoid burnout. She is also seeking the next challenge and isn’t afraid to ask for promotions or negotiate her salary. If she doesn’t find her career fulfilling, she is actively learning new skills to transition into a different field and isn’t afraid to go down the entrepreneurial route.

Finances

A high value woman will never be financially dependent on a man. She has her own bank accounts, prioritizes saving while also leaving room to indulge in life’s pleasures. When it comes to money, she has an abundance mindset therefore she’s not watching every little penny and knows that investing in quality items makes more sense in the long run (if she has the means to do so). She’s also not spending mindlessly or in an attempt to fill a void.

When it comes to relationships, she’s done the research to understand why going 50/50 is a scam for women and it is therefore not something she accepts no matter how ‘un-feminist’ it feels.

Friendships

A high value woman seeks friendships with other high value women. She cuts ties with low value friends who will do nothing but impede her growth.

True friendship involves supporting each other’s goals, honesty and reliability, feeling recharged after hanging out together, lots of laughter, learning from each other and complete trust. There’s no jealousy or backhanded comments, there’s no anxiety or walking on eggshells and certainly no feeling depleted after hanging out.

She also seeks to be a great friend to her HVW by always keeping her word, reciprocating gifts and thoughtful gestures, offering solid and well-thought out advice and being a source of positivity.

Hygiene

A high value woman prides herself on having impeccable hygiene and expects the same from any man she gives attention to. She’s the woman who ‘always smells good’. She’s taken the time to research the products that work well for her and has a routine in place. She doesn’t skip showers for days at a time, she brushes and flosses at least twice a day (doesn’t forget tongue hygiene either) she has a hair washing schedule that keeps unpleasant odors at bay and she always wears freshly laundered clothes.

Living space

A high value woman keeps her living space clean, tidy, aired out and smelling fresh. She changes her bedsheets very often, never has dirty dishes sitting out overnight, vacuums and dusts often, doesn’t have piles of dirty laundry and makes sure all surfaces are wiped down.

To the extent possible, her place is devoid of clutter and everything is in its place. If standards slip while she’s going through a rough time, she doesn’t beat herself up for it and when she does eventually tidy up again she reaps all the mental health benefits of having a clean and tidy place (bonus points for scented candles and house plants)

Friends/visitors always compliment her on how clean and nice-smelling her place is and this fills her with pride.

Appearance

A high value woman aims to be the best version of herself. She understands the unrealistic standards society places on female appearance and doesn’t allow them to dictate her. However, if she enjoys being ‘feminine’ she indulges in quality hair and makeup products, keeps her nails manicured, shops for quality pieces to add to her wardrobe and anything else that makes her happy.

If she enjoys a more natural, neutral or alternative look she does so as well because staying true to herself is most important.

No matter what, she appears put together and comfortable in her own skin, thus radiating confidence.

Hobbies

A high value woman fills up her free time with relaxing/meaningful hobbies. She’s not sat scrolling through her phone all day nor is she browsing Netflix all day (nothing wrong with having a lazy weekend where you do just that though, seasons of rest are important)

However, in general she’s always learning. She makes time to read and she either has interesting hobbies or seeks them out.

Dating

Saved this one for last due to some controversial views mentioned at the end.

A high value woman doesn’t chase men, she naturally attracts them through all the points listed above. She then has to filter through the sea of LVM who will see and feel threatened by an accomplished woman and try to bring her down to their level. A high value woman doesn’t take this personally but simply blocks them and swiftly moves on.

A high value woman knows that HVM are incredibly rare so finding one isn’t the most central goal in her life. If she comes across one while focusing on her level up journey, that’s great.

If it takes years or she never comes across one, she will still be a happy and fulfilled woman because she isn’t desperately waiting for her ‘other half’ in order to feel complete and live life, she’s already out there living it fully.

If she wanted kids, she seeks out options for doing so solo and knows that settling for a LVM just to procreate would have been the worst decision for both her and her future kids.

If she’s child-free, all the better for never needing to settle!

She is also never in a rush to label a man as HV and is wary of the rose colored glasses phenomenon.

And finally (as mentioned in one of my previous posts) a high value woman does not use dating apps because they are demeaning to women. She resists the false narrative that online dating is the only feasible way to meet men (plenty of activities, classes and hobbies that bring likeminded people together and people do still meet through mutual friends)

She understands that 95% of men on dating apps are not genuinely looking for a relationship (but can pretend long enough to get you in bed) She understands that most men are battling porn addictions and see apps as an easy way to swipe through a catalog of potential lays.

A high value woman would never advertise herself online with a carefully constructed bio and carefully curated pictures posted online for men to gawk at in the hopes of being chosen by one of them. It is completely beneath her.

Despite knowing that and if she’s still willing to put herself through the battle of finding the 1 to 5% (depending on platform) of potential HVM who are briefly trying out the apps, she vets ruthlessly.

In a relationship, a high value woman expects reciprocity in all aspects of the relationship. She knows she can walk out at any time and ensures she’s always in a position to do so. She has learned from her past mistakes and she acknowledges the patterns. She knows there isn’t a snowflake’s chance in hell she will EVER accept behaviors she’s tolerated in the past. She knows she will either end up with a HVM at one point or live a beautiful and meaningful life regardless.

Edit: Apologies for not making it more obvious that this is not an exhaustive list nor is it a step by step but rather a collection of common HVW traits to work towards (should you so choose) I was hoping the disclaimer in the beginning made that clear.

‘Guide to’ is a series I’m working on but will definitely rethink the title for future posts! Becoming HV is always work in progress and I personally work towards it daily but of course staying true to your own definition is most important. Special thanks to the users who pointed out the importance of charity work and of course a well rounded overall personality (alluded to in certain sections but definitely needs its own bullet point) spirituality, family and integrity as these are also very much HV traits.