Hearing ‘ILYBINILWY’ speech

Crushed_Avocado · 2020-09-04T20:10:13+00:00

This is absolute QUEEN energy. I’m so proud of you. Being strong doesn’t mean you don’t feel dejected, it’s means that you continue to be guided by your moral compass even in the lows.

Men who say these things have low emotional maturity, high impulsiveness, and will never make you happy.

How awesome you know that you can trust yourself to uphold boundaries.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-09-04T20:27:22+00:00

This is why we push so hard for our members to wait three months before getting sexually involved. Sex gets us even more emotionally involved. And three months is about the limit most of the losers can keep up a facade.

You did really well just walking away like that. I know it hurts. I was love bombed for three months before I was screamed at for absolutely nothing. I immediately walked out, but I didn't keep NC and got myself further involved. This was a few years back and not something I'll ever repeat again. It's going to hurt for a couple months, but one day you'll realize you're over it.

dzgata · 2020-09-04T20:32:16+00:00

You honored yourself by walking away and cutting contact. It’s completely normal to feel hurt or grieve a bond with a man. You’re not weak, you’re human. What’s important is you have the self respect and strength to choose you in the end. Good job!

AverageToHot · 2020-09-04T20:06:33+00:00

Proud of you for sticking to your guns and walking away!

Salt_Satisfaction · 2020-09-04T20:49:41+00:00

This proves you're strong enough to stick to your principles. You were probably a bit attached and tempted to continue seeing him, but in the end didn't, that's what makes a difference. By breaking up you're not wasting your own time, and it guarantees better success in the future. Either by finding a HVM or breaking up again with someone who is not right for you.

Training this assertiveness will help you in more ways than only in a romantic sense.

2020-09-04T21:51:22+00:00

I’m so amazed by you 💕. please never contact him again because you are so queen level right now

ModernDayOracle · 2020-09-04T21:20:19+00:00

That is some excellent self-respect you showed there, Queen. 👑

AnniaT · 2020-09-05T00:33:10+00:00

Yes, mantain NC or block if necessary. You did the right thing in accepting and not begging or pleading or trying to act "girlfriend" when he's not committing. Some men will pull this one but not breaking up entirely because they still want the sex and the "girlfriend" benefits without commiting while they keep themselves open in the market to find another woman and will then ditch you once they find her.

Congratulations for not giving him what he probably wanted and going away with your head held high and dignity.

Edit: I once had a guy pulling something similar on me. Lots of love bombing in the beginning and then we spent a weekend together where everything seemed perfectly fine and the next day I wake up with a message about how I was a great girl but he couldn't forget his ex or something like that (and then a couple of says after this, I found out he had gotten back with her). This hurt me a lot but I simply replied "ok" and deleted his number. I didn't have to block him because weirdly enough he blocked me on social media right after he sent me that break up text. All of this to say that many times men do this because they found someone else or are fishing for someone else and don't want to have you holding them back. Let the trash take out itself.

fim_de_semana · 2020-09-04T20:14:52+00:00

I used to say “I love you” all the time and get with people who did the same. Now I see that it’s too special a phrase to throw around all willy nilly like I did.

ColdxConfection · 2020-09-04T21:59:08+00:00

He told you who he was - if he wanted you to stay, he would've said that instead of just "okay." You deserve more than someone being "okay" if you leave. I'm proud of you!

chelseachain · 2020-09-05T02:27:38+00:00

The universe continues to send us the same lesson over and over again until we learn it

It sounds like you finally learned yours

Congrats girl! Aside from having a hurt heart, you should be immensely proud of yourself

daisy_0720 · 2020-09-05T08:25:00+00:00

"At the 3 month mark gave me the i love you but I’m not in love with you speech but didn’t end it himself. He said he didn’t know if he wanted to breakup."

The selfishness of these men never fails to astound me. "I'm not in love with you but I'm perfectly fine with sticking around and getting the benefits of sex, emotional support, company and free therapy while offering you absolutely nothing in return."

Original1one · 2020-09-05T00:57:41+00:00

you did the right thing and did not waste any precious time!

BabyGothQ · 2020-09-05T02:45:44+00:00

His reaction tells you everything you need to know. Mourn the lost time and future fantasies you created, then stick to proud of yourself.

Whateverbabe2 · 2020-09-05T05:57:09+00:00

I can feel your hurt through your post, this would absolutely crush me.

But you are so strong. Queen energy. I'm so proud of you and I hope I can one day do the same.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2020-09-05T04:10:13+00:00

👑👏👏👏

husheveryone · 2020-09-04T23:21:59+00:00

Well done!!! Chump Lady has a great post on the real meaning.

Verysoftbun · 2020-09-05T03:56:17+00:00

I think love is more action so the "I love you but not in love" just seems like "I could love you but I am not ready to."

They aren't qualified.

IntrepidStorage · 2020-09-05T09:12:31+00:00

In the real world, love is a choice and an action. Like I told my ex-husband-to-be, he can have all the positive feelings he wants to feel, but his actions do not demonstrate love, and so I see that he does not love me.

I'm proud of you, you did the absolute right thing.

saraswati_beans · 2020-09-05T12:48:27+00:00

Bravo! You absolutely did the right thing, getting out of there at the first sign of ambivalence.

Your courage inspires me. I’ve always struggled with this... in the past I’ve gotten emotionally invested so quickly and deeply that I’ve waited until the house is falling down to bow out, when I should have left immediately after the first crack in the foundation showed up.

I know it hurts like hell, but (as you know) the pain you’re feeling now would have only multiplied exponentially if you’d have stayed and tried to convince him to love you. Maybe the pain would have come more in a steady trickle than in a rush, but it would have been way more damaging to you.

It was so wise and brave of you to rip off the band aid— to just cut your losses early and leave. You will heal and move forward stronger, wiser, and more resilient. 💗

PS: I hope you’ve completely blocked him, because there is a high likelihood he will try to Hoover you at some point...

Title	Hearing ‘ILYBINILWY’ speech
Author	Apprehensive_Prune21
Upvotes	342
Comments	28
Date	September 4, 2020 7:45 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/immvmv/hearing_ilybinilwy_speech/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/hearing-ilybinilwy-speech.211500 https://theredarchive.com/post/211500

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