How do you handle interactions with men who have already made assumptions about who you are?

scorchedsouI · 2021-12-12T13:04:25+00:00

Most men I meet are completely meaningless to me, so their assumptions, or any reaction from them, doesn't matter. You need to realize this too.

It's women's misogyny and assumptions that annoy me, because I know other women have value, but I've learned to take their unpleasant behaviour in stride as well. Their twisted mindset does more harm to themselves that it'll ever do to me.

Some-Air9442 · 2021-12-12T11:31:30+00:00

So men often exhibit the Dunning-Krueger effect extremely well. They also tend to be overly confident, especially about women.

I have occasionally put men like that in their place, especially if I see a funny way to do it.

Platipus6 · 2021-12-12T12:18:21+00:00

Say "what?" and stare them dead in the eye. They get shook when we're sentient. It's amusing.

MorthaP · 2021-12-12T13:00:40+00:00

I wouldn't bother. I encountered men like this when I was younger and felt the urge to show them that they are wrong about me but it's ultimately not worth it. They will always see you through the filter of their preconceived ideas about women. If men have made up their mind about what a woman is like it's already game over IMO. Next

divination__ · 2021-12-12T13:28:18+00:00

It's systemic, so it's not about you. It's not a reflection of your worth. Don't take it personally, but also recognise there is nothing you can do to change the opinions of misogynistic men, because it's not you vs them, its class warfare.

These assumptions are by design, they're there to make you chase harder, work harder to please and impress them, burn yourself out trying to be seen as an equal when they'll NEVER see you as such.

Recognise that trying to fight against it is a losing game.

What is a winning game, though, is to fucking use that against them, lmao. Oh they think you're poor? Okay, since they're such wealthy westerners, they can always cover the bill. You can't possibly be expected to pay for anything as you need to send everything back to your family in the Old Country, or some shit. They think you're submissive and bad at your job? Okay, then maybe they can do all the difficult tasks for you that you don't want to do, because you know, you're so dumb and they're so big and strong and smart and can show you how to do it!

Don't be on the defensive. Be on the offensive. Use their stupid assumptions about you against them. Someone assuming you're much dumber than you are actually puts you in a deeply advantageous position – they'll never suspect you.

ConsistentTip6508 · 2021-12-12T11:26:27+00:00

I find it that it's pretty much impossible to make people who don't respect or like you change their mind about yourself. Close minded stupid people just look at a woman and immediately form an opinion whether she's trash or someone "worthy" - just based on her facial structure. People who see me as successful and hard working tend to be from my field of work.

Astral_weaver · 2021-12-12T13:22:44+00:00

I stay aloof, kinda unpleasant but not rude and keep the interactions to the needed minimum.

WandernWondern · 2021-12-12T16:08:56+00:00

Short answer: I don’t. I smile, never say a word, and walk off to mind the business that pays me. Life’s too short to spend it sparring with non-useful idiots.

kinkardine · 2021-12-12T15:55:33+00:00

After becoming thirty year old, I went on a ‘tra la la’ mode, all of your identity here applies to me as well.. WOC, new immigrant, single in a male dominated field, but I personally do not have time to ponder about it, I can politely draw my boundaries, I am chatty at work but learnt to chat without giving out personal information. I can successfully carry on a consistent persona without showing any sign of discomfort. I do not take away their masculinity though by showing them their place.. that might trigger.. but a friendly polite professional ground seems to serve me well. Plus people can be weird, I once remembered a guy literally puked on his plate beside me when a black heavyweight girl sat across him at a dinner table.. that was it for me.. like I was done at that day at society’s projection on us.. the women. I couldn’t be here where I am now if I changed my definition every time based on someone else’s projection on me.

dragon_wolf4 · 2021-12-12T14:43:11+00:00

Oh god. I feel you. It's really frustrating, I've been there.

Daikon-Apart · 2021-12-12T13:15:09+00:00

So I learned this from the childfree community and it works really well for me:

Make yourself a Bingo card with all the common shitty assumptions/sayings on it. When you're faced with one, pull out your phone and make a joke about how they're helping you get Bingo.

It works in two ways. One, it removes the need for you to respond directly to their shit and shifts the conversation. Two, these people all think they're special and unique, and you're forcing them to face the fact that they're not in a work-appropriate "light hearted" way.

And if you feel up to it, assign yourself a prize when you get either a line or a full card. Could be something as small as a favourite candy bar or as big as a trip you've wanted to take, depending on what makes sense for you. The goal is not to desensitize you to how awful these things are, but to reward yourself for continuing to succeed despite them.

lolmemberberries · 2021-12-12T15:35:05+00:00

Let them think what they want because I know they're wrong. Laugh to myself when they're put in their place over it.

DifferentBar6 · 2021-12-12T18:42:12+00:00

Zone out and pretend you can't hear them bc their opinions are worthless

katiekat0214 · 2021-12-12T14:51:42+00:00

I also when younger tried to do things to disrupt how they saw me, but as others said, that is just so draining. If there's a way you can simply quietly go about your job and just show your competence at all times, that's the way to go. And lean HARD into the stereotypes as someone else said: make them do any and all heavy lifting like paying for things, etc.

Commercial_Place9807 · 2021-12-13T18:16:17+00:00

I’m fat so I’m easy.

Also I’m a feminist so I’ve slept with lots of people since it’s empowering.

These two assumptions always make me laugh. Like what about men treating me like crap my entire life for not being conventionally attractive AND me being known as a radical feminist (therefore not a fan of men) would lead someone to think I’ve allowed a lot of them to stick their dick in me?

cat_lio · 2021-12-12T12:01:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	How do you handle interactions with men who have already made assumptions about who you are?
Author	cat_lio
Upvotes	450
Comments	30
Date	December 12, 2021 11:12 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/remz05/how_do_you_handle_interactions_with_men_who_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-handle-interactions-with-men-who-have.1092888 https://theredarchive.com/post/1092888

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