I think being intimidating is a good thing.

ENTJ-MED · 2021-11-07T03:35:57+00:00

I believe the same. I inherited the "angry eyes" trait from my father's family, where most of us look like we're ready to murder someone even with a resting face. Most of my life, men have been intimidaded by me and as a consequence, there are a lot of struggles that are common for the women around me but that I have never been through.

My friends and the women at FDS will speak of atrocities men do and I'm like "yall, this EXISTS?"

It seems to me more and more that men lead their lives purely based on principles of dominance. It reminds me of something that was along the lines of "men will only take women (and their issues/wishes) seriously, when they start fearing their rage."

Men who don't fear women will dismiss them or label them as "nagging, ungrateful, etc" right to their faces but when they fear a woman, boy does the entire dynamic change. They might not respect a woman they fear but they'll think thrice before testing her.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-11-06T22:46:18+00:00

Intimidating woman = "I know this woman would talk back to me if I cross a line or do whatever is in her rights if I screw her over. She would make me account and not keep it quiet."

I was often called intimidating too. I liked it.

squashmybutternuts · 2021-11-07T05:10:28+00:00

oh yes, as a former bubbly girl and relentless people pleaser, i can definitely say how satisfying it is to be able to have some dusty nervously shift around in my presence. (i'm 5'0 btw lol)

sofiacarolina · 2021-11-07T01:50:23+00:00

I’ve always gotten the same feedback and I take it as a compliment, too. I’ve also been told it makes me more unapproachable and I do find that I get less men trying to mess with me in public due to this aura. The truly depraved ones won’t care ofc, but it keeps the average ‘nice guy’ away I think. I agree that intimidating is just code for women who project confidence or who are more assertive; however, it’s not an entire failsafe since men get off on breaking down strong women sometimes even more than vulnerable women. We have to keep our guard up always.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-11-07T00:32:28+00:00

I often hear from people that I'm kind yet they wouldn't want me as their enemy.

I take it as a compliment.

SupremeDearLeader · 2021-11-07T02:00:53+00:00

Absolutely. Intimidating is code for higher standards , power. Step into your own power ladies, Do not throw your pearls before swine.

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-11-07T04:07:51+00:00

“I’m not intimidating, you’re intimidated. There’s a difference.”

This is usually true.

That being said, I know that despite my lack of height, my lack of fucks often makes people feel intimidated.

Good. Step back.

I’ve never dated a man who tried to use my nature against me. I know my HVM had always been fascinated by me, but intimidated? Puh.

Confidence IS appealing, and men who RECOGNIZE that confidence and then match it?

I like that.

Classic-Owl3417 · 2021-11-07T00:52:38+00:00

I too, have been called intimidating. One of my closest friends who has known me since we were 6 years old, noticed that on a large get-together (where my ex-husband was invited too due to mutual friends) said she thought he was afraid of me.

I have always loved that I don't take anyone's shit, and since finding FDS I am really grateful to all of you ladies to let me know that I ANTA!! I used to think I should tone down my personality, and try to keep my more outrageous opinions to myself....but now I don't. Fuck 'em.

I just wanted to say thank you for encouraging me to be me!

Fun_Sherbet · 2021-11-07T03:25:53+00:00

This topic comes up from time to time on FDS and I gotta say, the topic remains validating to read, as a fellow Intimidatress (she who intimidates) who is recovering from the mindset that it's there is something wrong with me. Our world likes to insinuate that it's a problem. It is a problem, for patriarchy.

Now, let me take a moment to practice something from a recent post here, talking about NOT being humble. I am gorgeous with a unique style, talented & ambitious, an excellent conversationalist with a quick wit, and people often comment on my intelligence. These are all plain facts. People have often commented on my confidence, which always took me by surprise, because I certainly didn't feel that way. The patriarchal world is upheld by keeping women timid, aka scared and submissive. Literally just think about word timid and what it means to be timid, or to be one who inspires timidity - aka be intimidating. It's another word for power roles, and we know what that means in a patriarchal setting. Patriarchy maintains women to remain in the role of the timid. A woman who flips that role, is a threat. We tend to keep people in check just by being ourselves ^{which I'm finally realizing is fucking awesome}

However, I think many of us will relate when I say it brings out extreme reactions from patriarchal actors. Fragile men don't like to be kept in check, see? And we must talk about patriarchal women's role in curbing our fire, too: chiding us for being "bossy", for our smart-mouths, our strong opinions, our "judgmental" ways. The maintenance of women's self-doubt is a multi-billion dollar industry, for christ's sake.

Insecurity crippled me for a long time. Still does occasionally. When you consistently get told as a woman that you are intimidating, it can fuck with you. The reason is female socialization 101: be nice to everyone, never say no, and make everyone happy (these are all the same things). So when people throw the 'intimidating' word at you, you might feel like you are being called unfriendly, which pings your female socialization to instill self-doubt. Aka it feels bad.

ANY CRACKS OF SELF-DOUBT WILL MAKE YOU VULNERABLE TO PATRIARCHAL FORCES. IT'S CALLED INSECURITY BECAUSE IT LITERALLY LACKS SECURITY, AKA STRUCTURAL FORTITUDE

Anyway. To conclude, I will say that after being on FDS for a year now, I am at long last learning to love and claim myself as an Intimidatress. Like finally embracing who i've been all along! I hope if you're relating to this post, you are too!! Love you all

thrway01010 · 2021-11-07T08:33:48+00:00

Cue in the people who will say you're just a rude bitch and there's no such thing as men being intimidated by women. People flat out deny this being a possibility and will accuse women of being bossy, mean, "overly confident" etc.

It definitely is a good thing. Confident men don't get intimidated. Insecure men get more insecure, even aggressive, around women they are intimidated by. Insecure and sexist men won't admit this. Doesn't quite fit in with the "dominating alpha male, submissive weak females" bullshit theories they spout about.

waddamelone · 2021-11-07T09:00:57+00:00

“At first you seemed so bitchy to me” “You have a resting meanie face” “You’re intimidating” - a lot of people who meet me for the first time.

Good. I want every single person to think about how they should approach me and be careful about it. I’m actually really laid back and open when I’m sure that someone will not disrespect me or my boundaries. If I’m not? They’ll get the stone cold, direct version of me.

I don’t go anywhere to make friends. I go there to get things done that I’m supposed to get done. So I’m not bothered when people say that they’re intimidated by me. Cause that’s exactly what it is. I’m not indimidating, they’re indimidated!

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-11-06T22:44:27+00:00

I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately after being called intimidating by a few strangers. I think we're projecting confidence and self-assurance and whether they're LV or HV determines how they react to a confident woman.

For LVM, their feelings of intimidation, insecurity, and inadequacy are due to their own shortcomings. They're men living in a patriarchal world that was designed for them to succeed, so it follows that N/LVM would be intimidated by a woman getting ahead in life when everything is stacked against us (and even more so for BIPOC folks).

I think a HVM would feel respect and be awed by you and your accomplishments rather than feel intimidated because they're confident in themselves.

Frogspocket · 2021-11-07T12:08:00+00:00

I've always been called intimidating. It used to really bother me because I thought of myself as a warm, soft person so it felt insulting to be seen as "cold". But...it's true. I keep a distance with strangers. I don't do the customer service voice. I don't coddle or enable people. I'm competent, authentic, and confident. I'm also pretty tall and in shape which I'm aware really emasculates or shames a particular type of man and protects me from negging. Now I love it to be called intimidating. It's definitely a compliment to me

--qtbunny-- · 2021-11-06T22:57:20+00:00

In the past, I've been told I was intimidating and hard to approach. But I've learned to take it as a compliment because these were the same men who wanted someone who had little to no boundaries, to control and abuse.

ceramicunicorn · 2021-11-06T23:12:49+00:00

Yes I think it is, but it also prompts me to not just go by how I’m treated, but also watch closely how the man I’m interested in treats people who are not intimidating. The sad fact is that there are people who will not behave respectfully towards others because it’s the right thing to do, only if there are consequences if they don’t. All they know is dominance and hierarchies and shit, not basic human decency. If they take advantage of people who are not as good at defending themselves, I’m not down to entertain the penis attached.

creamtart_ · 2021-11-07T00:09:44+00:00

Better to be a bitch than a pushover.

lolmemberberries · 2021-11-07T03:44:43+00:00

I've been told different versions of this, primarily by men. It's always a compliment.

laurencetrishburn · 2021-11-07T04:12:40+00:00

I’ve got this a lot too. And I’m fine with it ❤️

FireflySky86 · 2021-11-07T04:44:27+00:00

I personally don't see it as a compliment, nor do I see it as an insult. Unless I was going out of my way to be mean to people for the sake of it (which IMO would be LV behavior), it would be an inaccurate assessment and HVM (and non pick me women) wouldn't be intimidated by me.

If anything, being called intimidating would just be a red flag. I'd be happy with myself for recognizing it for what it is, but it otherwise doesn't phase me.

scorchedsouI · 2021-11-07T09:13:14+00:00

I only get called intimidating after people get to know me, and it quickly changes their behaviour. I've had complete strangers in my university hug me out of nowhere and then apologize for their behaviour later on. The difference in the respect I receive before and after I spend more time with new people I meet is astounding.

Being intimidating and commanding respect is most definitely a good thing for a number of reasons, and I only wish I could project my personality and demeanor through my appearance more.

dragon_wolf4 · 2021-11-07T06:08:25+00:00

I think so too. I've been told the same thing, and have noticed a difference in the way people treat me vs someone who they don't find "intimidating".

It's a good thing, and something I hope to maintain in the future.

preppykat3 · 2021-11-06T22:49:51+00:00

It’s better than the man being intimidating which is NEVER a good sign.

Vaahla · 2021-11-07T00:06:10+00:00

I take it as a compliment.

One should feel a little intimidated by people they admire/look up to. You want to impress them, you want them to like you, you want them to notice you and your contributions.

I like being intimidating.

good-day-throwaway · 2021-11-07T12:45:21+00:00

My parents keep telling me that I'm too intimidating and that I might 'scare off men'. Good.

finance_lady · 2021-11-07T12:20:32+00:00

I’ve been called intimidating because of my ambitious goals and independence. I’m not gonna lie, it frustrates me because I feel like both things are why I’m single (and I would really like to meet someone). Does anyone have advice to feel better about this? I tell myself it’s better to be single than be with a man who will put me down or neg me about my goals but I don’t fully believe that if that makes sense. It really bothers me that there aren’t very many men who look for someone who is a go-getter and who wants to better herself consistently. Seems like men only want women with low self-esteem or who are completely dependent. Example: dumping me (no kids, awesome career on a growth track) to marry a single unemployed mom within a year.

No hate to single mom’s of course! They deserve good men too! But I have a theory that men also feel like if they marry someone completely dependent on them, then they’ll never have to fear “not being good enough.” It’s really disgusting.

seadragon6 · 2021-11-07T00:58:44+00:00

It’s just like people who hate cats… they tell on themselves.

mrsklay · 2021-11-07T01:02:13+00:00

I take it as a compliment absolutely, my ex is a LVM he knows better than to disrespect me or cross any boundaries. I don’t even need to block him because I know he dares not contact me for nonsense. He tried it once and I ripped into him, never again out of fear.

gingerandlime · 2021-11-07T01:11:51+00:00

I sort of take it as a compliment. Thing is, I’ve never been called intimidating by someone who was even close to being on my level as a person. So all in all, it’s more of a self-own on their part than anything else. :)

scooter_se · 2021-11-07T05:36:15+00:00

Hell yeah I’m intimidating. We’re looking for men, not little babies

MofoMadame · 2021-11-06T23:48:27+00:00

Im intimidating too. It has been a blessing. They should be intimidated!

pygmymetal · 2021-11-07T02:19:21+00:00

You’re not intimidating. They are intimidated. And dumb

PeachPitiless · 2021-11-07T01:40:11+00:00

The worst sex I've ever had has been with men who whined about how I was intimidating. The best sex I've ever had was with the few men who courted me and took charge of dating.

macabrasive · 2021-11-07T21:07:05+00:00

I like being intimidating. It weeds out most people, they find you not worth the time or effort you take. Or it draws in the men who like to fetishize strong women but those are fairly easy to spot.

CandidKick · 2021-11-07T17:55:30+00:00

HVM will treat women with respect, regardless of whether or not they come off as ‘intimidating’.

However, HVM appreciate when women have boundaries and expectations and LVM will often feel like they can get away with less.

HVM are attracted to confidence, self-respect and expectations while LVM will often shrink away Sometimes, LVM will try to chip away at it if they see an opening, often calling these standards an ‘ego’ or women ‘being too full of themselves’. It is a tactic to make women lower themselves enough to be within reach.

Astral_weaver · 2021-11-07T07:36:12+00:00

I think that HVM don't feel intimidated by confident women. Otherwise being "intimidating" and not easy-going around people that you consider LV but have to deal with them, is a good strategy to keep your peace of mind.

saint-jezebel · 2021-11-07T11:39:26+00:00

Men who are intimated know they can’t measure up or even meet you. What do you have to be intimidated about? If a man can pinpoint that, it means he can never measure up.

nodisappointMENtpls · 2021-11-07T11:28:44+00:00

It is good to be intimidating because it insinuates that you do not take disrespect easily and people do not talk down in front of you. People may however call you a bitch behind your back but we all know bitch=someone who has high standards and won't give LVM and NVM the benefit of the doubt. People respect those who they can't take advantage of. Being intimidating means you have all the cards and have qualities (confidence and assertiveness) that people-pleasers don't have.

Don't think being intimidating is rude, in fact, it is a powerful skill. People say I'm intimidating because I have a strong moral compass and aren't afraid to cut off toxic people. Those who are bad always think that as a negative trait. Not HVW and HVM though. They see it as a valuable characteristic that should be in someone's personality resume.

Bubbly-Manufacturer · 2021-11-07T07:14:42+00:00

What are you doing that makes them see you as intimidating? I’d like to know.

Nonnasaysfuckoff · 2021-11-06T23:24:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I think being intimidating is a good thing.
Author	cat_lio
Upvotes	959
Comments	50
Date	November 6, 2021 10:36 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qob0sv/i_think_being_intimidating_is_a_good_thing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-think-being-intimidating-is-a-good-thing.1085531 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085531