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berrylikeova
[–]millennialpink2000FDS Disciple 290 points291 points292 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The red flags are hatching red flags in this post
Run lady, runnnnnnnn
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 63 points64 points65 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hahaha! That’s great imagery. Not even baby red flags. Hatched fully flown.
[–]millennialpink2000FDS Disciple 28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Big Bird sized!
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 145 points146 points147 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I don’t even know where to start here.
[–]sleepysiriFDS Newbie 101 points102 points103 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah each sentence brings a whole new story and issue I’m getting whiplash.
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly
[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple 141 points142 points143 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There's no way I could stay with a man after finding out this information. It's abhorrent to let your family scrape by while you're secretly living the good life, and it proves how much he doesn't care about her.
I lived with a NVM for a year, and he was weird and dodgy about money (because of baggage from his previous relationship). From now on, I refuse to even consider moving in together or engagement without a full disclosure of finances. Everything from debt to income to retirement savings to credit cards, etc. I want to see everything (and am willing to show everything). I want monthly conversations about finances because that's teamwork, not this bullshit.
[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice 84 points85 points86 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
All the info you need is on the tax return
[–]berryberrykicksFDS Apprentice 35 points36 points37 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
I was wondering about taxes too!
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple 60 points61 points62 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
He probably gets an accountant to do his taxes so she never sees the paperwork. Then hides any refund from her, same as he hides other money from her.
[–]berryberrykicksFDS Apprentice 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I want to punch him, say, “We’re leaving now,” and take that woman away from there.
But she has to figure it out for herself.
I wonder if he knows that she knows what his real salary is. If not, I hope she uses that to her advantage. Make moves before he realizes it’s coming.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She says in the post that she found out his salary and he got mad when he realized she knew.
[–]berryberrykicksFDS Apprentice 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Whoops. I get an F in reading comprehension for this post lol
[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
In the USA you can call the IRS and get a copy of it
[–]berryberrykicksFDS Apprentice 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think this person is not in the US. They didn’t use $ when writing the salary
[–]TomoshaamooshFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Taxes are paid automatically with each pay check in the U.K. so he would only have to do a tax return if he was self employed
[–]berryberrykicksFDS Apprentice 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Taxes are paid automatically with each paycheck in the US. We still (insanely) have to file an annual tax return.
[–]TomoshaamooshFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ah ok. We don’t
[–]berryberrykicksFDS Apprentice 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, the US doesn’t like to give their citizens any kind of relief or sanity
[–]TomoshaamooshFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In the U.K. most of people’s income tends to be “taxed at source” and we ‘pay as we go’. He would only need to do a tax return if he was self employed or claiming tax back. If he’s employed by somebody else then he would never have to complete a tax return (which are nicknamed “self assessments” over here). My mother is in the top 1% of earners in the U.K. and has never had to do one because it’s always taken out of her pay check automatically
[–]yoursultanaRuthless Strategist 160 points161 points162 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s like men have competitions between each other on just how depraved they can get. They all seem to be Olympic worthy runners for male depravity, scoring top ranks for abusing women in all aspects.
[–]ALISHAISHERE123FDS Newbie 76 points77 points78 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Living in poverty, experiencing deprivation of basic things is a depleting, miserable experience. The fact that a man can purposely keep a loved one in that state is honestly absolutely unconscionable.
[–]Lavender_flowFDS Apprentice 78 points79 points80 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"he is less controlling" FOR NOW. The abuse will come back and like more than double. Sis, RUN. Divorce and take half of the money he claimed not to have. FUcking asshole
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And really how controlling was he if this is less?
[–]spinsterchachkiesFDS Disciple 113 points114 points115 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Omg get a fucking lawyer right now
[–]peanutbutterismylifeFDS Newbie 64 points65 points66 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
And a PI. Guaranteed he's hiding assets, and that would ultimately fuck her over when it comes to determining alimony / child support payments.
My dad did this exact thing to my mom, gave her an "allowance" to cover groceries, all the household expenses, and the costs of raising my sister and I, around $2-3k per month (I forget the exact number). She had to hire a PI to find where he kept the assets he was hiding to make off well for child support. A few months after the divorce was finalized I snooped around his house and found a mortgage application he had filled out listing his annual income at well over $200k and his assets in the millions, far more than the PI was able to turn up (which was already double what he declared for the divorce). The fucker didn't have to pay taxes, either, since he's not a US citizen and works for an international org.
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Really good point!
[–]TomoshaamooshFDS Newbie 56 points57 points58 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Divorce. He can more than afford it.
[–]Interesting_Day118856 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Uh.... yea. I always like to know, because I've gone on a few dates with dead-beats who figure out how much I make and assume I'll be their sugar momma, or think I'm too dumb to notice how much their stuff costs.
This husband is a loser and an asshole.
[–]Chaotic-platypusPickmeisha™️ 38 points39 points40 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Used to be controlling..." sis he still is, maybe not to you cause you've grown stale and he lost interest. But he's definitely taking out his personality disorders on someone.
Also he's mad that you found out because you're getting closer to uncovering his other lies (mistresses, other families, whatever it may be).
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]ErocitnamFDS Newbie 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, that's some fuckery. If you're a one-income household (or perhaps even if you're merging two incomes) you're going to want to agree on budgeting and have guidelines on how much either of you spend at a time. But that's a far cry from waiting on him to give you the money that you normally don't have access to. You should be able to access it for yourself and it definitely shouldn't be called an "allowance" or framed as a stipend of some kind. That's just financial abuse.
[–]_queeeen_FDS Newbie 29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
D I V O R C E
[–]cherrypepsilvrFDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly, abusers never change. My money is on him having a mistress, to whom he now channels his abuse.
[–]Federal_Advantage440FDS Newbie 44 points45 points46 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Is this financial abuse?
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple 52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
100% financial abuse.
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes!
[–]TopJunket7249FDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Allowance? That is something my dad gave me when I was a kid for cleaning the house and to not complain at him to buy me stuff all the time.
He doesn’t view her differently.
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wouldn't be surprised if your dad had more respect for you than OPs husband has for her.
[–]nothing998FDS Newbie 52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Remember, if he's hiding money from you, it mean's he's building up a cash stash to use to impress another woman once he determines he can safely "upgrade".
Once you've "hit the wall", his plan is to dangle that cash in front of some other young woman. The bigger the stash the better the pick!
[–]FDS-alt-acctFDS Newbie 30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I totally did this with my alcoholic ex. He would have just blown my annual bonuses on booze and selfish crap, so I totally lied about having any bonus and explained the money by saying my parents gifted my kids a pile of cash for their college fund each year. I filed all the taxes and paid all the bills so he never knew. My parents were in on the scam, as was my sister, so she wouldn’t hear through the family grapevine that my parents had gifted my kids five figures and wonder why her kids didn’t get anything. But now he’s dead and the kids won’t have student loans, so it all worked out in the end.
Edit: Also, if you are trying to save up funds to leave, make sure to always, every time, get $20-$40 cash back whenever you pay for groceries. Then stash it somewhere super safe, like with trusted family or in a safe deposit box in just your name. I had a filing cabinet at work where I had the only key and hid my stash there. Your bank statement won’t say that you got extra cash back with your purchase, it will just look like are you are spending slightly more than usual at the grocery store. Do that for a few months (or years) and you’ll have several hundred dollars saved up as an emergency fund.
[–]Big-Respond8481FDS Newbie 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nah girl, not normal, one household must know the financial situation of all contributers. And he is abusive to the vulnerable. I'd be worried about the children.
[–]shinyrainbowsFDS Newbie 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I talked about this with some women I know. They said they’d ask questions and then see what he wants to do about it. As in “why did you hide this from me?” “if he’s gonna give me money or does he want to leave?” and overall just questions stemming from curiosity. I’m over here like I’d divorce him😂 There’s no point in staying with someone and there’s rarely any justifiable reasons for what he did and they’re telling me “you can’t just divorce over things like this you have to work them out” and I’m like “work what out? He knew all of this and decided to lie and guilt trip me. There is nothing to work out when my cards are in front of me telling me I lost.” I’m worried for these women and what they will put up with when they get married.
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely! Communicate is bullshit in this case especially
[–]_boring_daven_FDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
His actions have clearly communicated that he’s a piece of shit. Men who don’t wanna share their wealth are not worth being married to. Better to leave on your own terms than to find out he’s leaving you for his mistress (that he impressed with the cash he hid from you)
[–]shinyrainbowsFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. Quick question: would it be wrong for me to have a secret stash of money in case the relationship ends tho ? Not a separate income or pretending to be broke or lying, just keeping an emergency fund in case things hit the fan and I have to leave on a whim (cause you never know with these men). Someone told me this was wrong and unfair to my husband because I’m expecting for it to end.
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think as long as you both are comfortable with the money you have together it’s no big deal.
Say there was some sort of emergency though and that extra cash was absolutely necessary, would you use it?
[–]shinyrainbowsFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes, but the emergency cash would mainly be for me and any kids that we could have in case my husband cheated, abandoned us, died, got hurt, los his job, or anything that would impact him bringing in an income of some sort. Not for handbags and clothes and shit
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That seems fine to me. Especially with kids.
You wouldn’t have to keep it secret with a prenup but it depends what you’re comfortable with
[–]_boring_daven_FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s definitely not unfair “because you’d expecting it to end”. That’s just reality. It’s just like insurance or any other type of protection
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple 23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It doesn't sound as though this OP has a job, but if she does work, guaranteed she'd not be allowed to hide her earnings from him. He'd be the first one with his hand out for her paycheque.
[–]ginnnnieFDS Newbie 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“He became angry when I found out HE lied” girrrrrlllllllllllll THATS narcissist 101 Gtfo ugggh
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Financial abuse is the number one indicator of a problem. Men are their money. The way he treats his money is the way he is...
RUN.
[–]miss_peach94 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He's spending that money on another woman.
[–]spicyspa 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She's needs to get an investigator & a lawyer and grab that bag.
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bruhhhh £60,000 alone is like 2x the average yearly salary. EXCESS!!!?!!
[–]HottPinkSlugFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
'We have two children' Omg that was like getting punched in the throat
[–]annrike1FDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sooo they compare letting women know which men are rapists/murderes/child abusers with men knowing the body count of a woman? They life in Lalaland xD
[–]sunologieFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Imagine asking this question and acting like it’s no big deal when your husband is making your family, your KIDS scape by on the bare minimum while he’s spending thousands on himself and living the high life secretly— what in the goddamn FUCK? I would be FURIOUS.
[–]_boring_daven_FDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Reasons why I’m glad I’m becoming a career woman and an accountant. I won’t have to become dependent on a man and get an “allowance” 🤮, and I’ll do the taxes so anything he hides would literally be fraud. And if he ever wants to file separately (which is a dumb idea because you’re worse off than being single) we’re getting a divorce.
[–]Alpha_AriesFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A-allowance?
Noooooooooooooooooooooooo
[–]AimiHanibal 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
He used to to be abusive? No honey, you just got used to it
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
💯
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She needs to leave, he hasn't stop being emotionally abusive. But she talked about an allowance, so she might be financially dependent on him and might be hard to leave.
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[–]millennialpink2000FDS Disciple 290 points291 points292 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 63 points64 points65 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]millennialpink2000FDS Disciple 28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 145 points146 points147 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]sleepysiriFDS Newbie 101 points102 points103 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 23 points24 points25 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple 141 points142 points143 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice 84 points85 points86 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]berryberrykicksFDS Apprentice 35 points36 points37 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple 60 points61 points62 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]berryberrykicksFDS Apprentice 34 points35 points36 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple 7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]berryberrykicksFDS Apprentice 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]berryberrykicksFDS Apprentice 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TomoshaamooshFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]berryberrykicksFDS Apprentice 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TomoshaamooshFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]berryberrykicksFDS Apprentice 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TomoshaamooshFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yoursultanaRuthless Strategist 160 points161 points162 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ALISHAISHERE123FDS Newbie 76 points77 points78 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lavender_flowFDS Apprentice 78 points79 points80 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]spinsterchachkiesFDS Disciple 113 points114 points115 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]peanutbutterismylifeFDS Newbie 64 points65 points66 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TomoshaamooshFDS Newbie 56 points57 points58 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Interesting_Day118856 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Chaotic-platypusPickmeisha™️ 38 points39 points40 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ErocitnamFDS Newbie 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]_queeeen_FDS Newbie 29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cherrypepsilvrFDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Federal_Advantage440FDS Newbie 44 points45 points46 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple 52 points53 points54 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TopJunket7249FDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nothing998FDS Newbie 52 points53 points54 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FDS-alt-acctFDS Newbie 30 points31 points32 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Big-Respond8481FDS Newbie 18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]shinyrainbowsFDS Newbie 15 points16 points17 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 5 points6 points7 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]_boring_daven_FDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]shinyrainbowsFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]_boring_daven_FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple 23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]miss_peach94 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]spicyspa 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HottPinkSlugFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]annrike1FDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sunologieFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]_boring_daven_FDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]AimiHanibal 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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