Before dating my NVX, I was very naive and idealistic about relationships. I wanted to “communicate” and “be open”, so I told him that some of his actions were making me insecure. This ended up being a huge mistake.

Although some insecurity is natural, our society does not treat it that way. Instead, insecurity is seen as a failure of character. It is associated with being overly emotional and irrational. Instead of seeing insecurity as a valid and OFTEN CORRECT instinctual response to suspicious behavior, our society sees it as some level of “craziness”. Convincing one’s partner that they are crazy is a common trademark of gaslighting, and admitting any level of insecurity to a man gives him the power to do this to you.

My NVX used my insecurity to explain away everything. I didn’t like his porn addiction? I was too insecure. I didn’t like him talking to me about hypothetically dating other girls? I was too insecure. I didn’t like the pictures he sent me with other girls in his lap? I was too insecure. Every time I tried to confront him for something, the conversation ended with an apology - from ME - for having been so insecure and irrational. He was just behaving like all other men, after all, and I was unreasonable for not accepting it.

Even if you think you’re more insecure than average, DON’T admit this to a man. Better yet, don’t date until you’ve built more confidence. Letting men know that you feel ANY insecurity at all is a liability and can be used against you. There is no need for “openness” and “communication” early on. He does not deserve to know your true feelings.

If his actions are making you feel insecure, just block and delete. Don’t overthink it and DON’T try to communicate it to him. Your instincts are sending you a message for a reason and a “conversation” would just give him the opportunity to gaslight you. Remember, an HVM would not have made you feel insecure in the first place. He’s trash.