There is an epidemic in my friend group. I have several amazing, beautiful, funny, intelligent friends who are settling for, and I mean this sincerely, hot trash garbage men. They're non-committal, time wasting, useless, boring, unattractive scumbags, and I'm SO FUCKING SICK OF IT.

Take my one friend T., for example. She's amazing. She's been with this guy for two years, and he has never, not for one fucking day, taken her or their relationship seriously. She's early 30's, he's mid 40's. He has an extremely demanding career that takes him out of the country, but when he IS in town he's putting his family, his sports, his hobbies, literally ANYTHING ahead of her. He cancels plans last minute, leaves her hanging for social events that she plans months in advance, like I'm truly baffled at why this successful and strong woman is dealing with this trifling trash. But she also makes a million and a half excuses for him. "he's going through a lot right now" (he has been since day 1!), "he needs to put his career first" (you're not even 5th in his list of priorities!), "he will take our relationship more seriously when thing settle down" (they will NEVER settle down). She is wasting her pretty years on someone who will never care, and she refuses to hear it.

Ladies, STOP MAKING FUCKING EXCUSES FOR THESE MEN! Fucking LISTEN:

  • It doesn't MATTER if he's been "hurt before", HE needs to take responsibility for his hurts and traumas, just like we do. WE don't go around blaming every man for our hurts/rapes/abuses/generational abuse. If he's not going to improve for himself, he won't do it for you. DON'T MAKE EXCUSES FOR HIS TRAUMAS.
  • If he's not putting your relationship as a priority, he doesn't want to be with you. Period. Full stop. Men work for what they don't want to lose, and if you make yourself incredibly available, he won't give a fuck how you feel because he knows he can breadcrumb you and keep you on the line. DON'T MAKE EXCUSES FOR HIS LACK OF EFFORT.
  • If he cannot seem to get his shit together, he's lazy or stupid or both. I don't give a fuck what you think his potential is, or how great he could be if he applied himself. Potential without action is fucking nothing. If he wastes his money on video games and weed, lives with his parents, or does hood rat shit with his friends instead of securing a good future for himself, FUCKING DROP HIM. HE IS NOT AN ADULT WORTH PURSUING.
  • If he doesn't maintain regular communication with you, fucking drop him. Don't wait around for him to be communicative because if he liked you, he wouldn't be able to get enough of you. Don't try and convince him to be more attentive, don't tell him you "need more". He knows, he just doesn't fucking care.
  • Stop condescending these fucking hoe men and acting as if they just need a little of your TLC to become better. No, they need to work harder. They need to stop being fucking babies and take responsibility for their lives. You are not his mommy, you are not his therapist. Don't take on his emotional labor just because you think he's a poor widdle ickle sweetie boy. Fucking drop him. Find a man who is working on himself. You will never change someone who isn't willing to do the work for themselves.

Rant over. Stop wasting your fucking time. Don't be a fucking idiot.