She’s only asking this because she know deep down her fiancé sucks and she’s settling. Why not wait until you’re no longer students?

FluffandRainclouds · 2021-08-29T16:14:55+00:00

It tickles me how many angry men are commenting. They can easily spend £100s to £1000s on their gaming systems, computers, chairs, headsets, sport betting, and "adult entertainment." But apparently dropping a few hundreds or thousands on their life partner, the women they supposedly love enough to "pick" over anyone else, is too much. Listen up blokes: we're not saying you have to do anything. But if you are getting butthurt because someone else's man decided to be a generous provider, maybe it's time for some self-refection to see why it bothers you so much. 🤔 Relationships involve respect, cultural awareness, and compromise. If a sterling silver and cubic zirconia ring of £15+ is truly unattainable for you, then don't expect to get engaged (happily, if at all).

08__80 · 2021-08-29T12:35:45+00:00

Traditionally, the entire point of the ring was to provide some sort of financial security for the woman. If an emergency scenario came up, she could sell it and support herself for a few months until she got on her feet. That's why the more expensive the ring is, the better.

Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like this clown can even afford to buy her a ring pop, let alone an actual ring. He doesn't care about her future or her financial security. The point is, he can get a ring from Claire's for $5, if all that is needed is A RING. he couldn't even do that.

The people who are dogging her about the ring are subtly trying to point this out to her but she doesn't want to hear it. She wants to go "Oh, abloo-bloo-bloo we are poor students!" but a two-ring set from Wal-mart costs $5.55 with free delivery. If that's one's ugly, there's a fancier one for $7.99 (I can't do links because I don't want the bot to freeze this comment. Just go to the website, search Engagement Rings and sort by cheapest.)

It's not about the ring, honey. It's about your future and your security and being with a man who takes those things seriously. You aren't even married to him yet and you're already being put in the position of having to defend him and his shitty decisions.

pianist2020 · 2021-08-29T14:14:57+00:00

My husband is currently doing that promotion where you get paid extra for plasma donations. A certain number of donations in 4-6 weeks is $1000. Every restaurant and everywhere retail is hiring. If he wanted to, he could easily have gotten her something. I do think it's fine to propose without it if you go shopping together soon after but...

Fuckdoesithurt956 · 2021-08-29T13:26:50+00:00

There are hundreds of thousands of inexpensive rings out there. Why not get one of her favorite crystal, or a stone the color of her eyes, or a patterned band, or just something which implied any degree of thought.

shinyjewels · 2021-08-29T14:15:08+00:00

My mom didn’t get a ring because she didn’t like wearing rings, so instead she got a beautiful necklace. But to not show up with anything at all? I would assume the proposal was a joke…

CanadianRadFeminist · 2021-08-29T15:10:41+00:00

There are so many gorgeous, inexpensive rings on the market. He literally could have found one for the price of a restaurant meal. Anything to show that he gives some semblance of a fuck. But clearly he doesnt, and if he is already this immature and thoughtless, the marriage is going to be a disaster.

There's nothing wrong with waiting to get married until you are in a more financially stable position. Why the rush? Why is he seemingly desperate to lock her down as soon as possible? Marriage is not some prize at the end of the finish line... always keep your eyes wide open when it comes to the man you tie your entire life to.

Zurflu · 2021-08-29T14:28:35+00:00

This is what happens when you take 50/50 pickme libfem male-pandering logic into the real world. Normal people will be confused. The real question should be:

"everyone on reddit says engagement rings don't matter, you're a gold digger if you want one, and you're special if you don't want one. Why does no one I know in real life agree?"

23eggz · 2021-08-29T15:39:23+00:00

I feel like a ring also signifies a form of commitment. With a wedding there is both a legal and financial commitment but for engagement, a guy could just "propose" whenever without really meaning it and not face and consequences if he doesn't follow through... a ring signifies some degree of seriousness to the proposal

katiekat0214 · 2021-08-29T12:29:56+00:00

First husband (LVM) memories... ahh what a trainwreck. I was such a Pickmeisha, and it was exacerbated because I had a strong, lifelong, inborn vocation to marry. I knew from single digits I wanted to be married AND have a happy marriage (hence doing it twice), and I also knew I never wanted kids.

He and I lived together for 3.5 years, and were married for 3.5 years. My reasons for living together were less than stellar, but live and learn. I wanted to assert independence, and thought in my young 20s it was just the natural way of things: we'd live together a year or so, he'd propose, we'd be married, then move out of his tiny rent house, find a place we would call our own, have a life together. NOTHING doing.

He waited years to propose, and meanwhile I was the bangmaid mommy and not even much of a bangmaid: he gave me sex three times in three years over the course of the marriage, since I found out decades later he was ace/aro, not that he knew what he was. He was one of those who kept his house clean, then when I came along, just stopped and expected me to do it all. And I did, for a while, even in college, first getting my BA, then starting on and getting my MA. Did I mention that he only had some college, and throughout the entire time I went to school, he'd make these passive-aggressive comments, particularly calling me "educated beyond your intelligence". If that's not insecurity I don't know what is. Finally when things got really bad near the end, he said that, and I said, "No, Peter... I'm educated beyond YOUR intelligence." And I never heard anything else about it.

I could go on, but the housework was major, and as I wrote before, I simply STOPPED about a year into the marriage, after years of never being appreciated. He was one of those also who never helped out in his own house. Never OUR house, he very much referred to it as HIS house, and he refused to move. Mind you, we had a good deal on the rent, but there was no heat in this house, and one winter I came down with bronchitis. Such were the joys of ye olden days of grad school poverty.

The way he proposed to me was pathetic, and I felt pathetic at the time. I had practically begged him to propose (UGH), and he hemmed and hawed. I didn't know what the problem was. So finally one night, he sighed heavily, took a random box off a shelf, and literally tossed it at me over a table. It was the rather cheap ring I had picked out, which he had waited several weeks? a month or more? before proposing to me with. I don't even remember how he asked me to marry him, but I took the cheap amethyst ring (my birthstone, which I normally love), and we got married. Even at the marriage ceremony, we stood an awkward distance apart, and I inched closer during the ceremony. Such a Pickmeisha, but thank God we live and learn.

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-08-29T13:45:08+00:00

My husband and I got engaged when we were still poor students, and I got a beautiful 3K gold and sapphire ring. My husband considered it an essential expense. Honestly, I’m shocked this guy didn’t at least shell out a couple hundred for a pretty morganite or other semiprecious stone ring. If he wanted to, he would.

ariadn3-268 · 2021-08-29T14:18:56+00:00

This is so sad. He could easily go on Etsy and get her a beautiful handmade ring for a few hundred dollars while they're on student budgets, and in the future when he can afford more, get her an upgrade. Or get her earrings that will match the future wedding ring?

I bought a ring for myself when I was a student in uni, using some of my part time job money - just under $300 but still gorgeously made and with a stunning lab-synthesized gem that was durable enough for daily wear.

If he wanted to, he would!

naeats · 2021-08-29T16:00:16+00:00

What's the point of even being engaged then.

For me, being engaged means making wedding preparations, planning. Picking date, location, venue, church, going thru catering/decorators etc...

As broke college students, what's the point? That's how you end up being engaged for 5 years lol.

AJLake80 · 2021-08-29T15:10:49+00:00

I mean, she could just not announce to everyone that she’s “engaged.” The most natural follow up question is usually to see the ring.

_laufaeson · 2021-08-29T16:10:56+00:00

Get a ring that way you can hock it when you inevitably break up.

wonkyeyes8877 · 2021-08-29T19:47:39+00:00

I cannot understand how it is acceptable for students with no incomes likely under the age of 26 to be making huge commitments like marriage.

He could have done something far simpler and given her a promise ring or another piece of jewelry in the meantime before they're more secure as grown individuals with careers.

thanoswife · 2021-08-29T15:03:59+00:00

being a student is a terrible excuse. money might be tight but if he wanted to… he would. my fiancé saved for months and months and months working at $8/hour (graduated may 2020, wasnt able to secure a higher paying job until later on).

my ring is gorgeous. he spent way more on it than i ever would have expected or anticipated. if he wanted to, he would have done SOMETHING

KathyisQueen · 2021-08-29T15:32:24+00:00

If it’s making you insecure, then it means deep down it matters to you in some way. The ring is important and he should have given her SOMETHING as a symbol of commitment and love, that’s not that hard to do.

ConstantNurse · 2021-08-29T22:58:05+00:00

*My boyfriend proposed to me when we were poor college students and couldn't afford a basic ring to do so. I love him, so we are getting married regardless if there is a ring*

Her boyfriend sounds impulsive and she's interpreting his impulsiveness as a romantic gesture. These are not attributes you want to see in a partner, as he is making promises without follow through. It would be different if they were working on a ring or he ordered something and it got delayed before the big proposal date but since he had nothing, this is quite worrisome.

It seems he did not discuss the idea with her, so she had no idea this was coming. Marriage is a big discussion that both parties should be parlay to. The fact that he did so with out any consulting to her also screams LVM. Why is he so keen on proposing so quickly? Is she getting a well-paying job out of college and he wants to sink his teeth in?

BxGyrl416 · 2021-08-29T16:08:31+00:00

If you can’t afford a ring as a one time purchase, how are you going to afford rent, utilities, and food?

ExistentialJelly · 2021-08-29T16:32:17+00:00

Okay, so my husband proposed without a ring. There were a ton of comments. Thing is, the reason he didn't was we had to navigate a complicated cultural difference.

Everything worked out and my life is going in a wonderful direction.

I come from a very detached family and my mother is indifferent to my existence, but his family accepted me full blast right out of the gate. My SIL and MIL and I looked at all different types of rings and designed my ring together. It means the absolute world to me because it is a symbol of me finding my family.

But this guy in the post, that's so low effort. Like, come on, even a simple band and a promise of getting something more in the future (with follow through) would be a huge judge of character and intent. He just sounds lazy af.

cat_realness · 2021-08-29T12:20:48+00:00

Why is a man who is not self sufficient attempting to promise marriage and why is she accepting? You’re telling me that this guy couldn’t work overtime this entire summer in order to get her a ring? I just can’t… Love or shall I say low self esteem/ lack of self love is simply not enough

garcyp · 2021-08-29T12:14:09+00:00

I'll bet he has money for video games or for hanging out with his buddies.

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Title	She’s only asking this because she know deep down her fiancé sucks and she’s settling. Why not wait until you’re no longer students?
Author	Vmchik
Upvotes	208
Comments	38
Date	August 29, 2021 12:06 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pdu2ic/shes_only_asking_this_because_she_know_deep_down/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/shes-only-asking-this-because-she-know-deep-down.1065640 https://theredarchive.com/post/1065640

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