To those completely new to FDS. You cannot "communicate" your way out of this patriarchal system. Level up and never settle.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-08-30T11:54:10+00:00

One thing that helped me to stop CoMmUnIcAtInG is realizing that no one ever has to explain or beg ME to treat them with the barest of respect and consideration. Think to yourself: when was the last time someone had to sit you down over and over again about something you continue to do that hurts them? Where someone had to beg you for your help, time and affection, and you were in a supposed intimate relationship with this person? Does the idea sound absurd to you? It should!

Zurflu · 2021-08-30T12:24:14+00:00

Communicating to a man that his repeated obviously scrotey actions hurt you and doing nothing else about it is like showing him a "level complete, continue to next level?" screen on a bar-lowering video game. Best to exit the game.

Datonecatladyukno · 2021-08-30T13:20:10+00:00

THANK YOU. So much advice is “ break up” because THAT IS THE BEST ADVICE. With most of these trash men, the best time to break up was after the first date. Second best time is today.

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-08-30T15:58:02+00:00

Lundy Bancroft writes this in ‘Why Does He Do That’. Appealing to their empathy or the morality of abusers simply don’t work. They’re not concerned about morality, rather, the benefits they reap from being abusive to you. They don’t have any empathy either, that’s why they were able to mistreat you in the first place.

Just leave.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-08-30T18:24:11+00:00

also telling a sadist how they hurt you will only give them pleasure.

never appeal to a man's empathy or sense of morality. they are dubious at best, nonexitent at worst.

appeal to their fear of losing face, freedom and freebies. I have never seen a man more desperate than a cheater threatened with exposure.

Any_Indication_2754 · 2021-08-30T17:00:41+00:00

Exactly. And they often know exactly what they're doing to you and you confirming and "communicating" it to them just gives them something else to get off on.

AyemHerself · 2021-08-30T23:14:28+00:00

"Communicate" is often thrown around as the ultimate relationship advice, and it's a trap.

Does a successful relationship require good communication? Absolutely. But most relationships will ultimately fail, and often you will find that communication will do fuck all to save them.

Every other relationship advice post on Reddit starts with "We had this conversation and..." and the advice is ALWAYS to "sit him down and communicate." What happens when you already did that? Clearly, communicate again. It's an endless cycle of "communicating" and not sticking to your boundaries until it's decided you "nag" too much.

dragonmonarch · 2021-08-30T15:02:44+00:00

Tangentially related, but this post made me realise another reason I feel so welcome here: everyone communicates well. It's a major pet peeve of mine when people don't bother to put in enough punctuation and grammar to make themselves intelligible in text based communication. I visit this subreddit a couple times a day, something I don't do with any other media, because it's just. Such a pleasant environment no matter the topic at hand. Like a female only cafe I can come to spend a little time in to relax.

extragouda · 2021-08-30T12:45:52+00:00

Wait... does this mean I should stop tying to explain things to lib fems?

galian84 · 2021-08-30T20:12:17+00:00

This explains why “cOmMuNiCaTiNg” never worked with any of my exes…

GreatOrchidAmbition · 2021-08-30T16:42:58+00:00

This is one of the most powerful things I've read and I keep coming back to it. You can't reason with your oppressor.

feelgoodlost_ · 2021-08-30T16:36:51+00:00

Trueeeeee. The oppressors are the ones living in fear for what they’ve done. They know you’ll come for them any day now cus they deserve it. Empathy is reserved for people that are truly on your side, not leeches that need you more than you need them. They expect unconditional love, support, and respect while giving nothing in return. Pass on that bs. You’ll tell them off and hurt them forever, with something called the 🌟 the truth🌟 and logic/introspection/examples. And boom, you’re out.

ChgItToRayGunYouFuck · 2021-08-30T11:42:21+00:00

100%. It is because oppressors normally don't see their victims as human beings and, therefore, lack a good moral compass.

Title	To those completely new to FDS. You cannot "communicate" your way out of this patriarchal system. Level up and never settle.
Author	sermuonielis
Upvotes	1892
Comments	46
Date	August 30, 2021 11:20 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/peg342/to_those_completely_new_to_fds_you_cannot/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/to-those-completely-new-to-fds-you-cannot.1066194 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066194

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