What are your standards when dating?

ThatIntention1 · 2021-12-17T04:40:14+00:00

Has to eat healthy food.

You’d be surprised at how many grown men out there still eat shit like chicken nuggets and sodas and waste a crap ton of money on takeout.

NotMyRealName814 · 2021-12-17T09:51:29+00:00

I won't date someone who goes to strip clubs or has used prostitutes or escorts.

alphasquish · 2021-12-17T04:53:40+00:00

These are some great lists! I would add that I wouldn’t date someone less than two years out of a divorce, or at least 6 months - 1 year out of a LTR. I would also avoid anybody that has been out of a relationship for at least these lengths and is still not over the person. Either of these scenarios generally indicates emotional unavailability, triangulation, and you becoming a rebuilder/emotional airbag.

frustratedanon123 · 2021-12-16T19:46:17+00:00

I actually keep this list in my phone notes and often review/update it as I see fit. Excuse the shorthand on some notes - this is generally just for my eyes only and to be quite honest I just didn't feel like trying to reformat on my phone.

Has kids already Never wants kids Social views that are extremely different from mine Hard drug abuse - past or current Financial irresponsibility Lack of ambition Lying to me Cheating - physically or emotionally History of cheating Acting as though I owe him attention or should be groveling since he is giving me attention Speaking to me condescendingly or from a position of unearned authority on any matter Openly misogynistic or openly objectifying women Mean to animals/doesn't like my animals Dismissal of my achievements/unsupportive behavior Yelling or berating me during arguments Introducing irrelevant topics when arguing Porn use Non committal language in reference to our relationship Party lifestyle Unclean home Bad hygiene Consistent lateness for dates Bad eating habits/obesity Multiple close female "friends" Sexualized language toward me at inappropriate times Lack of interest in my life, interests, and hobbies while getting to know me Inconsistent interest after a few dates Financial instability Actions inconsistent with words Stops replying for periods of time that are abnormal and not to do with work Triangulating with female friends Victim stance Threats of any sort Works for LE *this is more of an yellow flag, but warrants enhanced caution around this person. Impatience or entitlement Mean or impatient with children Rudeness when dealing with service staff Peter Pan Syndrome - any sort of excessive toy collection or obsessive hobbies. Failure to grow up and abhorence of adult responsibility/seeing oneself as an adult.

warinmymind94 · 2021-12-16T21:41:18+00:00

My list of standards:

-single and child free

-college degree or higher, stable job, reliable car

-has his own place

-functioning adult (manages his money, pays bills, does chores and keeps his place and himself clean, grocery shops, cooks, his place has furniture)

-no addiction issues (alcohol, drugs, p0rn, gambling, no video gamers as many gamer guys are broke video game addicts)

-responsible (drives responsibly, if something needs fixing he does it right or pays to get it done promptly, etc)

-no criminal records

-no unresolved mental health issues & needs to be over exes

-cannot be "friends" and keep in contact with exes

-has his own healthy hobbies, a set of friends /family that have wholesome traits (if his friends are LV It reflects him)

-must enjoy traveling / sightseeing and new experiences, celebrates life and holidays

-is generous, makes effort, is grateful and reciprocates (not selfish, not cheap, etc)

Gourmay · 2021-12-16T20:44:07+00:00

[permanently deleted]

shockingupdate · 2021-12-16T23:58:23+00:00

Everything you’ve covered, plus:

No kids or “complicated” situations with exes (aka no setups for triangulation)
Same or greater income than myself
NEEDS to have a hobby or a job they’re passionate about. No lazy a-holes who job-hop/quit their jobs once an ambitious woman’s in their life, and no powermongers who over-identify with maximizing income or being the “breadwinner” - they need to be doing something meaningful with their lives instead of prodding at me all day
Must have a good relationship with at least one female family member, living or deceased. You’d be surprised by how many shitheads this one filters out. If the first time I hear about a sister, ex-wife, mother, grandma, all he does is gripe, I know that’s what I have to look forward to.

xfelugirlx · 2021-12-16T21:06:08+00:00

All of these things and no addiction at all, no anime guys, no “I’m working on it” just a functional man, no narcissists, no mommy boys, men with convictions all the way that speak up against a lot of things like racism, sexism, etc. Empathy.

curlyhaiir · 2021-12-16T21:41:44+00:00

no kids but wants children someday, single
in my age range
educated / high income
emotionally / mentally stable
takes care of himself, exercises, good sense of fashion
knows how to cook and clean
ambitious, has goals in life
intelligent
has a big heart and is kind, respectful to others, loves animals, is considerate of other people feelings
has a calm aura
knows how to make me laugh
no drug use, no porn use
no liars, cheaters and abusers,
doesn’t talk down to others
not too religious, no man that is too conservative or too left/liberal
enjoys spending time with my family
treats me like a queen (and my mom as well!)
no big following on social media, doesn’t constantly post on Instagram, doesn’t follow IG Models
weird fetishes / kinks, no bdsm etc…

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-12-17T01:04:40+00:00

All of the above.

Patient, empathetic
Problem-solver

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-12-17T15:29:41+00:00

Your list pretty much reflects mine if i ever found that magical man.

Only one I would add is "not a softboy" UGH. I don't like "bad boys" but whiny men make my skin crawl.

Olympia43 · 2021-12-16T21:15:53+00:00

I agree with all the standards you ladies talked. I add :

- Be reliable, trustworthy : basicaly what the handbook tells us. I don't want to plan dates, I don't want to triple check with him if the plan is still okay, I don't want him to disappear for 24 hours without telling me first (and the reason why).

- No sexual innuendo/joke : I hate that, it makes me terribly uncomfortable. It is a red flag for immaturity, sex addiction and usually poor views of women.

- I do not want to hear about his past relationships (if he brags about it, complains about it, whines about it, it is all the same for me : NO) so I do not want him to ask questions about my past.

- No cursing and use of insults as part of his "daily language" : There is no way my man will speak with three bad words per sentence. One of my colleague acts as if he were cool and edgy because he used "ass**les", "f**kers" etc in every sentence. Eww.

- I do not want to date someone who thinks complaining is a personality trait.

- Similarly, I do not want to date someone who thinks hating on something, or gossiping, is a hobby or a passion.

- No child-man, no tantrum, no stupid sport dude who gets crazy when there is a match

- Instagram addicts and influencers are a big no too.

And i probably forget about some others but there are what come to my mind right now.

overit_af · 2021-12-16T20:04:27+00:00

No kids is ideal. If they do they must be fully functioning adults (I don’t want to stepparent)

Must enjoy exercise

Must earn at least as much as I do (6 figures)

Mustn’t be a wimp/whiny/victim complex

Must have nice, clean, teeth

No best/close friends who are women. Period.

No expectations of ever living together (for those wondering why: it would have to be a very very amazing person /situation to disrupt my utter bliss at having my own home decorated and maintained solely by me and my own personal space whenever I want/need—so I can’t imagine wanting to live with a man ever again; but at the very least it weeds out hobosexuals and those who want a bangmaid.)

ETA:

No obvious signs of porn use (it’s almost always obvious)

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-12-16T21:43:57+00:00

I think this is a useful exercise, I need to work on one of these. Your list looks good, thanks for the post

No addicts of any kind
Mentally healthy and well balanced personality
Healthy body weight and reasonably fit, goes to doctor and dentist appropriately
Makes an effort
Financially secure and in stable employment
Well read with an interest in current affairs
Not right wing
No kids, or maybe one grown up independent adult kid
Vaccinated
Does not play The Devil’s Advocate

I’ll keep working on this

fireforestfairy · 2021-12-17T10:39:08+00:00

Has a nice personality
Doesn't lie, gossip, cheat
Not patriarchal
Willing to admit his mistakes
Doesn't flirt with other women when I am not around
Truly loves me
Spoils me with nice dates
Has a sense of humor similar to me
Introverted (I am an introvert and I doubt I will be compatible with someone who is very extroverted)
Attractive to decent-looking
Has good personal hygiene
Educated
From the same social class as me
Self-actualised and not "boring"
Around the same age as me
No smoking and illicit drug use
No criminal record
No addiction to porn
No disgusting fetishes such as golden showers

candyfox84 · 2021-12-17T02:50:59+00:00

Long list but definitely tall! A big item I have yet to find is a man who doesn’t embarrass me in some huge way at social events (family gatherings, work holiday party, friend’s wedding etc). Kind, intelligent, funny, not overly political. Shows interest in me, my family, my life. Has a career and a retirement plan.

arnezuara · 2021-12-20T04:50:28+00:00

He has to worship me.

queeninprogress · 2021-12-19T20:18:14+00:00

Not a cryptocurrency bro and is responsible with investments and finances :/ Met a dude my age (I'm only 21) who lost $10k to cryptocurrency investing, and no he wasn't from a rich family so it wasn't just pocket change to him either.

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Title	What are your standards when dating?
Author	Bonds_Girl
Upvotes	440
Comments	29
Date	December 16, 2021 6:58 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rhxgf2/what_are_your_standards_when_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-are-your-standards-when-dating.1212415 https://theredarchive.com/post/1212415

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