Why are men often so short sighted they sabotage themselves?

Kerrypurple · 2022-03-26T23:54:05+00:00

At least they're showing you their true colors before you invest too much time in them.

philosopherofsex · 2022-03-26T23:51:44+00:00

Because they’re counting on faking it to make it in your pants. The entire purpose of going to slow is to pick up on their game. He knows he can’t keep the act up, so it isn’t losing out on potential sex. He already lost when he found out you would make him wait.

masterofthebarkarts · 2022-03-27T14:14:25+00:00

Unfortunately, a lot of guys are getting the message from redpill dudes that basically, if a girl doesn't sleep with them on the first or second date, she's stringing him along/isn't interested/is just using him. Because obviously, to their mind, if you were REALLY into him, you would've fucked him in the bathroom after the game 🙄

Of course anyone who did that would immediately get labelled a slut (by these guys) and never considered for a relationship.

Incidentally, the reason we preach vetting is not because it's morally wrong to sleep with a person quickly, and it's not because waiting will make him respect you more and consider you for a relationship. It's not smart to sleep with someone right away but it doesn't make you a loose woman or whatever other sexist bullshit is floating around.

In cases like these, either you sleep with them immediately and get dismissed as easy, or you don't sleep with them immediately and get dismissed as frigid. Personally, I'd rather disentangle myself from someone I haven't been vulnerable with and who I haven't grown so attached to.

Men will either respect you or not, and very little of what you do will change that. Your behavior exists to protect you.

spinsterchachkies · 2022-03-27T00:06:31+00:00

The last couple guys I dated were like this. They try to go way to fast and scare you off. They come off creepy

Bbeautifulbitch · 2022-03-26T23:36:50+00:00

Story of my life. It’s like they need the validation of something physical happening immediately or their ego dies.

Platipus6 · 2022-03-27T00:28:55+00:00

They're so used to instant gratification from porn, they've lost the ability to keep their cool if they don't get what they want the same day.

Imagine if the internet went back to dial-up speeds lmao men would lose their minds and trash the entire house.

MyBeautifulSweetsong · 2022-03-27T00:19:48+00:00

The manosphere is doing this. They tell them to make it sexual as fast as possible so they don't get stuck in the friendzone.

It's not you it's them. They are all following the same bad advice.

ladylikesometimes · 2022-03-27T00:08:33+00:00

Most assume that you probably did things after the first date with other men, so why not him?! There egos are bruised because if you don’t outwardly desire them as much as they desire you (remember throwing caution to the wind isn’t a risk to them) then you must be a gold digger!!!!

I see it like this, once you meet a man, in their head, there is like this unseen timer. They are just waiting for enough time to pass to make that suggestion of sexual intimacy. Some have no timer and say they need it on the 3rd date for “sexual compatibility.”

The truth is, 95% of men suck and he weeded himself out. This one just sounded sexually frustrated, and how dare you not put out on his time line!

SupremeDearLeader · 2022-03-27T02:57:13+00:00

Great post , my short answer is horniness ...am experiencing this exact situation r n, a stranger complimented me at the gym, I only non verbally gave a thumbs up and next thing I know he's waiting for me the next day, and the next day following me around , dressed up in a suit waiting for me . I'm so disgusted by how thirsties completely objectify us as just pretty doll objects and then try to unnaturally force themselves on us while they are complete strangers. My safety matters 100% more than some lvm trying to get something for nothing. I loathe the gross horny face that lvms have when they ogle us, A HVM has self-discipline and shows restraint.

LittleWinn · 2022-03-27T00:27:04+00:00

Don’t engage dudes in the sexy and flirty texting. That’s a boundary, maintain it.

LetsGetin_Formation · 2022-03-27T08:11:38+00:00

He told you he wants a relationship to get in your pants. There is no vetting strategy like waiting.

Sad reality is, a lot of women/girls will give into the pressure to get sexual fast because of the relationship carrot he’s dangling in their face.

Never trust a man’s words, only his actions. But I feel you on the shitty logic. I think it’s because it’s not actually about sex, it’s about power and ego. Why do men hit and quit women instead of at least making her a FWB? Because it was never about the sex. Only about “conquering” someone new.

It’s never truly about the sex.

SayNad · 2022-03-27T04:16:40+00:00

You shouldn't have engage when he started the sexual text and cut him off immediately. That's a red flag sis.

Ashamed-Reputation-2 · 2022-03-27T05:40:06+00:00

Handbook needs to be reviewed again. He's throwing up red flags with the future faking and sexual talk. If you want to move slow, then move slowwww. Kissing on the first date is pretty fast. They just take that as a sign to push for even more physical stuff on the next date. It's good that he weeded himself out early. There are men that will take time to get know you and make sure you're emotionally invested just to have sex with you. Those hurt the most. I made a comment a month ago about a detailed dating timeline I plan on following when I pop back out.

ShegoGreen · 2022-03-27T06:59:21+00:00

I would say it's men's choice to become addicted to porn that has caused them to become short-sighted and romance averse in their treatment of women.

elainejay82 · 2022-03-27T03:42:54+00:00

The fact that he tried to do this via FB messenger when you guys see eachother often tells you all you need to know. A HVM won't play games via texting or messaging like this. He will ask you out to your face. Don't indulge these games from a man.

All it does is set you up to overindulge and it sets them up to mirror whatever you are telling them without you gauging the truth in person. There's a reason they use texting and messaging like this. It makes it way way way too easy for them.

Don't hand this option to play with you to a guy again.

Sea_Lead1753 · 2022-03-27T04:33:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Keepers12345 · 2022-03-27T05:07:43+00:00

It's like their Entitlement Antenna activates and they don't realize that being demanding pushes women away

The same approaches that get them promoted and respected in other realms doesn't work in relationships

I've felt the same way when I was already a budding relationship. Like seriously?

(BTW , I know some feedback here says not to speak your mind. However, I think it's up to the person. I don't want to base my actions on what he should or shouldn't hear. If I want to give myself a voice, then I deserve to do so. Maybe I won't need to in the future. Yet, suppressing myself isn't healthy if it's something that I need to do for myself at that moment.)

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2022-03-27T04:54:32+00:00

I think at that point it’s more of an ego thing. That’s why we vet. These guys aren’t looking for anything genuine anyway so good riddance.

myheartisfulloflove · 2022-03-27T02:27:13+00:00

But then remind him how I want to move slow with what we do together, but find him attractive and am excited to progress.

Yeah, don't do this. You're giving him your playbook and of course he's going to be upset by that because he's just a lowly scrote. You dodged a major bullet, but do keep in mind that saying this even to a HVM is going to confuse them or make you seem a certain way and therefore, move on to another woman who isn't thinking about sex so early on. I hope I did not say that too rudely, and am in no way shaming you, just that we women have to take care in what we say out loud because it can be construed unfairly by other people. Especially men.

Move silently. Charm people around you but also have your boundaries firmly in place. Keep your cards close to you. Play dumb fox.

Dating men should be fun, but clean fun. No kissing until after the third date, and it should be a chaste closed-lip type of kiss. Save the steamy making out sessions for a couple of months or so after the very first date, when he asked you to be his girlfriend/wants a real commitment. No sex until 3-6 months (or longer or until engagement/marriage if you want!) after you both discuss that you are now in a committed, monogamous relationship.

Edit: If a man moves too quickly, then you have your answer and it is not your fault at all. Block and delete.

evezinto · 2022-03-27T08:43:18+00:00

He isnt sabotaging himself, he has one goal in mind and he isnt interested in u so he didnt "lose" anything. He just wants sex no matter who it is.

Dont feel some type of way because he reached out to u on facebook, its the easiest part.

Also, read the handbook. And follow the principles if u dont wanna meet losers like him.

just_because_needed · 2022-03-27T17:03:50+00:00

It's not about you. They feel entitled to sex and you, as said vendor of it, are making it hard for him to get it. Men wanna knock women off of pedastals by devaluing and dehumanising them. But really they should stop over-valuing sex, it's meaning in their lives and disconnect it from their personal identities, it's obsessive and weird. Get a hobby. You can't F* 24/7.

P.S. Women aren't the gate keepers of sex. You can't be gate kept from something that solely unquestionably belongs to another.

Hednistic people who jump from one thing to the other to avoid their existential crisis have no peace of mind and will steal it from you.

Move on quickly sis, block and delete, No explanation. A lack of peace of mind is like a zombie outbreak or rabies🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️🤮, they're desperate to infect others whether they know it or not.😷🤧

Protect your peace of mind at all costs. Already your eyebrow is twitching at this weirdo's illogical behaviour.

Good luck. You deserve the best.

hashtaggoodvibesonly · 2022-03-27T16:28:05+00:00

It is so tragic, like they really cannot even manage to keep up appearances for more than a few DAYS most of the time.

I know this is actually a good thing in the long run so I don't develop feelings for an undercover loser, but it is SO baffling to me that they are out here behaving like this and women are willing to entertain them!?

Feeling rather down as I've met about 6 guys had great first interactions with zero red flags and some green, and then by the 3rd of 4th encounter I have to cut it off... And we've barely even made out,like aren't you even going to pretend until we have sex 😭😭

VintagePallor · 2022-03-27T15:35:39+00:00

Sounds like need to reread the Handbook sis. FDS women do not "share back and forth imaging dating life together" with men on the internet. We don't "play along" with "sexually flirty" texts, especially after 1(!!!) lunch date. We also don't "remind him" that we want to "move slow" - sex should not even be DISCUSSED for weeks or months. We certainly don't privately think "why cant he 'play it out *a few weeks*'???"

You allowed yourself to be drawn into a virtual conversation and be future-faked. No!! Messaging is for arranging dates and bare bones logistics, nothing else. You gave him far too much time and energy for zero investment, signalling your low standards straight off the bat.

Next, sex should be completely off the table when you start seeing someone new. Period! Now don't get me wrong, he was a scrote regardless and you can't turn an LVM into a HVM with "good behaviour" on your part, that's not what I'm saying. But you did not approach this with an FDS mindset and it sounds like you are still in the newbie/Pick Me trap of "oh, I can apply most of FDS but I don't have to wait THAT long for sex..."

Yes. You. Do.

FDS doesn't work if you're putting out sexual energy and having sex before 3-6 months of a committed relationship. It just doesn't. SO MANY sisters here have learned this the hard way. Take a reread of the Handbook and maybe take some time off from dating to reflect on why you were so willing to "play along" when the fact that he got sexual with you right away was nothing but a huge waving red flag to RUN. It doesn't matter if he's hot, if he does that he's a scrote. What happened next was 1000% predictable since he showed his true colours right away. It doesn't matter that he lied and told you he wants a girlfriend and eventual wife. With you all he wanted was sex, point blank. You need to learn to recognize that sooner and block and delete. A man's actions speak a thousand times louder than their words. Ignore everything they TELL you and vet what they SHOW you fiercely. Read the Handbook, remind yourself that sex is not worth getting played, and no relationship is infinitely better that a shituationship with a LVM.

annie222222 · 2022-03-27T02:32:39+00:00

I think the problem is they are genuinely short sighted and actually don’t have longer term goals.

8jjjjjjjj · 2022-03-27T02:54:21+00:00

It’s so sad that men value sex so much that they lose out on having any meaningful relationship with women.

JYQE · 2022-03-27T03:28:53+00:00

This happened with me and a guy from bumble. He was clear about wanting as sexual relationship, but pretended like he was willing to go slow so I could feel comfortable with him, and then, just kept pushing for phone sex all the time (I was unable to meet, thank God).

I think these bozos just lie about what they want and are just pushing boundaries with whoever they can to get in someone’s pants asap. And he wasn’t talking just to you, he was talking to other women at the same time, I’d bet money on it, and seeing who would give in to pressure.

VesperLynd- · 2022-03-27T02:17:46+00:00

It’s because they want sex fast and not even good sensual sex. Just a quick getting off for them. So they won’t „waste time“ with women. I think they’re so horny/arrogant that they just try it bc they think there’s so many more women out there. Which there aren’t if they act like this but they dont see this bc they dont think with their brains

PineappleKind1048 · 2022-03-27T12:39:45+00:00

They are Relationship faking. They want to act like are into you but they are just into your body. It’s better to see this now that down the road.

Sad_Investigator6160 · 2022-03-27T03:55:16+00:00

A man should enjoy spending time with you doing whatever. He shouldn’t just be holding his breath until sex happens.

CheapTea108 · 2022-03-27T04:19:19+00:00

It's because we as a society are raised to seek instant gratification, men especially so. That in combination with society making them feel entitled to women and sex.

gothpisces96 · 2022-03-27T04:39:37+00:00

YESS I’m glad someone brought this up bc I have been experiencing this so much lately and it’s really bothering me. Why the hell do men do this? Like are they that impatient and self centered that they would rather just push a woman into sex immediately and risk ruining everything, and moving on to the next person to start all over again? Like make it make sense

ank-su-namun · 2022-03-27T06:46:07+00:00

because nowadays there are so many girls out there that doesnt take any effort to get what they want from them. sometimes the girls themselves even BEG for these men to touch them, doesnt matter if they know each other or not. so as a result of desperate and attention-hungry young girl population, here are the young men. they feel like they are losing time with us.

but i think you should be grateful on the side that you found out who this guy is pretty early.

turkeyisdelicious · 2022-03-27T12:14:30+00:00

I am letting guys like this self-eliminate left and right in 2022! (The big secret is…I really love sex.) But I could never let these guys know that because it’s bad enough how they try to hold their breath underwater for as long as possible before letting the inner-scrote surface. If I were a man, I think it would make so much more sense to do this once with a great woman. Really invest. Just seems so much more logical.

Advanced_Doctor2938 · 2022-03-27T03:43:47+00:00

Either he's not actually looking for a relationship, or he's been brainwashed by his buddies to avoid the black pit of the " friendzone "

Thunderbird_Freya · 2022-03-27T07:14:31+00:00

I always used to try and win men over with kindness. I thought that’s all you need to attract the right one. I was in for a rude awakening. Kindness doesn’t attract good men. Just trash and LVM who just want a second mother. The fact that more women defend scumbags than men is very upsetting.

Title	Why are men often so short sighted they sabotage themselves?
Author	Deborahwasaprophet
Upvotes	881
Comments	65
Date	March 26, 2022 11:34 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tp7hqy/why_are_men_often_so_short_sighted_they_sabotage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-are-men-often-so-short-sighted-they-sabotage.1110101 https://theredarchive.com/post/1110101

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