Now when I say cold approach I do not mean in a PUA sense. But in a sense that we walk up to someone we like, regardless of social context, and talk to them. If they show us that they don't want to talk to us I.e their body language, then we leave them alone.

But here are the reasons why I think the cold approach needs to come back and needs to be redefined so we could have a more respectful and safe experience.

Usually the best way people meet their SOs is through their mutual friends, social circles, work places, and online dating. Now I don't think I need to expand online dating or workplaces, instead I want to address meeting through mutual friends and social circles and what they lack in compared to cold approaches

  1. What if you don't have any friends?

There are plenty of socially awkward people or other shut ins who have pretty much grown up without any friends. Now that they're in adulthood where forming friends is very hard since most groups are established.

For the socially awkward, even if they genuinely tried to make friends, they'll be thought of as weird and will be generally socially excluded.

  1. What if you had toxic friends?

Worse yet, there will be toxic people and toxic social circles who'll take advantage of this and make these lonely people depend on them because that's the social connections they have. And since this is a social circle, they have more of a chance of meeting their significant other. This makes us pretty dependent on keeping that circle around despite the negativity that comes with it.

And let's say they let these toxic groups go? Sure they lost bad friends and it's better to be alone, but now they're back to square one.

  1. What if the people in your social circle aren't the ones that you want to date, but the ones you do belong to circles outside of it?

For example, I come from a pretty nerdy background and so my other friends are nerds (guys and girls). But they're usually not my type. I want to date girls who are outside of that circle. The ones who have fun and whose lifestyles that I'm really interested in.

I tried making friends with their social circle (by friends not hitting on anyone). However, even thoughi took an interest in them, I got excluded simply because they thought I was weird or I was too nerdy cuz I was hanging out with the nerdy group. So I got my character judged harshly in this case.

If you were to fit into circles like this it means abandoning your current interests, your current friends, just to fit in with them. Or you have to exhibit certain behaviours just to fit in as well.

Now of course we can be ourselves even if that means we lose out on that experience, and then play the long ass waiting game until I find a group that's right for me that is accepting.

Imagine how long you have to wait in order to get that circle. It could take years long before everything falls into place.

  1. You may not always have the money to go to social events or outings.

Truth be told if this is a problem then you should be looking for a job to make some money anyways but if for some reason you can't do that I.e controlling parents, need to spend a lot of time studying, etc

  1. In high school or college you were the class nerd, loner, or loser.

A lot of dating and making friends tend to happen pretty easily here. However, also in these environments is where a lot of judgements come from. If you do something small that others will judge you for, then that builds up a loser reputation and you pretty much go all 4 years without dating anyone you really want, or basically go without dating in general.

Since schools and colleges and one big social environments, then one bad word about you will spread to the entire school. After that, a lot of people would not be willing to give you that chance based on those small factors.

We tell these people "just wait until you're in your late 20s, it gets better for you" why in gods name do I wanna wait until I'm in my late 20s to start dating?? I want to date NOW! I want to have the young wild experiences other kids were having that time. Why should I wait just because some judgemental assholes need to make a judgement about me and have it spread like wild fire to pretty much tank my opportunities?

With cold approach you don't have to worry about any of that. You don't have to worry about being someone you're not, you don't have to worry about giving up your friends, you don't have to worry about being in a different social circle than the ones that you'd like to connect with.

All of that doesn't matter because you don't need any of it in order to go up to a stranger and introduce yourself (respectfully of course). It gives us that total control that no matter what our situation is like, we have some form of opportunity with someone that we desire, so why not take that shot?

Now I understand what I'm advocating for. I'm advocating for men to approach women anytime, anywhere, possibly where they might be busy with something and do not want to be bothered. I do believe we can make that better. I got a couple of links that talks about how to do that here.

https://www.nicknotas.com/blog/does-she-want-to-be-approached/

https://www.nicknotas.com/blog/how-to-reject-men-safely-and-respectfully/

All in all, back then it used to be the norm to be able to talk to anyone you want. We just need to bring it back, but take out the elements that could lead to sexual harassment such as not taking no for answer, chasing her down when she's walking away, being lewd towards her, catcalling, etc.

A lot of the complaints from women about cold approaches are the fact that they're done by men who are trying to force a conversation with them when they don't want any. They try to trap them when they're trying to leave to get to somewhere. They say overtly sexual things off the bat that makes women very uncomfortable. I'm thinking this is mainly the reason many women are uncomfortable with cold approaches. I don't believe the cold approach itself is bad but how some people are going about them is pretty bad.

If we approach women anytime and anywhere expressing our interest, but also learn to take no for an answer, let her go, and overall respect her boundaries whenever she feels uncomfortable, then perhaps cold approaching can become normalized and even become acceptable once again.