Did I miss out on hookup culture?

Did I miss out on hookups?

So I (33m) have been dealing with some feelings of regret and fomo and I'd love to hear some different perspectives.

Sex has always been something I've aimed for, but when I was younger around 20, I had a circumstance where I couldn't get hard out of anxiety, it kinda fucked me up for years, didn't have sex for years because I didn't want it to happen again. Eventually worked through it sort of. Had a 6 year relationship, no problems after the first few months in that department.

Few years ago became single, met someone younger, she is insanely attractive and its going fantastic, treats me super well and im not looking to change a thing. Just back story for this though. Also the ED cropped up again with her early on, especially after hearing about how many people, and thinking of them as competition. Gets to your head.

So I was made aware of just how much the newer generation hookups, it's kinda crazy. New partner has had 30+ partners, I've had 8. I'm past my 20s now, and I'm watching the 20s chicks(and some guys) hookup like every week with someone new.

I was just listening to a podcast with lex Friedman, and the interviewee was mentioning again that women will short-term mate based overwhelmingly on physical attractiveness, obviously. The sexual market looks super lobsided with tinder (5% of guys get half of the attention from women), and how many guys aren't getting laid right now overall (~30% in or out of relationships), reading all those sort of stats paints a grim light, but maybe its not accurate. But that aside, I'm wondering if I've missed out on experiences in my 20s with hookups. It sort of seems like a fun game, that I wasn't a part of, and it looks a bit like maybe I just didn't get an invite to play this game? The cool kids club perhaps. I hear of very very few guys getting as much attention as women. So like maybe it was never in the cards and I should drop the regret? Or is this all just a bullshit excuse I'm making for my own fuckups.

It's not just about the sex, but also I think to some degree about the desirability, everyone wants to feel desired. I've been lucky to have some attractive partners, and I hear I am attractive. But I really struggle to believe that (from a strictly physical sense, I think from just being a human being, I try my very best to treat everyone super well). The evidence for physical attractiveness just isn't there and I guess I still at this age sorts bums me out. I've never really got looks at the gym from women, I've had one hookup in the 15 years of sexual activity, she was super attractive though. I'm starting to get older now, see the receding hairline, I still am in shape, dress well, speak well and treat people well, do well for myself. But yeah I guess, i know this is like a first world boo hoo me problem, but it's always felt a tiny bit like you're born attracted to a whole section of the population, but you're basically invisible to them :/ (I understand sex isn't owed, i agree totally. that's not exactly what I'm saying. Just that if only ~20% of guys are attractive to women, then like that's that, it is what it is, we move on because its outside of our control. But thats something im trying to figure out)

So anyone else feel like this? Guys? Women do you really go after hookups with just crazy attractive guys? Or overly charismatic maybe? Have I missed out on some crucial experience of sexual freedom in the modern age of dating? Idunno, this is harder to put into words that i thought.

Thanks for listening, love and respect to all.