(Discussion) Is grind-dancing cheating? How about drink buying/accepting

i_have_a_semicolon · 2018-12-14T04:16:13+00:00

I would not think it's proper to grind or accept alcoholic drinks in a flirtatious context whilst in a relationship. It would be ok if a coworker or friend was buying drinks, but not ok if it is a stranger with the obvious intent of trying to hit on you

saraaaabeeee · 2018-12-14T05:04:40+00:00

Yeah I’m not down for my guy getting all physical, flirty, and/or rubbing up on some chick at a bar. He would be kicked to the curb SO FAST.

Eastuss · 2018-12-14T08:01:38+00:00

Women accepting male attention is basically men actively approaching women. Cheaty.

MMDT · 2018-12-14T03:09:07+00:00

she's free to do that, but all it means is she gets demoted back to side chick

[deleted] · 2018-12-14T03:37:46+00:00

Drinks wouldn't bother me depending on the circumstances, grinding would. Technically it's not "cheating" but the attempt to ride that technicality is gross enough to next over.

meomeowmeoww · 2018-12-14T04:06:48+00:00

yes, is this not common sense?

Physiologymatters · 2018-12-14T04:12:39+00:00

I have no desire to let strange genitals touch me so if I'm out dancing I either play dodge-the-dick or dance something with actual steps.

Never discussed it with my SO, if he was out and was grinding on someone else we'd definitely talk about it and get on the same page. I don't think I'd be impressed if he was buying strange girls drinks without justifiable context either, that would be another thing to talk about.

I don't accept drinks from strangers unless it's extremely awkward to refuse, if they insist on buying me something I get a bottle of water.

PuleaSpataru69 · 2018-12-14T07:55:06+00:00

Yes. I dont want my husband to orbit and inflate the ego of some slut. At the same time I would never do any of that and publicly humiliate and emasculate him.

despisedlove2 · 2018-12-14T14:51:52+00:00

Yes.

A woman indulging in these types of behaviors would be my ex SO as soon as I found out about it.

No, it wouldn't need to be discussed ahead of time. Decent people know and understand boundaries. If something like this needs to be spelled out, the person needing that discussion isn't LTR material.

blackedoutfast · 2018-12-14T05:04:17+00:00

first of all, if they're going clubbing, there's like a 100% chance i'll get invited too. maybe it's just my social circles or something, but the whole "girls night out going clubbing to grind on strange dicks" thing isn't very realistic. if they're going clubbing, they invite the boyfriends (because they DON'T want random creepy dudes grinding on them). the girl-only events are usually lame shit like they all go to someone's house and drink wine.

but no, just dancing isn't cheating. if they start kissing, then yeah that's over the line. but just dancing who cares. that's what people do in dance clubs. i swear it's like some of you people have never been to a real world dance club.

and if she can scam some free drinks out of some dumb beta then more power to her, as long as she is being safe about it and not just drinking some random drink a dude hands to her, but thats more about safety.

[deleted] · 2018-12-14T13:04:58+00:00

Engaging in any form of sexual activity with someone that's not your SO is definitely cheating. Grind dancing is a form of sexual activity. So grind dancing is indeed cheating.

[deleted] · 2018-12-14T14:11:33+00:00

Anything you do with someone of the opposite sex that you are deliberately concealing, and taking steps to prevent your partner from discovering because you don't want your partner to know about it, is cheating.

Apply that standard to any situation you like, and you will have your answer.

Thounumber1 · 2018-12-14T20:12:41+00:00

Yes it's cheating. It should be obvious that this is cheating. Latter is also cheating.

Million-Suns · 2018-12-14T04:44:47+00:00

I would not consider that as cheating, but still as a lack of respect.

And we all know how relationships end up when one partner loses the respect of the other.

Kittennoodle · 2018-12-14T05:28:19+00:00

Why is she out in the "clubs" in the first place?

TheBookOfSeil · 2018-12-14T03:38:49+00:00

Depends a lot on the context.

If she initiating the dancing and grinding, or is the other person? If it’s the other person, she’s not responsible.

Is she getting a little too into it beyond just having fun? If no, she’s not responsible.

While someone could, through their actions, show a possibility or likelihood of intending to cheat or they would “if the opportunity presented itself,” that would be upsetting, but it would not be cheating.

It’s worth noting that men tend to fear women being physically unfaithful, while women fear men being emotionally unfaithful, so this should tell us a little bit about common perceptions of cheating between the sexes.

diffdedbed · 2018-12-14T04:20:36+00:00

is it cheating?

Not in our relationship, even before we were swingers. Dancing is fine. I wouldn't have been happy with it when I was very young with her, but only because of my own insecurity about other men.

How about bf/husband buying a girl a drink, or gf/wife accepting a guy buying her a drink?

Free booze, win!

Both these thing are only cheating if someone is very insecure in their relationship. If you think your SO will just jump into someone elses pants because they danced or took a drink.

Now maybe they have a reason to be insecure, some people are not trustworthy, but thats a pretty shitty relationship IMO.

Funny thing for me as a swinger, is that I would 100% trust my wife, in a room full of half naked chads of the finest chadditude, to not do anything despite me being ok with her having sex with other men, because she wouldn't ever do anything without me being ok with it and ok ahead of time.

darla10 · 2018-12-14T13:08:05+00:00

Last time we went out dancing with a group of friends some young drunk girl tried to slide up behind my h. She snapped his suspenders from behind. What has the student body of NYU come to!? My h had a big stupid smile on his face but when he saw my expression he backed away real quick. No more dancing for us unless I’m the youngest person there. So basically we just go dancing at old folks homes.

brokegradstudent_93 · 2018-12-14T18:19:16+00:00

The dancing, ginding, and buy other girls drinks I would definitely have a problem with, however my bf actively encourages me to try and get free drinks jokingly all the time and I'm fairly certain he actually means it, if I share with him of course

NiceGuyNumber4 · 2018-12-14T22:23:14+00:00

If it isn't cheating it's still enough for me to leave.

[deleted] · 2018-12-14T03:10:52+00:00

If she wants to risk me doing the same then go for it.

hammerhaunts · 2018-12-14T04:10:24+00:00

yes

or something you'd assume is understood and be upset if the boundary were violated?

yes

How about bf/husband buying a girl a drink, or gf/wife accepting a guy buying her a drink?

almost certainly

[deleted] · 2018-12-14T06:09:34+00:00

In my opinion it is cheating. A girl ass is rubbing a dude’s dick, and rubbing their legs on it and pussy. Honestly, how is that not cheating?

_anothergumnut_ · 2018-12-14T03:18:20+00:00

Yes and yes

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agloelita · 2018-12-14T03:33:21+00:00

I'm given to understand that if you are okay with your SO doing that to you then its fine. Me personally Im not okay with it.

BleuBird18 · 2018-12-14T03:57:02+00:00

I don't care if an SO enjoys dancing. If women buy him drinks, that just means he doesn't have to spend as much of his own money.

The bigger issue is: would I date someone that regularly goes to clubs? Answer: no.

I don't go to clubs myself, and I rarely drink (3 over the course of a year would be a lot).

bitter_samsara · 2018-12-14T13:09:34+00:00

A couple of minutes of grinding is no harm. Anything beyond that leads to serious problems.

Accepting a drink, absolutely ok if he's that much of an idiot. She can give him a minute or so to chat and there's no harm.

If it goes too far I will literally go outside and pay a hobo a hundred bucks to dropkick her right on the dance floor.

CatchPhraze · 2018-12-14T04:29:40+00:00

Do a lot of people really do these "girl only nights out"? Like my friends will go see a movie or dinner, maybe at a pub with drinks but those wild club filled adventures are saved for like bachelorettes and big promotions. So I see the inside of a club like 2-3 times a year tops?

I'd say dancing as a group is fine, grinding is not. I'd be ok with him buying a friend or coworker a drink, I'd really be not okay with a strangers. I'd be find with him also accepting drinks from friends and Idk about strangers, depends if turning it down would make a scene.

[deleted] · 2018-12-14T05:40:18+00:00

I'm not sure i would vocally call grinding for cheating, but there would 100% be repercussions.

Accepting drinks? Eh, depends entirely on how she goes about it. One random drink at the bar, i can overlook, but not if she sits down with a guy and lets him keep buying.

Unconfidence · 2018-12-14T10:12:07+00:00

Anything is cheating if you've outlined that it is cheating. If you simply meander into a relationship with no defined terms, then your partner ends up defying your expectations, you have little to blame but yourself. That said, if your expectations and reactions are clearly outside their understanding, and possibly not what they would want, you have an obligation to tell them. E.g. if I expect my partner to let me sleep with other people if/when they're incapable of giving me sex, that's something you'd need to hammer out on one end or another, and it would be a bit much to expect that a partner would know that without being told.

CrestfallenWolf · 2018-12-14T12:33:09+00:00

If I am allowed to do the same it's not cheating and whould not care. If I'm not allowed you are not allowed.

Unless your SO is bald in a wheel chair in a mansion with a bunch of people in spandex. Yes, talk about it with them first.

HostileErectile · 2018-12-14T17:06:01+00:00

For some it is, but most importantly it depends on what the intention is.

Mr_White119811 · 2018-12-14T06:24:43+00:00

Drinks wouldn't bother me. If some chode wants to buy other people drinks, leave em to it.

As for the grinding I wouldn't know about it. But if I did, it would depend on her reaction to me grinding against someone else.

decoy88 · 2018-12-14T06:37:53+00:00

Had this exact debate and while it would feel inappropriate if I was at the venue witnessing it, finding out after the fact wouldn’t bother me enough to break up over it. It’s still just dancing. And as long as she didn’t suck his dick afterwards I’ll be okay.

I’ve tried to get free drinks by pushing girls to accept from guys then pass them to me lol. But they don’t like doing that.

yasee · 2018-12-14T17:25:32+00:00

assuming I'm not involved then both are borderline. Not cause for a breakup but definitely a conversation. I think this is pretty well understood between me and my partner but I don't know if we've ever talked about it specifically

Title	(Discussion) Is grind-dancing cheating? How about drink buying/accepting
Author	whatyoucallaflip
Upvotes	0
Comments	96
Date	December 14, 2018 3:04 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/a60sl6/discussion_is_grinddancing_cheating_how_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/discussion-is-grind-dancing-cheating-how-about.258567 https://theredarchive.com/post/258567

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