Question 4 da boiz!

This was sparked from my own personal experience and that of my friends as well. I say “I” throughout this because it’s easier than typing “my friends and I” every single time lol

I’m very much the kind of person who has heard and listened to all the complaints of “we can’t read your mind, just tell us what you want.” So I very much became the kind of person to do just that! I’ll tell you where I want to eat. Birthday or Christmas coming up? I’ll send you my Amazon wishlist. Valentine’s Day? Let me tell you exactly my expectations (flowers, chocolate, a card, and spend time with me). If something is bothering me, you don’t even need to ask “what’s wrong” because I will tell you the moment it comes up (or the soonest appropriate time). I don’t stew or brood. I don’t blame. I don’t criticize (example: “you do X badly”). I instead express how I feel (example: “I felt really hurt when you said X”). I have absolutely no problem taking accountability, apologizing, listening and understanding, and holding space for them and their feelings.

Again, this isn’t just my one-off experience, but also every one of my friends’ as well. But each and every time we’re in a relationship, just a few months in, the guy starts to retract from all this. Example, no flowers or anything on Valentines Day. Be told I’m over communicating because he didn’t ask me what was bothering me. When asked what I want to eat, it’s now viewed as me taking over.

I’ll see way more “successful” couples with women who don’t convey any expectations but still secretly have them. “Successful” in the sense that these guys seem to be wayyy more on top of things (maybe out of worry for pissing her off?). But I see these guys doing it all- pulling out chairs at restaurants, 2 dozen roses instead of just 1, like everything they do is so above and beyond. And I would love something like that (because I also go above and beyond in relationships). But men seems to be so excited about the straightforward communication at first, but then it seems like if I don’t play mind games, it just gives them almost permission to not even do the bare minimum? Like a guy could be sweating over his girl giving him the cold shoulder, and then listening and trying to right any wrongs when she says what’s wrong. But I won’t be cold and straight up just say what’s going on, but it’ll be met with almost a “ok I don’t really care” vibe.

Basically it feels like this:

Guy: What do you want for Valentines?

Girl playing mind games: Figure it out

But for me its like:

Guy: what do you want for Valentines?

Me: Flowers and my favorite chocolates please!

Guy: oh sorry, I forgot what you said so I didn’t get anything (or just get a single rose or something clearly half-assed)

It comes across like these “mind games” keep men on their toes and without it, it feels like men become almost complacent and no longer have that fear or worry about us being happy or disappointed?

Men, what is your take on this? I personally hate mind games, as they seem super immature. But what’s going on here?