Do you value the opposite gender for their intrinsic worth and dignity? If so, could you learn to love someone who is of the opposite gender based on that?

EulenWatcher · 2025-08-19T16:29:18+00:00

What does it even mean to value the opposite gender for their intrinsic worth and dignity?

I respect human rights, but I don’t value men or women just because they’re men or women. I fell in love with my husband because he is himself and because the way he treats me makes feel loved and cherished. The way he treats me is a reflection of his personality. We started dating because we were into each other though - it took more time to actually love each other. Infatuation and love are different things.

lesliecarbone · 2025-08-19T16:33:18+00:00

I value all people "for their intrinsic worth and dignity".

KayRay1994 · 2025-08-19T16:31:02+00:00

I guess my response to this is: what’s the point?

Like even platonically we don’t love each other intrinsically, there is still the expectation of treating each other well, or at the bare minimum having fun me adhering to some agreed upon code of loyalty.

In romantic relationships this is doubly true - I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting someone of a similar lifestyle as you as you are sharing your lives with each other.

Even as conditions change, the two are staying together largely because the bond has been built and you feel something for each other. Of course, there is a breaking point, and that differs for each person, but the larger point remains the same.

Now, if you’re talking about a universal intrinsic love for humanity and life as a whole. We need more of that - but also, this does not translate to romantic or even platonic love. Like you can love people in that you want the best for them, but you can also not want anything to do with them as an individual

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-08-19T18:09:03+00:00

Valuing someone for their intrinsic worth and dignity has more to do with what rights they should have, what kind of socio-economic environment they should live in, or what kind of emotional respect they should be given. If I'm not attracted to a man, I still think that man should be treated with dignity and respect. I don't look down on men who are virgins, or men who struggle with dating. I don't treat them any differently than men who I find extremely attractive.

To equate that kind of worth to a woman's decision to be romantically involved with a man is a false equivalency. They are unrelated.

attendquoi · 2025-08-19T17:35:47+00:00

I don't think anyone has intrinsic worth or dignity. Both of those have qualifications.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-08-20T06:47:50+00:00

Well you can if you see first people as human being with their dignity. Then you can appreciate their gender

Agitated-Ad-3576 · 2025-08-21T05:03:53+00:00

Yes, I certainly care about women's intrinsic worth and dignity, for this reason I find it so sad that in some nations parents choose to abort their daughters. I think life is sacred, regardless of the person's gender. I also find it so sad that in most countries (regardless if they are "feminist" or "traditional") they send men to die in ridiculous wars.

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alwaysright0 · 2025-08-19T17:32:47+00:00

I value people for their intrinsic worth

Gender has nothing to do with it

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-08-19T18:38:28+00:00

I value people for who they are, but love isn’t blind to reality. “Intrinsic worth” doesn’t cover rent any more than it guarantees kindness or ambition.

You frame women as materialistic, but men have preferences too. If men valuing beauty isn’t “coercion,” then women valuing stability isn’t either. Everyone’s drawn to traits that make a relationship sustainable.

Loving someone for who they are means seeing the whole person, not pretending their choices, ambitions, or habits don’t matter.

harmonica2 · 2025-08-19T18:44:34+00:00

I love my gf very much and I don't feel I was pressured or coerced by society into it at all.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-08-19T18:51:09+00:00

Advanced-Ad8490 · 2025-08-19T20:17:28+00:00

Short answer is no. Even if people have intrinsic worth. They may still not be worthy of my finite time and energy. Especially if there is competition. (Reality)

You could love anyone and everyone equally (Spirituality)

The amount of love you have is limited and reserved for that special ideal partner in heart. (Romance)

JMoon33 · 2025-08-19T20:35:42+00:00

many allow something like income to be one of the biggest factors in who they choose to love

I mean, finances is one of the main cause for divorce. I'm a man but I wouldn't be with my partner if she didn't make much money or managed her money poorly.

It's easy to understand why it's a criteria for most adults.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-08-19T21:10:39+00:00

Do you value the opposite gender for their intrinsic worth and dignity? If so, could you learn to love someone who is of the opposite gender based on that?

If men did humanity would be dead long time ago.

One example is that women say that they don't want to allow society to coerce their decisions as to whom they should love.

This is the classic example of a lack of dignity and inflated sense of worth since it's only said ever when society is providing the person with things for free, to want society to provide you with things while not giving it nothing in return shows a lack of dignity.

kongeriket · 2025-08-19T21:57:32+00:00

Short answer: No. Even if I'd subscribe to the philosophy that people have intrinsic worth, that doesn't mean every single person is worthy of my time, let alone my love.

Longer answer: Life is shockingly short and most normal well-adjusted people have a "to do" list for this life which normally includes having children. Don't be fooled by terminally online extremist bubbles like Reddit - the overwhelming majority of all humans want children and correctly regard childlessness as weird (because it objectively is).

With that in mind, the number of eligible people immediately shrinks: I can't have children with men, very old and very young women as well as women who subscribe to extremist ideologies (antinatalism, leftism, feminism, etc.) - whose chosen values and behaviors intrinsically reduces their worth to me to exactly zero.

Even some men say they don't value the friendship of women without sexual acts.

Because men want sex. Breaking News!

Friendship with women is something I assign a bit of value now, when I have two kids and a well-off life. Now I can sort-of afford to fool-around and entertain some time-wasting activities like posting on Reddit or having some women friends.

But 17-18 years ago as a 23 year old who was looking for a wife and wanted children? Hell no! Finding a wife was the only reason I interacted with women.

This isn't to judge, but to ask why it is that we all seem to want what we want.

Because we're humans. We want what we want and there's nothing philosophies can do to change that.

That's why the most successful philosophies/religions don't try to change that - but rather to manage and balance things. Any philosophy that doesn't start from acknowledging reality will necessarily fail and increase the amount of misery in its path.

Barring some extreme genetic engineering advancements, the following will continue to be true for many millennia to come:

women want taller men
men want sex (4 times a week when young would be the bare minimum)
men and women want to have children (tail ends of the curve do not change the norm)
women will consider the man's ability to provide for the children (even if subconsciously)
men will consider the genetic viability of the future mother of his children (even if subconsciously)

DefiantBalls · 2025-08-19T23:00:16+00:00

You need to prove that humans have some sort of intrinsic, immutable worth before asking that question.

Commercial-Formal272 · 2025-08-20T01:40:25+00:00

First, value is subjective. Valued by whom and for what, is the question that clarifies almost all "value" based conversations.
Second, "Love" has multiple meanings and multiple connotations. The Greek language has separate words for many types of love, specifically to avoid this confusion. Sexual "love", friendship "love", romantic "love", and "love" towards our fellow humans are all different things even if they can overlap.

If you're asking for romantic "love" based on me valuing you as a fellow human, then that's gonna be a no, but I could still "love" you as a member of my species and even offer "xenia" (hospitality love).

shadowrangerfs · 2025-08-20T05:57:13+00:00

I don't even understand the question. I've always viewed people as individuals.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-08-20T14:58:23+00:00

I'll try to answer these one at a time, from my perspective, as to how both genders see it:

Why does he need to compete? Why does it excite you that he is competitive, if it does?

Because ultimately we are all competing with one another for resources and friends. There is a finite amount of wealth in the world, there is a finite amount of land, and there is a finite amount of people's time and attention, and a finite amount of people in the world who speak your language. That means that a partner who is capable of working jointly to achieve economic and social aims is valuable. And this is also true of women, not just men.

Is some coercion okay in society? (Meaning something like if you don't produce enough, you cannot eat.)

Yes. Incentive and self-preservation are powerful motivators. In the absence of that, people become lazy. There is a saying that generally goes like "Strong people produce good times. Good times produce weak people. Weak people produce difficult times. Difficult times produce strong people. And the cycle repeats." I generally believe this to be true, when you look at ebbs and flows throughout history. A life of luxury produces malaise and indolence. Socialism promises this, which is why every attempt at a socialist economy fails - because it attempts to divide an economic pie created under free markets 'equitably' (with more for the rulers of such society), but doesn't account for the fact that standard of living would diminish a significant chunk of the population's quality of life AND doesn't account for the pie shrinking when the profit motive/incentives are removed. And taken to its logical conclusion, it produces misery. This is true for anything. If everyone was gifted a $75,000/year job after graduating high school and assigned a spouse, people would be lazy and complacent. The economic pie would shrink. Relationships would be less fulfilling, if not miserable. Everything would be worse.

Even some men say they don't value the friendship of women without sexual acts. This isn't to judge, but to ask why it is that we all seem to want what we want.

The men who say this are desperate. Most of us are capable of being friends with women we are attracted to, and not attracted to. Do I enjoy an attractive friend's company a little bit more sometimes? Maybe, but it's not a big deal, and I'm not such a slave to impulse that I need to "act" on it. I'm married, my wife is insanely attractive, and I'd never want to hurt her by being unfaithful. But OTOH, if someone is a fun, awesome human being, why wouldn't I want them in my life in some capacity? Fun, awesome human beings also tend to hang out with other fun, awesome human beings, so it opens the door to the possibility of meeting more fun, awesome human beings. Approaching life that way is more fulfilling than "chasing" every attractive woman and getting upset if they don't reciprocate interest. Just be upfront about your intentions, and if you get rejected, it's okay to still be friends with them as long as there's actually something there to base a friendship off of. If there isn't, it's valid to say that and move on. But then, why did you want to date them in the first place? I mean, maybe a casual hookup, but...why date someone you can't be friends with? All a girlfriend really is, is a best friend where you both want to fuck each other's brains out, then spend time together before and after doing normal stuff. All a spouse is, is that plus wanting the same things out of life and believing you're more likely to attain them by working together.

What does it mean to choose to love someone?

It means you value their well-being equal to your own. It means you want them to be happy, even if it's not with you. It means that if someone better on paper came along, you'd stay faithful if you committed If you hadn't committed, you'd be upfront to try to minimize the harm in what will be painful regardless. It means you'll do everything to end on good terms, you'll consider the other person's wishes, and you'll always treat them with respect and dignity.

Is it healthier or even possible to learn to love someone based their inherent being more than the image or persona they present to us?

No, the two are intertwine and are part of who the person is as a whole.

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-08-19T18:19:01+00:00

Intrinsic worth and dignity are not tied to sexual attraction. 🙄

Do you think that you could become gay by teaching yourself to do that?

Rockerway · 2025-08-19T17:22:35+00:00

I think I do. There is something inherently captivating about women for me. Obviously the women I’ve been in love with I found even more captivating than usual lol, but love is inexplicable. I’ve never ‘learned’ to love a woman and don’t really know what that means.

MisterFunnyShoes · 2025-08-20T01:26:52+00:00

Other people are NPC’s unless they’re friends or family. Why would anyone “value” strangers? I don’t believe anyone who says they do.

S0yslut · 2025-08-19T21:26:05+00:00

I do not believe women in mass are choosing money over real love. That would require giving up on the possibility of true happiness for greed and that is not something most women are capable of doing. There are qualities outside of financial stability they love about the men they are with which is why those men get selected and other rich men don’t..

Likewise men wanting to have sex with women doesn’t mean they don’t value women. You guys give too much power to the opinions of of bitter losers. Stop. Normal people are not sexist and value others.

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