Does flirting really attract women or is it overrated by PUAs and other "game masters" ?

petrichordium · 2019-01-11T16:53:03+00:00

You need to realize you probably see a lot of this through a non neurotypical lens and realize that flirting is usually just an organic and pleasurable way people suss out their compatibility and mutual interest without being grimly direct and killing the mood. Just because it would be more convenient to you if humans did stuff like walk up and say “do you find me attractive? Would you like to pursue sexual congress” doesn’t mean that’s how humans do it.

Think about it more like dancing. Yes the individual steps of a formal dance can be broken down into steps, but whether or not a girl deems you a good dancer is a different question than whether you are putting your feet in the correct location every minute.

Basically you need the humility to realize you’re kind of blind or lacking facility in a very common human process, and think of that as something internal you need to deal with. It’s you, not other people.m

Edit: also, flirting = / = negging. Negging is an overly formal name for one thing that happens in flirting and some girls respond to different levels of that kind of TEASING better than others. Flirting is the macro process of sussing out what KIND of teasing, compliments, etc work well with someone.

SpaceWhiskey · 2019-01-11T19:59:12+00:00

You seem to be confusing flirting and pick-up lines. I’ve always interpreted flirting as improvisational and it demonstrates that you’re witty, quick-thinking, that you have the social courage to engage with people you don’t know very well. Flirting shows you’re charming, smart, brave. Pick-up lines are often the opposite of that; memorized, canned, prepared ahead of time and rarely actually used naturally or correctly. Pick-up lines are an attempt to capture what flirty people can pull of naturally, and the fakeness is offputting.

mwait · 2019-01-11T17:30:56+00:00

Women loved to be teased by attractive men. Not that stupid negging bs... But light hearted teasing. Its just back and forth banter. It communicates that you're interested in her, that you have a sense of humor, and that you just plain "get it". It builds sexual tension. Banter and flirting is the foundation of building interest between two people.

If you aren't having luck flirting you're either doing it wrong or the woman is way out of your league.

blackedoutfast · 2019-01-11T21:22:01+00:00

it's not supposed to be absolutely logical or intuitive to completely inexperienced and/or autistic guys like yourself, that's literally the whole point. women have evolved to be attracted to and aroused by guys who are good at flirting because it filters out all the low quality potential mating partners who don't understand flirting and sperg out like a confused robot.

HonestyOverCivility · 2019-01-11T21:37:41+00:00

Flirting is just a socially acceptable way to tell someone that you’re interested in them romantically or sexually. Accordingly, it’s hard to be romantically/sexually involved with someone if you don’t flirt

NullOverLoad · 2019-01-11T16:59:50+00:00

As much as my own experiences say "PUA is 100% legit". I know my own situation was not that of a complete social inept. So I cant actually say that.

If you are already able to speak to women and have had relationships. Then sure PUA may add a couple of extra tweaks and make somethings become clearer. It also has plenty of exercises for improving confidence.

But all this needs a foundation to work.

Before I jumped into the PUA Rabbit Hole, I had already had relationships and ONS's. So I was not a complete social retard. For me it was just recognising IOI's and getting into a sociable state.

But I have seen guys who have never had a relationship before in their life and are virgins and to be honest, it probably does more harm than good. As they have no reference experiences and are unable to calibrate to themselves, so they take everything literally.

reluctantly_red · 2019-01-11T21:22:58+00:00

Flirting has never worked for me. Leaning against the wall drinking a beer and looking as mean as possible seems to work. Women are strange creatures.

LobsterOmelette · 2019-01-11T16:58:24+00:00

Flirting is a way of conveying attraction or sexual intent.

The only way flirting is going to "attract" a girl (well, me, at least) is if it's done in a very elegant way which demonstrates intelligence and confident, playful character. Much easier said than done.

Other than that the idea that conveying sexual intent (flirting) is going to "attract" a girl is total BS.

[deleted] · 2019-01-12T02:00:38+00:00

Flirting only works if they are already physically attracted to you. Period. Guys who try and 'spit game' are fucking pathetic

kandyapplez · 2019-01-12T01:50:07+00:00

Flirting is how people who are already attracted to each other communicate that, not a way to spark attraction

VAOTOMARNOCU · 2019-01-11T19:49:11+00:00

Flirting isn't attractive per se, but (if done right) it shows social acuity and comfort with one's own sexuality, which are 2 attractive traits

TriadFamilyTimes · 2019-01-11T20:15:54+00:00

Ok, first, no. Flirting as an action exists in context and it is the context that arouses a woman (or man) generally. Flirting is seen as like an action that generates a response and that's horse shit. Flirting is communication same as anything else and if the person you are communicating with isn't into you, they aren't into you.

Now, flirting like many forms of communication can be used to communicate things that will arouse a woman. If she already likes you, communicating that you are also attracted to her will generate a response. If she has never thought about you that way, flirting will get her to start, but it's up to her what response comes after.

Alpha is about your attitude not your approach. I draw people in with laughs. Laughter is a great way to disarm someone and get them to relax. It's a great way to lead the room. There are plenty of other ways, being a cut up is one of mine.

You asked if women's judgment gets clouded by flirting. Not in the slightest. Your appearance, your accent, your eye contact, things she knows about you, fantasies she's had about you, THOSE might cloud her judgment while you flirt, but the flirting itself is just communication.

tnais · 2019-01-11T20:24:44+00:00

IMO, if you're an alpha you don't do that. You're just yourself and you believe you're good enough to attract people on your "primary" assets, not on your ability to make a pun with every girl's name.

That sounds nice in theory but how’s that working out for you in reality? You’re sort of coming off as someone who doesn’t have a sense of humor, or doesn’t enjoy being playful. If that’s the case, then you better be extremely interesting if you’re unwilling to have some fun, lighthearted conversation

Gravel_Roads · 2019-01-11T21:08:47+00:00

Flirting is just verbal banter. It’s supposed to be fun, like play or dance. It’s very YMMV in terms of effectiveness - I get accused of flirting sometimes just by being playful and smiling a lot lol. Kinda demonstrates that to most people, flirting just means “being fun to talk to.” It helps in attracting... well, people that enjoy talking to you. Sometimes, these people like talking to you enough that they want to do it again.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-01-11T21:38:23+00:00

Successful flirting makes people feel wanted, people like to feel wanted.

fuckdr11 · 2019-01-12T04:01:55+00:00

She decides whether she's attracted to you or not long before you start to flirt.

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sadomasochrist · 2019-01-11T19:08:48+00:00

High socialization plays a large part to arousal but it isn't a golden bullet.

[deleted] · 2019-01-11T21:55:20+00:00

The specific example you give sounds like negging. So it might seem off or rude. Flirting is basically indicating interest in someone, and being a bit mean to someone in a playful way is textbook flirting. It does work quite a lot of the time but that might be just because it's a flirting signal that's old as the hills. Like touching someone is.

When I was younger I had a mindset perhaps a little bit like yours, I'd aim to get to know the girl in a friendly way without any flirting. And usually, you end up as friends. There has to be an indication that you are interested in the other person sexually in order to get things from A to B and flirting is probably the best way to take steps.

So it might help to see things better from your side. How do you try and show interest and does it tend to work?

[deleted] · 2019-01-11T22:33:20+00:00

From my experience (my experience seeing other people do it), flirting and maintaining a social circle of attractive women who all enjoy your company is the best way for any average looking guy to get a lot of sex from a variety of good looking girls. The PUA model of flirting is creepy to most women, especially when applied by the hordes of desperate, socially-inept men who perform it badly. Actual, casual flirting by socially-capable men works very well, on the other hand. Women like charming men, and if you're able to build a social circle of attractive girls that enjoy your company, eventually you can end up fucking most of them. You have to really like being around women though, and really enjoy talking to them to actually develop a natural ability to flirt.

verticordia · 2019-01-12T03:01:44+00:00

Most women don't feel comfortably initiating flirting unless they are very in tune with their femininity, and need the man to initiate. Most men are like, sexless blobs until they make themselves out to be otherwise and actually put themselves into the category of "sexual/romantic option".

It's kind of like, yeah most women know most men want to fuck them, but we don't really Know, until you tell us. Flirting makes you seem interesting and differentiates you from all the guys that act like fortnite playing virgins.

Xemnas81 · 2019-01-12T04:27:34+00:00

Following fellow denizen of the aspie master race

throwawayhouseissue1 · 2019-01-12T06:19:53+00:00

Look man, I don't think you understand flirting. Flirting is NOT making a pun with the girl's name. Flirting is communicating on a different level, it is playful and light teasing. If done right, it increases her attraction to you significantly because you're communicating that you understand her and aren't scared of her and you desire her. Add in a little bit of playful touching, like ask to see some jewelry on her wrist or a ring, and gently hold her hand. Flirting is playful and communicates you want her without using any of those words. It is like plausible deniability and it is speaking a different language that women understand and connect with really well.

CatchPhraze · 2019-01-12T06:31:00+00:00

Humor is sexy, some flirting involves humor. Teasing is fun, some flirting involves being teased.

If you are fun to be around and have proven it, that is a huge plus to like almost all but the most serious people. It won't turn an unattractive guy into a hottie, but it will give men your on the fence about a chance.

wtffellification · 2019-01-12T07:14:56+00:00

I don't flirt. At least not intentionally. I just look at whatever I'm interested in and try to be as open about it as possible

Whodunnit88 · 2019-01-12T10:45:46+00:00

flirting is a sick joke thought up by dishonest people.

hurupu · 2019-01-12T13:30:27+00:00

PUA is for guys who look decent but are too beta or lack game.

If you're a soft-spoken guy, with ~30% body fat and beta or autistic behaviors, PUA WON'T WORK for you.

To have PUA work, you have to look AT LEAST as good as Neil Strauss did back in 2006-2007.

That means shave the fat, but most importantly, SHAVE THE GUT.
A bulging gut is one of the worst rated features by all women (yes even obese women don't want to date men with a gut).
Go to a doctor, find out what you need to change in your diet to get rid of it and start cutting.

After you start looking slim and fit you can start worrying about how to approach women, what to say.

You could be the most suave man and women will still see you as a piece of lard articulating words.

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-01-11T16:51:36+00:00

"really ? i'm sure you're a mean receptionnist, haha jk".

Yes, teasing women works. Don't take it too far, but far enough to knock her off her pedestal a little. She wants to see you as an equal at least and oftentimes she wants to see you as her superior.

gblyeti · 2019-01-12T02:44:57+00:00

A really good pua knows what he is doing. I saw a pua school and their coaches had to prove they could do it. The test was to go to a bar and then the potential coach had to pick up an attractive women and have her ready to leave with him within 30 minutes. They could do that almost every time. They were decently attractive mainly from dressing right but nothing special. Some were below average height. 8's mostly. They relied on a lot of skills but flirting was one of the main ones.

KikiYuyu · 2019-01-11T18:09:33+00:00

People aren't all the same. Some women like it, some don't. There aren't any easy answers.

Title	Does flirting really attract women or is it overrated by PUAs and other "game masters" ?
Author	InteractiveYu
Upvotes	7
Comments	42
Date	January 11, 2019 4:45 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/aex7fs/does_flirting_really_attract_women_or_is_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-flirting-really-attract-women-or-is-it.257877 https://theredarchive.com/post/257877

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