How do you feel about your potential spouse/LTR pursuing a full time career for herself?

kyjolski · 2022-04-10T20:49:04+00:00

If it's a question to those who prefer a SAHM, then the answers should be obvious - pursuing a full time career will not be that.

juicyfruit206 · 2022-04-10T20:52:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-04-10T20:43:52+00:00

My wife and I have a 2 year old, and she is finishing her Master's currently, and works full time (remote) as well. I encourage her to finish her degree.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-04-10T21:46:01+00:00

Yes please, I want to respect my partner and have an equal contributor to household income.. what if I get hit by a bus?

krischens · 2022-04-10T21:12:10+00:00

Where I grew up I didn't know anyone who's a SAHM. Maybe in really well-off faimilies someone could afford to do that. I wouldn't want to be together with someone who wants to be just a SAHM.

mmm_try_again12345 · 2022-04-10T20:49:06+00:00

It would make me cautious. I was lucky because my wife had 2 yr degree and a job in that field when we met, but made it very clear that after marriage, she would never intentionally put off having kids for the sake of her job, and would even quit entirely if it was financially doable.

I think more people should think this way, and should think twice before pursuing one that requires enough schooling to put them in debt well into their 30s. We’re fooled into thinking that our greatest accomplishments are what we do in our careers...but the truth is that 99% of our careers really don’t matter.

Too many people put off family, and real meaningful lasting experiences so they can be a walking spreadsheet factory for a company that would replace them in a second.

NockerJoe · 2022-04-10T20:54:27+00:00

For most couples having a stay at home parent just isn't terribly realistic. Unless they're working part time at or near minimum wage the fact is that them not working will mean a signifigant lifestyle drop for all parties involved and a lot more hardship.

DrinkItInMan11 · 2022-04-10T23:02:15+00:00

I don't really care, if she wants to pursue a big career that's her choice. I don't really care about how much money a woman makes.

jsmooth3363 · 2022-04-10T23:26:14+00:00

I consider it to be admirable and I think it's important for the family. I read that a mother's educational status is a predictor for a child's educational status, but a father's educational status has a lesser assoication. Therefore, it has signifcant relevance in the children's success. I support it.

But being mother and raising children is a full time job. I wouldn't want her career to put so much stress on her that she subconciously begins to value career more than family. Also, the debt associated with the advanced degree should be taken into consideration. Going into high debt imo >$50,000 may not be worth it unless it a highly specific skill i.e. doctor, lawyer, engineer. I think her option for part time work is the best case scenario.

wtknight · 2022-04-10T23:26:54+00:00

That sounds fine to me. I want my spouse to be happy with what she is doing with her life. It's never fun living with a spouse who is not happy.

MrMushySauce · 2022-04-11T00:32:07+00:00

I have no preference whatsoever beyond "don't be unaffordable" (either through debt or spending habits) and "don't be incapable" (you should be able to do something financially useful if required)

Jakes1967 · 2022-04-11T07:19:54+00:00

How do you feel about your potential spouse/LTR pursuing a full time career for herself?

Brilliant, my wife is an established scientist.

Grappleheart · 2022-04-11T10:30:27+00:00

I think remote work has made me increasingly comfortable with my partner pursuing a career.

Lakeyute · 2022-04-11T12:58:40+00:00

being a sahm in 2022 isn’t realistic or a good decision for the majority of people..

Dual high incomes = the house getting paid off faster, not having to worry about money, you don’t have to make sacrifices over cheapness vs quality, you can afford to send your kids to good trainers/teachers a whatever hobby or sport they’re interested in, you can afford vacations, and most importantly you’ll have more money to spend on yourself.

We both work, we both clean, we both contribute half to the mortgage and monthly expenses, and to the joint savings account,

Play_Muted · 2022-04-10T20:57:03+00:00

I dont care but my advice would be she should only do the job she enjoys and not do it for the money.

ogsimpology · 2022-04-10T21:43:53+00:00

Good, she wouldn't be with me without it. What are we? In the middle ages? She needs a full time job.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2022-04-10T20:52:07+00:00

Clearly I was fine with it, because we started dating in college and she finished her undergrad in 2.5 years total. I'd only ever want to be a in a relationship with someone that's from a similar-ish background and equally educated/accomplished as I am.

I see zero downside to becoming more educated for the most part, and when it comes to career, the one thing I am always adamant about for myself is work-life balance, and I'm always cognizant of how my girlfriend's balance is as well.

Tbh, I'd be more pissed about either of us having a long commute than actually working full time. Commutes are literally the most useless thing for any job that can be done remotely. For my current job, they've started to request we go into office 2x/week (optional for now). I'm gonna milk the optional portion of that as long as possible then switch projects if this current one starts to require it, since my commute would be 1.5 hours each way. I can deal with work and maintaining a relationship even if one of us has a lot on their plate. I can't deal with work + a 3 hour commute + relationship maintenance without one slipping.

OkConcentrateNow · 2022-04-10T21:11:34+00:00

All I ask for is a reasonable work-life balance, like 40 hrs work weeks and no more, in those 40 hrs she could be a librarian, an engineer, a surgeon, or anything else she loves to do.

TP_Crisis_2020 · 2022-04-11T05:47:07+00:00

My partner being on a level to pursue higher education and a good career would carry the highest level of admiration in my eyes.

Maybe it's because I've been unfortunate enough to primarily end up dating high school diploma single moms struggling to make ends meet at low skill jobs and having to always financially carry the relationship. But I would LOVE to be with someone who was educated and had either motivation or skills to make something of themselves and not have to be dependent on me. In fact, I think it would be awesome if she out earned me so that I wouldn't have to be in yet another relationship where I'm expected to be the breadwinner.

Easteuroblondie · 2022-04-19T17:40:08+00:00

It’s so important that everyone gets on the same page about this: this question is irrelevant today for 95% of people. Most household require dual incomes. Even then, many struggle.

The question now is, how do we adjust given this paradigm shift?

Barely-moral · 2022-04-10T22:24:14+00:00

For those of you who want children and prefer your wife/girlfriend be a SAHM

Not the case, I still want my partner not to work.

How do you factor it in to the equation if they are pursuing a degree in a field that will potentially keep them very busy in the future?

I don't date people that want to dedicate that much time to a job/career.

This mostly pertains to someone who’s still in school, not actively involved in the career yet. Or maybe they are working toward a masters or doctoral level degree.

Incompatible. I want my partner to dedicate enough time to the relationship.

Do you view a woman who’s in school to be admirable? Or does it make you cautious that they could be torn between career and family in the future?

Admirable. Just... not a good partner. 8 hours to sleep 8+hours for a career, then we add the need for "me time"+ other responsibilities and there are not enough hours in the day to dedicate to the relationship.

What about the aspect of her carrying student debt into your relationship?

I don't care. I can pay for those. But I want her time.

ShortDiscount7262 · 2022-04-10T21:55:07+00:00

Men don’t factor a woman’s career into attractiveness at all.

Virtually no old people wish they spent more time working. Virtually every old person wishes they spent more time with their spouse and children.

Lower-Ticket-4899 · 2022-04-11T09:00:15+00:00

Sure women are all heroic super people sent down by God. They're all fucking goddesses.

Which is great. Cos now I expect my women to fucking bear my fucking child and pay half the fucking mortgage and bills.

Female independence is the best thing that's happened to men.

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MarBitt · 2022-04-10T21:37:44+00:00

In my country, it may be beneficial to have a well-paid job before she becomes pregnant, because she will have 70% of income for 6 months as maternity leave, before fixed parental allowance begins (typically for 2-3 years, 5 years with two fildren in row). Good companies add something extra to this money from the state. In addition, studying at university is free.

I don't understand how you even manage to start families with student debts and without any support.

purplish_possum · 2022-04-10T23:28:06+00:00

If a woman doesn't pursue a full-time career she's not marriage material. I'm all for equality. Equality means I expect just as much from her as I do from myself. Everyone works.

Nice-Trash-6968 · 2022-04-11T00:04:19+00:00

I would actually encourage my ltr partner to pursue a career or atleast work part time somewhere. The mid life crisis hits very hard and very different to stay at home spouse. I also don't want her to blame me or in worse case scenario our child for her sacrificed career.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-04-11T00:37:25+00:00

I live in NYC and have a mortgage. Why wouldn't I want my spouse working?

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-04-11T00:53:25+00:00

For those of you who want children and prefer your wife/girlfriend be a SAHM: How do you factor it in to the equation if they are pursuing a degree in a field that will potentially keep them very busy in the future?

I mean she wouldn't factor into the future then I'm assuming? Those two things are indirect conflict of each other

StarchRunner · 2022-04-11T01:06:05+00:00

I don't even care about careers about myself, got out of that worthless hollow bullshit at 30, why should I care if my girl has one?

What about the aspect of her carrying student debt into your relationship?

Yeah, she's carrying that on her own. Heard too many time a guy pay it off and so was she, gone with the wind.

Kstand22tv · 2022-04-11T03:18:35+00:00

I’d prefer part time to SAHM. Only because i understand how hard it is to make it in the dc metro area.

That being said, I’d relocate to make the SAHM / part-time lifestyle work. If we can live comfortably, why add more stress by working more? To get more things and bills? Happiness isn’t going to come from a career at the end of the day.

Carloverguy20 · 2022-04-11T03:40:01+00:00

For me thats okay. In this day and age, solely relying on one income isnt doable anymore, and either one or two of us has to pursue a full-time career, if it means that I might work less hours than she does than thats okay.

SeaSquirrel · 2022-04-11T04:21:02+00:00

See flair

Lollerinos1000 · 2022-04-11T13:52:00+00:00

There aren't many first world countries where it could be possible to live with a single income. And women want it all so it's beyond expected that she has a full time career.

midwesternMD · 2022-04-11T18:23:43+00:00

I’m a man who is indifferent to whether she wants to be a SAHM or a dual income shared parenting household.

I think that if she’s pursuing a degree/career while dating, all she’s really doing is hedging against the likelihood that she won’t find a man capable of supporting a SAHM and is preparing for a dual income situation.

I don’t think pursuing a degree/career will make her torn between motherhood/work. I think the reality of those roles and her relative happiness in them will quickly make that decision for her.

As for her student loan debt, I’m 50/50. That which she accrues before we meet is her responsibility, but if she falls short, I’d potentially be on the hook. I’d mainly keep an eye on how large the balance is/how valuable the degree might be. As it stands, I’m expecting to set aside 250-500k for potential kids’ college funds. What’s another few hundred k?

That said, I’m privileged in that I earn a very healthy income. I imagine that I’d have much stronger feelings if I were earning closer to the average household income.

Shredddz · 2022-04-11T22:08:12+00:00

Its a deal breaker. I have goals for my life and one of them is having a family and passing on my achievements and knowledge to give it a meaning beyond my death. In order to have that, I need a women who does everything in her power to help me with that, which is obedience and spending the optimal amount of time on me and the family. she needs to be completely devoted to that idea to be worth being provided for, not any less effort than I put in for that common goal. Since male female relationships and children need female nurturing to develop healthy and keep it functioning, a career women makes that impossible. She is essentially saying she does not value family and children, because she puts career first, because its either family or career for women. If she wants career, she fundamentally does not want what I want and is almost certainly selfish, has leftist brainwashing going on and is confused and poisoned against me and men in general, otherwise she would not want to have a career. so any commitment is pointless.

Title	How do you feel about your potential spouse/LTR pursuing a full time career for herself?
Author	juicyfruit206
Upvotes	17
Comments	70
Date	April 10, 2022 8:34 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/u0qdst/how_do_you_feel_about_your_potential_spouseltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-you-feel-about-your-potential-spouseltr.1110436 https://theredarchive.com/post/1110436

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