On double standards - why is it considered hypocrisy if a promiscuous man is more attracted to women with low partner counts, but it's acceptable for a poor woman to be more attracted to wealthy men?

buartha · 2015-01-25T14:21:20+00:00

Why is it acceptable for a less wealthy woman to want a wealthy man, for a shorter woman to want a taller man, but there's outcry and condemnation if a promiscuous man wants a more conservative woman?

For a start, I'm not really convinced that it is socially acceptable for poorer women to go after rich men. 'Gold-digger' isn't really a term of endearment, and women who do that sort of thing tend to be seen as vapid and materialistic.

As for the not wanting to date people with a high partner count thing, part of the objection to 'I would prefer not to date women with high partner counts' is that it's often justified with things like 'because they're not loyal/ smart/ sane,' so when someone says the first thing, it's often assumed that they think the second, perhaps unfairly in a lot of cases.

Personally, I don't really care that about people's preferences in that regard as long as they don't presume to know everything about someone's moral character from the number of people they've slept with. If you feel squicky about something, just admit it, don't try to rationalize it.

Also,

I've often seen come up here as well as in places like r/relationships is that it's OK for a man to prefer women with lower partner counts, so long as he applies that same standard to himself and keeps his partner count low

I think the rationale behind that is more that a woman with a low partner count would often rather be with a man with an equally low partner count, not that a man has to do that morally. Sexually conservative people who are so by choice tend to prefer to couple with people similar to them.

Petticoat_Rule · 2015-01-25T13:53:24+00:00

but there's outcry and condemnation if a promiscuous man wants a more conservative woman?

No. There's condemnation if the man goes around calling promiscuous women sluts (or any woman with a partner count greater than O really) and putting them down, all for doing exactly the same thing he is.

Other than that, he can do as he pleases and marry who he please. No condemnation.

friendlylooking · 2015-01-25T19:21:35+00:00

A promiscuous man wants a conservative woman because he is full of fear and has bad self esteem. He's worried he won't measure up to her previous lovers and that if he doesn't treat her well enough, she'll leave him. ALL OF THIS IS FROM FEAR ON THE PART OF THE MAN, and anything that comes from fear is bad.

If a man values a top notch sexual experience, then he'll want an experienced woman. This is more aligned with a woman who wants a wealthier man, because more wealth equals more adventure (same as more sexual knowledge). The desire for a wealthy man doesn't come out of fear.

AFormidableContender · 2015-01-25T14:40:41+00:00

Mostly because men having any standard by which to qualify women is seen as viscerally offensive. Women can qualify for pretty much anything and be venerated typically.

hereImadethisforyou · 2015-01-25T18:17:02+00:00

Sex isn't money, and preferences are preferences - you just kind of have them.

esayer · 2015-01-25T18:57:16+00:00

I've never met a wealthy man I've liked. They are mostly narcissistic aholes. I went to Notre Dame and met a ton of guys who would eventually grow up to be very wealthy. The only guys I liked there were the stoners. My best guy friends turned out to be a very successful band, Umphrey's McGee. 40 now and still dating poor guys, which is just fine for me. Glad I didn't fall into the marriage/kids/suburbs life.

OfSpock · 2015-01-25T20:31:22+00:00

I think lazy poor women who think rich men will be lucky to get them are looked down upon. Another difference is that being poor is not very enjoyable, whereas having lots of sex is. The poor woman wanting a rich man could be argued to have high standards for a hard-working man while not lifting a finger herself, but she can't be argued to be enjoying herself while looking for someone who isn't. (edit: actually she can. edit: not that all poor people are lazy... nevermind) The slut could be argued to be enjoying themselves while looking for someone who is sacrificing sexual pleasure in order to remain chaste.

Aerobus · 2015-01-25T13:37:46+00:00

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Society does not care about men. Society says "fuck you" to a man who expresses his desires. Feminism has instructed females that they are allowed to ask for and receive whatever it is that they want, and the females have told those men that they need to shut up and just say "yes" to whatever it is that they get.

Just the other day a man on r/sex replied to a woman, who, at the age of 20 already had a partner count of 70+. He said something along the lines of "your partner count is a huge turn off. I would not date you" (not verbatim).

While that comment received many upvotes, since reddit's demographic is primarily male and free speech is tolerated (mostly), you want to know what one of the replies was? It was someone who called him out on being a red piller and said "edit 2: he's a redpiller. Case closed" The person insinuated that he was a misogynist (because that is what reddit believes TRP to be) simply for having a opinion about who he wants to date.

II

In the history of the world--both western and eastern societies--, women have been instructed to marry up, and coupled with the biological drive of hypergamy, women succeed in doing so and are lauded for it. No such praise exists for a man who marries down, marries his equal, or marries up. In fact, if a man was marrying up, chances are the woman in question would be gossiped about and looked down upon for marrying down.

III

Feminists want female superiority. They want the top 20% of men to give them their AF, and then they want the next 30% to be their (rich) BB. They don't want any of the top 50% to set standards that they must adhere to, and they certainly don't want them to have any dealbreakers that could disqualify them from getting married to them. They want to be accepted for the obese man-hating slobs they are.

namae_nanka · 2015-01-25T16:18:29+00:00

One of the criticisms I've seen is, have the preference but don't preach it to others lest they adopt it too and the bad juju of society against makes madonnas out of women.

SirNemesis · 2015-01-25T17:59:31+00:00

There is a clear double standard in what they choose to call a double standard.

RareBlur · 2015-01-26T06:08:41+00:00

shhh.. women who only want quality relationships don't want "players" don't tell anyone though because it seems to be a secret.

NataliyaKochergova · 2015-01-29T13:55:28+00:00

None of this is a double standard, really. It's just preferences. It only becomes a double standard if the person makes a moral judgement, instead of just stating a preference. If you're, for example, a fat person who only dates skinnies, go for it I guess (if you can pull it off). But if this person calls skinnies "unfair/evil/discriminatory" for not choosing them, then it's a double standard.

masterrod · 2015-01-25T16:08:27+00:00

Who's out crying about this?

YetAnotherCommenter · 2015-01-26T01:40:39+00:00

Why is it acceptable for a less wealthy woman to want a wealthy man, for a shorter woman to want a taller man, but there's outcry and condemnation if a promiscuous man wants a more conservative woman?

Because in our society, we see a woman's happiness as the primary indicator of a successful relationship ("happy wife, happy life").

Ergo, priority 1 is What She Wants.

Its also because we teach women from day one that they're (effectively) entitled to become princesses and marry their prince. This implies double standards (he must be a prince, she need not be).

But, and here's an important fact; to mainstream gender roles this is not hypocrisy per se. Mainstream gender roles ascribe women an innate value simply for being women, but judge men on the basis of their accomplishments and actions. Women are innately special and precious - ergo their 'double standard' demands are really just (by traditional gender role logic) demands for a partner of equal, worthy value.

For a man to demand things of the woman (any things) violates this basic logic. It's an example of a beggar trying to be a chooser.

EDIT: Why the hell was this downvoted? Its a legitimate attempt to answer the question. It isn't an attempt to say that this thought process is rational or valid or okay! Its merely an attempt to explain what that thought process is.

VarsitySlutTeamCpt · 2015-01-25T19:01:52+00:00

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Title	On double standards - why is it considered hypocrisy if a promiscuous man is more attracted to women with low partner counts, but it's acceptable for a poor woman to be more attracted to wealthy men?
Author	changeview23212
Upvotes	17
Comments	100
Date	January 25, 2015 1:14 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2tm09v/on_double_standards_why_is_it_considered/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/on-double-standards-why-is-it-considered-hypocrisy.283708 https://theredarchive.com/post/283708

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