Preselection is BS.

Temporary-Flight-192 · 2025-06-21T01:42:09+00:00

I’m not flirting with a guy my good friend is crushing on.

Present-Interest-975 · 2025-06-21T00:52:14+00:00

I have no idea what preselection is, I can't speak on that. I just want to speak, as a former teenage girl who hung out with other teenage girls, and say that a lot of girls will try to avoid being interested in someone that their friends are into. This does not necessarily mean the girls you like like you or dislike you deep down inside, it's just a thing.

When I knew that my friends liked a guy, it was like an X appeared over his face. Even if I'd found him cute before, it was just my adherence to girl-code. My current boyfriend was one such case funnily enough - I thought he was cute when I first met him, I learned within an hour that one of my friends had liked him for ages, I removed him as a possibility until she started dating a different guy and I started talking to him more. On the other hand, there was a guy that my friend liked who asked me out after she started dating someone else, and I didn't reciprocate. It doesn't mean she's necessarily denying feelings she has.

rando_dud · 2025-06-20T23:09:54+00:00

Might it be you who is not attracted to the women who show easy interest?

There is a common thread in these interactions..

The-Devilz-Advocate · 2025-06-20T23:59:58+00:00

If “preselection” is real, and girls are supposed to be more attracted to guys they know other girls want

Preselection only works if you have demonstrated you can pull a girl.
Preselection doesn't supersede a guy's neediness to a specific girl. I knew a guy in high school that every girl in our class had a crush on, but he was so hyper-fixated on a girl from an entirely different class, that his neediness outshone everything else. Dude was getting massively curved along by that girl, and he still continued to try to court her.

MongoBobalossus · 2025-06-20T23:09:45+00:00

Preselection only really works after you’ve demonstrated you can pull a girl, not before.

AppearanceKey8663 · 2025-06-20T23:13:50+00:00

If one girl in the group has a crush on you then her friend isn't going to deliberately hurt her to date you. Especially if you aren't her first choice. Girls spend way more time and energy talking about this stuff than guy friends. They both hope you take the hint and ask the friend out.

ChicoBrillo · 2025-06-20T23:16:17+00:00

COuld be that the friend spoke up about it and now the one you like doesn't want to make her friend jealous. Happens all the time

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-06-21T07:25:11+00:00

It's about social intelligence and friendship preservation. When a girl has a crush on someone, generally all her friends new it. Making them step back if they find their friendship more benefical than having a bf (which is often the case)

shadowrangerfs · 2025-06-21T09:36:21+00:00

Those women are loyal to their friends. They aren't going after you because they know their friend likes you. It doesn't mean they don't find you attractive.

UnluckyStartingStats · 2025-06-21T01:59:54+00:00

It's not a guarantee just increases your chances

Melodic_Structure928 · 2025-06-20T23:19:29+00:00

I mean preselection doesn’t mean that every single breeding women will like you specifically. especially after you mentioned that plenty do already which is probably much better then your shorter and less attrative peers. so there’s your answer. The girls you like are ether taken, have slighty different tastes or are very shy and your misreading signals.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-06-20T23:59:06+00:00

Preselection is a rule with exceptions*

There you go.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-06-21T03:51:29+00:00

Preselection is a factor but it's not the only factor and in ur cases it's not the biggest factor it's actually one of the smaller factors.

toasterchild · 2025-06-21T18:39:26+00:00

Get away from this toxic shit and learn how to casually flirt and banter. You have no reasons to be here, this place will get in your head in a bad way.

EugeneCezanne · 2025-06-21T20:37:18+00:00

I’m an 18 year old man

You probably don't have enough experience. This is not a personal attack: it's a critique of the methodology used to form your conclusions. You're talking about only a few years, and you're mostly talking about literal children. That's not a big or representative sample of the dating world.

What you're describing could be a series of coincidences, like Steph Curry going 2-for-17 against the Lakers that one time. Even a high probability of success is still only a probability. Or it could be some product of your social environment, which--fresh out of high school--is very small and niche in ways you don't realize yet.

is preselection more of a myth rather than reality?

No, it's real. It's a natural result of the way our brains work. It just isn't a garauntee. Nothing truly is. Handsome guys face rejection. Rich guys face rejection. Powerful and high-status guys face rejection. Even if 99% of women worship the ground you walk on, you might be attracted to the 1% who don't. Life is probabilistic--dating life is no exception.

Puzzleheaded_ghost · 2025-06-22T00:02:55+00:00

Preselection is real. It's well established. Something more is going on.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-06-23T08:14:17+00:00

shouldn’t the one I like be more into me, not less?

Statistics are about populations not about individuals. The average value for the population of women of being into you increases, when other, attractive women show that they are into you, and the population of women can observe that. It does not say anything aboutj a specific woman's interest in you. She might even be less interested in you, because she is insecure and cannot deal with competition for the man she is interested in, and rather leaves the field to other women.

SnooCats37 · 2025-06-20T23:15:44+00:00

You’re 18, I wouldn’t be coming on this sub looking for advice or anything that actually makes sense. There are some really bitter people on here who have very biased opinions that make them feel better.

Maybe the girl you’re into isn’t acting that bothered because all of her friends are crushing on you and it would be weird to join in. It would certainly put me right off

dyinaintmuchofalivin · 2025-06-20T23:47:01+00:00

You’re 18 years old. That’s basically like being a high school freshman all over again - attractive women are mostly out of the question. Have patience and wait a few years. If everything you said about yourself is true, you’ll do well with the ladies when you’re a few years older.

Tweezers666 · 2025-06-20T23:08:35+00:00

If you make a move on the friend, the one you like will all of a sudden be more interested in you.

qwertyuduyu321 · 2025-06-20T23:10:23+00:00

This is very wishy washy...

We don't know what you look like; all we have is hearsay...

We don't know how the women you actively pursue look like...

If you're a genuinely attractive man, you probably won’t have trouble getting the girls — unless, of course, you’re only chasing the Monica Belluccis of your generation, which is unlikely since there are hardly any.

Long story short, anecdotal evidence doens't prove or disprove anything.

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40Watts · 2025-06-20T23:12:26+00:00

The girl who is into you has to be hot man..

balhaegu · 2025-06-20T23:33:39+00:00

Guys need to stop being hung over that 1 girl. See the world. There are millions of girls that are awesome

2025-06-20T23:53:09+00:00

Give the girl who notices you a chance, abandon those who don't notice you.

Axis_Control · 2025-06-21T10:43:26+00:00

She could just be waiting for you to persue her, hard to say

Title	Preselection is BS.
Author	ReadingFamiliar3564
Upvotes	0
Comments	50
Date	June 20, 2025 11:05 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lghrzb/preselection_is_bs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/preselection-is-bs.1555138 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555138

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