Seeking Insecure Women

Here4thebeer3232 · 2018-11-13T19:45:53+00:00

It's the motivations behind it really. I have known plenty of guys that look for vulnerable and emotionally insecure women as a power thing. They want a woman who can easily be manipulated/controlled/trapped into a relationship with them that benefits the man at the expense of the woman. Such as college guys who date girls in high school. Or men who go actively looking for women who are too shy and timid to argue for their own desires.

That being said, nothing what you said really seems like you are seeking actual insecure women. Just more feminine ones with no passion for a career. So I feel there is either more to your interests or a lot of people are just giving a default response cause they assume the worst.

goatismycopilot · 2018-11-13T20:07:05+00:00

I am starting to the biggest dynamic here is men who want to do man things and say man words while still seeking out either approval or disapproval from the very women they like to mock for being offended when they act like assholes.

Mr_Smoogs · 2018-11-13T19:56:27+00:00

Is it a womans insecurity that attracts you or something else.

Insecure women are disproportionately found within places one looks for casual sex.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22329089

Women secure in their identity as an attractive woman tend to have lower partner counts and don't casually sleep around. It's mostly a factor of environment that you encounter lots of insecure women while dating when only looking for something casually.

Getting stuffed by an attractive strange man and kicked out of his house the next morning isn't valued all that much to secure women. Insecure women love that validation and the extreme hot and cold of unstable relationships.

Q4All: Are "insecure" women not allowed relationships?

Uh ohhhh "not allowed." Them be triggering words here.

Q4All: Are we not all insecure, one way or another?

Some more than others.

TheMarbleSlab · 2018-11-13T20:24:07+00:00

The problem is that when men say “I don’t want a career woman” is not that they want someone insecure.

It’s that they still expect you to work, and pay a substantial portion of the bills.

What he is saying isn’t “don’t work”. He is saying “stay at your shitty boring 8-5 job and help pay the bills but don’t try to look for something you love because that’s too stressful for me to handle and don’t you dare become a stay at home mom, those are gold diggers”

Physiologymatters · 2018-11-13T19:51:19+00:00

My idea of a secure woman is one who went through a process of self examination, is aware of her personal shortcomings, and made an effort to become a better person for her own sake and that of the people around her. (Same goes for a man- you can't be secure unless you bridge the gap between who you are now and who you have to be to live the life you want).

An insecure woman would be the opposite- one who doesn't feel comfortable facing the world relying on her own merit. She doesn't have a strong internal sense of self, and needs external help to feel like she can make it. That's the type of woman rp appeals to.

And yeah everyone has experienced insecurity- the difference is some people work through it and leave it behind, while others let it rule their lives. I'd argue that people attracted to trp methodology fall into the latter category

blackedoutfast · 2018-11-13T22:52:28+00:00

the needy, clingy, anxious-preoccupied woman isn't the only form of insecure adult attachment.

a lot of supposedly very "secure" women are really dismissive-avoidant, another insecure attachment style.

the stereotypical strong, independent woman who claims that she doesn't need close intimate relationships does NOT have a secure attachment style. her strong desire for independence and self-sufficiency is not because she is very secure, it's actually a form of insecurity.

it's a defensive reaction used to distance themselves from the potential pain of rejection.

petrichordium · 2018-11-13T19:56:11+00:00

I think it’s OFTEN done in the argument that the impulses and responses RP calls “AWALT” are actually the patterns you see in [insert your favored subset here: “insecure”, BPD, low FTO, “low quality”, your least favorite MBTI, etc] women.

Their point is that if the kind of mind games and posturing RP encourages works on a girl, then it is likely you’ll get the kind of results RP men warn each other with by talking about AWALT.

I largely agree with this assertion, even if I don’t have a handy way to encompass all those AWALTy girls besides “thirsty emotional black holes who give proper sluts a bad name.”

I also agree with those people bc I’ve dated far more women for whom the AWALT heuristic would be a bad way to approach dating them.

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2018-11-13T22:03:13+00:00

I have never been attracted to insecure women and I never will be.

Two girls come to mind. One was an attention whore that constantly threatened to kill herself because she wanted me to feel bad for her. I told her to go ahead and kill herself, just make sure I'm invited to the funeral. Withdrew attention every time she said something stupid, she quickly got her act together.

The second was overly clingy. Fucked her once and she latches on to me everywhere, asking me what we should name our daughter when she gets pregnant. She had to be physically touching me at all times. Disgustingly clingy. I fucked her sister and severed contact.

Insecure women are monsters. They will lie, manipulate, gaslight, and destroy to get what they want. Society does not punish them for this so they think its alright. "I slashed my boyfriends tires because he didn't text me all day. Haha, he totally deserved it." These types do not deserve commitment. Fuck them and leave. Let them wallow in their misery, insecurity, and unhappiness alone.

LeJacquelope · 2018-11-13T22:27:12+00:00

Insecure women never attracted me, I recognized and hated power play games.

Insecure women don't deserve relationships any more than insecure men. Let women start feeling the brutal sting of the unforgiving standards they hold men to.

Yes, we are all insecure in one way or another. Too bad the vast majority of women know this is true but don't fucking care. But we men failed to banish women to the incel zone for having such low empathy for men, so our desperation for pussy helped get us in this mess. When are we going to start banishing insecure women to the incel zone instead of giving them a pass?

daveofmars · 2018-11-14T01:45:39+00:00

Q4RP: Is it a womans insecurity that attracts you or something else. Would you class these women as insecure?

Insecurity isn't attractive to me because I'm not someone who preys on the weak. Insecurity is definitely a red flag because it can lead to freakouts, jealousy, and yeah even cheating.

What I like is a woman who's chill and reserved. I would say demure, but that alludes to the woman being shy and I'm indifferent to shy girls.

Career women aren't chill, in my experience. Insecure women aren't chill either. Neither are "strong independent women".

Q4All: Are "insecure" women not allowed relationships?

I don't get the question. Everyone is allowed a relationship. Are you thinking of social acceptance?

Q4All: Are we not all insecure, one way or another?

No. We don't have to be. Insecurity is caused by anxiety, specifically anxiety about our social status and our weakness. You can erase that by turning your weaknesses into strengths, or just accepting that you have weaknesses - we all do. Also, not caring about social status is another good way to avoid anxiety.

Instead of trying to be liked or accepted, try instead to become the best person you can be.

AutoModerator · 2018-11-13T19:33:40+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

BirdManBrrrr · 2018-11-13T20:09:56+00:00

Overarching rule: Insecurity in a woman = meh. Insecurity in a guy = death.

Is it a womans insecurity that attracts you or something else. Would you class these women as insecure?

Insecurity is masked until it isn't, and insecure women in particular do a good job of hiding it upfront. If she's hot enough and the guy is into her, he'll ignore the insecurity also and probably just deal with/ignore it over time.

For me- PreRP: insecurity in a girl didn't matter. PostRP: avoiding it as much as possible.

Are "insecure" women not allowed relationships?

Silly question, insecure women enter relationships all the time. Men allow all sorts of dumb shit from women in relationships, insecurity is not a top dealkiller by any means. Insecure women are very labor intensive and not always fun to be around, but dudes will put up with it.

Are we not all insecure, one way or another?

Yes. Degree and intensity matters most.

jkonrad · 2018-11-13T21:51:26+00:00

Usually people throwing around accusations like "insecure" don't understand the dominant/submissive dynamic. Since they do not understand it, they do not know how to interpret different aspects. No frame of reference.

They'll see dominant or submissive behavior and interpret in terms of power and control and coercion, like the D and S are at odds with each other or something (instead of working naturally and seamlessly together).

Dude maintains he wants a submissive wife. Again, lacking context, to the non-initiated it sounds like he wants a weak wife. Who would want a weak, insecure wife but a weak insecure man! they intone.

Without understanding the d/s dynamic, they will regularly be misinterpreting shit.

Civil_Seaworthiness · 2018-11-13T22:09:28+00:00

I don't often accuse anyone of anything if I can avoid it, but when I judge a man to be looking for an insecure woman, my view is that he's the type of hypogamous man who's looking for a partner based on how big/strong/wealthy/capable he looks in comparison. Some men fall into the pattern of validating themselves by how much better/smarter/more capable they are than their female partner.

That's somewhat disadvantageous, theoretically, in a 'SMV' context, for a woman like me, who's college educated, physically strong, and opinionated. In practice, I prefer men I'm not dating or working with to leave me alone, so I don't mind, but the setup makes some women feel resentful because male hypogamy limits their dating pool and, even when a man who would prefer not to be dating a ""strong woman"" dates them, he typically tries to encourage her to act the way he wants, and it's not fun to be treated as though you're doing something wrong for acting the way that's brought you to a strong career position or a respected place in the community, which often makes relationships with hypogamous men not-fun.

When I think of a man as wanting a relationship with an 'insecure' woman (financially, emotionally, socially, sexually) I'm reevaluating my impression of them to reflect that they're predisposed to use women to make themselves look and feel more impressive. That has an ongoing effect on my opinion of them, especially if they're talking about it like it's a good thing and worth sharing rather than like... thinking about. I assume that they are a more insecure man than I previously believed.

I have insecure friends who date anyway, and while I don't, like, leap between them and their boyfriends and shout 'NO!!! YOU'RE TOO INSECURE TO DATE!!!', but I do observe that they tend to be less happy in their relationships than more secure friends, and when they ask me for advice, my advice is usually 'well, have you tried taking some time to focus on yourself? would [Man] support you in doing that? it seems like working on something important to you like [your woodshop group, climbing more often, focusing on your grades for a bit and seeing how that works, building more close friendships in your organization] might make you feel a lot better in the context of your relationship' and then they say 'that's a good idea...' but rarely act on it.

Some people are more insecure than others and in different ways. But if you'd like to meet someone with no insecurities whatsoever, I could introduce you to my 90 year old grandmother who says and does whatever the hell she wants... security and sense of self increase with age, but some people have more as a baseline than others.

stats135 · 2018-11-13T22:40:49+00:00

As the saying goes, woman need to be wanted, and men want to be needed. "Insecure" woman are very attractive in this regard. "Insecure" woman "need" their man on an emotional level.

Obviously you don't want mentally ill woman that threatens to kill herself every time you leave her alone for five minutes, but in general I view clinginess and neediness as a good thing. Because her default state is to follow you wherever you go. Go to the restaurant? She want to tag along. Stay home for the day? She wants to cuddle up with you at home. Basically it is dating on easy mode. You don't have to ask her out on a date, because she always wants to be around you. You don't have to be the dancing monkey to entertain her for her to spend time with you. You just need to exist and she will be by her side.

killallthenarcs · 2018-11-14T02:04:10+00:00

When accusing men of wanting insecure women, what is the picture that is playing in your heads? (If you don't make this accusation, then this question is not for you).

She's 20 (or 19, or 22, somewhere about there) and her family are crap and her education or work aren't playing out the way she wants. There's reasons for that and they aren't really about her innate talent or persistence, she's been sabotaged in a bunch of ways by family and circumstance and is catching up... only she doesn't know that yet because the insight into that sort of thing comes in your 30s to 40s. She meets this guy. He's about 5 years older and has got some sort of stability or perceived future stability going and he likes her in a new and different way, pays more attention, like she actually exists. She leaps at the opportunity and clings to it like a life raft, this is a serious relationship! They marry, she's adamant about that, this is serious relationship. But he's just as crap as her family and in some of the same ways, and she eventually, after much pain and making a start on seeing the truth of things, decides he's not anyone's knight in shining armor not even his own knight in shining armor, and leaves. He whines and complains, about women in general and her in particular... but still goes out looking for another just like her. He's only got so many years of these relationships in him before he's not going to be able to fake what he's faking so good any more. She goes on to find something more like what she needs longterm, deals with a few of the issues that were blocking her progress. He was just this blind end she went down then had to backtrack from while trying to sort her way through the maze of life.

Thirty years later she's catching a bus home from work because she's put her car in for an engine rebuild, and he's the busdriver... turns out his approach to life wasn't any better for decent jobs than for decent relationships. He's single now, has been for about 15 years, and plays it up as a positive, he's open for something of course (nudge nudge wink wink) but doesn't need a woman. He's got one kid he's paying child support on... nothing good to say about the kid's mother but he is proud of the kid... there's just this impression she gets that every girl after her was stupider and more unstable and the one who decided to get pregnant was the worst. Or maybe he just hated women more as life went on and none of them stayed. She can smell the desperation. She shudders in horror at the thought of some poor bitch having him as a babydaddy. She tells him she's got three kids with a guy she met some years after the breakup, they are still together and life isn't perfect but it is good, and she's glad he's happy with his life too. His face falls when she says that and she crows inwardly. She gets off the bus two stops before her stop so he gets less idea where she lives, and resolves that next time she will take the train.

Are "insecure" women not allowed relationships?

Absolutely insecure women need relationships. They also need no fault divorce so they can move on and leave behind the guys who won't grow with them and won't let them grow.

Are we not all insecure, one way or another?

All of us are insecure but some of us are going to become less insecure.

esiemualB · 2018-11-14T04:59:53+00:00

on Q4BP: When I think of a person looking to date someone insecure, I think of someone who wants their SO to be attached to them through their insecurities. They want to be the main source of confidence for their SO, and so they dislike it when their SO has friends, hobbies, or a career that can provide confidence just as well. They don't want their partner to come home feeling good about themselves because their boss gave them a positive review, their friends complimented their new hairstyle, and they managed to finally do a difficult figure while iceskating. They want to come home to a partner who feels shitty, so they can build them up and then hear them say "oh, what would I do without you?".

On Q4All 1: Of course insecure people are allowed relationships, but they shoud watch out for themselves, because their SO can use their insecurities to manipulate them or push them into submission.

On Q4All 2: Sure, everyone is insecure about something. However, there's a difference between feeling sort of insecure about one or two things in your life, and being so insecure about certain things that it negatively affects your life. For example, there's nothing wrong with having insecurities about your body, like a dislike for a certain body part. It's also unlikely that someone will be able to exploit this and build an unhealthy relationship entirely based on you being insecure about the shape of your butt. However, if you're convinced that your body is the most ugly and disgusting mess on the entire planet, and there's only this one person who seems to be able to overlook this and find you pretty, then this person is in a dangerous position of power.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2018-11-15T01:25:19+00:00

no one should be in a relationship til they learn to be on their own, male or female.

Uncommon_Sensed_1234 · 2018-11-13T20:06:24+00:00

Answering from a female, no pill prespective.

Insecure women are the best, as long as they are not obsessively insecure and overly needy as a result. A low level of insecurity keeps both partners from complacency in the relationship.

Barely-moral · 2018-11-13T20:09:08+00:00

Is it a womans insecurity that attracts you or something else. Would you class these women as insecure?

I am attracted to all kinds of women. I only consider a woman for a relationship if I know that she can't get anyone better than me. If she is aware of that, then even better.

Does that mean that she is insecure? Maybe. If I did my job right that means she is a realist.

Title	Seeking Insecure Women
Author	Mr_White119811
Upvotes	4
Comments	117
Date	November 13, 2018 7:33 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9ws9lp/seeking_insecure_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/seeking-insecure-women.259064 https://theredarchive.com/post/259064

Comments