Sleeping with guys before "officially" dating

songofmelancholy · 2019-01-30T15:53:09+00:00

If he wants to date you, he will put off sex until 2-3 months or whatever in.

There's nothing stopping men from waiting 2-3 months to fuck you while he's fucking his fwb on the side, and then DUMPING YOU ANYWAY after he gets what he wants. all dating is a risk. get over it. try your best.

Here's the real truth: if he likes you, it won't fucking matter when you have sex. within minutes or within months, cuz he already decided he wants to be with you. so as long as you find a guy who you connect with and connects with you, these stupid antiquated ideas of dating won't matter or apply to you.

CainPrice · 2019-01-30T16:02:44+00:00

This was true in 1992. Today in 2019, there's too much casual sex to not sleep with a guy you're interested in.

Not having sex with a guy will be interpreted as disinterest. Single adults with active dating lives have sex if the date goes well.

Yes, having sex on the first or second date runs the risk that the guy will not want another date after getting what he wants. Yes, having sex before being exclusive runs the risk of the guy declaring that he wants to "keep things casual" and is "not looking for anything serious right now".

But the alternative of trying to make a guy chase you is going to make a guy who's used to normal adult dating in 2019, where adults have sex if they feel like it, think that you're not interested in him.

If you'll have sex 45 minutes after meeting a fun guy off of Tinder for a hook-up, but be less enthusiastic about having sex with a guy you actually like and want to date, you have your shit backward. Not having sex is how you indicate disinterest, not interest.

Most guys who are worth a darn are dating and having sex with other girls. If you're the only one not having sex with him, he won't want more dates. The ones who stick around for lots of dates without sex are usually the ones who don't have the option not to.

Eastuss · 2019-01-30T15:58:33+00:00

You see sex as a transaction and likely you are a bad sexual partner. You don't even make men want to have sex with you again, that's why they don't stay around.

You talk about emotional bond but emotional bond is oxytocyn, and oxytocyn is produced during physical contact, sex, ect... AKA the more you have sex the more likely an emotional bond with form. Making him chase you will stimulate his dopamine and when he'll get you that's when the dopamine drops to 0 and you become boring, you'll never maintain that level and there's no actual bond to take the relay.

Learn to git gud at sex.

NOTSM · 2019-01-30T16:04:57+00:00

If he wants to date you, he will put off sex until 2-3 months or whatever in

Lol

abaxeron · 2019-01-30T15:49:40+00:00

This thread seems utterly useless.

Maybe something like 90% of women don't need this advice because they know and do it anyway.

The remaining 10% of women will not follow it.

whitetrashcarl · 2019-01-30T16:25:33+00:00

A couple girls did this to me, I ended up not calling them aftervwe banged. I had done so much work to get them to bang and then the sex was kinda anticlimactic I just kinda wrote them off . It woulda been much better for everyone involved if we just banged up front

ireadredpillonce · 2019-01-30T15:46:43+00:00

Well, that's definitely a good way to filter men - the only men willing to chase you and wait 3 months are almost certain to be low value men willing to trade commitment for a shot at sex. The problem is, most women get faced with the dichotomy of 'incredible sex with this hot dude off tinder or from my ultimate frisbee team or whatever where I can convince myself I have a shot at a relationship' or 'this boring schlub of a man that drys up my vagina but will chase me and commit'.

Or I guess you get the latter to commit while continuing to fuck the former

LobsterOmelette · 2019-01-30T16:18:31+00:00

That's a tricky strategy to employ if you are not in the same social circle. With online dating in particular! How soon before he assumes you're just not into him and leaves... even if you think he's really great?

If you study or work together... yes, that's a great way to go.

apube · 2019-01-30T16:23:35+00:00

Not a man, but if a male friend told me a girl he was seeing wouldn't have sex with him 2-3 months in, I'd probably tell him it's a red flag and she likely doesn't enjoy sex that much or doesn't find him attractive. I guess this is a way to filter out players, but at the risk of filtering out plenty of eligible guys who just care about sex and attraction.

TheDogJones · 2019-01-30T16:47:16+00:00

If he wants to date you, he will put off sex until 2-3 months or whatever in.

Lmao no I fucking won't.

Edit: To clarify, I won't commit to a LTR with a woman until after we've had sex because I need to know she has a high libido and won't play games or use sex as a transaction. Not the first date? Totally fine. 4, 5, 6 dates in? There'd better be some intimacy by that point.

jax006 · 2019-01-30T16:47:54+00:00

Lol I've never understood this argument. As if high quality guys are really out for "conquests" with random chicks and then hit the ejection button the second they have sex with them.

I think an underlying characteristic of high quality guys is that they can get laid fairly easily. So I think the only 2 cases where this OP is true is 1) guy is fucking other fwbs while you're getting to know each other or 2) guy has very low libido.

I don't think either of those is ideal for women and I think this is a self-defeating solution to a non-problem

tnais · 2019-01-30T17:17:32+00:00

As a man, when women do this to me, I perceive it as disinterest and quit pursuing her. Sometimes it's painful to do this, but I don't like pursuing disinterested women because having unrequited feelings sucks.

ChewedandDigested · 2019-01-30T17:17:36+00:00

My boyfriend and I banged the first day we got together. Had only met briefly once before as friends. Stayed up all night partying, had a hung over breakfast and went back to his place. Now we’ve been together for over a year and a half, live together, and have a 2 year lease.

Do what you want to do, be confident in it because the only thing you win by playing stupid games is stupid prizes. You can’t manipulate someone into a relationship with you. Or rather, you really shouldn’t. People who just want to bang you just want to bang you and while waiting might weed them out, you stringing people along in the hope that they’ll become somthing different is retarded.

wobbleelbbow · 2019-01-30T17:39:47+00:00

Ok. Meet me after 2-3 months. When you are ready to have sex

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-01-30T17:45:59+00:00

Make him chase you. If he wants to date you, he will put off sex until 2-3 months or whatever in

How to get nexted

Pope_Lucious · 2019-01-30T17:47:46+00:00

You have no idea how men think

goatismycopilot · 2019-01-30T16:21:39+00:00

Nah. AMALT. Ze menz vant ze sex. If you pony up too soon you are a crazy slut if you wait you are a crazy bitch so just do what works for your own individual goals and situations.

PennnyLame · 2019-01-30T16:48:31+00:00

Duh. Women know this. Our moms told us and they did a better job at it.

GridReXX · 2019-01-30T16:30:40+00:00

I always do this and it always works.

The guys who only want sex make themselves less present and the guys who wanted me wholly as much as I wanted them wholly stayed.

In the end lots of amazing sex is had.

Just not with the guy who wanted something casual when I didn’t. It’s a win/win.

That said the end of your OP gets preachy for me. If she’s into something casual and so is he, I don’t align with you on her lacking self-respect.

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i_have_a_semicolon · 2019-01-30T16:33:07+00:00

Nah it's not so black and white like that. Anyways if you're the kind of women who likes to jump in bed asap, you probably don't want a guy who would wait multiple months before wanting anything. Like libidos should go together. Seems like you're a low libido man who prefers to connect with women emotionally which is fine, but there are women who desire that sexual compatibility and prefer knowing it up front and there are men who would find them desirable.

decoy88 · 2019-01-30T16:45:36+00:00

A man that waits may be acting based on his values and commitment or acting based on his options (none).

More likely the latter in this day and age. Men who have a scarcity mentality will jump to the next girl that seems like a slightly better option.

reluctantly_red · 2019-01-30T16:17:43+00:00

do not sleep with him shortly after meeting him

Not this bloody game AGAIN! If a woman wants to sleep with a guy she should just do it and not worry about these stupid games. Of course if she doesn't want to that's OK too.

Guys hate when women play these games. OP's advice is counterproductive in the extreme.

wokein · 2019-01-30T17:35:27+00:00

I'd never LTR a woman who gave it up right away, because she'd do it just as easily for guys she just met.

coratoad · 2019-01-30T17:40:11+00:00

He will never love you nor respect you as much as he did before you had sex so enjoy it while it lasts.

Title	Sleeping with guys before "officially" dating
Author	AurumOxide
Upvotes	2
Comments	237
Date	January 30, 2019 3:43 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/aldwc4/sleeping_with_guys_before_officially_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/sleeping-with-guys-before-officially-dating.257546 https://theredarchive.com/post/257546

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