Validation/comfort

Mimoxs · 2021-09-06T19:59:27+00:00

validation kills attraction

What kind of utter and complete dumbass would ever believe this

CFinCanada · 2021-09-06T20:20:10+00:00

Lol, the red pill isn't intended to help men find love. The exact opposite. It's meant to ensure their relationships remain short-term so that they have the time in the evenings to watch red pill videos and donate to red pill content creators' superchats. Can't do that if you're with your girlfriend or wife and family.

stats135 · 2021-09-06T20:44:27+00:00

I don't know where you got your RP advice, but from what I remember the last time I saw this topic on TRP, the advice on validation is to give it out randomly. You want to basically be giving out validation at the same rate as a slot machine would.

The post I've read linked an experiment where dogs would go towards the person that treated it well randomly over that person that treated it well all the time. This is observed in humans too, where the randomized payout of the casinos are more appealing than guaranteed payouts. This methods works with sex and women as well, and would making women more attracted, attached, and addicted to you.

throoowwitalllawaaay · 2021-09-06T21:07:04+00:00

First sentence is just snake oil, second paragraph of your post is true and that's called intermittent reinforcement. Abusers(usually narcissists) use it to create trauma bonds with their victims.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-09-06T22:01:32+00:00

Validation for what, exactly? I've been with my guy for over a decade, and I have never perceived him as "validating" me in anyway. Is validation supposed to be a synonym for love?

razormachine · 2021-09-06T23:29:53+00:00

Usually blue pillers tend to give too much validation/comfort, and once they get burned they do the exact opposite, they give no validation whatsoever.

Now I'm not the most successful guy out there but hear me out never go to the extremes.

If you give her too much validation her ego becomes too bloated and she leaves your ass because she thinks she deserves better.

If you give her no validation whatsoever then her confidence goes down, she follows you like a puppy but having a GF which is insecure comes with a whole bucket of other problems.

bleb_ploleman · 2021-09-06T20:23:45+00:00

I’d know by the end of the first date the vibes were off if validation was withheld. Tbh please keep doing this red pillers it’s an easy to read red flag you’re waving to help us know to avoid you

goneaway2thewind · 2021-09-06T19:53:09+00:00

There's nothing that says zero validation works. Dread gaming is about a hot and cold system to keep their ego in check. A man's validation and attention is his currency.

If it becomes too certain, the guy becomes boring in that there's nothing to chase or crave. If I gave you pizza everyday, eventually you become disgusted with it.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-09-06T20:08:19+00:00

In my experience my relationships have bettered as validation was given from each partner.

That's the key right there. If you're already in a relationship, validation is necessary. Red Pill tells men not to get into relationships and to only date casually. When you're in the dating stage, giving validation tends to be counterproductive because it usually makes people look needy.

It also has the function of making the other person feel like they're better than you are, and that they can do better. For dating to be successful, people have to think that they're relatively equal to each other.

meme_lords_unite · 2021-09-06T21:29:28+00:00

Validate her when she deserves it and/or needs it. Not complicated.

NarniaFox · 2021-09-07T04:53:32+00:00

I think the golden 2/3s ratio is a good baseline, and have noticed intermittent reward seems to have good outcomes.

...Do you calculate this stuff? And people say that TRP isn't promoting unhealthy attitude, sure.

TotalTravesty · 2021-09-06T20:15:23+00:00

Validation, to me, isn’t a thing that should be thought about. Never once have I considered “Am I validating her enough? Am I validating her too much?” If I’m in a relationship and I actually like the girl I’m going to act like it. And because I’m not a lovesick teenager anymore I’m not going to overdo anything. It’s natural and it works.

The people who need to consciously think about validation and create whole strategies to deploy it are the type of people who are either incapable of showing genuine affection for another person or need to manipulate women into having sex with them. TL;DR chill out.

IndependenceSoft3250 · 2021-09-06T20:32:33+00:00

This is another problem with dating advice from a politically centered culture.

As you said, people take in this information, and have no idea what it means, they'll consider it a constant.

I think you are also going too far, using an actual ratio.

There's nothing wrong with validation, there is something wrong if you feel you have to compromise your beliefs to do so.

There are times in relationships where one person just has to say "yea", "uh-huh" as if a baby is babbling; there are also times where one must stop a partner to politely explain why they cannot listen to upsetting things.

ARGUS_99 · 2021-09-06T23:02:00+00:00

Red Pill coaches tend to bring resentment and hateful attitude towards women as these so called coaches are exploiting the bitter experiences of most their target audience.

The most ironic thing is that most red pill coaches have zero credibility as they live under complete hypocrisy

Validation, being romantic and being the emotional support towards women is something that is still critical in any relationship.

Red Pill nonsense is the male equivalent of the very thing they complain about women

TheJim66 · 2021-09-06T19:53:03+00:00

The red pill does talk about this. Search for "comfort tests" In the sub, it's basically the opposite of shit tests where instead of testing to see whether you are alpha, she is checking to see whether you are gonna invest in her because she has gotten anxious .

The red pill does recognize the value of comfort for relationships.You NEED it. There are three reasons it doesn't focus on it :

1) The men that come to TRP are usually former nice guys who have no issue offering comfort.

2) Comfort is almost useless, if not counterproductive, for getting laid and pretty much comes up only during a relationship.

3) Comfort is antithetical to sexual attraction for women. The more comfort you offer her, the less she sexually desires you. It's rarer for someone to offer too little comfort in a relationship and even if he does the results are much more easily salvageable compared to offering too much of it.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-09-07T03:43:09+00:00

The easiest way to make a woman suck your dick faster than you Google a blowjob video is giving her enough validation that she starts to think she's special. You just have to give her the impression that she's special to you, and keep pushing till she believes the moment you are out of the door no other guy will adore her like that again.

I think anglo-sphere call it "love bombing", in my country is well known as "chamuyo" and it's older than lie itself. It's not that women here don't know what's going on, it's just that they cannot resist it, it fucks up with their circuits in a way likes and reactions can't, it's ridiculous, men here have been pulling this same shit out for decades by now.

Not my thing though, but it works.

Edit: if she starts acussing you of playing with her just tell her that she has beautiful eyes but you can't tell what colour they really are. It doesn't matter if she has the most average brown eyes on Earth, 50% chances she'll come up with some bullshit about her eyes changing colours acording to weather. Act surprised. This is some shit women say no matter in which part of the planet they were born, trust me I've been around both women and the world quite a lot.

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AnnoKano · 2021-09-06T23:15:55+00:00

Nothing girds the loins for love like a bit of emotional manipulation eh guys

heyitsjeape · 2021-09-06T23:36:13+00:00

In this scenario, validation comes in the form of saying nice things about a woman to that woman? I just want to make sure I understand what you’re talking about.

Insidious-Sid · 2021-09-07T05:00:56+00:00

Id be interested to hear others opinions on how validation should be used. I think the golden 2/3s ratio is a good baseline, and have noticed intermittent reward seems to have good outcomes.

Ah, so like what I do with my dog. Kind of hold back every third dog treat, you know, keep her a little hungry.

Wow. Good luck to you.

DplusLplusKplusM · 2021-09-08T17:11:06+00:00

You're talking about relationships wherein mutual validation is important. These (so called) "red pill coach" types are just talking about getting laid.

chilumibrainrot · 2021-09-12T03:59:29+00:00

as a woman, if someone i was dating/talking to didn't validate me or show me any signs he liked me, i would assume he doesn't like me and move on. don't listen to straight men for advice on dating straight women. ever.

Sultmaker_9000 · 2021-09-06T20:16:00+00:00

You're validating her by having sex with her, its a question of limiting it.

Goodthingstartssmall · 2021-09-06T22:36:33+00:00

I don't have an opinion on this but one of the reasons TRP is advocating withdrawl of validition and/or comfort is because women en masse withdraw sex in relationships and thus claiming the power position. Every attempt to communicate this is shamed with phrases like "sex isn't all you pig", "if she isn't in the mood (never) then suck it up" etc. you know the drill.

Withholding validation is a counterattempt to fight fire with fire or to get the power position back like "I'm not in the mood to validate you right now" so to speak.

TRPs mistake is, if you have to withhold validation to got your girl attracted to you, then this LTR is doomed anyway and should end. I actually understand withholding validation before you enter a ltr as part of some soft push/pull dynamic etc. but as usual TRP is to extreme here.

KJ1017 · 2021-09-06T23:24:46+00:00

Give it out randomly.

Don’t completely deprive them of it or they’ll get bitter and get a whole lot it elsewhere.

Give too much of it and they think they’re better than you and it becomes meaningless and they leave you.

Title	Validation/comfort
Author	anm73
Upvotes	14
Comments	87
Date	September 6, 2021 7:41 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/pj6tjq/validationcomfort/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/validationcomfort.1067692 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067692

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