Do you actually enjoy dating?

VigilantRedRooster · 2017-05-09T21:37:50+00:00

I'm an introvert so don't adore social interaction in its own right. Two things I've done to make my dating funnel more efficient and cut down on long dates that go nowhere.

In business, if you're super busy all the time, RAISE YOUR PRICES AT ONCE! Same applies with dating: if you're overwhelmed with first dates, raise the bar. I write dating site profiles that are longer and more polarizing than average, in order to meet a smaller number of better matches in person.

I like to schedule a "Zeroth Date" early in the getting to know process. Something quick and noncommittal to meet face to face in person, usually over a smoothie. If it's a dud, it cuts the losses. If it's promising, it sets the stage for an official first date, which can still be at the same measured pace toward intimacy as without the initial meeting.

radioactivities9 · 2017-05-10T03:24:24+00:00

You are not listening to the signs in yourself that say ''I'm not into this man.'' Wish I had been able to myself in the past.

You should be really wanting him to kiss you by the third date or so. That's a good way to tell if you like him.

I found dating exciting when I was in my early 20's. Then not so much. Men decided I'd do because I was a woman and attractive enough by their standards. That's what I was beginning to think was out there to settle for. But then I met my hero. I knew fairly early I'd be crazy about him (didn't rush to tell him that of course lol). I think a lot of women can say so!

yuithegraceful · 2017-05-09T22:17:58+00:00

I used to hate dating but I learned to like it. It's really fun to get to know someone. The key is to focus on your date and not how you're looking or acting. Listening is a very attractive quality. You could also try learning non-verbal communication, body language etc once you get over your fears.

If you haven't read How to make friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie, then READ IT! It changed how I interact with people.

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2017-05-09T21:02:41+00:00

It depends on my mood to be honest. If I'm in a social and charming mood, I enjoy it and I enjoy the attention. If I'm tired or a bit depressed then of course I loathe it. What I really hate about dating is I don't know if I can trust that person and it's difficult to tell sometimes.

AndyKane · 2017-05-10T10:25:42+00:00

I'm single, and I loathe dating lol. It's such a cumbersome process of playing hard to get, pretending to be super busy, and more phony behavior that's suppose to make you more desirable. I'm pretty much a loner, so once a man passes the tests...I want to get this relationship started. Unfortunately in the manosphere, LTR is equivalent to prison :(

HobbesTheBrave · 2017-05-09T22:19:48+00:00

Maybe there is something I can do to calm the nerves.... ?

You're fine. In public speaking; If you're not nervous about this speech, as you are before and during every other speech, then this you shouldn't open your mouth. If you're not high on stage-fright, you don't have anything important or meaningful to say.

Dating with the goal of being happily married, it's been called the 'most important interview of your life'. So if you're worried, stressed, hopeful, scared, intrigued, and every other emotion which signals 'THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME!', then you're well and sane and healthy.

Go see a doctor, if you're not feeling everything at the same time, because this is important, and you ought to feel something about dating.

wonderlandgirl111 · 2017-05-10T05:09:27+00:00

I did until I realize most men these days that aren't useless at life have way too many options and know it. So they don't have a real incentive to get into a relationship until much, much older. In big cities.

beautifulbarbarian · 2017-05-10T18:08:10+00:00

I was never comfortable with online dating. I did some online dating a few years ago when I was supposedly in my prime (early 20s), and I knew I was attractive, so you'd think it would be fun and comfortable. I never felt comfortable. I felt extremely insecure about what they would think of me. I would also feel nervous because I didn't know what to expect from a guy or what he would try to do, so I was constantly watching for warning signs. The guys often tried to kiss me or take me back to their place way too fast for my comfort. I never felt a genuine connection with anyone and just wanted to get out of there and go back to my comfort zone.

Conversely though, I absolutely loved dating men I knew through some kind of community. Either through my classes, clubs, groups or friends, part time work, volunteer groups, etc. The key there was that I already knew who they were before we went on a date. I could relax around them and not be so on the edge the whole time. I also found that if we met each other through some activity we both enjoy or through school, we had a lot to talk about.

It's even better if you don't call it a "date" the first few times, but just spend some time hanging out one on one and getting to know each other (with the possibility of a romantic relationship in mind). That's actually how most of my relationships started, and it was great.

Edit: added some details

missjulie94 · 2017-05-09T23:49:19+00:00

What I'm struggling with now is that I just got my first full time job out of school, and I work so many hours. When I get home I just want to sleep and I'm pretty cranky. I want to so badly be in a relationship but I have no time/energy to date :(

scallopkid · 2017-05-11T09:51:05+00:00

I know I hated it! It's just kind of a weird way to interact with a person. I think humans are designed to meet people mostly through our social networks and communities, which gives us time to interact in a group setting first. That's hard to replicate for a lot of people after college though.

My suggestions would be a.) day time dates where you can have plans later that do create an end time for your date, like meeting up with with a friend or something. I think it works best to set this expectation with the guy when you're planning the date, don't bail on him abruptly. b.) dates that somehow mimic a group setting and make you feel less like you're one on one. Probably a class or casual sport.

cynicalhousewife · 2017-05-10T17:31:02+00:00

I personally hated it and I felt relieved when I was off the market. It just made me feel completely vulnerable and exposed. I don't think it's something I would be interested in again at my age if God forbid I was ever in a situation where I was without my husband. It was horrible enough in my 20s. I would dread to think what it would be like in my 30s with kids and I would have way less motivation.

I met so many jokers and time wasters when I was searching for a man it was unreal. Most of them just wanted sex and nothing else, and a lot actually turned out to be already married or in a ltr with another woman.

It was also exhausting constantly having to explain to men that once I have children I don't ever want to work and that I didn't have any ambitions in my life otherwise. I have only ever done low paid work. I never went to college or really desired any type of career. I got so many disparaging comments and you would have thought men would be supportive of a woman who wants to be a wife and mother and nothing else.

soviette- · 2017-05-11T03:31:07+00:00

I don't like dating - especially if I have a few people pining after me at the same time - it always seems that they invest in me before I've invested in them.

I think I might have a different experience next time around now that I know what I'm looking for in a relationship, instead of maneuvering blindly like I did in my teens/early 20's.

Landry86 · 2017-05-11T17:34:38+00:00

I am not an introvert. I am not shy. I am not at all afraid of dating and being alone...

However, I HATE dating.

HATE IT.

After college, where the hell do you meet people? How do I know you're not a psycho?

You are not alone in this.

Have you considered having a friend "Set you up" then double dating? May take much of the pressure off.

kekerae · 2017-05-10T00:11:47+00:00

My last first date was the day I met my now husband but I was so ridiculously nervous before that date that I would say I probably wouldn't have enjoyed going on a lot of dates. I certainly enjoyed the process once we had been on a couple dates and the nerves were gone, though. That's a really fun getting to know you, butterfly's in the tummy, crazy sexual tension phase, haha.

the_baumer · 2017-05-11T13:08:09+00:00

Hated it most of the time. I'm shy, very introverted. Most of the men were nice and sweet, but the whole process is anxiety inducing. Wondering if you like them as much as they like you, making sure you don't come off as weird or clingy. I love being in a relationship over being single hands down.

RubyWooToo · 2017-05-11T16:06:26+00:00

I think you don't enjoy dating because you're treating it like an interview. If you focus on having fun and enjoying someone's company, it will take off a lot of pressure.

Also, if you're really attracted to someone, what is wrong with a kiss? Not every kiss has to lead to sex or even heavy petting. If you're not going to let a guy kiss you after the 2nd or 3rd date, he will assume you're not interested. And who knows, maybe you haven't been yet.

TheLaughingRhino · 2017-05-14T21:53:34+00:00

I can only speak for me, but 99 percent of the time, I find the dating process to be completely and totally exhausting.

As the guy, I must pursue. I have to think of something to say, something witty, something interesting, something to stand out, not saying I have to go out of my way to not be me, but I have to focus on assigning the best version of me to be presentable to make a good first impression and break through the "wall" i.e. the general distance between strangers and esp if the woman is attractive and has guys hitting on her all day long.

Typically I have to pay for the date, which I am fine with, but also I have the responsibility to be a gentleman ( which I am fine with as well) and plan the event and essentially "host" the evening. Most of the time, I have to lead the conversation or set the pace and tone of it.

And I have to come to terms with the fact that, and I've said this before here in many posts before, that just because a woman goes out with you, goes on a date with you, says she likes you, kisses you, even has sex with you, or gets into a LTR with you, or even marries you or has kids with you, it could all mean absolutely zero. She could love you. She could. Or she could be lonely. Or she feels she needs to have kids right now. Or all her friends are married and having kids and she doesn't want to be left out of kicked out of her social group. Or she's got pressure from her family. Or she just went to a wedding without a plus one. Or shes on the massive rebound and Alpha Widowed from her last ex. Or she had a bad day with some guy she really wants and just wants attention and validation. As a guy, you just don't know sometimes.

If a woman "settles" for you, at any point, you are doomed. There's resentment when the settling happens, it might not be apparent at first, but it's always your fault. I.E. it's my fault if she decided that "she's not feeling it" Which is fair and valid if I was getting a fair chance to start, but again, you have zero idea as a guy if you are ever getting a truly fair chance with her at the start. Either way, usually it's my fault or generally the guy's fault.

It would be nice to see the other side. Have someone approach me, try to say something funny or witty, try to buy me a dinner, plan the event, "host" the evening and have the interest be generally implied from the start. Some guys do, but honestly I see it happens more to the top 10 percent of guys that many women are competing for and know it.

Some things in life irritate us because life sometimes sucks. It just does.

Some things in life irritate us because we just don't see the other side.

What I don't want to do is try to come off as women have it all easy, I don't want to say that and I won't say that. Not probably fun to bleed 12 times a year and not die. Or be sexually objectified. Or have emotions run amok from the estrogen overload. Or have the social pressure to have kids or be married. Or to deal with most other women ( lots of women just sadly hate each other....) Or menopause. Or childbirth ( that has to suck on a pain level)

I try to remember to "humanize" the other side whenever possible. It is not always easy.

But the 1 percent of the time, I go on a date, and it's quite nice. There's nice chemistry, the conversation is nice, I can tell the person really wants to be there and I'm getting ( as much as I can glean then) as much as a "fair chance" as any.

Best advice - Say No more often.

Best situation IMHO is if men in general, once they understand HOW to talk to women, ask out women infrequently and women in general said NO almost all the time to the first date unless they were very very interested.

Must not be fun to be a woman and understand all guys are gaming to get in your pants at some level. Human nature and all that, I get it, it can't be an amazing experience.

Not fun to be a guy and not understand if you are just being settled for, because if you are, you are done. Done that night or done ten years later with a divorce and kids. It's like having a piano dropped on your head.

As a guy, and as me, I've come to terms that dating will always be emotionally, mentally, financially, time wise and socially exhausting. Right girl, wrong girl, all girls, it's just exhausting to me. If I was a woman, I'd just say No more often. They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. OK, my take is just stay away from ponds period. I hate to say this, but if a girl wasn't into even a basic light and interested kiss by the third date, she's "negotiating attraction" for me in my book. She's settling or would settle if she's kissed me or is kissing me at that point and would rather be chewing stale bread instead.

Would a guy rather take one shot to the head or three to the chest and die slow? ( Quote from Moneyball the movie) He'd rather take the shot to the head and die fast. If a first date doesn't vibe out ( and most guys get this, nothing is promised on a first date) then most guys would like the girl to be direct. I appreciate the evening, the implied compliment of wanting to take me out and show me a good time and listen to me and host the evening, but I don't want to go on any future dates, I don't feel the interest there. If you are on a first date you don't want to be on, well sometimes that happens. What can you do? Sometimes people don't know until they are going to give it a try. If you are a 2nd or 3rd date you don't want to be on, that's on you.

When you go on 2nd or 3rd date you don't want to go on, and the guy is still interested and thinks you are interested, you are wasting your time, but you are also wasting his time. You have a finite amount of time to find something and someone you like, and so does he.

Put a bullet right in the middle of his head. Better than three shots to the chest and bleeding out slow.

GuestQuest · 2017-05-09T22:34:39+00:00

When I was single I loved dating. It wasn't a huge focus for me until after I finished with school, but I always had a lot of fun meeting men and getting to know them.

Econo_miser · 2017-05-15T18:08:48+00:00

Second and third dates are even worse because that's when they usually try to kiss me and I don't feel comfortable getting physical yet.

Um, what? You clearly like the person if you are going on three dates together, but you don't feel comfortable even kissing them? This doesn't sound like a problem with dating. This sounds like a problem with repression. You should probably go talk to a licensed therapist about this and work out your issues.

Also, if the conversation is boring, just excuse yourself and leave. It's not that big of a deal provided you are following basic common sense safety for dating.

Title	Do you actually enjoy dating?
Author	Landry86
Upvotes	16
Comments	65
Date	May 9, 2017 8:45 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6a85lm/do_you_actually_enjoy_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-you-actually-enjoy-dating.87290 https://theredarchive.com/post/87290

Comments