Should fat women date?

beaniebobean · 2024-01-08T23:19:20+00:00

I’m following you from your previous post.

Regardless of if you’re fat, I think you should hold off on dating until you’re mentally stable and happy with your life. If you date while you’re unhappy and self-hating, that is the kind of person you will attract and it won’t be good for either of you

ygfam · 2024-01-08T23:37:37+00:00

a lot of ugly women have boyfriends and husbands. i suggest seeing a therapist because you're unhealthily obsessed with looks, judging from your history

yes. you should lose weight. learn how to cook, do makeup and get better at styling yourself. you mentioned problems yourself here so work on them as well as on your mental health. if you get an opportunity to meet a nice man lean into it it's not like you can't do both

Sweatpant-Diva · 2024-01-08T23:51:40+00:00

r/intermittentfasting changed my life. Highly recommend. And yes OP, fat woman should date. I know many overweight women in very healthy happy marriages and relationships.

Jenneapolis · 2024-01-08T23:53:04+00:00

I believe everyone should date as long as they date within their league and have realistic expectations. There are plenty of men out there who would have you as a partner.

However if you are sure you’re going to go through a major physical transformation, it might be good to wait because believe it or not, a man that is attracted to you at your weight may not like you at a lighter weight. There are bigger men that get very intimidated when their partners lose weight and it can cause relationship problems.

Too often though, l see women waiting to date until they lose weight but they take no actions to make that happen and a year down the road they are no smaller than they were and are still single. So be really honest with yourself and if you are not going to lose a massive amount of weight, then don’t wait to date.

Chance-Swan558 · 2024-01-09T00:32:14+00:00

I had a look at your previous posts as well . I don't think you are as unattractive or fat as you think . You have a nice smile , you looked nice in the photo with your hair up and make up on . There are plenty of men who would be attracted to you .

I think you need to look at other things that give you value rather than looks . Are you caring , loving , nurturing , supportive? All these things increase your value more than looks . I know plenty of women who are average looking , overweight that are in loving relationships , married etc because their partners appreciate those parts of their personality not just what they look like .

I would really look at therapy and ways to increase your confidence. It seems to me like self love is what is missing and when you don't have that and don't see how worthy you are of love you can be vulnerable to abuse or poor treatment

yoginiph · 2024-01-09T00:52:00+00:00

Hello there! I’m 5’2 and 173lbs so not that far off from your stats! You are not that fat, most likely chunky like me. I have some pictures covering my face in my profile.

YOU ARE NOT RUNNING OUT OF TIME. Trust me, I was in a relationship when I was 28 and now that I am 35 I realized that during that time, I never really knew what I wanted out of a person or in a relationship. Lord knows if I married that person, we will just end up separating.

My tip to you is while you are waiting for that person. You should try to better yourself. Develop hobbies, read a lot of books, learn how to dress up, learn how to fix your hair and how to put on a basic make up that you’d wear while you’re out. Go to therapy. Exercise. Focus on yourself and what you can do instead of focusing on what is lacking. Focus on what you can control, the food you eat, the environment you are in, what you listen to etc. Soon you’ll find yourself in a better place.

Brilliant-Opposite39 · 2024-01-09T03:04:39+00:00

You have time… but with an esteem like yours I highly suggest falling in love with yourself first then dating after. If you don’t love yourself , you won’t find someone who loves you. Dont worry about time you have plenty of it! However if your weight bothers you then start working on it to build your confidence. Learning to cook comes with marriage , I didn’t know how until I got married. I’m still working on alot but that’s what you do as a marriage 🤷🏼‍♀️ love yourself first girl!

Ok_Outside149 · 2024-01-08T23:34:07+00:00

Losing weight is an excellent time to learn how to cook. There are so many recipes out there that you can try and it’ll make a diet more fun not eating the same meals all the time. Both of those things should be your priority. Walk and chew gum.

Regardless, fat women should date. Yes, men are attracted to slimmer women and slimmer women have more options. Does that mean no fat woman ever get commitment from a good man? Of course not. That’s red pill delusion. Every day I go outside and see fat people in happy-seeming relationships. Yeah, you’re probably not gonna snag a Brad Pitt lookalike who is stereotypically High Value™️ (rich, tall etc). But if all you want is a good man who will treat you well that you’re at least a little bit attracted to, then it’s totally possible. Otherwise nobody would date. Majority of adults in the us and the uk are overweight or obese and the rest of Europe is quickly catching up. There’s lots of heavy women in Latin America and the Middle East. Granted the stats are skewed by older people but it includes a good chunk of younger people. Are all those people locked out of relationships for life? No! They just find other similarly-heavy people.

Comprehensive_Book48 · 2024-01-08T23:56:59+00:00

You dare not because you are fat or skinny

You date because you are ready .

What makes you ready is not your external looks.

It’s your mental state: healthy, self aware, kind with yourself and others, good mindset

Ironically the mental state affects the physical state

Slowly when you aren’t depressed and scared of not being skinny enough or pretty enough- you start naturally taking care of your body and your looks.

And it reflects externally

And you end up being a cute person who is dating .

And maybe even losing weight or at least working out to stay healthy and fit even when heavy…

It’s a cycle .

Start somewhere it doesn’t matter where, start by putting a profile … or working out, or therapy ….

Either way you aren’t getting married tomorrow .

Even if you are pretty wealthy and skinny it might take you years to find someone you like.

So start

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-01-09T00:16:37+00:00

Date when you have the ability to make people happy, not limited to but including yourself.

JustAnotherBoymoder · 2024-01-09T01:08:39+00:00

I think hard nun mode is a necessity. Its suggested even for women at 30 because the man they'll attract at 32 and glowed up will undoubtedly be better than the man they'll attract at 26 pre glow up. I would focus a lot on beauty, hair care, getting a new haircut (i think bangs would work well with your face), and losing weight. Like others have said, losing weight is a great time to learn cooking.

Makeup and fashion are both things that are able to be learned/get good at if you grind in the effort. I didn't really know much about either until I started putting in effort to practice at 25 and I get a lot lot more attention from men now as a result.

fallingfurnii · 2024-01-09T02:31:39+00:00

Honey I say this with love but judging by the recent both history I think you're cracking a bit. I'm 29 and a half and going through a very break up so I understand the whole time is running out philosophy but try not to panic.
I felt like I was too old at 20 and I had a over 10 page plastic surgery wish list. I'd spend hours researching surgeons, looking at peoples before and after pictures, reading reviews etc I became completely dysmorphic.
By about 23 I was frequently reading hardcore redpillers (the ones who says we expire at 24) this went on for years.
I can go on and on but I spend a bunch of my 20's literally worrying about aging instead of just enjoying my youth. At 24 I felt so old, now I'd love to be 24 again and I know when I'm 33 ill wish I was 29 again. It never ends. Don't get caught up in that noise. Trust when I say you do NOT want to date a hardcore red pill guy. You do not want to date someone who believes women have about 5 years of beauty then its all downhill. Yes we tend to be most attractive in our yout but this fear mongering stuff is ridiculous please ignore it. When you do date please don't allow a man to tell you your time is running out, it is not a healthy mentality.
Now for the makeover.
- Obviously lose weight. You need to hit the gym I noticed BBL is on your wish list you can built a decent bum by hitting the gym. Check out YouTube there's its of really good exercises there. Focus first on weightless then try to increase your protein by a lot when you're weight training to help your glutes. Theres lots of good information about this online. While you are loosing weight weight lifting is also great to help prevent loose skin. Moisturizing lots also helps with this as does not loosing weight super fast.
- Start taking care of your skin now if you don't already. You say you suck at makeup well that doesn't matter as much if you have a good skincare game. Check out subs like asianbeauty to get started. I noticed you do have some acne, having a good skincare routine can help with this and make you glow.
- No buccal fat removal if you are scared about aging you will regret this. If you want that look up counting and highlighting on YouTube. There are loads of makeup tutorials online that are completely free and use drugstore makeup that doesn't cost as much to get started. Even dollartree has decent overstock makeup someones to practice with. Look into filling in your eyebrows and a little bit of blush on your cheeks would suit you
- You look cute when you smile and when your hair is down. Take good care of it in the meantime and grow it out. You can consult with a hairdresser or use AI to try out different styles and colours in the future but its really not a problem right now. I know you mentioned forehead surgery so if this is a insecurity you can get curtain bangs or full bangs
- Bad style I am assuming means you don't have a style of clothes. Your pictures don't show your body which is understandable since you believe you're overweight but from the little we see it seems like you dress very casual. While you're loosing weight it would be a good idea to figure out your style. Do you own any dresses? Skirts? Do you own any dainty jewelry? Try to figure out how you'd like to dress. What colours you like etc
- Avoid the internet and get a therapist. You are clearly upset and it would do you good to talk about your concerns with a mental health professional. Part of a makeover in self esteem related. It won't matter if you look amazing on the outside if you feel like shit in the inside

And to answer your questions, should fat women date? Yes if the fat woman wants to date. In my opinion, I think you need to work on yourself a bit before entering a relationship as you're a narcissists fantasy right now. You need to work on your self esteem a bit first and get a bit more grounded, find more happiness within yourself but yes fat women can date. When the time comes Just wear clothes that flatter you better. Maybe look into your kibble body type etc

Powerful-Grocery6005 · 2024-01-09T05:50:49+00:00

I am a traditional man and 26 your time is not running out. You do not need to cause so much pain for yourself, you are not expected to know everything instantly. I believe you should take steps now to better your health for the long term.

Jasperbeardly11 · 2024-01-09T08:31:02+00:00

Work on yourself. Take notice of your own unhealthiness. Learn to overcome it through processing and working through it.

Take notice of who treats you well. Who sees you and is interested in you truly.

Work on your cooking.

Mighty_Wombat42 · 2024-01-09T21:01:12+00:00

Whether time is “running out” depends on some things: do you want kids? Do you need to make changes to improve your confidence before you start dating? If so, how long will that take? Be conscious of the timetable especially for fertility, but at your age it’s not cause to panic, just make actionable plan and you’ll be fine.

As for whether you date, that comes down to whether you have men interested in dating (not FWB, not ONS, actually dating) you now and whether you’re interested in them. There’s no magical number, your body shape plays a big role in how you carry your weight. If you have a type of man you like, are you their type? Ask yourself 1) Am I attracted to the men who are currently interested in me? And 2) Do I meet my own standards? Would I date the male equivalent of me? I have a friend who as an obese woman, is happily married to an obese man, and now they’re improving their health together. I was not attracted to the men interested in me at my highest weight, but now I date even though I’m not quite at my goal because I’ve leveled up enough that I’m now able to attract men who are attractive to me.

Assuming you do want to date, here’s my specific advice for you:

I strongly suggest working on improving your self confidence and mental health. We talk here about being a man’s soft place to land, which requires a degree of emotional stability and not constantly needing reassurance from a partner. Having higher self esteem also means you won’t be too clingy or desperate in the early stages, which is important for being able to vet properly.

You may not need to lose weight to find love, but if you want to be a mom someday, improving your health is important for maintaining your fertility as long as possible and can improve odds of a healthy pregnancy at any age.

Don’t worry about makeup. Do learn to cook- you don’t have to be a gourmet chef, but learn the basics. Make a list of your favorite dishes, pick a dish each month and commit to trying to cook it at least once a week. Or start with something very simple like a stir-fry or soup, get it down, and then experiment with ingredients and techniques.

As far as “bad” style, don’t worry about following fashion trends if that doesn’t interest you. Do look for some tips on how to dress in a way that’s flattering to your body shape. Make sure your clothes are clean and neat. As a plus size woman, my advice is avoid stuff that’s super skin tight and showing off every roll, but also stuff that’s super baggy as it can make you look bigger than you are. You can express your personality through clothes and you don’t need to be super trendy, but putting a little thought into how you dress is a quick and easy way to improve your looks.

MeowNeowBeenz · 2024-01-09T00:52:32+00:00

I mean, so long as you're not expecting anyone that's out of your league 🤷🏿‍♀️

kaylieunlimited · 2024-01-09T03:00:58+00:00

Your recent posts (especially about hurting attractive women) worry me a bit. I see nothing wrong with your photos. I saw you and thought you looked like a sweet southern belle , then I saw that recent post and got really worried.

Other peoples opinions don’t matter. Who cares if you aren’t perfectly fit and someone says to lose weight? It shouldn’t affect you to that extent. If YOU want to lose weight because it’ll help YOU that’s when you do it. You don’t do it based off of random people on reddit.

You’re mean to attractive women because you’re insecure. That insecurity shows on the outside. If you worked internally , that would make you look 10x prettier. Confidence works wonders. You don’t need plastic surgery. You don’t need to be mean to other women. You don’t need redditors putting your down. You need to love yourself and figure out what will make you feel pretty and do it

harasquietfish6 · 2024-01-09T03:27:11+00:00

You dont need a bf, you need therapy

InvizGurl · 2024-01-09T03:34:53+00:00

Yes absolutely put yourself out there, your appearances shouldn’t determine if you should date or not. Beauty is so much more than just your appearance , But also if its clearly stopping you from not dating, then change you perception on what matters to you most. No one’s ugly , “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” .

ClarityByHilarity · 2024-01-09T04:53:09+00:00

You’re not “fat” at 176, even at 5’4.

Plus, you just listed off a ton of things you can get better at. Schedule a makeup lesson at Ulta. Go get your hair done and have them show you how to style it. Take cooking classes, they even have great ones online you can follow along at home. Ask us or Reddit for style advice or where to shop.

Hit the Gym!

You’re still young, 26 you have tons of time tbh. Get on working on yourself.

How can anyone invest in you if you don’t invest in you?

TheBunk_TB · 2024-01-09T14:42:57+00:00

What do you bring?

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Sillkentofu · 2024-01-09T00:04:22+00:00

Have you tried trying? I used to be heavier than you and had boyfriends even then!

And I just looked at your profile and you aren’t ugly at all. I will say I had a lot more confidence and power when I improved my looks. But I knew deep down I wanted to look better! And I still want to look better. I am extremely open about what I look like and what my progress has been on here — you can literally go in my profile and see.

There are no ugly women just women who don’t try! And my natural state is NOT attractive at all. I accepted a long time ago that I would have to try a lot harder than most people to just be average. But girl don’t give up on yourself until you’ve tried first.

No-Inevitable-8364 · 2024-01-08T23:36:12+00:00

I don't actually get ur point. Whats wrong with a fat women, i guess nothing wrong with her.

Hang_your_halo · 2024-01-09T00:02:55+00:00

You need to get in a good headspace to date, not lose weight. There are all kinds of men out there that love all kinds of women, but low self esteem is universally unattractive across both genders.

You can absolutely work on yourself. You can lose weight, learn makeup skills, find your kibbe type and dress better, but if you still think poorly about yourself, you’ll still feel bad. And that’s only something you can work on.

Also, time is not running out. I didn’t get married until I was 31. I know women want to get married sooner that 30s, but that “want” doesn’t mean it’s too late.

Admirable-Luck-5562 · 2024-01-09T08:04:18+00:00

OP - some of the advice/comments youre getting are terrible. I have a friend who's 28, not conventionally attractive, unmarried but with a loving long term partner, just had a baby a year and a half ago, and is pregnant again. Not as RP as some people might like, but has generally conservative values, and is figuring everything out as she goes. Youre going to get through it, not every life is the white picket fence we might dream of or happens as quickly, but its yours and you gotta find the confidence to make it as loving and fulfilling as you can, whatever shape that takes for you.

CranberrySoftServe · 2024-01-09T01:34:43+00:00

Have you always had the weight, is it potentially a med side effect? I was on a medication once that caused me to gain 40lbs over my natural weight, it's gone now that i'm off the med. I see your post about having issues counting calories and going over, are you also counting your output? The other comment about intermittent fasting is a good point. It has shown great results for many people.

Makeup doesn't matter to all men, some men truly prefer the "natural" look, or at most, a bit of mascara and blush. Very easy to learn that.

Cooking is also a thing that can be learned over time. Not a thing to be rushed but definitely something you can get in your arsenal with continued effort. Are there any cooking classes in your area?

Style can be worked on as well, though i'm not the one to give advice on that (🤣💀)

Double-Painter-4559 · 2024-01-09T05:15:12+00:00

You're beautiful and young! You have so much ahead of you! Work on your diet and start working out three times a week, for your own health. It helps with self esteem as well. I understand that the redpill community can be interesting to follow at times for those who hold more traditional values, but it can also be very toxic for women with low self esteem at times. I don't think you're looking for advice in the right sub.

Weary-Preference2957 · 2024-01-09T05:58:51+00:00

Sure if you’re okay w the people you’ll attract. If you want higher value people than I’d say stay single for a good 6-8 months and get down to a normal size for better options.

mistressdeathh · 2024-01-09T07:26:13+00:00

How is 179lbs fat? In my country in East Africa the average weight for women is around 70kgs-85kgs. You're not fat OP, many people love and appreciate your body type!

d0nutg0rl · 2024-01-09T15:10:33+00:00

im 5'4, 20 and 174 lbs. not good at makeup or style but still im dating a muscian. true it used to make me alot insecure sometimes, when i see him surrounded by beautiful females, but hey atleast i know he loves me for my personality <chuckles>

but on a serious note, i think you should start dating people as well as start dating yourself (im talking about selfcare)

you yourself are saying time is running out then why not make the most out of it. do you really want to look back in your 70s and be like 'o hell i wasted all my good years on thinking im too fat to have fun'

i think the biggest thing is you should start feeling comfortable with who you actually are, and actually accept yourself. i would really recomend you watch thewizliz, and tam kaur-those women made me realise that being comfortable in my own skin, and making peace with my body is the first step to achieve a happy life.

beaniebobean · 2024-01-09T15:19:04+00:00

Hi everyone- I believe this account stole this poor girls photos and is impersonating her. Mods can you please remove?

Check the posts with her photos, the username verification does not match this user

Ninjurk · 2024-01-10T01:46:27+00:00

Like others have said here, you need to work on yourself.

You need to work out regularly, eat right, and see a therapist about your mental issues that are holding you back and making you hate yourself and others.

At your current mental state, anyone who dates you would be pulled into your self-sabotaging toxicity and you would be making their lives hell too.
Why would you want to hurt someone who is nice enough to want to be with you?

SunflowerSerenade11 · 2024-01-10T22:32:48+00:00

Hey, you are not ugly at all! Your features are amazing! I will also say many of those things take time. Cooking, style, and makeup are largely dependent on money. If you have money, you can buy things and try things out. Also time is not running out at all, you have so much time still.

Also I used to think I was ugly but my environment was just shitty and making me feel like garbage. Surrounding yourself with good people can do wonders.

For style I would use Instagram or other forms of media to identity women who were similar to me in stature and features. Influencers, they usually have great styles and pick colors and clothes that really flatter their appearance. This is what I initially did. Now, having a full-time job, I sometimes go to wishi.me and I find cheaper dupes than what they suggest.

For makeup you can start with three things: foundation, concealer, and mascara. I can give recommendations for my favorite over the years but I got started with drug store makeup until recently I just don't know the names of them. If you don't care which brand to get makeup from you can start with ipsy, for $13/month they send you sample sizes of makeup/skincare

For my favorite Sephora items:
Foundation:
- HD foundation for medium coverage (the staff will color match you which is why it's so great)
- Nars creamy and radiant concealer (it really brightens up the under eye area and the product lasts for years)
- Better than Sex mascara by too faced.

Also for cooking i did not know how to cook until i moved out and you figure it out with youtube videos.

You got this!

Weary-Refrigerator56 · 2024-01-11T04:32:55+00:00

Yes, but not you. You sound lazy.

LexiFromWestchester · 2024-01-13T00:53:59+00:00

I would get comfortable with makeup ASAP and do something very eye catching with your hair. This may sound weird at first , but I have a bestie who is overweight but her makeup is flawless, hair gorgeous, and her nails are long and glamorous (always has her toenails showing & flawless as well.) She gets a lot of attention from assets like these that she can flaunt as she is trying to slim down to a healthier weight.

GameGodsOfficial · 2024-01-17T19:56:53+00:00

Alright girl, we were intrigued by your post and question, so here you have it. Check the link, you're the first question we answer, and let us know what you think. Also, update us on any decisions you've made in the meantime!

https://youtu.be/g0u9psM4fSM

Title	Should fat women date?
Author	Mental_Garbage2204
Upvotes	6
Comments	100
Date	January 8, 2024 10:57 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/191ysor/should_fat_women_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/should-fat-women-date.1242542 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242542

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