Background

There's a girl I'll call Samantha that I met on an online dating site about a month and a half ago. Although I would not describe her as sexy in the classical sense of the word, she has an undeniable appeal to me that I've been completely unable to ignore.

Her profile on the dating site made it clear that she is into open relationships. Red flag number 1. I've never done anything like that before, and right away, greed got the best of me. The idea of a sanctioned, unlimited "hall pass" sounded like something that was perfect for me in the life stage I was in. I had swallowed the pill a few months earlier, was spinning plates, and felt invincible.

Samantha and I got together a number of times, and sexually, she was a freak. In my perpetual state of arousal, I loved it, and I craved more of her. We talked about our pasts: about how I'm a younger divorced guy who has been exploring life alone and growing the quality of my life exponentially. Her past is a little more alarming, in hindsight.

She never got into numbers, but the way I would describe her sexual history is to use the word "prolific." She has a sexual past that would put most porn stars to shame. Anal, threesomes, foursomes, orgies, etc. You name it, and she's done it. Red fucking flag number two.

I hadn't developed full-on oneitis for her, but it was close. I almost convinced myself that despite her sexual history, I would try the open relationship on for size and see if it was something I could do.

Before I continue, I should say that from a purely pragmatic point of view, open relationships make sense to me. When you're in a LTR, the urge to fuck other women doesn't go away. This is the case for guys, naturally, and it's the case for women. Millions of years of evolution vs. a few thousand years of society - why deny it? So I bought a book, read a bit about it, and figured that I'd try it. I'm into putting myself into uncomfortable situations to grow as a human being, so I decided I had nothing to lose. While I was seeing her, I fucked two other women. It was great.

My Slap in the Face

Yesterday, Samantha told me she fucked someone, and it wasn't great anymore. It was a guy she had hooked up with in the past, but they had fallen out of touch. He invited her over to watch some TV and drink a couple beers. She slept over. They fucked. It was "unexpected," as she put it.

That's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. Open relationships are inherently slanted towards the woman, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Let's review what the pill has taught us.

  • Women can offer men sex, clean the house, cook food, produce and take care of children
  • In return, men offer women protection, food (money), status
  • This can work when both people are holding up their side of the bargain
  • However, it is inherently easier for a woman to give what she has (sex) than it it is for a man to. We do not have unlimited money or time. As long as she doesn't get pregnant, a woman can give sex to as many men as she pleases.

Most women ride the CC, but eventually they fall off the ride. I believe that the truly damaged women don't get off the ride. They want to be on the CC forever, and conjured up open relationships as a way to justify it.

To a beta provider, it seems like a great deal. You could go fuck anyone you want with no repercussions! Nope. In reality, all that's happening is this: the woman you're pouring resources into is going out and getting fucked, with no effort at all. You might be getting laid here and there, but only if you pour more time, money, energy into finding a new girl to fuck.

And there lies the rub: no man of value should be willing to do this. It is not a fair trade off, and will end with you emotionally broken, older, with less money in your wallet. The true irony in this situation is that it does not benefit the woman either. She might find a guy of some value to commit to an open relationship, but she'll never get a truly high value man to share an open relationship with her. A high value man is able to see that the trade off is bullshit, and will balk at the idea of giving up so much for so little return.

TL/DR: If you want to fuck multiple women, spin plates. Make them be the ones to give more than you are. Work on yourself and raise your value to the point that a woman would not think of wanting to fuck other guys (although, as we all know, AWALT...). You'll have more of everything that should matter to you: Time, emotional energy, money.

Note: This is also posted on my website Missing Man Found. I've been writing for a little bit, so feel free to browse my other ramblings if you'd like.