Stop apologizing for everything

gt35r · 2014-04-17T15:35:05+00:00

For people who are new here and new to the methods preached here, this is by far the easiest and one of the first things you should start doing. I say easy, for me it was at least, for some maybe it's a bad habit but when you start ending your sentences firmly without "sorry to bother you, sorry this, sorry that" you will feel more confident and people will typically respect you more for stating things that way.

vandaalen · 2014-04-17T16:43:29+00:00

I'd advocate to completely ban the word "Sorry" from your vocabulary. It's one of the words which is overused in an unecessary way. If you deliberatly try to avoid using it you'll be surprised how often you do.

And I would also say: Never apologize for anything. Unless you feel it's absolutely necessary AND you feel the urge to.

Having hurt somebodies feelings isn't always such a situation. People get offended way too much today and have become a collective of pussies. No need to support this by joining in the chant.

I must have clearly made an error to justify an apology.

If you need somebody to apologize to, then make it yourself. For treating yourself so badly and allowing others to do so.

[deleted] · 2014-04-17T16:01:51+00:00

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TannhauserOverture · 2014-04-17T15:15:13+00:00

It's true. It works.

Like in that scene in the first Episode of House of Cards where Claire Underwood says: "Don't apologize. My husband doesn't apologize to anyone, not even me."

thewrightstuff88 · 2014-04-17T15:55:53+00:00

i work with this kid who says sorry/apologizes for EVERYTHING. I work at a coffee establishment and if he's in the way of the sink and i need to clean something, he just zips away and says sorry. If i need to grab a cup and he's like a foot away from the cups, he says sorry, like he offended my aura or something. its to the point where you want to smack him and give him a solid reality check

psygma · 2014-04-17T17:06:21+00:00

This is annoying on both sides.

I dated a girl who used to apologise for all the wrong things. Shit was annoying.

Use "sorry" for what it was intended - to apologize. Not as a social buffer/lubricant.

xwm · 2014-04-17T16:01:29+00:00

I used to apologize for everything, every time. It was a conditioning from the brow beating I received from my ex wife. After we split I made a point to stop saying sorry unless I was really in the wrong. Its so much better.

garlicextract · 2014-04-17T17:33:04+00:00

A friend told me several years back "never apologize to a woman".

Oh, how long it took for me to understand it.

the_Milkweed · 2014-04-17T17:25:46+00:00

Canadian here, can't relate

blue_27 · 2014-04-17T23:17:16+00:00

So ... what is the Canadian version of this?

throwpillo · 2014-04-17T19:01:14+00:00

I think I've mentioned this before, but when you really truly made a mistake and need to own up to it, you should still avoid saying the word "sorry" or even "apologize". instead, thank the person for accepting the inconvenience. So instead of "sorry I was late," say "thank you for waiting for me". It's a subtle re-frame but I feel like it works for me.

NGGYUNGLYDNGRAADY · 2014-04-17T19:26:34+00:00

We're looking at you....... Canada.

Hyooge · Thu Apr 17 17:48:31 2014 UTC

you'll start to love it.

I'm addicted to it. It is the simplest way to make you the most powerful man in the room. Watch people's reactions and you can literally see their eyes fill with respect when you are blunt and not wishy washy.

Also "no" should be your goto response to everything you're asked that you don't want to do or have no benefit from.

No = Power.

projectself · 2014-04-17T16:00:58+00:00

I heard it said somewhere last year that in a romantic relationship, you get to say "sorry" twice. use them wisely.

[deleted] · 2014-04-17T17:39:00+00:00

This is going to be tough, I'm Canadian.

Lilcheeks · 2014-04-17T17:57:05+00:00

In my early 20s I had an issue with too much "sorry". GFs hated it. I learned through trial and error that it was a bad word. Not only does it make you look weak but it's fucking meaningless to begin with. An empty sorry does nothing positive for you or anyone else.

Like someone else said, if you need someone to move out of your way just give a strong "excuse me" to let them know you're coming through.

raceAround126 · 2014-04-17T20:32:39+00:00

This is my current challenge. It's harder than you think. I read this a while ago somewhere else and realized that I was damn near apoligizing every few minutes for existing.

I'm learning to replace it with a smile and a firm "excuse me" when passing people.

It is definitely different. People (not just women) seem to automatically concede to you. And it's kinda weird having people apologize to you as a result.

I also decided a couple of weeks ago that as part of the approach every day mantra, I would start approaching in coffee shops for day game. Well, the other day I did so and had a great conversation about coffee shop dwellers. Sadly it was with a dude - there were no attractive females in the vicinity and he had a Slayer shirt on. But, all practice is good practice. So far, I've found attractive female coffee shop types want to be left alone. I've had much more success engaging with groups of girls in coffee shops, be they professional or obvious out-of-workers. Nothing sexual with those, just want to practice my approaches.

But yes, ditch the sorry!!!!

Johnny10toes · 2014-04-17T20:51:31+00:00

It's a hard habit to break.

[deleted] · 2014-04-17T22:53:14+00:00

I grew up apologizing for inconveniencing people, etc., and I got by fine since most men are taught by their mothers to apologize. This was one of the first behavior mods I gleamed from TRP and has been highly enlightening: I've discovered that apologizing very rarely helps in any circumstances -- it's just a word, it has virtually zero weight to it; acting (e.g. to remedy a situation I am responsible for) speaks volumes more than apologizing.

I still find myself occasionally slipping it in from old habits, but the mentality this change brings through conscious effort cannot be understated.

monsieurhire2 · 2014-04-18T01:04:35+00:00

Gah, I STILL catch myself doing this compulsively! Like, if I'm trying to learn a dance move, and I screw up, I say "Sorry!" like a beta schlub.

I've noticed that when I get pissed off, and say things like, "What are you talking about, I did that PERFECTLY!" with a shit-eating grin, it works better. I recall dancing with this woman and I kept screwing up and saying sorry to the point where she was like, "Stop saying that," and then I started doing it as a joke.

So much beta still left to purge.

emptyform · 2014-04-17T17:12:58+00:00

I've been removing the word for my vocab, struggling in certain situations where I still needed to express regret (even if I didn't feel it), such as in business. When dealing with higher-ups or clients, I still never say the word "sorry" if I can't meet a request or whatever. I say "unfortunately". "Unfortunately, the deadline's already passed." This seems to work well for me.

HeadingRed · 2014-04-17T18:23:03+00:00

This is one key area I have been trying to address for the last few months. Look at it this way-

If you do it far to often for no good reason, it won't mean shit when you really have something to apologize for.

RPthrowaway123 · 2014-04-17T20:27:11+00:00

I used to do this all the time. Getting rid of my constant apologies was something I did when I started reading no more Mr nice guy! and its been huge for me!

[deleted] · 2014-04-18T01:41:08+00:00

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RedBigMan · 2014-04-17T22:36:53+00:00

On the rare occasion something does deserve an apology. Do not drag it out. Make it short, sweet and to the point then drop it ASAP.

[deleted] · 2014-04-18T00:41:59+00:00

Whenever I accidentally bump into someone when walking somewhere or in our dining halls ill say 'you're good'.

so its like implying that theyre saying 'im sorry' and then you just forgive.

very small thing but it implies alpha

herewegoaga1n · 2014-04-18T02:00:05+00:00

Well, fuck. -Canada

Bigmachiavelli · 2014-04-18T02:11:36+00:00

If you NEED to apologize. Say " I apologize" rather than "I'm sorry".

One is you taking an action the other speaks to your state of being.

General_Awesome · 2014-04-18T12:25:50+00:00

In some situations it should be said however. For example, if you step on someone's foot, you should apologize, or else people will just think you're a prick

laere · 2014-04-17T17:44:11+00:00

Holy shit this works. Actually a girl I work with always says "sorry." ALL THE TIME. Hell I'd walk past her and we'd brush shoulders and she'd turn and be like "sorry."

I confronted her and said "hey X you say sorry way to fucking much, cut that shit out, please." She's like "haha yea I probably should." Told her I used to be the same way back then. It makes a fucking difference.

Also I still practice not saying it. It's so wired into the subconscious though that it takes time. But hey, fucking worth. Great post man.

Gstreetshit · 2014-04-17T16:58:27+00:00

sorry

aazav · 2014-04-17T21:22:03+00:00

This will really hit Canadians where it hurts.

averagecycle · 2014-04-17T17:20:18+00:00

I don't use the word sorry at all. If I do something that's worth apologizing for I say my bad.

Try it for a week...you'll like the results

[deleted] · Thu Apr 17 18:56:28 2014 UTC

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Macky_Hauser · 2014-04-17T19:19:39+00:00

Thank you!

betabux · 2014-04-17T20:32:39+00:00

What about hispanic countries? Spanish has words like "disculpa" and "perdon" both can mean "sorry" "excuse me" or "forgive me"

Sturmgeist781 · 2014-04-17T20:50:43+00:00

Last night in a bar I bumped into two guys slightly shorter than me but more broad and more built than me. I didn't say a word, didn't acknowledge them and just kept walking.

Had I apologized I probably would have looked like a twat.

Just keep your head up and don't say sorry.

MrZigler · 2014-04-17T21:03:55+00:00

Truth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcugg6zyEic

a_chill_bro · 2014-04-17T21:19:26+00:00

Great post. There are a couple things I would add to that.

Aside from apologizing, you should eradicate inappropriate justification and explanations to others. This is especially true for arguments or when in a conflict.

This is just as bad as needless apologizing because it automatically puts you on the defensive. You are operating under someone else's frame and actively seeking their approval.

The only exception would be when dealing with a superior (a manager, boss, etc.)

More on this later.

[deleted] · 2014-04-17T22:09:03+00:00

Truth.

Didn't reply to a text for 5 hours? Don't say sorry if they call you on it. Don't even offer an explanation.

You are BUSY You have shit to do. Shit that matters more than some plate. I don't care if that's not true and all you were doing was playing COD, act like it.

DarkSayed · 2014-04-18T00:31:41+00:00

great advice. On board shall it be taken.

SixSixDickTrix · 2014-04-18T01:16:25+00:00

I just hate how everything seems so scripted, like when people say sorry to me and I don't know what to respond with. Like if I accidentally run into someone in the hall, we both mutually say sorry, or I look and feel like a dick. But if its over something menial that they do and they say sorry, while its entirely unnecessary, I can't even say "No problem" or "that's alright" because it's so absolutely minor. But I can't just say nothing can I, and now you ought to apologize as well for putting me into this awkward position since you've gone so far as to apologize for accidentally touching my foot under the desk. TL;DR don't say sorry to me, I wont have to say shit back. capisce!

Spookybear_ · 2014-04-18T01:37:03+00:00

I guess it's a matter of culture. Where I live, nobody says sorry. Bump into someone? It almost becomes a quest of ignoring the other person without awkwardness

[deleted] · 2014-04-18T02:07:13+00:00

I've stopped this too.

Also i noticed new women who are attracted to me say sorry for EVERYTHING when i am around them. Correlation?

WeAreAllSheep · 2014-04-18T03:39:00+00:00

so be a black guy?

eazy_bgko · 2014-04-18T04:30:09+00:00

Yeah i guess i gotta stop apologizing when i take a while to respond to a text or call. Thanks for the tip!

Casanova-Quinn · 2014-04-18T05:53:15+00:00

When you walk down a hallway at work and someone is in your way, why are you saying sorry?

"Excuse me" is the proper phrase for this situation.

Emiel000 · 2014-04-18T06:36:04+00:00

I saw this title and just wanted to jump in and say this is solid advice. Continuously apologizing gives off this vibe of wallowing in self-pity, it's not attractive at all, and in the end you just look like a sad beta fuck. Good post

StandOrDie · 2014-04-18T06:49:38+00:00

Sorry's a sorry ass word.

Moresolater · 2014-04-18T17:32:54+00:00

There is a huge different between being sorry and feeling sorry. If someone's dog dies you say you feel sorry, meaning you empathize with them. You're not actually sorry for having done something wrong you feel sorry for them meaning you pity them. However dealing with everyday run ins I usually say sorry if I'm the one that hits people. I tend to be an aggressive walker that has broad shoulders so I usually smash several people per day. I usually say sorry to them. If something is not my fault however I never ever say sorry. Never apologize for something that you don't feel is wrong, people will respect you more for it

Spiarff · 2014-04-17T16:29:34+00:00

What if you're clumsy and frequently punch people in the nose while putting on a sweatshirt?

[deleted] · 2014-04-17T18:30:48+00:00

I'm tall so I can just walk through people and they move aside. I never walk around women.

Heave · 2014-04-17T18:50:38+00:00

It's funny to notice, and apply this, since everyone that brushes passed me and says sorry like its oxygen. Every time a scenario like this takes place it would take place like this, they say "sorry" and in my head I'm like "you better be".

shot_the_chocolate · 2014-04-17T19:38:42+00:00

This subreddit will make arseholes of us all.

AugustusM · 2014-04-17T19:49:37+00:00

Not applicable in Britain. Failure to needlessly apologise will have only negative social consequences.

renegade2point0 · 2014-04-17T20:15:52+00:00

Replace the word sorry in your head with "that fills me with sorrow" and you won't be wasting your sorrys on the little crap.

[deleted] · Fri Apr 18 2:23:30 2014 UTC

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a_nus · 2014-04-17T17:45:53+00:00

I come from a country where nobody apologizes (unless you obviously hurt someone)

When I first arrived to the US I found it weird that people said "sorry" when they walked past me. It's kind of funny. I tried to get into the "saying sorry" thing for a few days but I just couldn't do it. I've had 2 girls tell me they like how I don't apologize or say "you're welcome" (I just say "mmhm")

Gstreetshit · 2014-04-17T16:55:11+00:00

Maybe I'm just a dick, but if I'm walking I don't move out of the way. It just doesn't occur to me. If someone is in my way I just say "I need to get by you"

If someone says "excuse me" I just say yep, yeah, or you're good/fine

TheSilverFin · 2014-04-17T17:50:10+00:00

I'm British, I can't help it!

captshady · 2014-04-17T19:18:50+00:00

On top of that, when someone apologizes, don't reply with "that's okay". Use "apology accepted" or "don't worry about it." "That's okay", relieves them of ownership.

[deleted] · 2014-04-17T19:52:52+00:00

i did this, its really good.

[deleted] · Thu Apr 17 20:28:18 2014 UTC

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DingDongSeven · 2014-04-17T22:48:04+00:00

Metacomment:

This Red Pill thread has someone named HerpesDragon telling people to "Stop apologizing for everything," followed by a bunch of heavily upvoted comments agreeing with it.

Ain't that something?

theecharon · 2014-04-17T19:56:27+00:00

But I am Canadien, Sorry but I can't not!

Title	Stop apologizing for everything
Author	HerpesDragon
Upvotes	305
Comments	177
Date	April 17, 2014 3:09 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/239v6d/stop_apologizing_for_everything/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/stop-apologizing-for-everything.14208 https://theredarchive.com/post/14208

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