Constant negging from alpha

Phoenixston · 2018-06-29T15:42:56+00:00

Stop losing frame. The girls aren’t interested in him because of his negging, they’re interested because he has strong frame (is alpha), attractive (tall and dark), and has social proof (a girlfriend).

It’s evident from the examples you’ve cited that you aren’t holding any kind of frame and are simply falling into his.

xpflip4 · 2018-06-29T15:10:18+00:00

Next him

Lambdal7 · 2018-06-29T15:13:10+00:00

Ask him loudly next time, why do you always have to prove yourself 😄

Be amused. Anytime he does it again, just say Chad trying to prove himself again. He'll probably get angry at you, but you just have to keep amused mastery going and his antics will fizzle out, making you the new alpha in the group.

You need to have frame for this though and some wits.

cholomite · 2018-06-29T17:42:06+00:00

"Hey man, if you're jealous, just say you're jealous"

With a shit eating grin, then just AA his responses as he tries to pin you back down. You won't win by "beating him", you win by displaying a lack of concern for him, which illustrates your dominance. What's a king to a god?

mortalcoil1 · 2018-06-29T17:31:42+00:00

Never be frustrated. This guy sounds dumb. Outsmart him. If he retells your joke point out how he said it wrong. If you fuck up, own it, and them come back at him twice as hard.

Always be charming, never be frustrated. Pretend like you are from the future. If you get frustrated, you lose, let me say that again, IF YOU GET FRUSTRATED, YOU LOSE.

Take charge, if he doesn't like it, be amused, if he gets aggressive, be amused. If he throws a punch, he loses.

blister333 · 2018-06-29T16:41:08+00:00

Agree and amplify, my god. Just take it to the absurd. Shit all over him

yahyasafe7 · 2018-06-29T18:25:23+00:00

Lol he's so full of shit.

I have an experience with 2 guys: one played out badly, the other turned into a lifetime friendship.

So on my first day in uni, I was studying with my new classmates. We had to make a quick survey for an experiment we were studying, and we were divided into small groups of 4. Every group had a member standing up and asking people about the experiment studied.

The douchebag alpha approached me and with a condensing tone and gaze asked me the question about the experiment. He was tall, stylish, lifts, you know. Right from that moment, I knew this guy is a fucking pain in the ass. He seemed bored as fuck and faked this British accent... I didn't quite pay attention to him but I knew one thing and one thing only: I'm so not being around this guy. Since then, we kept it really short. Our conversations didn't basically surpass weather remarks and manners. But still, he kept always talking with his head high which was annoying af.

The second guy I also met during that session. This guy is spinning plates. A lot of them. But when we met, he actually was acting like the betast guy possible. He was funny, easygoing, manly and felt like a guy you can actually rely on. But at the same time, he had a frame that's cold and solid as ice. Many times he showed that he is the guy who leads the pack. The funniest moment is when douchebag alpha and nice alpha meet together hahaha omg, what a fucking shitshow. The douchebag alpha is literally shittesting the nice alpha. You should just see the game of frame in there. It's like next level shit.

We're Europeans and English isn't the mothertongue for any of us. So we're all speaking English in different accents and manners. The douchebag alpha once made a remark on the nice alpha's way of pronouncing "McDonalds" xD The nice alpha just looked at him and said, "Are you serious? Who taught you that?" and so many other instances.

Now, I'm not adoring him for being alpha, but I just find it interesting that you could be an alpha and you could be a great guy at the same time. I like how he has a solid frame and how he keeps it casual around the boys. Everyone likes him, and everyone wants to be around him. He's dangerous when he doesn't like something, assertive when the need arises, but on the long run, he's easygoing and friendly.

I guess the take-home message here is to be friendly with a frame with guys, and to be a douchebag with girls.

BACONisKEWL · 2018-06-29T17:09:39+00:00

There used to be a guy in high school, I always had to deal with his shit tests. Amused mastery all the way man. This guy was stronger, more athletic, better looking and rich as fuck, but I was the dominant in the group dynamic, because I saw him as a scared little boy who would pipe up everyone once in a while in the hope people would believe his BS. It was child’s play swatting him back down with a couple words. The man with the stronger frame wins. Doesn’t matter how tall/ good looking he is. These traits may just help him maintain his frame. If you BELIEVE you are better than him, his negging will be amusing to you and you can respond in kind. It should be effortless. If you’re frustrated, you don’t have a strong enough frame.

ProMisogynist · 2018-06-29T15:34:09+00:00

I'll refer you to The Rational Male post "The Art of AMOG."

redrogue12 · 2018-06-29T16:31:25+00:00

Last night I was watching gorilla videos with my daughter. Some young gorillas had this exact same problem. Basically you have to beat the silverback to become it or leave the troop. There's no other way. I hope this helps.

awayverysoon2 · 2018-06-29T15:35:29+00:00

Literally just now, he walked inside the office (where I was working on my own) with one of the girls. First thing he says: "God Awayverysoon2, what are you doing NOW again?? having your laptop open?? It's always the same with you!" (meant as a "joke". The girl starts laughing/is impressed. I turn to the girl and say "oh gee, it's such fun working with this guy. He's a bit narcissist, you see".

Girl smiled. The alpha said some other things to me (don't remember). I ignored, he walked out, girl followed him.

buddboy · 2018-06-29T20:18:25+00:00

Listen to me. I am reading the other comments but if this guy is charismatic enough to be that likable he'll have plenty of responses at the ready and their suggested one liners will backfire. It's like seduction, the harder you try the weaker you will look. You can't fake confidence afterall.

I was that guy in college. I was actually the shortest of my group, and the only one that didn't work out, but I didn't seem to need to. I just have that charisma. I didn't mean to be a dick, I just got high off the attention, and people appreciated my "honesty". The way it worked as long as the girls liked me, and they were openly very flirty, the guys would go along with it too because they were beta.

What could they have done to put me in my place back in the day? Looking back the things they tried mostly made them look weak. Their animosity would slowly build up silently. I was perceptive enough to pick up on it and it would make me want to reinforce my position over that guy, it made me trust him less. So don't do that. Erase any animosity you have. He isn't forcing anyone to like him, they choose to as they see him as a leader, and not you. You need to accept that, he has high SMV and is the leader of the group.

March to the beat of your own drum. Make your own schedule. When it is time to work out, work out. When it is time to study, study. When you made plans, don't let anyone else make you flake, no matter the temptation. Stick to your guns without exception. Why? Because you will earn respect. Respect can only be earned and it will only be earned slowly. But anyone can obtain it and it lasts longer than this guys temporary amusements. Hook up with girls outside of the friend group, and do it often. Don't shit where you eat, all girls in your friend group all off limits except maybe for a one time only drunken deal.

Stop caring about this guy and his harem. Be social with them all, sure. But make your own brand.

Think about it, what is the problem here? This guy is awesome and you wish you were him. Isn't that true? Stop thinking about it. You basically have oneitis when you need to have abundance mentality and outcome Independence. Like another commenter correctly said, next him.

BTW you wanna know what happened to me after college? Although we're all friends the group moved all over the country, it dissolved. I have nothing to be the leader of anymore and therefore no one has a reason to be my follower. All the guys have animosity towards me, almost all my close male friends. They got sick of their girlfriends flirting with me and now we're not as close as I wish we were. And the guy that had everyones respect all along? he's the favorite now. He has nothing to prove to anyone and never has and everyone likes him as much as ever.

All the basic rp tenants apply here. Abundance mentality. Lift. Fuck. Outcome independence. You can't fake confidence, live the life that makes you confident. When it happens you won't even notice, because you won't care. Good luck brother

resnine · 2018-06-29T20:43:16+00:00

I fucking hate this dynamic. I've been there more times than I can count. It's the whole "the alpha can do no wrong" and "the beta is always wrong".... simply because high SMV is everything in a girls eyes. If you are low SMV you may as well be a rapist to them, so anything you say or do is just going to be looked at with disgust purely based on where you fall on the SMV scale. That's why people here are always saying "girls ONLY respond to SMV, everything else is irrelevant". You could present your group the most sane, kind, rational argument and then he could counter with the some insane, careless, and irrational argument and he would still win group-approval simply based on his high SMV. It's a harsh truth. Sure, it isn't always true, but it happens enough times to be a trend.

Also, you're frame in these situations is awful. You are living in this guys frame undoubtedly. He has you in the palm of his hands and he's playing you like a fiddle. You need to stop thinking about reacting and think about responding. The difference is staggering.

Jsieijejeieokkd · 2018-06-29T22:03:46+00:00

Bro, there will always be someone out there more Alpha than you. The best advice I got on here in a similar situation is to befriend him. Identify what you are stronger at than him (grades, 50m dash, whatever) and push that as a topic of conversation,

Ask his advice, disarm him.

I have a group of life long friends, we are all military alpha types. One is a green beret, other is a helicopter pilot, etc. When we get together is is a constant shit test, and damn can we still slay some girls.

It’s ok to hunt in a pack, be sure of yourself and hold your frame. Shit test him where you can win. Only a fools fights a losing battle.

kyzen142 · 2018-06-30T00:23:03+00:00

Well if you return the negs and start aggressively neging him u will earn respect in his eyes and he will stop neging infact he will even befriend you. These kind of situations are not easy it takes balls to amog another alpha male.

randomassortment_ · 2018-06-29T19:02:20+00:00

I'd look him in the eyes, with a fat smile on my face and say "why do you try so hard?"

Zanford · 2018-06-29T19:46:34+00:00

Learn from him. That's the most valuable thing you can do.

AMOGing is the operative term here (Alpha Male Other Guy), look it up on the sidebar / classic lit.

You can also try to beat him at his own game, by doing the same shit with a more silvered tongue. You can also AMOG him by calling him out in clever way ("there he goes again with the hyper sugar rush"), come up with a nickname for him, like 'class clown', and never use anything else, etc.

Be prepared for it to escalate as you both try to AMOG each other. If this is workplace or group projects in school etc (you said 'part of your education') so try not to let it spill over into sabotaging of group projects, or in front o the professor, etc.

As always, lift weights. This will give you internal confidence, better posture, mind-sharpening T raises, and better aesthetics to help with the reactions of both girls and guys.

FOODYUMONION · 2018-06-29T21:35:28+00:00

I know the type, I find being nonreactive and ignoring helps and when they keep going say "stop looking for attention" and then every time they say something stupid just jeer back "attention" "attention". But I don't know the situation. Probably best to move, it's not wise to be an another man's shadow if they are bringing you down instead of mentoring you

kiwifx · 2018-06-30T08:08:21+00:00

Writing under the influence of Gentleman Jack - deal with it.

This is shit-slinging, one area I think I do well in, and a great opportunity for you to grow into someone that holds their own in the male hierarchy. I've always worked with hard cunts in rough industries rather than office jobs, so I've had to simply sink or swim when it comes to this.

I'd advise fighting fire with fire here, but you need to prepare. I've come to really enjoy shit-talking with people, but it's been a long road getting to the point where I've become good at it. Keep that in mind. I can tell you to fight back verbally, but it's not a 'one and done' deal. If you're facing this problem with this guy, it won't be the last time. It's the same deal with women and shit tests. You need to always be ready to hit them out of the park, you don't just hit one off then retire. And you don't hit one without practice.

In this situation, I always drop this line on yappy skinny guys (but you need legs for this):

"Mate, are they your legs, or are you riding a chook?" (chook = chicken)

Something I picked up in Australia. I'm a Kiwi (New Zealand), and the common dynamic between Kiwi and Aussie is that Aussies accuse Kiwis of fucking sheep (we have 4 sheep to every human in the country). I ALWAYS get the obligatory "Oh, so you fuck sheep, do you?" comment whenever I encounter one of them - it's culturally required. The best way to stomp on it is with, "Yep, we fuck 'em, then you eat 'em. While we're talking about shagging, how did you guys manage to teach the Kangaroo to bend over for you?"

This guy sounds a little like Mack, a guy I work with. He's simply known as 'loudmouth'. He'd be a good worker if he just shut the fuck up, and the best way to put him in his place is to really get into him with "Jesus, do you ever shut the fuck up? All day long it's just yap yap yap with you.. your wife must be fucking deaf if she hasn't left you by now." He used to try it on with me until the night when he was being loud, someone told him to stop being such an angry prick, and he protested that he wasn't angry. I hadn't said anything all night until I chimed in with, "You're always fucking shouting, Mack, how the fuck can we tell?" The entire room erupted laughing at that, and we've got along great since.

Now, as I said, your guy sounds like Mack. If your guy is skinny, then it lines up nicely to point out that having him around is like dealing with a fucking chihuahua with an erection. That's instantly going to drop him down a little in front of the women, so you need to be ready to verbally deal with whatever he comes up with.

Study the guy, pick out his flaws and exploit them.

It can be difficult dealing with mouthy fuckwits like this, but you'll find that if you can sling some shit-talk right back in this guy's face, you'll likely find he'll wind up respecting you more. I've faced this numerous times in my line of work.. and the second you really throw something back in someone's face, they'll back off and start accepting you on their level. You'd think it might come to blows, but to be honest, it doesn't. I say that as someone who works in a room where everybody has razor-sharp knives on their hip.

I've mentioned the following in a past comment. There's a guy at work that I'd call a mate now. He's not yappy, but he likes to sling a bit of shit because he's a little insecure and wants to be seen as one of the guys. Plenty of flaws, primarily the fact that he's mid-20's with a balding hairline. He generally riffs on the 'you're gay' theme when he's trying to throw a bit of shit around. Last time he tried it with me he made some half decent 'you're a faggot' joke while I was the only guy from my (night) shift in the change shed among all of the dayshift guys changing to go home. I looked at him and cracked up laughing, to the point where everyone in the room thought I'd come to work high or drunk. When I got myself together, all the while laughing and looking right at him, I said, "Sorry man, but that head of yours looks like it got in a fight with a lawnmower, then a floor polisher jumped in to kick it while it was down!". Out of all his flaws, this was the one I think he feels the most. He's NEVER tried it on with me since, and we get along great now, definitely on equal footing.

Last thought: play the game, enjoy it and get good at it - you'll find it's very helpful in your RP journey. But don't be the guy that initiates it. That just shows insecurity. Give people a measure of respect until they show that they don't deserve it. Then be the good natured guy that slaps down a challenge brutally and goes about his day like a man.

johnnight · 2018-07-02T00:48:39+00:00

Ridicule & annoy.

atlastic1 · 2018-06-29T18:57:23+00:00

Treat it the same way as shit tests, agree and amplify, amused mastery, pressure flip etc. Neg him right back, guy probably loves the banter hence why he's doing it, looking for someone like minded.

TheBrokenRuler · 2018-06-29T19:03:04+00:00

Your frame is a bit fragile if you're letting him piss you off- like, I get it, it sounds annoying, but make it water off the back of a duck

EvanPetersDouble · 2018-06-29T19:21:30+00:00

Please update us on this, really wanna see how you serve him a cold ass kicking.

Gargantuar01 · 2018-06-29T20:54:18+00:00

Shit when you eat is only for work where you get paid, not education

TheDisillusionist · 2018-06-30T00:00:20+00:00

Is there a reason you are chained to this group? Cause it sounds like it sucks.

wawakaka · 2018-06-30T01:49:10+00:00

let him burn out...you can't really defeat this guy or else you will have to watch your back at all times...this guy don't sound like he playing with a full deck...he might be MEGA NARCISSISTIC or SOCIOPATHIC

but people like this burn out eventually i've seen quite of few people at my job like this and they run out of steam.

all NARCS need attention even negative attention so if you cut him off by ignoring him or just giving him a dead stare like WTF he will walk away cause he can't get his fuel from you.

Ricardo2991 · 2018-06-30T02:42:59+00:00

How old are you? This guy sounds like a douchebag who just happens to be more alpha than the rest of the guys in your group.

friendandadvisor · 2018-06-30T05:52:41+00:00

To be honest: I AM frustrated. It's really tiring to keep reacting to the constant negging, pointing out he's interrupting you, trying to talk as loudly as he is (as my voice isn't as resonant as his). Ignoring isn't really an option, since when the guys do it, they disappear into the background). I can't leave this group of people, it's part of my education. I'm not trying to bang any of the girls (you don't shit where you eat), though I'd like some respect. I hate being seen as weak.

WTF is so important to you about not being invisible?? You ain't no playa, so don't try to act like it. Here is a golden opportunity for you to learn, and, instead, you want to teach; unfortunately, you don't have the chops.

If you want to learn to be a rock star guitarist, go hang around Eddie Van Halen. You don't demand that he learn how you play "House of the Rising Sun". If you want to learn to be a wrestler, go hang around Hulk Hogan.You don't teach him how to do a nose tweak. Here, you want to be alpha. Hang around this guy, and don't be afraid to take notes. (Secretly, of course.) Remember what he says, and, in a different context and with a different audience, use that yourself.

You are not yet in his league, so, YOU HAD BLAMED WELL KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! He is worlds ahead of you. You can't instruct him, but, you can learn from him.

BeeBopJoe · 2018-06-30T06:03:28+00:00

Don't hang out with him if you don't like the vibes he gives off.

Aralant · 2018-06-30T15:48:28+00:00

You gotta be the vegeta to his goku.

He might be the loud goofy guy so you gotta be the strong silent type. If he makes fun of your mistakes, then just don't make any mistakes.

metallica11 · 2018-06-29T16:59:15+00:00

The only thing worse than a douche negging people and repeating jokes is a douche negging people and repeating jokes and everyone is FAR more receptive to them than when you say it.

squidnov · 2018-06-29T19:17:38+00:00

it's really hard to assert yourself as alpha if it's been going on for a long time. it's not worth the time or energy to "prove" yourself alpha. the less you interact, the less there is to bag on you for, ad the less you'll be seen as a punching bag. seriously, there's an art to not giving a shit, and only interacting when need be. seriously, don't invest any time and energy to earn respect with a group that's so easily fooled by a class clown.
sometimes the most alpha thing to do is walk away.

Youngyoda89 · 2018-06-29T20:36:11+00:00

Honestly at the age you are you’re too young for the red pill; it’s a powerful drug and is not intended for a mind that’s not fully developed.

TheBigLman · 2018-06-29T18:45:29+00:00

Sorry, but you have already lost. He has established dominance over you and the only way to get it back is to kick his ass. It really seems like you see him as a bully and he's in your head. Don't think there is any way to come back from this besides trying to knock him out.

Title	Constant negging from alpha
Author	awayverysoon2
Upvotes	48
Comments	88
Date	June 29, 2018 3:05 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8utu1z/constant_negging_from_alpha/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/constant-negging-from-alpha.101407 https://theredarchive.com/post/101407

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