The worst dating advice I’ve ever received was to focus on having fun and not getting women

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-07-04T14:12:31+00:00

It's a balance. That advice is useful to those who make pickup their only mission when they go out as it brings them down a notch. You wanna be out enjoying yourself, but still approaching and being social.

PaleoPimp · 2022-07-04T13:45:02+00:00

Well you gotta be 50-50 I feel like. 50% of the time going after women and 50% hanging out with your friends. But this ratio can change based on how you're feeling if one of the women is going to give out or not. Gauge interest and then determine how much time you should spend on her. Have fun flirting with women and if one is really interested then go after her.

HawkeyeGK · 2022-07-04T16:37:48+00:00

See, you learned to have a good time for yourself without needing the validation of women. Only THEN did you fold them into the fun you were having by approaching and presenting yourself in a good light by doing things like putting effort into your profiles.

If you do this the other way around, it's much, much harder.

Women may not just fall all over you if you're having fun, but approaching while you are having a good time without them is The Way.

serialkiller_mne · 2022-07-04T15:15:47+00:00

Make the primary goal when you go out to have fun. If you see a chick you want to talk to - do it.

But if you made your primary goal to have a blasting night achieved, wheter you smash/get her number is secondary, so far less disappointment.

Worst thing you can do to make your night shitty is to go out with a goal to pick up a girl, especially if your game is shitty

7GoodVibes · 2022-07-04T16:08:43+00:00

I think you misunderstood the advice you were given.

The advice is meant to give the message of having fun while talking with women, rather than making it into a task to be performed. Making anything into a task can make it unappealing.

Woujo · 2022-07-04T17:42:56+00:00

You need to do both. You need to focus on having fun, and only pay attention to women if they contribute to that fun.

grindforthegold · 2022-07-04T19:23:16+00:00

yeah it’s terrible advice. you gotta go out with a plan and strategy and execute. no one passes school tests by having fun and showing up lit to the exam

saulisdating · 2022-07-04T21:07:45+00:00

Having fun is a must. You just neglected the important part that comes AFTER fun. Intent and sexual tension with escalation.

Fun on its own makes you a cool friend to have but it doesn’t get you the women. Fun with sexual intent and tension gets you the women.

Drekalo · 2022-07-05T00:13:41+00:00

Step 1 is to focus on having fun, get fit, be interesting, develop good male friendships and hobbies, improve yourself.

Step 2 is to go out and get women. You miss every shot you don't take.

They just didn't tell you Step 2.

5_7pickup · 2022-07-05T00:39:53+00:00

Men who go out with goals and objectives will always outperform those who go out for “fun”.

When I go out with close friends, I dont do well in regards to picking up girls. When I go out solo or with wings, I do far better.

Focus matters.

Weary_Horse5749 · 2022-07-05T05:01:56+00:00

I think you got it wrong.
I recently went to a party with a lot(5-6) good looking women, I tried to chat with a girl(call herX) in the party and she did not respond well to me.

So instead I started talking to others, started enjoying the party and then suggested we do a karaoke and dance at the same time.
I bought all the other 5 girls to the dance floor, sang and danced with them.
After we were done with this, X started talking to me normally and I got her number.

I believe X saw that other girls validate me and I am not affected by her coldness towards me.

CometAzur42069 · 2022-07-04T16:28:17+00:00

Having fun with women consistently will lead to women proposing you.

Its possible you are also different and your idea of fun is bizarre.

justadudechllin · 2022-07-04T18:58:31+00:00

Good post. All the commenters don’t know jack shit. Fuck going “50% fun 50% girls” whatever the fuck that means. Go to the club or wherever and keep talking to girls with the intention to fuck them.

Dont have a weird creepy vibe tho. Just be cool, casual, chill or goofy. Whatever works for you when talking to these bitches. You’ll be fucking in no time.

BangaiiWatchman · 2022-07-04T17:34:17+00:00

Yeah I recently stopped believing in this. The men I know who get the most sex are really honest and forward about their sexuality. Not hiding it.

moosefinalist · 2022-07-05T04:49:43+00:00

I think this is highly dependent on what your baseline is; who you are as a person. "Having fun" can result in very different situations and behaviours for different people.

I write this as the opposite is true for me. Just having fun works wonders; but of course you also have to be your best, charming, lovable self along the way!

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-07-04T16:01:37+00:00

The advice is to make your enjoyment the prize and not chasing pussy. How is chasing pussy working out for you? Because a lot of guys mistakenly believe that because they got over their fear of approaching, they are somehow making progress but in reality they are still not getting women.

Snakehead004 · 2022-07-04T16:03:31+00:00

Idk man when I have fun I can't help but attract women. They've literally fallen into my lap to get my attention. You must have some unattractive qualities you're bit aware of. Hygiene? Clothing? Fitness? Well put together overall? Humor or some interesting conversation skills? If you've got all that and still have no interest from any women I don't know what to tell ya.. Do you have female friends?

theKnightWatchman44 · 2022-07-04T18:51:41+00:00

This is literally me since covid. What differences have you made? How are things going now?

Videogamesarereel · 2022-07-04T20:23:46+00:00

When you step back and "just try to have fun", you have to step back and make improvements. Just like a football player in the off season, of you don't practice and hone your skills, they will visibility get worse.

A lot of guys when given this advice will simply step back, do nothing, and sauk for months (and even years of they're not careful) which is where this advice, if not detailed and given correctly, truly misses the mark.

notarealpersondw · 2022-07-04T20:25:00+00:00

“I took advice that didn’t apply to me and now I blame that advice.“

Remember kids, advice is context specific.

Frodo2412 · 2022-07-04T20:45:07+00:00

There are stages.

ikeepon · 2022-07-04T21:40:44+00:00

I mean, obviously you gotta meet the women. No woman is gonna think ‘gee, that guy over there sure looks like he’s having fun. I just wanna take my panties off.’ Makes sense?

jjboy91 · 2022-07-04T21:53:51+00:00

I guess I don't know how to have fun then

ohsnapt · 2022-07-04T22:30:24+00:00

Lol well said

2022-07-04T23:17:42+00:00

Having fun and ignoring women has worked kinda very well to me, except that when I get approached in a party I get bored and I go do somethig else, I've danced with girls and I've abandoned them 'cuz I got bored (probably shoul've worked on logistics and bring them to a lonelier place and escale sexually) Also one day a girl asked me for a kiss but declined, I just wanted to have fun and that made feel kinda used and sexualized, she was also the love interest of a friend, so... yeah.

Neo-Rio · 2022-07-05T04:02:49+00:00

I've said it on another thread. The whole "not caring/not trying" argument comes up from time to time. It's about as useful as Mick Jagger coming in here and saying "I've never had problems with women!".... and yeah, he's right, because he's Mick f**king Jagger! How is that of any help to people who aren't?

The thing that you don't care about is being rejected, or taking women too seriously. You laugh it off and enjoy their righteous indignation - because if they had better things (and better men) to go to they wouldn't waste time on you. Love and hate are different sides of the same coin. It's *indifference* that's true power.

There are many different women out there. They think that they are all part of some kind of female-hive-mind, but in reality they aren't. The ones that say that "no woman would ever have sex with you!" are easily countered by all the ones that DO have sex with you!You have to see it for yourself to see how ridiculous some women are.

marowitt · 2022-07-05T07:37:16+00:00

The advice of having fun is the same as just being yourself.

Yes, going into getting women mode will get you laid, but none will stick around, because at some point you'll slip into complacency and stop having the get women mindset.

Yes, it's easier to have a button that you can just switch to go into "pick up mode". Because the deep changes needed to become attractive simply by being are very hard and very often you need to let go of your ego and expectations.

But the button is just a bandaid, if you do find someone that sticks around it's because they're probably just presenting a mask, same as you.

Domestic_Buy · 2022-07-05T11:27:56+00:00

Yeah it's bad advice along with similar advice about building a cool lifestyle/interesting hobbies.

Taking massive action whilst refining and developing your approach is what gets you results.

samozleg · 2022-07-05T11:31:11+00:00

Here's how that "advice" works based on my own experience

When I talk to females - not even thinking about dating them and the convo's going well, I'm having no desperation or neediness. I'm not trying to get them but by keeping the convo fun and entertaining I seem like a guy she'd want to continue talking to.

Unless I'm wrong, that's how it works.

Props to ya for putting in effort and getting the ladies though.

Chicagoj1563 · 2022-07-05T16:24:20+00:00

I think this is a misunderstanding of what this advice means. Focusing on the process and having fun doesn't mean don't try, or don't have an outcome you want to achieve. But, if you get your fundamentals down the girls and dates will be there. Focus on yourself and the things you can control, keep it fun and don't get in your head. Thats a much better approach than to be focused on an outcome.

The problem most guys have in doing this is they get in their head and are way too focused on getting the girl and the outcome. They never last. Let go of that and have fun, and everything becomes easier. Sure, you still have an outcome. But, the idea is to focus on your process and the fundamentals of communication. You look at outcomes when you are writing field reports and analyzing your game. Not when you are interacting with people. That's just manipulation.

Title	The worst dating advice I’ve ever received was to focus on having fun and not getting women
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	242
Comments	69
Date	July 4, 2022 1:29 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vr7gyx/the_worst_dating_advice_ive_ever_received_was_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-worst-dating-advice-ive-ever-received-was-to.1255363 https://theredarchive.com/post/1255363

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