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[–][deleted] 155 points156 points157 points 4 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link
Do nothing, there isn't much you can do to change their minds. If they want to monkey branch, they will monkey branch. Simple as that
[–]VeliVoy 26 points27 points28 points 4 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link
What's monkey branch
[–][deleted] 65 points66 points67 points 4 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
Hop from boyfriend to boyfriend. Think of it like job hopping but in relationships
[–]VeliVoy 37 points38 points39 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Damn lol, most girls where I live are like that.
[–][deleted] 23 points24 points25 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, you can't really stop that behavior unfortunately. You said it yourself, they have practically unlimited options now, there's not really a way to completely outcompete every guy if we're taking in mind things like a guys genetics (height, looks, etc).
[–]Gordon101 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Why do they monkey branch as opposed to casually hanging out with the guys in their circle? Kind of like ENM.
I have noticed this behavior too. I had a FWB a while ago, and she suddenly stopped all forms of sexual intimacy with me, but she was still hanging with me. It was OBVIOUS that she had switched to another consistent partner lol
[–][deleted] 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
as opposed to casually hanging out with the guys in their circle?
Yeah they have orbiters as well
It was OBVIOUS that she had switched to another consistent partner lol
Probably wants to keep you around as an option to monkey branch to incase all other options fail. You're the backup, or the backup of the backup. We don't know how far back in the queue you are.
[–]Chadius_Meridius 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
My girlfriend has about 12 orbiters, she hangs out with some of them. 1 in particular has been friendzoned hard. She literally considers him only a friend, but he's confessed his love for her about 4 or 5 times over the course of about 6 years of knowing eachother causing her to have to cut him off every time, but because she values his friendship, she keeps allowing him back into the friendzone which to be honest is brutal and cruel lmao, but he only has himself to blame.
[–]Bento_Box_B 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lmfao that's hilarious, RIP to that friendzoned guy
[–]Chadius_Meridius 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
F
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
but he only has himself to blame.
Good lord, what is your opinion on the fact that she has so many guys around her? You're not worried she might get "excited" with one of them?
This is partly why I don't even want to try to date again, I mean I've never dated but this just seems brutal. Imagine having to start from zero just so a bunch of girls can treat me like some disposable object, like I don't matter.
It sounds terrible, yet people wonder why there's so many "in*ls"
[–]Chadius_Meridius 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I am guilty of falling into the trap of getting in my head about these things sometimes.
Basically, if you're insecure and you get with an attractive girl who's outgoing and not a homebody, then you're gonna have a hard time until you work on those insecurities and especially work on yourself too.
Competition anxiety is real, but you combat it by first of all not comparing yourself to any other dude Always focus on yourself; continue to improve yourself physically, financially, mentally and just liking yourself. You have to be a little egotistical about it, and have the mentality that you're good enough, or better than good enough, but not to the point of total arrogance though. Some humility is also good.
You need to develop an abundance mindset; meaning that you are confident enough to know that there are plenty of other women out there that you can easily meet and hookup with/develop relationships with any time you like. That doesn't mean go out and cheat though. It means just knowing what you're capable of, not needing anything, not fearing the loss of a woman that isn't loyal to you either.
Knowledge is also extremely important. Understand that if you were good enough to attract that girl, and then have a relationship with her, then you've won. But that doesn't mean get complacent. You should still continue to develop yourself inside of that relationship. All of these orbiters are dreaming of having what you already have - she doesn't care about them, beyond getting likes on her posts most of the time. That is it, but if she does anything with one of them, it has less to do with you and more to do with her anyway and she has done you a favour by ridding you of her. Remember, it's just your turn. That's the kind of mentality you need to adopt.
My girlfriend hates that phrase, "it's just your turn", because she doesn't understand what it actually means. She thinks it's implying she's some sort of village bike, when it is a lot deeper than that. Girls aren't there for you to control, and on a whim she can change her mind and go elsewhere. As long as you know that, you cannot be truly disappointed, but can instead relax and enjoy the relationship for however long it lasts.
[–]Gordon101 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yup. And every time I tried to communicate this to her, she would get defensive and be like "if it happens, it happens". From my perspective though, this is a bit childish. She could have been like "Hey, I met this person and decided to fuck him for now".
In retrospect, I lost my cool a couple times and fucked it up. I legit wanted to be friends with her and shoot pool/get high, but the fact that we were having the kinkiest time just a few weeks back and that stopped was bugging me.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That sounds rough, well the grass is always greener for some people. At least you actually seem to be getting some action, you seem to be doing alright in this department.
[–]VeliVoy 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Happened with me as well, lol.
[–]mabden 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This one chick I was with for about 1 year, was described to me as a butterfly (before I met her.)
She would flit from guy to guy, never staying too long on any particular one. I guess I was her longest stay, but in the end she still floated away on the winds of whim. C'est la vie.
Moral of the story, enjoy your turn while it lasts.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yikes that sounds gross!
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Hoping from boyfriend to boyfriend?
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Agreed
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I didn’t know what that was either
[–][deleted] 40 points41 points42 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
RNG
[–]VeliVoy 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
What
[–]WoohooRobot 35 points36 points37 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Random number generated. Take your chances and keep investing in yourself
[–]VeliVoy 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Could you elaborate
[–]WoohooRobot 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You say hi to every interest possible to increase your odds. You invest in yourself with hobbies and things that make you a greater you. I take salsa classes at bars/clubs, get that social experience. You are you and you decide what investment increases your value. When they ask what your into, it makes it much easier to speak of yourself and gives you more respect. There’s also that self worth aspect. No zero days. Always invest
[–]Demonarke 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Luck basically (random number generator)
[–]mjornir 40 points41 points42 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You build a strong enough connection with one that she doesn’t want to leave you. There are plenty of women out there who are smart enough not to throw away a good relationship for a passing desire.
[–]GotThaAcid5tab 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. Strong boundaries are also important. If they've been crossed more than a couple times you show your worth and walk away.
[–]jakelasc 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This.
[–]Jay-Ames 33 points34 points35 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Listen to Chris Brown. They won't be loyal. Even when you are dating her exclusively she will still have backup boyfriends. Not saying she is cheating. They are just there in case if you mess up or you break up. Most women will deny this but it is absolutely true.
Stand out from the crowd by being the best you can be by focussing on making your life great instead of proving you are best boyfriend. She wants to be part of your life, not the other way around.
You will attract succes and women in your life when you do that. That's when your value goes up.
This will probably get downvoted by many sensitive people but i am speaking 100% truth here.
[–]VeliVoy 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
True lol, my ex gf had backup as well. Couple weeks in and she was in a relationship with someone else (Apparently the same guy who was just a friend that she wasn't interested in 🤣)
[–]Jay-Ames 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
See, there we have an example. I do want to add, the replacement boyfriend doesn't need to be one of the backup boyfriends. She just wants to have something in case things go wrong.
[–]FAKH89 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It happened to me in my last relationship which fucked me up for a while before I understand that all women would betray you and that's it's every person for himself outhere
[–]vroomvroomski 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Listen to Chris brown but don't act like him please lol
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (38 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]150420throwaway 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
Any examples of how to accomplish this, but for a non-retard (as a lot of the advice on this sub is catered on the assumption that everyone asking for advice is absolutely clueless)?
[–]Demonarke 51 points52 points53 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Tease her a lot, sometimes she will test you to try and test your kindness, for exemple one time a girl pouted at me, and I wanted to go and console her, but then I thought this was probably a shit test so I ignored her, and she eventually came to me, we kissed shortly after.
Women are very similar to cats, if you idolize them they will treat you like a fan, if you ignore them and treat them like they are not the center of your world they will come to you and see what's up.
It can be hard to act like this, because you will go against your kinder nature (at least I did) but it's a fucked up world and girls like the chase.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Chickenkip 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
It's been scientifically proven that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear
[–]TerminatorReborn 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
To prevent people thinking you are a incel or something, men can be like this too, but I also share the opinion that women do it more.
[–]Demonarke 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro, you will get called an incel for just speaking about these techniques in the first place, women will call you an incel and tell you "you have no idea how to flirt with us, you guys are clueless, just be kind and respectable" but truth be told we all know it's bullshit.
When fishing listen to the fisherman, not the fish.
[–]150420throwaway 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What do you mean by ‘console her’? By pouting I’m guessing you mean the puckered up lips?
One girl pointed out how we ‘held hands’ after high fiving, I responded with a smirk and “yeah just don’t get too emotionally attached just yet”, shit like that? If yes, how do I make my mind spot these opportunities? That example was something pretty unusual (I don’t have many opportunities to practice though)
So what did you change in your approach/behaviour yourself? How did you stop idolising and what did you start doing instead?
[–]Demonarke 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I had made a "mean" joke, and she crossed her arms, pouted and didn't look at me (we were at the cinema) I wanted to ask her if she was ok cause I wasn't sure what offended her but then I thought that this would probably make me look meek, so I just laughed, watched the movie and waited for her to come back to me, lo and behold, she eventually put her head on my shoulder.
One girl pointed out how we ‘held hands’ after high fiving, I responded with a smirk and “yeah just don’t get too emotionally attached just yet”
Yeah, I'd say that's a pretty good comeback
how do I make my mind spot these opportunities?
Shit bro, I don't know, for me personally most of the time I have to act against my better judgement, I usually notice it when I feel the need to be nice towards a girl, when I want to make her feel good about herself, that's when I usually need to stop myself, and perhaps continue to tease the girl even more.
I started taking risks, always acted against my fears, started flirting and teasing a lot, even when I felt like I shouldn't, I got lots of success from that but I'm not really that much of a good exemple because for now I'm retired from the dating sphere.
Dating and hooking up is mentally jarring, you have to constantly act against your nature if you are not a natural chad, and because of that relationships and sex feels shallow.
Honestly at this point I'm just gonna be myself, focus on improving myself, getting a stable career, and along the ride hopefully I can meet a nice girl to spend my life with but honestly I don't really believe that love lasts forever so I might not ever settle down, I'll see.
Seriously my best advice would be to stop giving a shit, like bro, women are not that important, they don't have to be the center of your life, focus on your hobbies and your ambitions, it feels much more satisfying than the ego rush you get from getting laid.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]150420throwaway 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Appreciate it, do you have any examples on what type of drama ‘intensity’ I should try to evoke? And any examples on how to act when she does something?
Obviously I won’t be trying to reenact your scenarios/examples, but they help me picture and imagine what I should be looking for
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]150420throwaway 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
See I don’t know how to be exciting because I can’t practice it easily - I’m seeing one girl for a mutual hobby but I think if she was attracted it might’ve faded, because I was too slow and I don’t know what I should implement
[–]wolvtongue 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Create drama within the relationship or she will bring drama from outside the relationship to you.
[–]VeliVoy 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Could you give examples of what kind of drama
Any guidance on the level of drama? Or how to take advantage of it?
[+]Brutal_Affection -13 points-12 points-11 points 4 years ago* (20 children) | Copy Link
Men are logical women are emotional.
Ask a woman who has ever gently rejected an average, insecure, desperate man if she would agree with that statement.
Men are responsible for literally all of the biggest, most widespread, and most disastrous decisions of all time for the most irrational, petty reasons imaginable (hello, Putin, Hitler, Stalin, etc.).
Stop saying patently absurd bullshit like this, please.
[–]VeliVoy 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
What's your point
[+]Brutal_Affection -13 points-12 points-11 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
My point is that the statement "men are logical women are emotional" is not just demonstrably false, it's also just a giant, steaming load of sexist, misogynistic bullshit.
[–]bradinthecreek 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
It’s a generalization. Calling Stalin (most laughable), Hitler and Putin emotional shows little knowledge of the 3.
[–]Brutal_Affection -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago* (11 children) | Copy Link
Just because it's a generalization doesn't mean it is, in any way, based in reality. That statement is indefensible, absurd, and in no way accurate
I can easily come up with 10 examples of how men are extremely emotional for every 1 example you can give for women.
Men with fragile egos are extremely volatile emotionally (hello Putin, Hitler, Stalin, etc.). And, the vast majority of men have fragile egos.
Again, ask literally any woman who has ever spent 5 minutes on the internet.
Because men are so emotionally repressed, they only feel comfortable expressing those emotions as "anger" (impotent rage) which they can come up with ways to justify as "reasonable" after the fact.
It doesn't negate the fact that men are not only highly emotional, they're also emotionally incompetent, and their emotional outbursts are far more extreme (hello Putin, Hitler, and Stalin), because they lack the self-awareness and healthy emotional regulation skills that women develop.
Just because women express a wider range of emotions and engage with their emotions more often than men doesn't make them more emotional. It just means they're not emotionally inept and retarded, like men are.
They don't bottle their emotions up and then lose control, allowing themselves to explode in violent rage, like men so often do (listen to literally any true crime podcast for an endless stream of examples).
Now that's a fucking generalization.
[–]bradinthecreek 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Ok cool
[–]Brutal_Affection 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
To be honest, the fact that you actually believe that statement to be true just exposes how little experience you must have with real-life women.
You don't even realize how much you're admitting about yourself by accepting and spreading such ludicrous bullshit.
[–]bradinthecreek -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Idc
[–]bradinthecreek -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Brutal_Affection 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Enjoy your spectacular success with women 👍😂
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Brutal_Affection 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Women are emotional as in they tend to change their feelings a lot and thrive on chaos.
First off, us two dudes arguing about "how women are" is pretty absurd, and you've got to admit as much.
However, there's a lot of actual, peer-reviewed, scientific research that refutes so many of these baseless and harmful claims, so fortunately, we don't have to rely on our opinions and speculations. We have actual data.
Perhaps your intention was not to be sexist, but the statement "women are emotional" and "women thrive on chaos" not-so-subtly implies that women are congitively inferior, because their emotional states supposedly hinder their capacity for logic and reason.
Again, that may not have been what you were implying, but historically, that is precisely what men have been saying for literally centuries. And, by repeating that claim, you are contributing to the spread of these false and harmful ideas, whether you realize it or not.
These ideas have had a significant and detrimental impact on how women are viewed and treated throughout history. As a son, brother, partner, and father to remarkable, intelligent, and strong women (along with just, you know, being a decent human being), I find these ideas to be detestable, to say the least, hence my anger.
Now, to the science.
In the realm of scientific research, a "meta-analysis" is when you analyze the results of a massive amount of other studies that have been published in peer-reviewed journals. It is essentially a "study of studies". By analyzing such a large and diverse sample of results, the findings become much more reliable.
If there are findings that are replicated universally across those studies, it's a pretty good bet that they're accurate and reliable. On the other hand, if there are findings that can not be replicated in other studies, they should be tossed out as "flukes".
Last year, a meta-analysis called "Dump the 'dimorphism': Comprehensive synthesis of human brain studies reveals few male-female differences beyond size" was published in a medical journal called Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews:
Dr. Eliot and her collaborators conducted a meta-synthesis of three decades of research, assimilating hundreds of the largest and most highly-cited brain imaging studies addressing 13 distinct measures of alleged sex difference. For nearly every measure, they found almost no differences that were widely reproduced across studies, even those involving thousands of participants. Male-female brain differences are also poorly replicated between diverse populations, such as Chinese versus American, meaning there is no universal marker that distinguishes men and women's brains across the human species.
Dr. Eliot and her collaborators conducted a meta-synthesis of three decades of research, assimilating hundreds of the largest and most highly-cited brain imaging studies addressing 13 distinct measures of alleged sex difference. For nearly every measure, they found almost no differences that were widely reproduced across studies, even those involving thousands of participants.
Male-female brain differences are also poorly replicated between diverse populations, such as Chinese versus American, meaning there is no universal marker that distinguishes men and women's brains across the human species.
This quote summarizes the findings nicely:
"Sex differences are sexy, but this false impression that there is such a thing as a 'male brain' and a 'female brain' has had wide impact on how we treat boys and girls, men and women," Dr. Eliot said. "The truth is that there are no universal, species-wide brain features that differ between the sexes. Rather, the brain is like other organs, such as the heart and kidneys, which are similar enough to be transplanted between women and men quite successfully."
"Sex differences are sexy, but this false impression that there is such a thing as a 'male brain' and a 'female brain' has had wide impact on how we treat boys and girls, men and women," Dr. Eliot said.
"The truth is that there are no universal, species-wide brain features that differ between the sexes. Rather, the brain is like other organs, such as the heart and kidneys, which are similar enough to be transplanted between women and men quite successfully."
Yes, you could theoretically take a male brain and place it into a female body (or vice versa), and it would function fundamentally the same, just like any other organ.
So, there is no basis on which you can claim that women somehow have unique brains that make them more "emotional" than men.
This is akin to claiming that "female kidneys" are somehow different from "male kidneys".
Men think more logically about things.
Considering everything we just learned about male and female brains, this statement becomes so massively and hilariously ironic that it's impossible to bear thinking about it for more than a second or two without falling on the floor and immediately dying of laughter.
Mr. Logical Brain Man, your claims have been entirely refuted by empirical scientific evidence.
Men's and women's brains are equally capable of reasoning and arriving at logically-sound conclusions.
It's totally ridiculous for you to suggest that men "think more logically" than women.
To put it plainly, your claims are as illogical as a claim possibly could be.
What I find really fascinating is how many men have deluded themselves into believing they are inherently so much more logical than women at the same exact time as their mouths are spewing fantastically nonsensical bullshit.
This should give you pause, and you should take time to reassess and revise your positions. But, I have a sneaking suspicion you won't.
So, if there are no significant differences in the structure of the brain between the sexes, does hormone production support your argument that women are inherently more emotional than men?
Again, we are the same species, with the same organs (yes, women even have prostates), and we produce the same hormones (albeit, in differing quantities).
If your argument is that women behave more "emotionally" than men because they are more hormonal, consider how much irrational human violence, chaos, and carnage is caused by a tiny little molecule commonly known as "testosterone".
That argument cuts both ways, to say the least.
However, gender-conforming men and women do tend to behave and express their emotions in different ways. So, what could possibly explain this?
Social conditioning, of course.
Norms around behavior and emotional expression are just as much social constructs as gender itself.
It is not because women are inherently more emotional. It is because it has historically been more socially acceptable for women to express a wider range of emotions and process their emotions more regularly.
On the other hand, historically, it has been socially unacceptable for gender-conforming men to express a wide range of emotions outwardly, aside from anger and rage, which are seen as "masculine" emotions (again, another social construct).
In fact, us gender-conforming men typically aren't even taught that it's okay to have a wide range of emotions, let alone how to identify and process them.
Most of the time, we can't even figure out what we're feeling or why, but we do know how to channel those feelings into anger. So, when we're feeling hurt, stressed, afraid, anxious, or any number of other emotions, we tend to just walk around pissed off all the time, not really knowing why.
Because we suppress our emotions, we fail to develop self-awareness and emotional regulation skills.
In a very real sense, it's almost universal for us gender-conforming men to be emotionally retarded.
We are so inexperienced with confronting and processing our own emotions (because so few of us go to therapy to learn how) that, while we might be able to suppress them and seem "calm and rational" for a while, eventually those emotions will burst out uncontrollably, often in violent fashion.
Men are not only highly emotional, we are also highly volatile, much like children who also have yet to develop their emotional regulation skills. Men simply get stuck at that stage of development, and never progress to proper emotional maturity.
Because we have fragile egos, we would never admit any of this about ourselves, of course, so again, we delude ourselves into thinking we simply don't have all these irrational emotions that women exhibit, and everything we do is based purely on logic.
Again, that is not how the human brain works.
Such an idea is so ridiculous on it's face that it isn't even deserving of a response.
Hitlers attempt at world domination wasn’t emotional, it was a plan of ruling the world.
Bro... Have you ever watched even 5 seconds of one Hitler's speeches? How can you say something that blatantly absurd with a straight face?
Hitler was quite possibly the most emotionally unhinged world leader we've seen in the entirety of modern history.
But, let's take a step back for a second. Are you seriously arguing that it is somehow emotionally healthy or psychologically normal for someone to be hell-bent on world domination?
How about the extermination of 11 million human beings in death camps?
You're saying these decisions were based purely on rational thought and sound, logical reasoning?
Something tells me that if it was a woman who had done those things, you'd be attributing her actions to the fact that "women are emotional and they thrive on chaos".
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Brutal_Affection 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
would you agree with me that they still thrive on chaos, and love drama?
I'm no expert, but from everything I've read, a human being who grows up in a chaotic and volatile household is probably going to continue reliving their traumas into adulthood, as that is the only thing they know.
That chaos and volatility actually become comforting, familiar, and safe, so they continue to seek out or even create those same situations. They literally never got the opportunity to learn how to function in any other environment.
However, that is true of both women and men.
I'm a prime example. I grew up in one of those households and I continued to seek out/create those familiar situations and got myself into a lot of trouble, until I went to therapy and learned how to process my trauma, develop self-awareness, gradually gain emotional regulation skills, and learn how to live without chaos, drama, and emotional immaturity/volatility.
I’ve come to observe that they enjoy being in dramatic situations. And because of this, I’ve been able to manipulate and navigate their choppy waters.
Since therapy, my experience with women has been the exact opposite. In fact, I attract and am attracted only to women who are reasonable and emotionally mature.
So, if I were you, I would ask myself what it is about you that keeps attracting emotionally immature women.
And women have responded very well to me when I showed emotional restraint and emotionally distanced myself from them. And when I treat them badly, they end up getting more attached.
Sounds about right. These are women who almost certainly experienced trauma and emotional neglect as children, and then developed an attachment disorder that continued into adulthood. They are emotionally stunted and desperately need to go to therapy to process their trauma and learn emotional regulation.
What you're describing is a textbook example of trauma bonding.
So what I’m saying is, I’ve found great dating success by being logical and unemotional, while also stimulating highly emotional responses in women.
You've found great success by helping women with unprocessed trauma recreate and relive that trauma, because that is what they find comforting and familiar.
You should ask yourself if engaging with these women is also helping you relive some of your own trauma.
[–]Nullroute127 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The good news is it actually isn't that hard to stand out beyond the average guy.
If you're not overweight/obese - You're ahead of 70% of men in US.
If you've got a job, ambition, and are working on yourself. This segues into not being needy, centered, confident. You're beyond the average man.
If you're emotionally stable (don't get butthurt, can pass shit tests, etc.) you're rather rare.
If you can create sexual tension, develop attraction, and do so INTENTIONALLY - You're in a SMALL minority of men.
These factors combined together make you unstoppable.
Perfect comment
[–]Chadius_Meridius 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Reading this made me feel like a superhero.
[–]musafirlinguist 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What’s a shit test?
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Become the best version you can possibly be. Workout, get a nice haircut, start to wear nice clothes. Only 10% of guys are doing this correctly and they’re the ones getting all the 🐱.
Do you really deserve a good looking women if you have nothing to offer? Value, looks, knowledge etc.
Otherwise you’ll get the bottom 10% of women and that’s what you’ll have to stick with
[–]GotThaAcid5tab 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🐱
Hamster? I want to be in the 10% with hamster.
[–]DiscombobulatedDome 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nothing other than being your true self. Get into shape, dress in fitted clothing and have hobbies, work hard. If they value all these traits then they’ll stay loyal. If she cheats, she was never yours. It was just your turn. Move on.
[–]Careless_Monkey 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Being kind and generous does not help a guy stick out at all. That’s how almost all guys act around attractive women, and that’s why most guys end up in the friend zone. To stand out, you have to be nice, but more importantly, you have to know how to flirt and create sexual tension. You also need to know how to stand your ground and be confident. You will never hear a woman say, “I slept with him because he was so nice”. Rather she slept with him because he made her FEEL something that she didn’t feel with anyone else.
[–]MistyMaisel 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nice doesn't equate to generous or kind. Nice is pretty much how you depict it. An ability to follow social norms in order to not be rejected or a groveling sort of thing to avoid harm and attempt to sneak in for goods.
Generous is a demonstration of an ability to see people's needs and provide for them when it is not required, warranted, or groveling.
Kind is a demonstration of an ability to be gentle, merciful, or thoughtful when it is not required, warranted, or groveling.
With that said, of course, the ability to flirt and be involved in chemistry is vital. That's just the ability to communicate what you want. The equivalent of traffic signs as to the relationship you're hoping for with your good character.
And with that said, I've absolutely gotten physical with guys who demonstrated generosity and kindness because they were kind or generous. And conversely, I've decided against getting physical or having a relationship with guys despite the fact they were very good at flirting and creating sexual tension because they were unkind or lacked generosity.
The thing you can make a woman feel is that you are generous and kind in a world where most people are not those things. Most people are nice. And typically, it is best if she feels that because it is actually true. Not because of a carefully crafted charade.
[–]DrinksAreOnTheHouse 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
there was a girl I was dating for a while, non-exclusively. after it really ended, she had a boyfriend 3 months after. I figure it takes 2-3 months of dating before you really get exclusive with someone. I think we all know what happened here. She was monkey-branching. It completely aligned with her character. Also, I don't feel weird about it. I wanted out of this BS.
[–]BweezyM 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I’m pretty over this shit tbh. There is just way too many hoops to jump through with dating & im not about to compete against 5-6 other dudes or whatever it is bc I know what I bring to the table. It feels like modern dating is just what it is at this point. Best bet is to grind make your money and let them chase you.
Yeah bro, just focus on yourself and be happy alone, trust me, dating is not worth the hassle really.
[–]ItsMwen 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
same here brother.. I'm not about to compete for or chase a woman
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I just go after the average/slightly above average looking girls where there is a lot less competition. Hot girls are just not worth it for me anymore…
[–]VeliVoy 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Dude, the average girl definitely has lesser options than the hot ones but they still have tens of guys behind them. The competition is high even at the lowest of the bottom.
Would you rather try to stand out from 100 guys or 10 guys?
[–]vroomvroomski 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ngl this is the wrong mentality. Everyone thinks like you do and the average girls end up having 100 options while the hot girls have 10 real options and 1000 simps with no chance.
I dated a model with 300k followers on Instagram. Big name celebs were in her DMs even before we started dating but I didn't care, I knew I was the one for her because we actually connected. I didn't feel like I was competing with anyone because I knew she liked me.
She ended up breaking up with me but it was because of something stupid I did.
[–]PHVEDO 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
BE HOTTER.
Yep... thats it if u r more attractive than the competition there is no competition. If u r not hot... too bad you might just be wasting your time. Its luck at that point
[–]VeliVoy 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I believe this is it about attraction, we just trying to talk about other things but we all know if you're hot and got good looks you're gonna get girls left and right.
[–]PHVEDO 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea thats the consensus, but its amplified on social media cause u r not in person and cant really vibe and connect with someone.
But this is not the right mindset to have. You should always strive to improve yourself mentally and physically
[–]DatKarismaKing 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
find the right girl. don't settle. take your time. be picky to the point of being permanently single if you don't find your ideal girl.
[–]PuroPincheGains 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can do one simple thing, and that's to not be needy. Don't hold her back. Don't rush into something serious. Don't act like her bf after a couple of dates. Don't be jealous or tell her not to do things. She's honestly guaranteed to have to deal with needy whiny boys all of the time. If you can be different than that, and carry yourself like someone who has an abundance of options, you'll stand out. Now I can do all of that, so the question remains, how do you stand out from the dudes that know this? Well look in the mirror and think about the things, inside and out, that might make you desirable and build on them. Be the best you that you can be. Only you can determine how you stand out.
[–]CocoBabeNYC 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
By not trying to impress her or even try to get her. Just make moves and take what you want.
[–]Pedalcrunch 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
yeah just stop talking to them, too much competition, they'll go with the hottest guy or the guy who spends a load of money on them.
[–]VeliVoy 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
They actually do go to those kind & honestly I don't blame them. Why would anyone want to settle for the average? Everyone wants the best. I just don't like the way they manipulate & exploit average nice guys for getting their work done giving them false hopes.... But the guys are to be blamed here as much the girls.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Props for seeing it.
Too many avg dudes do be entitled these days. Frustrated that they aren’t getting that hot girl.
Like bruh she has rich hot guys after her, why would she settle
[–]Pedalcrunch 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly.
That’s the neat part, you don’t
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
u can't really force girls to not have hoes, it's honestly a mindset thing and you can't just
1 2 3 Ur way to it...
You have to realize this is the nature of women, being unusually kind and idolizing won't get you anywhere. Once you realize there's nothing you can do about it any just accepting it then you'll be chill with it . The concept is if you don't care they'll chase . You have to stand out in ur own way 🤷♂️
Just be the best you can and only give time to those who earn it
That's where the fuck yes or no rule comes in. If you are fuck yes about her and if she is fuck yes about you, go for it, any other combination of yes, meh, no, whatever from either part is a no. You won't get laid as much as possible this way, but man will you be much happier and have much more options, if you constantly go out and meet women
[–]EOD_Bad_Karma 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Stop acting like every 'girl' you meet is 'the one'.
Every woman I meet is just another person. If they are hot, cool, they are nice to look at, but I have other women on my own roster as well. Stop trying to get with every single woman you meet.
If you find out they have a long list of guys waiting on them? Compliment them: "Hell yeah, sounds like you keep busy! Any cute ones in particular?" - Listen to them, see what they are attracted to. If you can't compete with them, don't. Do your own thing, live up to your own strengths.
If you don't have any strengths, then you need to work on yourself more. If you don't have confidence, that's the first thing you should work on. Gain confidence in yourself and what you can do.
I myself am maybe slightly above average in looks and below average in height, but I can listen well and I can make interesting conversation. I do very well for myself. - Always play to your strengths.
[–]alternativelaw_ 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women are the gate keepers. There is no amount of talking you can do to convince a woman to get with you. Take it easy, be respectful, work on your confidence and let them come to you.
[–]Shanbaceball 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly i found in my 20s i was really insecure and needed alot of validation i think this is common with girls this age you can see it on instragram posting selfy after selfy
Its a very selfish age
[–]bandsupjay 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How do u even know how many guys shes talking to son? If you wanna stand out, be yourself and dont give a fuck.
[–]youcheekydelinquent 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Every one has ten and it started before the internet lol
[–]Financial-Review-470 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What stands out to me is a guy who doesn't bring up anything sexual at all or keeps trying to slyly move the conversation in that direction when we just want to get to know you and not think you only want to get into our pants.
[–]Golden_Phoenix283 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Be consistent. Be a good person. And try to be better than the rest if you really like her. Women aren't settling for half ass bare minimum shit anymore. There's someone for everyone so no need to take it too personal.
[–]yourlittleman01 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They don't stay loyal LUL, welcome to the nature :))
[–]sansblonde 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t act like a fu*k boi. Be someone worthy of loyalty. Treat her like an actual person, not a fleshlight. As soon as a guy dehumanizes me I’m out looking for the next. 95% of men treat us like objects. You want loyalty? Be different. Consider that we have goals, strengths, needs and desires.
Side note to other comments suggesting treating women poorly: Any woman who likes you more when you treat her like shit isn’t a strong person. Why would you want women like that? Personally, I want a strong minded individual who challenges me to grow. A door mat of a person liking me just makes me feel pathetic.
[–]VeliVoy 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cos that's how most young girl I meet are; The strong independent ones once you get to know them closely liked to be controlled as well.
[–]kiramdahanett 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
The only key to outstand & maintain a girl is to treat her like garbage
[–]VeliVoy 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I agree- It worked like charm with one of my previous girls. She just couldn't leave me lol. She'd keep coming back, even though I treated her like trash.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol what a time to be alive sigh
[–]RepC 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
What does this even mean?
[–]VeliVoy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Could you be more specific
[–]RepC 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So you treated a girl badly but she wanted to be with you correct?
[–]VeliVoy 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah, but I didn't want her
[–]Gordon101 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also happened to me. This girl went absolutely nuts as I pulled away because she was toxic and VERY unstable.
[–]Demonarke 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is so sad but true, one of the main reasons I stopped dating, seems like the only way I could get laid was by acting like an absolute asshole.
Always felt like shit afterwards, so I stopped doing it.
[–]Snakehead004 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Be better than the other guys.
Most people don't have a very high IQ or EQ. You can control and change your EQ. Just don't listen to top comment and be an ass. Lots of ass holes out there, that won't make you stand out and won't help with any quality person.
[–]Demonarke 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
No, I'd wager most guys are meek and servile, you will actually stand out by acting like a douche, girls have so many orbiters around them that treat them like a princess, the asshole always stands out.
[–]Snakehead004 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, stands out as an asshole. Trust me any worthwhile woman will not fall for this frat boy bullshit. Maybe girls under 25 with low self esteem but imo they're also a nightmare to deal with
[–]Demonarke 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Meh, I dunno, I don't think girls every really grow out of that phase, the problem is that most people are either too nice/shy or too confident/arrogant.
So you usually get assholes who get laid a lot, and nice guys who don't. The thing is that assholes usually know how to manipulate women's emotions to make them feel things for them, and they have no qualm about doing so.
I've dated a woman in her thirties and she really wasn't that much different in terms of seduction, tease her a lot, don't be a pushover, let her come to you and don't indulge in her whims. Never take her for granted and never stop flirting/teasing her.
You don't have to be a complete asshole but I do think sometimes you need to tame your kinder nature in order to appear more attractive, we men tend to want to spoil our women, and it usually bites us in the ass at the end.
[–]Snakehead004 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah maybe.. I'm a pretty aggressive/assertive person but I've also always been very generous and loyal to people that I trust. I've had to learn to be more calm and gentile as I get older. It definitely helped with women vs being more of a selfish jerk when I was young but everyone's experiences are different..
Edit: also most of the ass hole guys I know are divorced and single..
[–]Demonarke 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It was probably easier for you since you started off being a selfish jerk (your own words) you actually had to learn to be "nice", most men need to learn to be mean, that's the real problem, and that's why most men struggle.
As you say so yourself, you are naturally an aggressive/assertive person.
[–]Snakehead004 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah that's what I'm realizing.. I think I've always been alpha enough due to my strong personality.. Even though I do fall hard for girls and am more of a relationship person. Just realized I've never really been too nice (even though I thought of myself as a 'nice guy' looking back honestly, that hasn't always been the case...)
[–]VeliVoy 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
That doesn't work because there's always going to be someone better. Actually there are way too many nice guys than assholes, people who are willing to let a girl walk all over them putting them on pedestal and thinking that would get them some pussy, but no.... The rude guy takes the girl away because he's a challenge for the girl. No matter what they say, women love drama... Although, they regret it at an older age/late 20s & then look for a nice guy to settle down who would take care of her babies-
[–]UnparliamentaryTea 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That doesn't work because there's always going to be someone better.
Not that this is incorrect, but it does become self-fulfilling. You can always find something about another guy that makes you feel inferior, but you also don’t know that some other guy isn’t making the assumption that you are better than him. You have to demonstrate compassion and love for yourself all the time. You’ll naturally start treating yourself like a king, which breeds confidence and strong boundaries (not being a pushover), and this is attractive.
I think it also helps remind you of how insecure a lot of attractive people are. As your own confidence level raises and people treat you better, your insecurities and fears don’t magically go away, it’s the same way with beautiful women. Having that compassion towards your own insecurities and imperfections helps you demonstrate strength and understanding when a woman is opening up about her own struggles, which makes her comfortable. You don’t need to go full nice guy or full asshole, it’s about a healthy balance of boundaries
[–]Snakehead004 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
there's always going to be someone better.
With that mentality, definitely. I don't think there's anyone better for me than my current partner and she feels the same way. When you make genuine connections you'll be amazed how loyal people can be.
[–]TheRealTempatron 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Seems like you have your answer then. Good luck.
[–]VeliVoy -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'd like to know what other people think- I am fairly average looking guy so being the rude/assertive guy would stop the only pussy I am getting, it works amazingly well when you're good looking through
[–]Demonarke 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're wrong dude, I've seen very average looking guys, even ugly looking guys, acting like douchebags and getting laid.
Try it and see the results.
I’m loyal, and I am talking with ONE guy and he is absolutely gorgeous, ( to me he is) he stands out for me with the use of his words and communication skills, compliments, and does not over analyze. He is secure and I have my freedom, also I will not speak to more than one guy at a time.
[–]Bunbosa 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Exactly! Same here.
That is awesome!! We should be friends!!
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can’t. It’s a rigged game.
[–]Maleficent_Sky8774 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
embrace poly
[–]RememberToEatDinner 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Get really good at giving orgasms.
Good sex doesn't keep the girl loyal, you'd just be used.
[–]RememberToEatDinner 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Idk man. Hasn't been a problem for me yet, but there are a ton of other factors beyond being good at sex. The real answer is be more interesting/smarter/emotional/desirable than everybody else?
[–]VeliVoy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah but it's hard when I was gifted with terrible facial genetics
[–]RememberToEatDinner 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Last night, I was talking to a girl that I've been sleeping with and we were talking about what has kept guys around for her long term. And she was saying how she likes to be with someone physically attractive, but she HAS to be with someone interesting. And consequently her two previous boyfriends were not particularly good looking guys. Everybody is different in what they are looking for and being physically unattractive can make it difficult at first, but it isn't some impossible hurdle.
But wtf do I know? I'm a stranger on the internet. I'm just saying if you come in with this attitude of "boo hoo poor me, women are big meanies that use ppl, if only I were better looking, etc" you are going to fail for sure. But if you go into more situations trying to enjoy yourself, don't be afraid of failure, and treat women like normal human beings, you'll be fine.
[–]nevertextgoodnight 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Through your behavior you create the circumstance in which she is pursuing you
Obviously she needs to have a certain level of interest in you. You cannot convert a woman with 0% attraction. Which is where "numbers game" comes in. You don't choose who is attracted to you but you can make the most opportunities to meet them
[–]Kronuk 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Make her feel good. Be high value and non-needy. Also don't give a shit if she talks to other guys and you will already set yourself apart. Attract and pipe her down better than the others. If you don't care about any other guy or consider them competition they won't be. Obviously if she becomes your girlfriend and sees guys still then drop that girl and don't give a shit either way about the outcome.
If she's keeping orbiters in case of a "downshift" what makes you think she won't "upshift" the moment someone better pops up?
I don't think you're in the game for something serious so, just to get some poon, be the best, look the best, wear the best, show the best, drive the best and yadda yadda. Hit and then move on.
[–]Alonso81687 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Have a huge pee pee
Personality, fitness, and money.
[–]Great at coke approachSnooHesitations4922 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You also have many options, even if it don't seem like it. The difference is women get too much free attention thanks to the blessing and the curse of the internet, so they become numb to it and sometimes annoyed, and then have no choice but to filter their options. So instead of giving attention, command it with old testament masculinity by walking and talking like a man and dressing to impress, then play like they can't just have you, act uninterested (even if u are) because the second u show too much interest, that p_$$* gonna dry up.
[–]BeginningMatter9180 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Talk to at least 5 girls at the same time until you see long term potential in any one of them (and she sees in you too).
[–]lostAndN0tFound 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don’t limit your options either. If they are in talking phase with multiple guys, as you said, let’s say 5. Then you also keep those many options open . Devote your time accordingly. Let’s imagine you had 5 options and you are texting calling whatever, you must be spending x time with 5 women. Each woman gets x/5 of your time. if currently you don’t have those many options then you don’t reduce the denominator. Let’s say you have 2 options, then don’t devote x/2 to each of them. Treat them with x/5 time only for both of them. The remaining 3x/5 time focus on yourself.
This is for women who are playing you and just trynna have fun and treat you like an option and you are okay doing the same. If you genuinely like someone then none of this apply.
[–]originalgainster 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How exactly do I stand out from the crowd
The best thing you can do is to be yourself, and be true to yourself and others.
how can I expect them to stay loyal?
You can't.
[–]Shanbaceball 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ya thats no surprise
[–]ApprehensiveHalf2802 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You got to have a great purpose, you shouldn’t care about who else is texting her. But if your purpose is only that girl, you are screwed
[–]jbiroliro 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The more you think about seduction, the worse you get at it
[–]bigtittylover001 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think you're taking it too deep. First get to know the girl and see if you two are compatible then take it from there. If she decides to start a relationship with you, and has values then you got nothing to worry about. It's just common sense girls have multiple options. Even ugly women have options.
[–]h1mera 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You fuck this girl so it does not matter to how many other guys she is talking to.
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[–]DiscombobulatedDome 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]DrinksAreOnTheHouse 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BweezyM 10 points11 points12 points (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–]CocoBabeNYC 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]yourlittleman01 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Great at coke approachSnooHesitations4922 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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