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[–]TheBurningStag13 144 points145 points146 points 5 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
You’re..shooting down each giver of advice to further bury yourself under the weight of your self pity..
Look mate, some of the people here are generally trying to give you some helpful advice..however the cliched-to-hell truth of it is that you have to decide if you’re going to take heed of said advice.
Sorry that things have been hard for you man, but you must adopt a different frame of thinking to get past this.
[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points-3 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
I really wish I could but this everywhere permeating feeling of being different and not belonging is holding me back. When I try to talk to someone, usually 'normies', they just feel so unrelatable most of the time. When they talk about their lives, their friendships, their sex lives, their partners, their trips, their HS stories, their finances etc, I just feel like I am too different. Very hard to pin down the feeling exactly, and you might be familiar with it yourself, but it is really discouraging. I used to be 'part' of some friend groups but not any more because they were too normal compared to me. For God's sake, one friend group was always shitting on me for being a virgin (I didn't even know what a hickey was until a few months ago) and life-inexperienced in general and I just left at one point.
I am willing to keep trying, but when I feel that sense of non-relatability it just makes me hopeless again.
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Get off of 4chan bro. Trust me, it's for the better
[–]WalidfromMorocco 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You might need therapy.
[–]smthpolo 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Have ever tried to just consider them as people, every person is different, calling everyone hormones is detrimental because you’re generalising everyone else you feel is different. But I’m actuality every person is a unique individual, maybe this boundary of normie is hindering you from having constructive social relationships?
[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points-3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"I have been made fun of because of who I am"
"Ever considered them people, though?"
What? Seriously, how the hell does your question even logically succeed my comment?
[–]iAmDoneTryingAnother 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You seem bitter.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Stop giving a fuck about others and learn to accept failure. You've gotten complacent...and except things to be handed on a silver platter to you? Everyone faces rejection. Go through it enough and you'll brush it off in no time.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I still haven't gotten used to social rejections though. I have lost many friends, friend groups, ghosted, got talked about behind my back etc. Every single time it stinged equally hard. What, should I get rejected even more? You think that is good for my mental health?
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yes. Either rot in your current state or put yourself out there and risk getting rejected. Think about what you're typing and how pitiful it sounds. You're rejecting feedback because you feel sorry for yourself. I suppose you will remain unfulfilled
[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points-2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
And this attitude of yours is supposed to lift my spirits then? 'Oh you don't feel the way I described you would feel, oh well, guess you will remain unfullfilled for life!'
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think he means that if you're going to reject any and all advice you're never going to have anything change for you...
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, it's not supposed to lift your spirits. You're sitting on reddit and crying about your current situation instead of accepting feedback from others, and that shows me that you're not receptive. It's pathetic.
[–]jintana 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
All right, so stop fucking talking to normies when you don’t have to. You’re a weirdo? Pursue weirdos. You’ll have a better time dating someone weird like you; you need to be yourself to make genuine connections, and masking is fucking exhausting. She will feel likewise to have found a weirdo like her.
You have your special talents and interests and shit you’ve done with your time. Fucking hasn’t been one of them but you’re now keenly aware of your interest. Ride it now. I’m sure you’ve seen “I’m 35 and don’t know what to do with my life” posts on Reddit - yours is similar. Learn from what you can. You’re not the only old virgin here by FAR. Make authentic connections, literally and figuratively. And celebrate the things you HAVE done well, like your degree. I mean, what makes you gravitate toward someone else - their crushing self-hatred? Or maybe it’s something fascinating about them.
So be fascinating.
[–]porn-chicken 58 points59 points60 points 5 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link
Yes, there is hope. You are young and in a great stage of life. Just graduating puts you in a position ahead of lots of people. Now it's up to you to create a life you want to live.
But it will be immensely difficult. Not because the task is difficult, but because you must do something outside of your comfort zone. Your little bubble of safety needs to be popped and you need to take the initiative.
Become more social, more engaging, more expressive, and less hesitant to fail. Get a sense of style, eat well, and do some exercise. Take every opportunity to meet people.
Actually go celebrate your graduation - not because you'll meet the love of your life or anything - but because it is flipping the script you've lived by on it's head. No more sheltering yourself. No more wallowing in self-pity.
[+][deleted] -57 points-56 points-55 points 5 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link
I'm. Not. Celebrating. I have nobody to celebrate with. My family is god awful and doesn't support me so fuck them. Friends, well, I don't have them. And I am not eating cake by myself.
You are young and in a great stage of life. Just graduating puts you in a position ahead of lots of people.
I am not young. Most people have already laid tremendous foundation for their lives. I have yet to dig the site. And I have no shovel. Graduation means nothing unless you want to attract a woman who just had her fair share of fun and now wants to settle for some wallflower financially stable guy.
Become more social, more engaging, more expressive, and less hesitant to fail.
God that sounds scary.
[–]_LilDuck 25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You don't have to eat cake alone. You can go to a restaurant or something. No, it won't be awkward. And don't worry about not having a foundation built or whatever. A lot of people don't have that going out of college. Now is your time to build it.
That last part may sound scary, but it is 100% worth it. It's all about putting yourself out there. I'm working on that myself. I see it as taking a leap of faith.
I believe in you, fellow redditor. Go make some moves.
You know what? I will! I will sneak out of the house, and treat myself with something. IDK what. A cigarette or a small piece of cake or something, and just enjoy some alone time in nature. And celebrate my degree.
[–]Miloslolz 33 points34 points35 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
God that sounds scary. I have nobody to celebrate with.
I have nobody to celebrate with.
Do you not see the irony in this. Who are you gonna meet in your bedroom. Nobody and yet you cry about it here.
The reason you've never done these things is because YOU'VE NEVER LEFT YOUR COMFORT ZONE, and all these people you say did it before you have in high school even.
You live in a bubble and you expect the world to shape around you instead of you shaping around it. You've graduated but have no knowledge.
Get out and start living.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
I am just afraid I am not good enough. Most people have socialised well in HS. They know how things work and I don't, and this inadequacy makes me not wanna do things. What if I try to invite people to something and it sucks, and if only I had experience I could have foreseen and prevented that?
[–]Miloslolz 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
If you don't love yourself people will never love you and that's a hard cold fact.
You're afraid you're not good enough because you have 0% confidence. To get confidence you need to start working out and taking it seriously, dressing better and taking care of yourself as well as truly letting go and being yourself. This is not bullshit, this is not some crappy YouTube video some chad made to get views, this is FACT.
You have 0 confidence as a result of living in your own bubble, not taking risks and putting yourself out there. You do these self destructive things and then expect people to feel sorry about you. Oh but I tried x thing and it didn't work. Sorry that's not good enough.
You need to put in REAL effort to get REAL results. You won't wake up one day with everything being better you have to work towards it.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
To get confidence you need to start working out and taking it seriously, dressing better and taking care of yourself as well as truly letting go and being yourself.
I did all of this and still don't feel confident because of my face. I must fix my face before I will ever even think of becoming confident. Saving up for surgery then.
You have 0 confidence as a result of living in your own bubble, not taking risks and putting yourself out there.
No I have 0 confidence because I am not good looking and because my entire HS/college life was a complete boring uninspired rut.
[–]Miloslolz 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I did all of this and still don't feel confident because of my face.
No you didn't you're making excuses. Confidence is about feeling good in your own skin, accept it and do everything else you can actually change like bodyweight, the clothes away and your attitude.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
But I don't feel good in my skin if my literal skin is ugly dude. What's so hard to understand about it. If you woke up tomorrow looking like a mixture between Danny Devito and Gollum, would you ever be confident? I doubt so. Extreme example but you're bullshitting me now. Looks are the primary source of confidence for me, especially in this lookist oversexualised society.
[–]Miloslolz 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Danny Devito was married with 3 kids.
You're self pitting incel mentality will be your downfall. Good luck.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
LMAO I bet if you woke up super ugly tomorrow you'd sing a different tune man
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I can relate
[–]sanchitk26 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sadly I can relate with you here...
[–]myqwel 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Talk about being fucking bitter. Maybe your attitude of being a contrarian to what people are telling you here is directly correlated with your inability to get laid or have any game whatsoever. I never understood why people ask for help and then blatantly reject what the individual is offering, especially if it’s legit. Don’t expect any further help or sympathy points from anyone if your outlook here is going to be this dogshit.
[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points-2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
So what do I do? Grab some cake, fuck off into some desolate park, and eat it there?
[–]palindromea111 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Dunno if someone has already asked you this, but have you ever wondered, just for a second, if the reason why you feel so "different" Is because you think, deep down, being different makes you somehow better than those "normies" You talk of? You can't relate to them because of their boring mainstream normalness cos you're not “like them". And yet you are bitter that they don't accept you. Maybe it's you who doesn't accept them because of your very superficial understanding about what "normal people" Are.
I know it's quite a snarky question, but I think you should take it seriously and try to figure out if that's the reason you can't relate. Cos that's the root of your problems, I guarantee you
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That isn't it. I do/watch a lot of 'mainstream' things myself. It's more about character, charisma, stories, experiences, life philosophy, the way I speak or see things, that makes me feel like I am the odd one out, rather than what I do or watch or listen to.
[–]myqwel 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s not about what to do necessarily as much as it’s about stopping what you’re currently doing, which is disrespecting the advice (and the individuals that give you said advice) because you want to be right so bad.
Get some fuckin hobbies. Go lift weights. Go jump in a martial arts gym/studio. Start running, watching your diet. Go hike. Go out by yourself on friday/saturday nights if you don’t have work or family obligations.
These are all concrete things you can do that could potentially result in you developing some confidence, good health, game w/ the ladies, and good friends (or girls if that’s what you’re after).
Stop doing all this negative self-talk and denigration of other’s advice, though. It makes you appear very dislikable and disagreeable, and nobody wants to give advice to somebody disagreeable. Work on yourself big time.
Then celebrate by yourself, no annoying people around, just you and your grub and whatever you bring on all for yourself
[–]GrandRub 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am not young.
you are 22. you are bloody young.
[–]Ohhhwordddd 32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The way your responding to people says a lot about you.
[–]JCrom8001 39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
Firstly stop referring to yourself as a “kissless Virgin” nobody gives a shit so neither should you.
Looks are subjective, and even if you do look like shit, a decent, confident and friendly personality masks about 60% of it, so get working on that.
Have a shower, find a hairstyle, get some unique smells. That’ll mask another 20%. Maybe do some workout that’ll mask at least another 10%.
You’ve now gone from a 0 out of 10 to a 9 out of 10 without much effort.
Don’t compare yourself to others. The past doesn’t matter, the future does.
I’ve got a mate who looks like Peter Griffin (with the personality of Cartman) and a dick smaller than my little toe. He’s fucked the hottest women of all of us. He doesn’t give a shit.
Join a club of something you’re interested in, meet people through that. End up going out somewhere in a group. Chat with randoms then.
Stop being afraid of rejection. You’ll get 100 no’s and 1 yes. Forget the no’s and only count the Yes. That’s what everybody else does.
[–]omosom 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
May I ask how do you know about your friends size?
[–]JCrom8001 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Stag week (not his or mine) he got really drunk and had to be dragged back to his room. He got naked and I could unfortunately see everything
[–]omosom 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So it was not hard I guess. The erected penis can be a lot bigger than the not erected. I still agree with you about what you wrote above though, self confidence and not caring matters a lot.
[+][deleted] -48 points-47 points-46 points 5 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
If you think just acting confident, getting a haircut, and lifting weights is 90% of the job, you're delusional. There is no gym for my face unless I pay 15-20K for various surgeries. And even then I can never get rid of asymmetries. Lifting weights is cool but takes a tremendous amount of time before you're distinguishable from normal people. A haircut is literally just that, a haircut. I spend a lot of time on it but since my hairline is beginning to recede I have had so many bad hair days I'd rather just shave it off but I know it won't look good. Anyways, in short, no, maybe that is like 30%. Then there is natural looks 35% and natural charisma 35%.
He doesn’t give a shit.
You know when I least gave a shit? High school. You know when I was most sexually unappealing? High school. So....
[–]JCrom8001 43 points44 points45 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Were you looking for advice or a pity party?
[+][deleted] -34 points-33 points-32 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
`Well you just reduced an entire lifetime of problems and struggle and bullying and depression to 'get a haircut and act friendly'. Kinda reductionist man. Maybe it worked for you. Maybe you were 16 when you lost your V. But it doesn't apply to me.
[–]JCrom8001 33 points34 points35 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No pal. I certainly didn’t. I was an awkward, insecure, bullied, lonely, person until my 20s.
I wish someone had told me that shit when I was your age. My youth would’ve been far more fun.
If you want me to tell you to suck your thumb, sit on your mother’s knee and have her tell you that you’re special - I’m sure she will, but you’ll just look like a 22 year old who hasn’t stopped breast feeding.
Dating and fucking isn’t quantum physics. Everybody hates themselves a bit, even the ones who seem like they don’t. Nobody gives a flying crap if you’re a virgin. You’re utterly insignificant to most people.
But guess what. That means they’re insignificant to you. Grow a pair, you’re never going to look like Zac Efron, but with a bit of work you could probably look like Ricky Gervais. He gets laid.
[–]_LilDuck 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How to not be a virgin
Step 1) don't worry about being a virgin
Boom.
[–]Own-Salad1974 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe you should go to therapy to discuss your problems further. You asked if there is hope and the people of this subreddit responded letting you know there is
[–]Ilovethaiicedtea 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Losing body fat actually does great things for your facial features so there quite literally is a gym for your face.
[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Body fat doesn't change your nose shape, eye area, hairline, facial asymmetry, open bite, holes in your beard etc.
[–]YoungDionysus 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
That's not true you idiot lmao.
Working out will increase testosterone and help your bears come in fuller. Fat pads around your eyes, nose, cheeks and jaw, change the entirety of the appearance of your face. And to reiterate everyone else on this thread you're placing WAY too much weight on appearance and not enough on confidence and attitude. Tbh it sounds like women just don't like you cause you're an ass lmao
Edit: working Out
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
women just don't like you cause you're an ass lmao
Nice assumption you made there mate. You do that often?
[–]YoungDionysus 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You gave me way too much evidence to refer to that as an assumption
Guess its easier to hate yourself then change yourself
[–]AhBenTabarnak 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Lifting weights is cool but takes a tremendous amount of time before you're distinguishable from normal people.
Well yes, but actually no. There's something called "newbie gainz", where your body will adapt at a faster rate when facing a new type of stress.
In my first 3 months of lifting weights, I gained 17 pounds of raw, lean muscle mass. Have you ever seen a 17 pound steak ? It's fucking enormous. So yeah the difference is quite noticeable, and fast. First month, I gained 8 pound of muscle. Add the fat I gained from eating more, at the end of the summer I was at +30 pounds, from 117 to 147lbs (5ft11), and I have one hell of a shitty metabolism so yeah, stop trying to find excuses, because there is none.
I think you greatly underestimate the ability of the body to adapt. We are not the apex predator by luck.
Edit : I also lost my virginity at 22
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]AhBenTabarnak 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yeah maybe more like 6-7 months, but still
[–]jakerob5 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Fuck it, I'll kiss you.
[–]aquariously 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
The way op is responding, I think he will eventually find a way to block your kiss 😩
[–]jakerob5 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Not if you hold him down and I kiss him. His days of self sabotage are over, whether he likes it or not
[–]aquariously 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😂😂 well, rather you than me 🥵 but go you on assertiveness 😁
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Am I really me if I don't sabotage myself? ;)
[–]aquariously 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can still be yourself without the self-destruction, but don’t go asking us for help or advice if you don’t really want to change 🤷🏾♀️
[–]-Kast- 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Soooo... best advice, given your state, would be to post a photo of yourself. Do it under another throwaway name if you must. Get feedback on your appearance, because that COULD be the problem.
That said, your attitude and demeanor here lends me to believe that you're relatively in a victimized state of mind, which never helps in any relationship capacity. Even if you were ugly, that's the minor issue here. Your bigger issue is your state of mind.
You clearly have self-identity issues. Sure, you might be a loser right now (as you seem to keep hinting at that). Ok, then fucking fix it. You have to like yourself in order for others to truly like you. Focus on who you want to be instead of focusing on what you don't have.
[–]Reddddeye 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bingo.
[–]5am5ara 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Mate you’re shooting yourself in the dick. You are still young. The clock it ticking though. You’re opportunities to meet women are only going to be more difficult the longer you wait, wallowing in self pity.
[–]didsomebodysaymyname 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
You should think about therapy, I get the sense you have a self-esteem problem. You're very down on yourself and assume nothing will work.
I would bet that you haven't actually made that much of an effort to date or meet people, you've already ruled out online.
So you're a social failure, so what? You're can young, you can build a social life.
You don't have to date online, but that's going to make things a lot harder for yourself. And I'm guessing you are going to have to do some other things you don't want to do.
You have to ask the question, do I not want to do the uncomfortable scary things, more than I don't be a "kissless virgin"
[–]mrblanketyblank 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I was coming here to say this exact same thing after reading OPs replies to people genuinely trying to help.
OP sounds like he had a traumatic childhood and shitty parents. And now he's turning into a shitty adult. That's what therapy is designed to fix.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
OP sounds like he had a traumatic childhood and shitty parents.
You're not wrong. And what does it take to shed such an image of yourself you have built into your mind? Moving out of the country and starting anew? Drugs? IDK.
[–]MythicDragon36 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
No. Definitely not drugs. Do not resort to that it will not go well for you.
Why not? I heard that drugs is a great tunnel to some good friendships, casual sex, fun hangouts etc. Why not give it a shot?
[–]MythicDragon36 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would strongly suggest doing some research first before going down this path. Also in your case they would a crux for not dealing with your issues.
[–]mrblanketyblank 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sorry for the slow reply. Drugs will make you feel better in the short run but it will make your life shittier overall. Once you recognize you were dealt a bad hand and that you want to change it, seek therapy. Or at least start researching psychology and self help. Your not the first person in the world to have a shitty upbringing and plenty of people have found a way to get past it positively. It's not easy but it is the only good way forward. Good luck my friend!
[–]mrblanketyblank 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh and also stop associating with the people who gave you that shitty upbringing. If you haven't already. Only let positive people into your life. Ditch anyone negative or who brings you down.
[–]double_prong 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Why not go out and talk to people? Just get to know them a little with 5-10 minute conversations. Practice those social skills.
P.S. I think the mods don't want me to suggest you get an escort sooner. I'm not sure, they aren't clear sometimes.
[+][deleted] -6 points-5 points-4 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Why not go out and talk to people?
IDK what to say, and I constantly get indications I should leave them be because I am not interesting or handsome enough to talk to. Constant micro-rejections like that make me wanna KMS.
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Practice by talking to old people. They’re not as intimidating and love any opportunity to speak to youngsters. You can learn a lot of social skills through interacting with people in their senior years. Learn how to ask the right questions and then how to LISTEN.
[–]JCrom8001 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s actually pretty sound advice. Never thought about it that way.
I actually see a lot of old people! They are different from young people though, and usually talk more than they listen haha. I'd rather train my skills with peers though.
[–]_LilDuck 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Hmm... Well I'd probably talk about common experience, if that's possible. I also think it's useful in conversation to go in with some confidence and a fun attitude.
I don't have a lot of common experiences with people. I don't go on holiday trips, I don't hang out with friends, I don't smoke or do drugs, I don't go out, I don't have sex.... that makes the majority of what people say unrelatable.
[–]_LilDuck 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not necessarily that common experience. I mean more like the stuff going on around you. Like the environment around you, what you're doing, etc. If you're talking face to face with someone, there's always some commonality just from the fact that you're next to each other. I get where you're coming from bc I also don't do half of those things, but I can still at least hold something of a conversation just off of those things. And if you need do, don't be afraid to probe a little once you're a little more acquainted with whom you're talking to.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’ll need to figure out some kind of self-improvement program that appeals to you. Books, therapy, meditation, religion, working out, improv class, microdosing, whatever. Based on your responses you don’t seem ready for a relationship, but you can get there. Lots of dudes have been in similar situations.
And if it’s such a hang up just see an escort now. Maybe you’ll get over yourself a little. Just don’t make a habit of it.
[–]FranangerForce 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
if you jack off a lot, stop jacking off
[–]JCrom8001 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nah. I’d say keep jacking off, but build it to a routine so that you’re not in constant horn mode.
[–]Dutchcat1077 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
M8… treat yourself to a prostitute. There is no shame.
I second this
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dutchcat1077 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Define “special”
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dutchcat1077 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
How’s that working out for you lonesome?
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dutchcat1077 -5 points-4 points-3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
See you put sex on this high pedestal where it don’t belong. Sex is raw, dirty, nasty and sometimes quite violent. Believe it or not but women prefer it this way.
[+]Dutchcat1077 -9 points-8 points-7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cool story
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
lol no
[–]lonesome-cowpoke 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Well listen, if you only care about losing your virginity, then go ahead and go a hooker. I'm not gonna stop you, boy. But don't assume that it'll make you more of a man. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at your age. You are still young.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
In my vision, masculine men get laid a lot, or at least have the opportunities. The fact that I graduated all of high school and uni without even as much as a peck tells me I am unmanly.
[–]lonesome-cowpoke 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
And paying for a hooker will fix that? Mate, you know what makes someone attractive? The ability to put yourself out there, do what you love and not giving a fuck about social standards and what other people think about you. If you keep hiding in your room worrying about not getting any women that is only going to make it worse. Just enjoy your life, slowly push the boundaries of your comfort zone and happiness will come. I promise you.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
And paying for a hooker will fix that?
I figure it will take some pressure off the kettle. Not having to worry any more about not having my first <...>s.
Mate, you know what makes someone attractive? The ability to put yourself out there, do what you love and not giving a fuck about social standards and what other people think about you.
Ok ok, but what do you define as 'getting out there and not giving a fuck'? Going to a club by yourself and dancing weird? Going to a party and throwing out controversial jokes? Are those examples?
[–]lonesome-cowpoke 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
If you really think that anybody gives a shit whether you are a virgin, you're in for a treat. Life will just be same, except that you are out 200 bucks but hey, if that's what you want...
I mean doing what you want to do without being afraid of failure and rejection and instead acknowledging that these are part of life. Talk to that girl you find attractive or yeah, dance in the club to that music you like.
I strongly advice you to read a book called 'Models' by Mark Mason and while you're at it, also some more of his literature. Maybe it'll change the way you see things about dating.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I actually read a 20 page summary of Models, and the main takeaway I got from that book is that attractiveness is inversely proportional to neediness. Which is strong advice IMO, but I think that if anything I show too little 'neediness' to the opposite sex. In fact, I hardly talk to them, so I can't even show desperation to begin with. But it's good to keep in mind nonetheless.
[–]lonesome-cowpoke 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you think it's about not showing any neediness, you clearly didn't understand any of it. It's about being honest with your intentions. Trust me, it's worth a purchase.
Anyway, try to be more open minded about all the advice given here in this thread because you seem to instantly reject a lot of people here. And I know I'm not going to change your mind but at least try to work on your physical and mental well being before wasting your money on hookers and facial surgery. The reason why you're not pulling any girls is not because you're a virgin or because of your face, it's because no girl wants to be with someone who keeps feeling sorry for themselves.
Best of luck to you, pal.
[–]Impulsive666 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link
Lift. Hit the gym. Hard.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link
I am already hitting the gym as much as time allows me to. Still hardly see results. This will take years upon years before I see results.
[–]-brax_ 30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
This will take years upon years before I see results.
You know everything. That's the problem.
[+][deleted] -14 points-13 points-12 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Well I think it's common knowledge that you don't get big after 6 months in the gym. I have been going for 1.5 years and only now do I begin to see some results coming up.
[–]PianoOwl 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You can’t even deadlift your bw once. After 1.5 years, lockdown or not, you should be way, way beyond this point. Follow a well known, tested program and fix your nutrition.
With those lifts and your bw/ height, you must be extremely skinny fat, which is definitely not helping you at all.
[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You are right. I did not take the gym serious enough for the first year or so. And I should drop body fat most definitely. But how is that all supposed to help me?
[–]PianoOwl 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It’ll make you look better and you’ll gain a ton of confidence as a result.
[–]PompousSchmuck 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Can confirm. Look better now, actually occasionally get hit upon in social dancing. As a man.
If you look like you have your shit together, maybe you DO have your shit together.
[–]AhBenTabarnak 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You actually can get fit after 6 months.
I went from a 135lbs squat to a 225 squat in that time frame (maybe more like 8 months).
From 55lbs bench to 135lbs flat
Bent over rows from 55lbs to 155lbs
Etc, you get the point. DM me i'll send you a program that will help you
I'd love to get your program!
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
bullshit. you know nothing if you think it takes years. i have been going for a 2 years, couldn't go to the gym for 9 months because of epilepsy in the middle of that and even after the first year my body was completely changed. my bud within his first 3 months looked huge and got compliments. your real problem is that you don't want an answer. your profile is asking the same question over and over again, so here's your answer: you may have not lost your virginity but you have done anal with that stick so far up your ass. these comments are helpful yet you insist to ask again in another sub or argue with them in the one you posted in today. not getting progress in the gym? look at what you are eating. not getting progress with your sex life? then go out and talk to people. and if they don't want to talk to you then it's your personality.
now go ask another sub why you are so miserable and maybe somebody will spill some pity onto you. or if you really wanna change, hit on somebody from your class or from your work.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Sorry to hear about your epilepsy. I know a friend who had it and it limited him so much in the most subtle ways. Hope you're doing better.
How many times a week did you hit the gym?
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
thank you. i go 4-5 times a week but that's unnecessary. 3 is fine. 1 day push, one day pull, one day legs. get home and either eat 3500 calories of mostly protein, or look up a calculator for weight loss. imo gym isn't as important as diet. and genetics don't determine IF you get lean or shredded, just how you look when you are lean or shredded. i wish you the best.
Thanks, pal. I have gotten an extensive guide from another Redditor which I will try to implement in the gym from now on.
It’s not about getting big. Working out gives you energy and a glow that other people find attractive. Maybe stop pumping iron and do more cardio.
I also do a lot of cardio!
[–]snuepe 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The fuck, the first year is when you see the most as long as you eat enough
[–]Impulsive666 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
What are your height, weight and lifts? If you’re not focusing on heavy multi joint lifts like squats, deadlift and bench you’re doing it wrong imo. I‘d also consider joining a crossfit gym. Often they have good communities and easy people to talk to.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I am not that strong when it comes to compounds actually. I am 6'1, and weigh 175 lbs. My DL is 110 lbs, my SQ is 90 lbs, and my BP is 55 lbs. Partially thanks to a 6 month lockdown.
[–]pussydownsyndorme 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are 6’1 bro. Your problem isnt lifting weights or being ugly or any of that. Your problem is you have crippling social anxiety and you refuse to do any social activities.
[–]Impulsive666 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Sorry for being blunt. Those are rookie numbers. Work on that, you should be able to double or better triple that with easy. When you squat 220, deadlift 245 and bench 195 you will look so different that even if you have an ugly face they will often not notice that first.
When you say those numbers, is that max 1 rep? Because my numbers are all max 8 rep.
[–]Impulsive666 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
for like 5ish
[–]Ilovethaiicedtea 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro you might need to get your Testosterone checked the way this thread is going and a 55 lb bench. You might have hormonal imbalances making you less confident than you might normally be.
[–]swissarm 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like your diet and/or sleep habits are the issue.
[–]Alive-Doughnut2345 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Look just don’t give up and don’t despair. I know that feeling of spiralling and it doesn’t help matters
What helps me is to distract myself with something else like the gym. Do not allow yourself to feel or wallow in self pity. Keep working until you see results, which you will if you are doing the work right.
The simple fact is this type of thing happens at different times for different people. Sometimes it takes a little longer for you to find your person/partner/f***buddy. That’s okay. Also you are still young. You still have time, I would kill to be 25 again.
Congratulations on graduating college!! That’s wonderful news and you should be proud, I hope it can give you the confidence you need to go for what you want in life. All the best
I did start going to the gym for this reason. While it's really nice, it doesn't really distract me. You really think I feel less ugly, or horny, or lonely, when I come back home? Not at all. It keeps me busy for 1 hour and then it's right back to square 1.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
what value do you add? why should someone kiss you? why don't you do something to help other people and improve yourself instead of having a pity party
ugly, bald, stupid, fat men get kissed and laid all day every day maybe not with the most beautiful women in the world, try lowering your standards and not thinking of yourself, the world doesn't owe you shit, you have to earn it
what value do you add? why should someone kiss you?
I thought kissing had to do with emotions/lust, not value someone provides? If I made more money, or had more degrees, would I be more valuable to be kissed?
well let's assume we are talking about romantic kissing, there are 100's of reasons someone would kiss someone
attraction has to do with value you add, most women have at least a few options with other men and why are you the best option? is it because you dress well and are tall? is it because you are fun and outgoing and always have a positive attitude? is it because you can fix things? is it because you like to play frisbee golf and they do too?
attraction + comfort = sex
so if your end game is to get a girlfriend or a wife or have a one night stand you have to be attractive for some reason and you have to make the woman feel comfortable around you
and to answer your questions, if you made more money or had more degrees you would be able to attract women who are interested in men for education and earnings potential so yes you would be more valuable to be kissed, essentially doing anything to improve yourself will make women more attracted to you
Makes sense actually. Thnx!
[–]JetPillar 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Maybe if you didn’t have so much bitterness toward women it would help
[+][deleted] -7 points-6 points-5 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I am more bitter towards myself than anyone else tbf.
[–]ItIsICoachCal 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
You have to deal with both I think, but you do have bitterness towards women that will hold you back at some point.
"Graduation means nothing unless you want to attract a woman who just had her fair share of fun and now wants to settle for some wallflower financially stable guy."
This stands out to me. Like, you've never been in this situation, but you already know why you'd fail/they'd fail you. I'm curious where this anxiety comes from. What specific people or events come to mind when you say things like that?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
Well I used to be told that Id make a great husband later, and they said this even back in HS. I have always wanted to break free of my good kid image, and things like that almost seem to convey 'you are onky good to provide, not to he fun with'. I als say it because buggest womanisers I know are blunt, edgy, very rebellious and disagreeable since a young age, etc. They do better.
[–]ItIsICoachCal 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I'm not sure what that means.
You know what the 'good kid' is? Well, when you're the 'good kid', eventually people start pressuring you into staying that way. For crying out loud, the first time I swore was reported to my parents because it was not heard of from someone like me. That is how bad it was. I wasn't allowed to express myself because from an early age I established myself as pious, agreeable, obedient, having good grades, sitting still etc.
[–]ItIsICoachCal 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
How does that relate to what I originally replied to?
Because you aksed what comes to mind when I say things like
And then I answered by saying that always being considered 'good', non-dangerous, stable, safe, people will often tell you you'd make great husband material. But that's not what I want. I don't want to be the guy women complain about their BFs about, I want to be the man they complain about to their friends. If you understand what I mean. I want to have fun too, but my entire life I have been put into this box of 'safe, boring'.
[–]ItIsICoachCal 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
How do you know a hypothetical future girls feels about you so specifically? You're not even giving this unknown person a chance to feel differently, you're deciding for her. Why are you so sure here?
Idk man. I got extremey lucky with a girl one time, missed by shot, and feel like I will never get an opportunity like that ever again.
This is going off of just you’re the title of this post I’m not going to read the actual party because based off the title i believe it’s going to be a woe is me i do everything right and still don’t get what i want so feel bad for me. Get you head out of your ass try something new. Take suggestion don’t try to people please. Be yourself if you don’t know who you are that’s even better so you can turn yourself into who you want to be.
[–]slumpmode 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Stop obsessing it, drink more water, don’t wear graphic t shirts
Graphic T shirts are the worst haha, I wear better things than that
[–]iccequeen 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You need to learn to compensate with something. I don’t know what you look like but if you really are ugly/repulsive/unattractive/weird like you say you are, and by the comments I would also guess miserable, then you can’t just bring nothing to the table and expect companionship.
sometimes people can just bring looks/personality and that’s enough! If that’s not you, idk, devote yourself to making money bro.
[–]JuneBerryBug94 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
By reading how you view yourself, to me it seems the best you can do is get off of the internet and stop identifying yourself as a “kissless virgin”. You are a complex human being. Explore your own depth.
I lost my virginity at 16 on a holiday in greece (which is the legal age of consent in Europe). I didn’t have sex again until I was in my 20s. I went through the whole of university without hooking up. I was too tall, too skinny, too nerdy.
After graduation I contacted some friends who were older, more stylish and more successful with women. They taught me how to dress, stressed the importance of working out and took me to parties filled with glamorous beautiful women.
It took a while for me to find my groove but my god once I did I never looked back. Between the ages of 25-35 I got together with women who were far above my league. Those girls with whom I never had a chance with at university now seemed ugly in comparison.
In short, take a step towards becoming an adult and the best version of yourself that you can be. You’re educated so use that education. Get a good job that will bring you an income and then invest that money into yourself. Join a gym and use it at least three times a week. Hire a stylist and learn to dress fashionably — it doesn’t have to cost you a fortune. Start going out to cool parties — if there are none near you then travel — travel opens your eyes and your mind to the world.
But also heed my warning — don’t be greedy. Once you find success with women it’s easy to get addicted to going out and having one night stands with beautiful girls. Don’t treat women like objects, they’re people just like you and me, even if sometimes they seem and act like goddesses. Don’t be too quick to get into a relationship, get some experience first and then find someone to partner up with.
Find friends who are like you going out specifically to meet women and are not going to be dicks about it. Drink in moderation, avoid taking drugs, don’t smoke weed — it doesn’t help.
Best of luck my man, I’m envious of you, you’re about to live the best days of your life.
[–]SpookyKG 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lost virginity ~21, have had like 25 partners and ending up with the best. Suck it up.
[–]_BlueBearyMuffin_ 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Maybe one of the problems is that you use the term “normies” unironically. Seriously though, reading through your post and comments, it really sounds like you’re 100% creating your own problems. Your attitude is god awful.
[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
At least everyone knows what I mean when I refer to 'normies'. Just normal people.
[–]NightHawk085 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You just graduated , let’s celebrate that first ! That’s a huge accomplishment in itself . Life is so much more than woman and when you realize trivial things like being with woman our minuscule in the bigger picture you’ll have more success with them. Realize that you’re in very low percentage of men who’ve graduated with a bachelors degree within 4 years. Congrats man
I have a Master's degree but thank you ^_^
[–]DannMaloneyy 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Dude if you're referring to anyone as a 'normie' you've already lost
[–]Shakespeare-Bot 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Broth'r if 't be true thou art referring to anyone as a 'normie' thee've already hath lost
I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.
Commands: !ShakespeareInsult, !fordo, !optout
!ShakespeareInsult
!fordo
!optout
[–]Anhilator26 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Your graduation ceremony is a perfect opportunity to fix that. Even if you don’t know the girl, walk up and hug her. Everyone will be happy there. She’ll likely have plans for that day too and you could probably jump onto them if you make a good impression.
Then it’s just about keeping in contact. Even if nothing happenes between you two on the day, she now associates you with one of the best days of her life. That’s your in. Use it.
Even if you don’t know the girl, walk up and hug her.
Cringe. That is how you end up on Twitter: "eew some weird rando tried to hug me at my ceremony"
[–]Anhilator26 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you’re both in gowns and clearly graduating then it’s fine. And I don’t mean a sneak attack lol. Like walk up to her with your arms out and wait for her to come in. If she doesn’t it’s fine, just talk.
[–]Dumbengineerr 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Post a pic Oran r/roastme. Looks like that’s what you want everyone here to do.
[–]AutistNerd 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why you care about that too much ? In Asia, nobody gives a F about being a virgin. Just have fun and love yourself. Stop caring too much about the society standard or social pressure that you have to lose your virginity.
[–]nickdojo 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
PM.
[–]OwYouHitMeInMyWienew 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I had kissed for the first time a few months before I graduated at 22. I did not have sex until I was 24, but I wouldn’t admit that stuff if I were you. I lied to the girl that I lost my virginity to and said that I had had sex before. She didn’t find out that I was lying until over a year after we had first had sex. Girls don’t like virgins.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yep, you got me. I am just a troll. Just wasting precious time of mine on the internet to troll some strangers. I am definitely not someone who desperately needs help... not at all.
[–]Nynyxnyxx -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Heres some real advice. Go for a "ugly" girl. Im not being mean but girls with self confidence issues are easy pickings. Usually if she has bad acne shes gonna be self conscious. Get some clothes that fits your body type. (FIT>BRAND) Doesnt matter if the girl cares about your threads if it makes YOU feel good then that will show. DONT be afraid of rejection if it happens smile and say take care! I get rejected 5 times before I get a yes. and the single yes makes all the no's in the world not matter.
[–]Miloslolz 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Bad advice, never settle for less. Not saying to have crazy standards but just don't settle for what you don't want.
[–]Nynyxnyxx 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude is looking for anything. whats wrong with getting a confidence boost with a less intimidating girl?
[–]jaydanteX -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You are perhaps gay
No.
[–]josboot11 -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
do mewing/chewing and bonesmashing bro!!! atleast you can have a good shape on yo face with this
Bonesmashing? WTF? Like... taking a hammer to the face?
[–]josboot11 -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yeah :)
[–]_LilDuck 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
First things first, get yourself out of this utterly self-deprecative state. It's generally undesirable in the dating market, so you probably won't get far with it. I'd recommend getting a job, making friends, or just enjoying life because right now it doesn't sound like you are. Just remember there is always hope till you drop dead. It's just a matter of delivering on it. The ball is purely in your court -- if you want to get a girl, you need to put in the work.
Then, get out of your home. Go to bars, arcades, etc. Have fun.
Fourth, talk to people. You need to take a bit of a quantity approach -- talking to more people will increase your odds of finding a desirable person. Make sure to flirt a little, hopefully you can escalate to a date. If you can get it there, then you're doing really well and hopefully you can seal the bag.
I don't guarantee results (esp since I haven't personally tried this) and it'd be nice if others could explain it a bit better but that should be the gist.
[–]Own-Salad1974 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes there is hope, however you need to be able to picture yourself, in your mind being good at dating women, before it happens in real life.
[–]WokeKemosabe 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
***22 just graduated University with nothing to stop you from fulfilling your dreams, reaching your goals and a bright future in front of you. Everything else will come. For now, at this time, in this moment, celebrate your successes. You have achieved more than many already. Continue to chase whatever it is you’re passionate about. Sex is cool and all, but so is being 22, done with school and realizing the power you have to shape and build the future you desire. Best.
[–]Mmm91for[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro I’ll tell you what changed my life. Semen retention. Practice this and watch your life and everything surrounding you change.
Search deeper into semen retention and female attraction. It’s real.
[–]Blueknight1533 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Jesus, is this a workout question or a getting laid question?! 1) working out is NOT an end-all-be-all. Sorry to all you necked jocks who are offended. 2) my number is WELL above double my age. It didn't happen by lifting weights, or happened by attitude. When I stopped caring is when I started scoring. Have confidence, be social, and don't care about picking someone up. I've had days because girls talk, so others wanted to try me out. I've been picked up in bars, many times. The point is, I want trying to find anyone. The minute I was, the well dried up because my attitude had changed.
[–]Kryptongame 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Have you hit the gym/diet? What do you look like send pics of you want
[–]eatyourchildren101 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Um, grad school?
[–]oscarony 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Google Corey wayne
[–]Yokowi 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What a freakin pity party 🙄🙄
[–]Vilando98 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah dude, you gotta put yourself out there. Scary as shit, sure, but it's in your head. Not gonna die from it, only grow from it
Take risks, even if it's awkward at first, but it'll get easier
Also workout, find some good structure, some healthy food and all, it will help with self confidence
Ok I may have never expressed myself well in this thread but the thing is that when I meet normies, I always feel off. Like I am so much different from them, I could never be a part of them. Doesn't help I have been ditched from several friend groups because I was always the odd one out. So yes, when I try to meet people, and I notice how again I am different, it just discourages me gravely. THAT is what I cannot overcome. Might add this to the main text too.
[–]r_m_castro 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Find some hookers to enjoy some of the sexual life and a psychologist to help you with social skills.
[–]Vilando98 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude, I don't care you're different, everyone is, some more than others sure, but still
Everyone can improve the same way, so again, stop thinking "Ho I am too different, can't be with them, hey, why am I alone?"
Everyone is different, but everyone improve the same way:
Work out and eat healthy
Get a job
Get some hobbies, you'll find people liking the same Take risks even if you think it'll hurt your ego or something, give less à fuck
Read, that will help a lot too in ways you don't think it would
Like.. take two month to fully commit to those two That's a good start
[–]l_drv 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
When I see your answers to the others comments that are trying to help you and encourage you, it doesn't surprise me that you haven't got laid. The TRUTH is you're an asshole, and until you realize that the world doesn't revolve around you and that your ego is so fragile it needs to be fueled by all these positive comments, you're not going to get laid, or make friends, or have a loving family.
I get nothing but praise in my life for being a kind and understanding person to others. Never once has someone IRl told me I am rude, or an asshole, or a prick. Awkward, at best, but not an asshole. But nope I must be a huge asshole in secret.
Newsflash pal, I know 3 guys who get laid like warlords and they are the biggest assholes/misogynists I have seen. But they're handsome so nobody cares.
[–]Shadow__Account 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This just means if you are willing to put in the work your best years in terms of life enjoyment are ahead of you! You making this topic means you are seriously frustrated which is good, let it fuel your actions to get better socially and with women and there is only up from here on, good luck
[–]BrexFlexx 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You might wanna consider going to therapy, getting your shit together and THEN start thinking about women.
Doesn’t sound like it’s much to do with your appearance but your attitude.
[–]PushOrganic 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go to a happy ending massage. They’ll let you fuck for $100. Just get it over with, hit the gym and try to make 6 figures as fast as possible. You got this
Hard to tell what your issues are without seeing a picture of you or knowing more.
Are you overweight? How do you dress? How’s your hygiene? Do you live with your parents? There’s so many variables to consider. I get the frustration though I’ve been there.
[–]BlueCollarSinner 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Stop buying into this crap of how society wants you to be or act. You graduated and now it's time to move on to get a job, gain experience, and get some wealth yo your name. But you don't just want to hook up with random chicks. Become the best version of yourself and know your worth. Trust me if you had slept with the whole college you would feel miserable too.
[–]MythicDragon36 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Dude, you are ONLY 22. You graduated university? That’s fucking awesome dude. What was your field of study first of all?
Second of all, just because you’re a virgin and haven’t been kissed doesn’t mean you’re a failure at all dude. I was the same. I didn’t have my first kiss and relationship until I was your age. And even so that’s because I put myself out there and it just so happened a friend was interested in me at the time. Now that may not necessarily happen for you but my point is fear I didn’t stay until bed ruminating on why I didn’t have a girlfriend.
Question: Do you have a job? What are your current hobbies?
If it’s friends you want to make, now is a great time to reach out on social media. There are so many social groups you can find. Heck meetup.com is perfect for meeting new people and establishing a new group of friends (not for dating but meeting up with new people).
Why do you consider online dating garbage? I can list several friends of mine who’ve had great success with it. Understand that not all online dating apps are the same. Example: Tinder is typically used for hookups and one-night stands whereas Hinge and Bumble are for those seeking long term relationships.
Just because your friends have had those experiences already doesn’t make you in anyway less of a person to them. You need to recognise the value in yourself. The fact that you’re a graduate is awesome. Celebrate it because you earned it. Even if you don’t feel like it.
You have to start believing in yourself. I would start by writing a list out on who and or what you’re thankful for. You may surprise yourself by having more you’re thankful for than you realise.
You think you are unworthy and ugly? Let me point you Turin Pitt, an Aussie lady whose face was burned horribly in a bushfire a few years ago: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turia_Pitt
That woman still lives and has a loving husband and had kids with him in spite of the accident.
Point is, you think you’re ugly? There are people out there who literally have it WORSE.
Your whole life is ahead of you dude. Start taking action instead of feeling sorry for yourself and what you don’t have.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What was your field of study first of all?
Physics. The worst study for your social skills/life.
Second of all, just because you’re a virgin and haven’t been kissed doesn’t mean you’re a failure at all dude.
No, I am not *a* failure, but I have failed at losing my virginity, something I have wanted since I was like 12.
Do you have a job?
Not fulltime, just some private tutoring.
What are your current hobbies?
I only work out and play some chess. Nothing more.
Why do you consider online dating garbage?
I can list 1000 things, but the few important things are: many girls want to be entertained. They don't bother with replies, at most 1 word replies, then deem you uninteresting and boring if you can't keep them entertained. With 100s of matches, it is a miracle she'd reply anyways. Then there's the thing I am too ugly for OLD. I am really unphotogenetic and my smile is ugly and awkward. I don't want to make professional photos either because they come across as tryhard, but I cannot stand looking at my big ugly horrid nose in HD. But I am saving up for plastic surgery so in a few years that problem should be gone too.
Just because your friends have had those experiences already doesn’t make you in anyway less of a person to them.
It's easy to say this, but hard to really *feel* it.
Celebrate it because you earned it.
Yeah but what's there to celebrate. I am unhappy. I sacrificed so much fun for this. I am burnt out to the point I have random panic attacks. My family is awful and unsupportive. I have no friends IRL. What is there to celebrate?
Start taking action instead of feeling sorry for yourself and what you don’t have.
Until I am attractive I won't enjoy life. I wanna be hot. I wanna be sexy. I wanna have a good face. I will gladly pay large sums of money to completely change up my body if that is what it takes. But I WILL become attractive at all costs. Without that, I won't be confident and won't live a fun life.
[–]MythicDragon36 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Dude physics is an awesome field. One of what I would consider the most difficult disciplines of science. I can understand why you are burned out by having applied yourself for so long. But now you’re finished. Well done.
You think that because you didn’t lose your virginity in high school that makes you a failure? No it doesn’t. You are NOT a failure. High school and university are literally small phases of your life. The regrets you had back then will not matter in the long run.
In regards to working what would you like to do?
What other hobbies have you thought about doing? Make a list. You now have more time for these things.
It’s true that you’ll have lots of rejections or people who just aren’t that interested but that is all part of the territory.
Taking a good photo where you don’t fake smile/being photogenic is hard enough for people. Do some research on how to make a good smile for photos.
Also dude I bet if any of us saw a photo of you we could definitely tell you’re not ugly. Also whilst I appreciate the fact you are working out, if you don’t believe you are attractive you will never believe it even if you end up looking like a Greek god. Women are attracted to men for multiple reasons and different looks. If you come at life with that attitude (believing you are unattractive) you will lose out on all of the joy life gives you. Enjoy what you have, find things that are fun as well. Try out a new skill, something you’ve never thought of before.
I would strongly recommend meeting a life mentor/coach. Someone who can help guide you. There’s no shame in getting help. I’ve done it and it’s been one of the best decisions I have made.
But now you’re finished. Well done.
Not yet. 4 more years to go (PhD). Kinda scary considering some people in my program have attempted suicide because of the stress but ok.
The regrets you had back then will not matter in the long run.
I disagree. I regret not being more social, being more edgy and giving less fucks. That would have solved like half my problems now.
Dude having been in high school compared to where I am now I am 100% glad that I don’t go to high school anymore.Join meetup groups or do some things out of your comfort zone like hiking. You’ll eventually meet people who care about you and will stick around for the long run.
[–]ZenithEnigma 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The way you are talking on this thread and about yourself shows why you can't get a single woman. Women do not like this shit you are doing...
'This shit you are doing' Please elaborate. I am not doing anything but conversing with some people here and in PMs, and those PMs are going really well :)
[–]ZenithEnigma 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good. Lets just hope that it isn't like earlier when you were bringing yourself down for no reason.
Lol
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