Dumb question: should you shit-test girls?

Graefinator · 2019-11-11T11:30:13+00:00

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Hubblenobbin · 2019-11-11T14:38:15+00:00

What are you trying to accomplish by saying this?

I bet guys approach you all the time.

This says nothing about the dynamic between you and her, it's useless.

I'm sure you say that every guy.

What are you trying to accomplish here? Get her to invest by saying you're special? That's a solid idea, but there are probably better ways to do it that can't be misconstrued as insecure.

AnneStaz · 2019-11-11T15:43:48+00:00

you should shit on her as a test

TheGreatConst · 2019-11-11T15:11:21+00:00

Teasing and challenging her - sure. "Shit-testing"? No. The point of shit-test is to find a reason to reject someone. Why you should do it?

shinn497 · 2019-11-11T15:58:18+00:00

dont shit test. Qualify

Babayaga20000 · 2019-11-11T16:12:48+00:00

Id say so:

Last night I had an interesting tinder conversation with a girl who was way above my average (in terms of physical looks).

I basically turned the convo into a test for her with a series of questions. And she almost failed the last one but changed her answer at the end.

Then I told her she got a perfect score and she ended up telling me to come out that night as she was just visiting and she was gonna leave the next day. I couldnt make it unfortunately as I work today, but the idea is the same. I basically made her jump through hoops with my questions so that when she "passes" she feels like shes qualified for me.

2019-11-11T14:59:13+00:00

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VIGILANCE981 · 2019-11-11T12:01:31+00:00

WhoDisBoiiii · 2019-11-11T13:12:14+00:00

Of course! I do it all the time. I reckon the need to be with someone authentic isn’t gender specific.

caesarfecit · 2019-11-11T16:22:18+00:00

Not a dumb question, actually a great one.

First we need to establish what exactly a shit test is. And the best way I can describe it is: any word or action intended to elict a response which answers the question "will you take my shit?"

Women shit-test because they want to see if the way a man presents himself is genuine or just a put-on to get in her pants. The logic being that if a man is being genuine, he won't be trolled by the shit test and if he isn't, he will.

The problem with shit tests is that they're actually bad game. They only really work on needy thirsty guys who usually out themselves eventually without it, and they betray a lot of neediness and insecurity. Not a very attractive look.

What is better is to qualify/tease/challenge women. This gives you the same polarizing effect of a shit test without the hostility and insecurity behind it. Women actually love these kinds of challenges because it's the game they actually want to play. They're just not very good at challenging guys without being obnoxious. The difference between flirting and shit-testing is the intention behind it. Good flirting has an intention of playfulness, amusement, confidence, and curiosity, shit-testing is more defensive.

And it's worth mentioning as well that guys already do shit test girls and they hate it. The most common form of male shit tests is hyper-aggressive sexual escalation right off the bat. This forces a girl to decide whether she's going to be sexually permissive and available long before she normally makes that decision. It only really works when a girl is already horny/attracted, and the rest of the time, it has the same effect on a girl that a really obnoxious female shit test has on a guy. And it arises from the same place - neediness and insecurity.

So I guess if I had to summarize the point that I'm trying to make, it'd be - don't shit test. It's bad game and it's just as likely to have a net negative effect as a positive one. You can get the same effect, with less obnoxiousness, and without sending the ugly turn-off signals of neediness and insecurity.

NookSwzy · 2019-11-11T16:47:08+00:00

You don't need to shit test, but you should qualify her. Watch how she treats waiters and bartenders. Listen to how she talks about her friends. Is she passionate about anything or does she just work and watch Netflix? Is she a responsible drinker?

These are the kind of things you should look out for.

Tropics_317 · 2019-11-11T13:45:54+00:00

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MentalRoutine · 2019-11-11T15:45:52+00:00

I seem to pass the tests, but fall apart completely and don't know what to do when they show that they want me to make the first move and become physically intimate... I'm not gay, just scared in that moment.

classicforever · 2019-11-11T18:07:29+00:00

The concept of “shit-tests” and the culture that has apparently made it necessary just strikes me as yet another thing incredibly toxic about American culture.

Umbran_scale · 2019-11-11T18:11:25+00:00

I tend to just lay it out in the open, first date will always be a coffee date to familiarise and get to know one another and the cost will be two seperate cheques so she shows she can look after herself

ahjota · 2019-11-11T18:28:20+00:00

Women want equality so yes.

petriomelony · 2019-11-11T18:33:12+00:00

A man doesn't need to shit test girls, because he qualifies them instead.

In dating, you should know generally what you want in a woman (ie: have standards). Qualifying is when you make a woman prove to you whether they have those qualities you desire or not.

This can be as simple as a question, ("Hey do you like cats?") or actually having them demonstrate said quality to you (here hold my cat).

Essentially, you are screening her for the qualities you want in a future mate. This is what women are doing with shit tests, but they do it in a roundabout way to test if you have confidence, if you're interesting, social, etc. (this is obviously a large generalization, because some girls are capable of being direct).

KneedHelpQuicc · 2019-11-11T19:42:43+00:00

It doesn’t do anything except hurt you lol. While you don’t treat her as a prize in actions, she basically is what you want. What will these questions do except provoke or annoy her? Maybe if you’re some rich 10/10 dude looking for hoes and women to string along but for a guy approaching a woman it just doesn’t help your chances unless you’re trying to play it off as a joke. But then it can come off as insecurity

recyclablebanthas · 2019-11-12T03:06:07+00:00

1

Dumb question: should you shit-test girls?

Point of order: A lot of people misunderstand the concept of "shit tests."

Most of the time, behavior that is being pegged as a "shit test," is really a guy dealing with his own insecurity when a girl unintentionally hits on a topic he's insecure about.
Sometimes a girl actually is trying to "neg" a guy or otherwise gaslight them to put them off-balance. In this case, they are being manipulative.

And often, the whole conversation about what to do about "shit tests," misses the point:

Guys often plot out all these complicated things to do in response to a girl they think is "shit-testing" them when the real issue is their own insecurity.
And when a girl is legitimately gaslighting them or negging them (i.e., being manipulative), they ought to be disqualifying themselves from consideration, at least if a dude has self-respect and doesn't want to be with someone whose primary goal is going to be to keep them down.

Yet, the common attitude is that guys should always be trying to get in there, regardless of what the girl is doing and what the effects of having her around would be.

2

That said, people do kind of "test" each other, or feel each other out for compatibility and if things don't line up, attraction will fizzle. But this is not something you can or should adapt to try to "beat," because then you're talking about changing who you are just to get a girl, which will mean one is selling out who they are just to score. Which erodes one's sense of self and also self-respect.

3

We always hear about how men have to be ready for shit-tests, hold your frame, exaggerate or ignore etc

It's not really such a big thing to be making a fuss about or stressing over. You shouldn't be taking yourself too seriously. That's the whole basis of the "agree and amplify" advice that's so popular.

And sure, one should have a backbone, but not to the point that one is so serious that they lose their sense of humor. True strength is shown when one isn't seeing everything people do as a challenge to their manhood.

4

but I haven't seen much about us doing the shit-testing unless that also means teasings.

There's no reason to do real "shit tests," unless you want to screen all the emotionally stable girls out and end up with girls who bring the drama.

Being playful? Sure, this goes with not taking yourself too seriously. But if your humor requires trying to take people down, then it's a crutch at best and one you shouldn't need.

5

Sometimes I find myself saying to girls "I bet guys approach you all the time" or "I'm sure you say that every guy"

These aren't shit tests.

A.) "I bet guys approach you all the time," is doing a couple things you probably don't intend.
- Tells her you're insecure.
- Sounds weird and awkward to start speaking in PUA lingo to her.
B.) "I'm sure you say that to every guy."
- Also shows insecurity.
- Doesn't help you because it doesn't lead anywhere in the conversation.

KrAzyDrummer · 2019-11-11T16:22:56+00:00

Yes.

Shit tests are just girls determining if a guy is worth investing their time and effort in. You shouldn't even have to worry about shit tests as long as you remain confident in who you are and what you want (granted, that's a pretty tall order). This is why shit tests are such an effective filter for girls to use as many dudes are simply out there trying to get laid, pretending to be confident and whatnot simply to get their dicks wet.

Guys should be doing the same. Not every girl is de-facto high value. In fact, most I interact with are boring af. I want someone who knows who they are, has goals in life, will drive me to be a better person, shares my values, etc. Not everyone fits that bill. So I'm looking out for that, and the types of questions I ask (and buttons I push) are directed to sussing out those types of people. For example, my sense of humor is extremely dry, sarcastic, and usually comes from calling out hypocrisy/irony/oxymorons (I come from a british family). Especially in today's mega sensitive PC culture, half the time I come off as a total dick when I'm just making a joke. If a chick couldn't handle some light ribbing, she ain't gonna survive the shit my family throws at each other on a daily basis.

But at the end of the day, the important message is this: You're high value too. Your time is valuable and you know it. So while she's shit testing you to see if you're worth her time, you should be testing her to see if she's worth your time. Again, this requires you to not only know who you are and what you want, but also be able to walk away. And walking away is one of the most powerful things you can do. It turns the tables and demonstrates your worth, not only to the girl but to yourself. And that builds your confidence more, which will only make you better next time. It also demonstrates abundance mentality, that you have other options better worth your time.

tannyb86 · 2019-11-11T16:34:35+00:00

This is one of the more incoherent posts I’ve seen here. Well done.

MatteoMancino22 · 2019-11-11T19:57:41+00:00

Confidence in men is equivalent to big breast, attractive facial features, nice backside in women.

The woman's shit test is the same as you checking out a girl's body.

Both will either pass or fail.

You see a pretty girl, then she turns around and it looks like a melted ice cream cone? Bleh.

Girl sees an attractive guy, throws a shit test - and he gets all insecure and needy? Bleh.

So yeah this is kinda pointless. Kinda just makes you sound butthurt or something.

Arellarr · 2019-11-11T16:55:07+00:00

Nope , that's mean

GoldenGrouper · 2019-11-11T12:01:50+00:00

I think yes because you don't want to show your needs and thirst of vaginas but the fact that you are picky, so shit test may mean that if she listens to stupid music then fuck her ....they disgust me... Stupid ignorant girls... Why I'm so alone, help me sigh sigh... Maybe I should listen to pop music as well...

rose77019 · 2019-11-11T13:59:50+00:00

You can if you want to risk losing her. As a high value woman I don’t put up with it. I would be out the door if my boyfriend shit test me... oh wait I guessing you never make it to the boyfriend status.....

Title	Dumb question: should you shit-test girls?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	124
Comments	89
Date	November 11, 2019 10:32 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/duqncl/dumb_question_should_you_shittest_girls/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dumb-question-should-you-shit-test-girls.1483530 https://theredarchive.com/post/1483530

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