From a fellow autist - flirting tips that actually work!

Disclaimer - I'm just a newbie and I'm still learning. I have read and seen a lot of stuff both here and in real life, so I thought I'd compile a post with the best tips I've come across; Particularly for those like me who may fall somewhere on the autism spectrum, or just didn't have this type of stuff "click" with them growing up. I actually got called charming/charismatic a couple of times (despite average looks) so I figured I'd share what I found to be the best advice I've gotten. This is either behavior I've read, done, or seen done by likable/confident men that I've tried to replicate and work into my interactions.

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1. Eye contact and shutting tf up when she's talking

This is maybe the most common advice given (eye contact), but for good reason. The importance of listening skills and eye contact cannot be understated. For years and years I was the guy not able to hold eye contact with anyone, let alone girls I found attractive. I would also be too jumpy and cut people off in conversation (without even meaning to be rude) just because I was nervous.

Ever had a conversation with someone who does this, though? It sucks. Nobody wants to converse with someone who just wants to hear themselves talk. So, DON'T DO THAT. If she's talking, be an active listener, stfu, and look her dead in the eyes. You can also gauge her interest if she's looking back in your eyes or not. That alone was one of my biggest takeaways from upping my eye contact. For some reason, as "easy" as this is, I see a lot of guys suck at it, and I can tell when a guy knows what he's doing or not.

Real life example: I got a job at a big store a couple of years ago, around the time I started reading up on seduction because I was so pathetic with it. I decided to practice my eye contact with everyone there (considering the volume of the store), but particularly the girls my age who worked there. This actually worked so well in a couple of cases that a couple of the girls got crushes on me and/or I just generally found them talking to me a lot over other people. I really trace it to the eye contact and listening as that was the biggest change I made.

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1. Teasing and disagreeing with her

This is another huge one and something I didn't really understand until I tried it myself. I used to always put off teasing as pointless, but it's honestly so effective in getting interest and having a fun conversation. Always being "nice" and super agreeable isn't as exciting and drys up pussy like nothing else. It's actually funny, because watching TV and movies, it's a common trope to see the guy on the first date try to find stuff in common with the girl and change his personality/interests in order to agree. Now, of course, having stuff in common is a good thing, but having some of your own opinions that may clash is great too, provided it's actually fun and not you dishing out your political views.

Of course, you gotta be a bit playful with it and not too serious, but if you do it right I honestly think this works better than anything else. Doing this too much is just weird and I've seen people take the teasing way too far to where it's just cringe. So, don't be that guy either. If you're familiar with push/pull techniques, it's really about that. If I'm disagreeing with her about something, I'd ideally try to come back to something positive so I'm not that guy who finds the negative in everything someone says. That's the last thing people want to be around either.

Real life example: Just the other day I had met a new girl (friend of friend basically) and I made a comment about how I hated rum (that was on her counter). This got her interest quick and I was able to tease her about it, and she went along too (jokingly flipping me off and defending it). Really quick and easy way to build a connection.

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1. Using inside jokes

I'm going to go off the previous example here with the rum, but say you get some joke like that going between the two of you, then you could go off of that at some point later and tease her about it, or even tell her "you have to make me one of those rum drinks you say are so good". I actually might try this if I see that girl again. It could be anything, though, but having something to call back to builds rapport and creates relationships.

Like disagreeing with her, this is something that can be overused and made cringey if you take it too far. If I keep forcing rum into the conversation because that's the one thing I remember about her, it ends up getting ridiculous and not funny anymore. I mention this because I've actually seen this sort of thing happen.

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1. Having solid introductions & speaking to people like you know them

This really applies to meeting anyone, but having a solid introduction without being nervous/awkward is a great skill to have. What helped me a lot here is thinking back to people that made great first impressions where you look back and think "wow, that dude/girl was super cool". I've even had conversations about new people/coworkers/whatever with others where I've said "yeah, that guy was super chill" and everyone else had the same opinion, simply because he had a great introduction. All that really takes is looking people them the eye, giving a handshake/fist bump/whatever, introducing yourself, and coming off as approachable.

Sorta like eye contact, this really isn't even difficult, but it's surprising the amount of people who make a lot of awkward introductions. Also, use her name when talking to her or getting her attention post introduction. I really like using fist bumps/some sort of touch, as I think it comes off as a little more genuine and friendly.

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1. Use statements instead of questions

"Is pink your favorite color?" vs. "You really like your pink"

"What's your fav type of music?" vs. "You're probably a billie eilish fan"

"What's your astrological sign?" vs. "I bet you're a pisces" (for some reason the astrology stuff almost always gets a good reaction)

These examples are kinda ass, but still. This is something I'm still working on & also didn't used to do much, but the statements over questions thing (like teasing) is just so incredibly effective in building tension. What's great is you could be right or wrong and either way you're getting the answer to the question you could have otherwise asked. So, try to avoid asking questions if it can instead be replaced with an assumptive statement, especially if you can get her on the defense about something she likes! This makes for a more fun conversation and destroys the job interview vibe.

Bonus tip I really like: If she asks you something where she could potentially guess, tell her to guess instead, or tell her you want to guess something about her. This is perfect for something like trying to figure out her major, star sign, or hometown. Then you can also get her to do the same for you.

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1. Getting in her personal space bubble/the power of touch

Ok, so big disclaimer here: DO NOT CREEPILY GET UP ON AND CROWD A GIRL'S PERSONAL SPACE. Especially if she's not giving you IOI's. Like most of this stuff, it's very circumstantial. Sexual assault isn't a joke. I've actually gotten close to girls at concerts and made awkward and terrible conversation, and probably came off as super weird, so don't do this!

But say you're talking to a girl at a loud venue and you move in closer, or, she takes a step towards you... KEEP YOUR FEET LIKE CEMENT AND DON'T FUCKING MOVE. This is one of the best tips I got from my old coworker who was a big smooth talker. If she wants to get some more space from you, she's obviously more than welcome to, but there's absolutely no reason why you should be fidgeting or moving away from her and killing the tension. This is something I would often screw up and just back off to be "polite", but really, you're just screwing yourself doing that.

Sometimes, you can test it by getting a bit closer and if you notice she moves back, she's obviously not feeling it. Again, though, don't be a fucking weirdo and make girls uncomfortable. At the same time, you basically have to figure out if she's feeling you or not. Fortune favors the bold, and there's no way of finding out if she's into you unless you try. Expressly asking her "mind if I touch your shoulder" or something stupid like that is a vibe killer like no other. A lot of this is using your best judgement, which I know is tough if you're lacking social skills, but watching interactions and having more helps with this.

Real life example: I was at a restaurant earlier this summer and for my order, the waitress got maybe 12 inches from my face when I was ordering. Even though they work for tips, I found it a bit out of the ordinary as I'd never had that happen. I didn't move back or fidget, though; I just stayed still and continued to hold eye contact. That's actually a small story of its own, but still, a perfect example of staying still and making eye contact, and where she could have easily moved away if that's what she wanted.

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1. Making her laugh

This is pretty lame and generic, to be fair, but damn, if it isn't effective. I've found that being "witty" is actually better than being "funny". Most of it really does come down to comedic timing. If you can work an inside joke into a witty comment about something - that's absolute gold. It's always a good feeling, too, if you can make a girl (or anyone) legitimately laugh and not just a fake one to be nice.

Tip: watch comedy. Whether that's stand up, movies, tv, etc. I actually get a ton of my humor from years and years of comedy that I watched growing up. And shit, if I'm being totally honest, I've actually stolen some jokes and used them in conversation.

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1. Complimenting clothes/shoes/accessories

I've found this is the best thing to compliment, even better than saying "you're really cute". Commenting on style or her vibe is much better than her face or assets. Hair and voice is ok, too, but that comes off as a bit more flirty, especially voice. I like complimenting stuff like shirt, jewelry, shoes, tattoos, etc. Then work in statements about her, some teasing, maybe light touch, and repeat. That's basically the flirting system.

Note: At the same time, don't be super afraid to comment on appearance, especially if you've already talked a bit. You shouldn't be ashamed for being attracted to a girl or calling her cute. I went a long time afraid to ever say something like that because I felt like it was wrong for me to say something like that to a girl. Fact of the matter is it's ok to be attracted to her and don't be shamed into feeling otherwise.

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1. Being positive about others in conversation

This is another thing I picked up from my old coworker, but I noticed he'd often reference others in his conversations, and say something positive about them. It's a super likable trait to have if you're always bringing other people up and being a positive person to be around. A lot of people do the opposite (and I've been guilty of this too) in making fun of strangers, saying negative stuff, etc., and that's simply not a person others want to talk to. Venting is cool, if you know them, but there's a line.

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1. Talking slower

Don't be a speed demon trying to get sentences out. This, again, is something I super struggled with, and still do to some level. Slowing tf down makes you come off as less nervous, and shit, the reason for me talking fast is often because I am nervous! Slower and more deliberate speech, with pauses, is honestly much better. Not being afraid to have a moment of silence and eye contact is great too. This is perfect if a girl asks you a stupid question or something too personal.

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Ok, that concludes my list of the things that helped me most. I'm still learning, like I said, but maybe some of this stuff will help someone else. I found all of these things to be super helpful techniques/tricks when it comes to flirting and being a more sociable and likable person.