I am suffering from envy

elgodo7 · 2019-02-24T23:04:15+00:00

Go and lift stop being jealous he worked for his body and you haven't put any effort into yours.

Stop volunteering so much and make time for gym.

petriomelony · 2019-02-24T23:53:58+00:00

dude just go for it. I'm 5' 10" and 130 lbs. being skinny doesn't mean you can't have confidence.

wagsyman · 2019-02-24T22:22:15+00:00

Dudeeeeeee you’re 5’10” which is an A S S E T. I feel like guys take a tad longer to really build up, so maybe be cool and casual and focus on the workout instead of the ladies rn. You don’t sound super secure with your bod but if you put in the work have the potential to be a babe at 23 or 24. Start by casually being friendly with the girls and if it’s meant to be it’ll click.

Fwest3975 · 2019-02-25T01:05:51+00:00

Lifting is the Best thing you can do for yourself as far the the amount of time/effort vs the benefits. Nothing makes you walk with your head high and y’all like a strong core muscle group.

__Kevin__ · 2019-02-24T23:52:32+00:00

He tries to get me to go to the gym with him, but my schedule is always busy

Make time. Being fit is not optional for attracting women. It's a requirement.

ModernWolfStrategies · 2019-02-25T03:22:17+00:00

I understand you're saying that you're envious, but really would you actually want to be this guy? You probably just want to be a more successful version of yourself and are pissed that that hasn't worked out for you.

For a guy in college I would recommend these things

-Work on making your persona fun, look for ways to have other people involved in that fun, don't take yourself too seriously, make everything you do sound awesome when you talk about it. This is more about energy than anything else.

-Don't be outcome dependent, don't worry about if people like you, don't worry about if you are going to get the girl, just stay present when talking to people and have fun.

-Avoid humor that makes you look overly goofy or childish. No weird voices or impressions. Just because it makes people laugh does not mean it's good attention.

-Keep a good neutral tone to your voice when talking to people, don't talk too fast.

-Be intentional - If you want to ask someone out, just ask them out, if you think someone's cute, just tell them.

-You don't have a type. You just think that you do. You will meet plenty of different types of girls throughout you're life. In high school and college people have this tendency of feeling like they can only date people who they have stuff in common with and it's bullshit. You have stuff in common with everyone and a lot of times you don't always have control over who will be attracted to you. Sometimes it will be someone who surprises you, so don't narrow your options because some girl likes the same band as you or wears a funny hat. All that stuff will not matter at all in a year. Plus girls dress certain ways because of what fashion dictates, not because of their actual tastes.

There is probably more, but that's off the top of my head.

Zephyr4813 · 2019-02-25T01:13:29+00:00

Lmao you need to make time to lift my dude. Take time from vegging out on video games and TV.

There is no better thing you could be doing for yourself during that time.

Men and women treat you way differently(better) when you have muscle mass, and when you are also fairly lean

cpcallen · 2019-02-24T23:34:54+00:00

Being built like a twig may not be ideal but it won't hold you back.

Thinking that being built like a twig will hold you back will.

It might be easier to change how you are built than how you think—but for sure one way or the other if you want something you're going to have to work at it.

misterandosan · 2019-02-25T01:17:24+00:00

schedule is always busy and I don't have workouts memorized like he does

Hands down dumbest excuse I've ever heard

The issue isn't you don't work out, it's that you're insecure and make excuses for your shortcomings. Work on your personal development first.

ndia1 · 2019-02-24T23:06:36+00:00

Youre fucking 22, be an adult and get what you want

Exiled_Irishman · 2019-02-25T00:28:51+00:00

Looking good isn't the main reason you'll get laid. However being confident about having a good body can get you laid!

(People are ultimately attracted to the vibe you give off)

recyclablebanthas · 2019-02-25T02:56:02+00:00

1

Our club president (who I am friends with) befriended a new girl.....it appears as though they are now dating.

They made out several times behind the event table, which just made me upset considering I've never had the testicular fortitude to even ask a girl out.

At the end of the day, you're basically angry with yourself.

And it's ironic, because when you're in the mindset that results in you not talking to girls, out of fear, it means you're allowing fear to rule your mind, which means the biggest barriers are created by your own mind, basically.

Kindergartners have many social things down better than we do.... they often just walk up to strangers and speak their minds, they lead with feelings and basic observations. These things are like 90% of what is required for good social interactions, but as we grow up, we all deal with different life events that lead many of us to believe (incorrectly) that socializing is more complicated than it really is.

2

Mind you, this guy is in shape at 5'7" and I'm built like a twig at 5'10" 150 lb. He tries to get me to go to the gym with him, but my schedule is always busy and I don't have workouts memorized like he does.

More mindset issues.

You're average weight and build..... maybe 5 lbs away from being pretty tone, if you wanted to be.
- But your mind has tricked you into believing that you're "a twig."
This guy has offered to help you at the gym, basically.
- Your mind has sabotaged you, finding every excuse why you can't go. Your schedule is too busy. Bull fucking shit. There are 24 hour gyms and even the ones that aren't, have hours from like 7 am - 12 mid. If you can't find the time in that window, then you're CHOOSING not to have it.
Working out isn't complicated and doesn't require heavy memorization or mental expertise. You realize that guys who lift a lot are called MEATHEADS and aren't stereotypically known for their brains, riiiiight?
- So somehow your brain has also convinced you that workouts are so complicated that you need routines memorized or something. Bullshit. You pick a body part, like arms or legs, go to the fucking gym, and pick machines that work that body part. And you get on a treadmill or cycle for 30-40 minutes beforehand or something. It's not rocket science.

The issue is fear. And you're not debating the irrational voice that's suggesting all these ridiculous notions.

3

We've also talked about dating before, and he has said in the past that he can't find what he's looking for on campus and is single. I have always been single.

What's the relevance of this?

Some people are single, some aren't. So what? If you want to spend time thinking about them, that takes brain power away from you and your situation.

4

That aside, I am asking for help because there are 5-6 new girls on the team, and quite a few are very attractive. I'm trying not to develop oneitis, also, but there are 1-2 girls that I would consider to be my type.

Couple things:

You're focused on these new girls, but it comes off like you're primarily focused on their appearance and don't know so much about who they are as people. The problem is, REAL compatibility, whether we're talking about casual encounters or serious relationships, is not solely based on appearance. So you have 5-6 new girls, that you apparently haven't talked to, but this really tells us almost nothing.
You find out what you're really dealing with, by getting your ass in there and talking to them, and by dropping any expectations beforehand. Because you have no real clue if any of them is actually attractive to you until you've had some good interactions with them.
You will develop oneitis if you don't interact directly with them.
Go interact directly with them, because like it or not, you're interacting with them RIGHT NOW, every time you're around them. The question is, are you limiting those interactions to non-verbal things like eye contact (or worse, avoiding eye contact) and other things, while avoiding conversations? Or are you getting in there? One way or the other, you'll be interacting with them. The question is what sorts of messages are you sending?

5

There's competition though and I need to squash it.

Couple more things:

Emotions don't change on or off like a light switch.
If someone is attracted, it's going to happen fast.
- And much of what happens is just due to who each person is without trying.
If someone's really into another person, someone else can't just walk up and magically change that.
- What's really happening is that sometimes it takes a bit of time for each person to get a full impression of who the other one is.
If a change seemingly occurs, then they weren't really that into it or the discovery process wasn't complete yet.

So there's really no such thing as the sort of "competition" you are afraid of here. On the other hand, if you act like there is, and act defensively like you're "in competition" with other guys, you will unintentionally show fear and come off unattractive.

Seduction is a two way street, a team sport. If she's into it, you're not playing against other dudes, you're playing WITH HER, and she'll be working with you.

6

I graduate in May and don't want to pass up any opportunities, but I don't want to be friendzoned in the process.

Couple MORE things:

If you insist on believing that something has to happen, basically in 2-3 months...... If you insist that the next 2-3 months has to make up for years of college and high school, that is a ridiculously and arbitrarily HIGH amount of needless pressure that you are putting on yourself.
If you enter into social interactions with this much pressure on yourself, even if it's just in the background of your mind, people are going to feel it, because that pressure will lead to you unintentionally adopting actions and thoughts that will FUCK you out of the results you want.
The solution is that you ought to be taking the long view and realizing that college isn't the end. College isn't the only place one can find social clubs, groups, and events where you can find regular contact with good friends and new people.

Being friend-zoned should not be a fear.
- It's part of the normal process of interacting with people. Some people you meet, it'll just click and it'll be on. Some people it won't click with but you can still be friends and those people will be social connections to future people you can meet, people who will willingly talk you up to their friends if you're handling your social interactions like a human.
- If you go through social interactions afraid that she'll just want friendship, you'll unintentionally conduct yourself in a less than flattering way, and if you take the step of pushing people away because they just want friendship, that won't help your overall vibe.

BigDickEnergy123 · 2019-02-25T02:45:53+00:00

You're making excuses while he's out doing shit.

Hard truth, be more like him.

Also I'm skinny and all my girlfriend's and my current one have all been super hot. Up your confidence/social skills.

grahamcrackers37 · 2019-02-25T03:05:52+00:00

Hey man, I'm 6'3 and 150 lbs. I am a stick. You've got some girth, hit the gym and fill it out, probably would only take a month of 2 or three times a week to see results.

Literally that's just 8 times going ng to the gym and you will have a sexier body, a stronger straighter back, and more confidence.

pentakiller19 · 2019-02-25T04:14:09+00:00

Stop being a little bitch and hit the gym, then ask out every girl you like.

Frya · 2019-02-24T23:55:03+00:00

I see a lot of bad things in the way you are thinking about all of this, but I honestly don't think you would even want to change them if I pointed them out one by one. Out of experience I know guys like you hold to such beliefs like they are mad.

dcsauce · 2019-02-25T02:09:30+00:00

You gotta stop making your goals dependent off this guy, who you only know how he is through work.

You gotta do what you really want to do. You see his final product, but not what he had to go through to achieve it. I’ve learned that through the years, and being envious only halts it, because you’re focusing on being someone else, when in the end you have to be you. It will make you happier in the long run.

NateDogg762 · 2019-02-25T03:46:49+00:00

Quit making excuses for not going to the gym with him. It's 1 to 2 hours of your day, you can make time. You most definitely want to hit the gym it will do wonders for your confidence.

DaftOdyssey · 2019-02-25T05:11:17+00:00

You're not envious; you're jealous. If you were envious, you would appreciate his hard work and use that to motivate you to be better than him.

Have a different perspective view in life, instead of feeling like a victim, and you'll be happier and successful.

Anthonym_ · 2019-02-25T00:03:13+00:00

Well im certainly not envious of you mate. Dont envy, become a person that others envy my friend

Trowawaycausebanned4 · 2019-02-25T01:13:32+00:00

Being friend zoned is better than no zoned because then you can meet their friends and maybe even progress further with them later

broomhead · 2019-02-25T01:22:17+00:00

If this is your mindset at the end of February I have a hard time thinking anything major is going to change before May.

TeapotTheDog · 2019-02-25T02:18:40+00:00

Just go for it. In your life you are going to get rejected a lot. No need to reject yourself first. Once you graduate the flirting game gets a ton harder, so get some practice in now.

You're a decent height and slim. That means any muscle you put on is gonna show. You already have a workout buddy that apparently knows his stuff. So you're already several steps up. Make time to stay fit. It's only going to get tougher as you get older to make time, so start now. Keep in mind you'll probably need to change your diet too, etc.

Still just talk to one you're interested in. If she says yes great, if not take it well, and use the motivation to get fit. Her opinion may even change in the process, or you may meet someone better.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

earl-sweatshop · 2019-02-25T02:23:43+00:00

buy a gym membership. set aside 20-30 minutes before bed to watch a couple videos on basic nutrition (more important than working out, btw) and beginners strength training.

i recommend: “simnett nutrition” “athlean x” “jeff nippard” “buff dudes” (sounds ridiculous, but they’re the guys that gave me my first workouts when i started) and “vitruvian physique”

always remember that if someone is trying to sell you something, odds are their information on that topic will be biased.

good luck!

also, this is an edit, but you need to drop the ‘competition’ mentality. i used to think the way you do, and once i started focusing on myself i had much, much better luck.

E3Lman · 2019-02-25T05:31:09+00:00

You had me at testicular fortitude

csgecko · 2019-02-25T08:13:30+00:00

Stop making little bitch excuses and go lift.

What exactly do you want help with?

What's the question here?

cmoney146 · 2019-02-25T16:16:19+00:00

Just going to put this out there. Seeing your homie with the girl you want is probably the best thing that will happen to you in your life. You're probably never going to get this specific girl, but guranteed you are now on the path to get many more girls just as attractive if not more attractive once you hit your stride in a year. The physical transformation of your body might take years, but just gettting your ass to the gym will start to do wonders for your mind. you'll start to exude a type of confidence that you cant necessarily see, but I promise you women will start to take notice rather quickly.

chronosthetitan · 2019-02-25T01:22:55+00:00

Don’t be bitchy about stuff, at the end of the day people never respect people like that. What you do is relevant to you, what other people do should be irrelevant to you.

billsmashole · 2019-02-25T01:41:28+00:00

You dont need to memorize a workout. Go on YouTube and just type whatever muscle group you want to do that day. I recommend 5 days a week, 1 back, 1 chest, 1 leg, 1 shoulder day and 1 biceps and triceps day. If you do a big muscle group the first day (back, chest or legs), do a small muscle group the next day (arms or shoulders).

BaconMeTimbers · 2019-02-25T02:10:57+00:00

You’re missing a golden opportunity by not hanging out with this guy. Lift with him and make it a priority. Learn from him, as much as you can, while you can.

Women will come as a result.

42-AX · 2019-02-25T02:45:40+00:00

You are tall. It will take a while to build muscle but you will really love yourself when you do. Go to the gym.

Besthater · 2019-02-25T03:03:10+00:00

Mother fucker, go over there and say hi,

chomblebrown · 2019-02-25T03:32:07+00:00

Don't let it get in your head. Imagine the HBs are really overweight so you don't get cloudy and foolish

wont_give_no_kreddit · 2019-02-25T03:57:54+00:00

Im envy your ability to remember your username 😮

jgraz22 · 2019-02-25T04:26:24+00:00

Here's your workout routine. It's understandable that you're busy, you're at the end of your college tenure. But you'll need a break from studying eventually and the best break to take involves excercise. Stress will melt away bby.

xxsimplyjosh · 2019-02-25T05:27:15+00:00

you only need to work out 45-60minutes maximum a day. whats your excuse?

instead of comparing against other compete with yourself. when you compare yourselves to other you put yourself in this stupid mentality thinking you’ll never get good because you are judging yourself through another guy... you need to compete and beat yourself only and thats it

eatmud0923 · 2019-02-25T05:32:21+00:00

Not working out isn’t the issue. It’s your confidence. I do think going to the gym or doing something active regularly helps you feel better and provides natural stress relief. You can be a twig and date someone pretty but if you don’t have confidence in yourself how can she have confidence in you?

kasoman · 2019-02-25T06:31:14+00:00

Don't ever compare yourself with others. It's really going to destroy you in the long run. If the guy's offering to help you out, then go for it. Make time for it. You can still free up a bit of time for it. Actually, being busy is a good thing because girls would know you take life seriously, and it can show you have ambition to succeed.

It also helps to be mysterious. You being busy can work well with this approach, and all you really have to do is not reveal too much about yourself and strategically respond to messages at certain times. Get others to want to know more about you. Give your life meaning and suspense not only for girls, but really for anyone you talk to. Doesn't matter if you're introverted or extroverted. You can do this!

Dilpil01 · 2019-02-25T08:09:19+00:00

This thread blew up big time with advice and opinions.

To keep it simple here's what I would say:

Good work on getting into a sports committee, you've opened a good social avenue for pursuing girls and friendships.
You can't be envious of someone when you're not willing putting in the same effort. Don't make excuses, start taking action.
Your friend is willing to give you what you need on a silver platter and you won't take it? He's offering you his hand to bring you up to the level. If he has time to do it as president, why can't you?
It doesn't take much to get benefits from lifting. 2 sessions a week consistently with added protein to diet and you'll see decent physical differences in 3 months if you're consistent.
Don't focus on any girls. Play the whole field regardless of whether you like them. Don't get fixated on any one it'll be your down fall. Have fun with a few if possible.

Dirtylittlesecret88 · 2019-02-25T08:19:52+00:00

Pick up a $20 pull up bar and get one of those pull up apps. Let's work on your inner confidence first.

ZarathustraSpenta · 2019-02-25T12:52:39+00:00

volunteering is beta behavior, stop that shit NOW

game_ovr · 2019-02-25T10:17:05+00:00

Stop comparing yourself to others. Instead compare to who you were the day before.

Qrioso · 2019-02-24T22:02:49+00:00

protect yourself with witchcraft, buy an evil eye.

ceeseischillin · 2019-02-25T02:33:07+00:00

I'd honestly suggest NOT going for a girl on your team, that's too much proximity which could put too much pressure on you and girl, both.

What I would suggest is befriending a few of your coed teammates. One of the best assets a single man could have are a few platonic women friends. Not only do they have other female friends you could potentially get close to, they raise your value in social situations, provide valuable insight into a woman's perspective, they can also socialize you to not be so afraid to approach.

Ironchar · 2019-02-24T21:56:51+00:00

on an unrelated note the title of the sub reminds me of that in search of sunrise song from years ago damn

Title	I am suffering from envy
Author	fa9cmy6w34i6y98ctrqc
Upvotes	125
Comments	102
Date	February 24, 2019 9:49 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/aud1ha/i_am_suffering_from_envy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-am-suffering-from-envy.1463124 https://theredarchive.com/post/1463124

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