I did it!!! | seduction

[–]nicolai_1998 85 points86 points87 points 4 years ago (119 children) | Copy Link

[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (118 children) | Copy Link

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[–]ItIsICoachCal3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

It's not like I can find details of "social calibration" anywhere, you're just going to tell me to practice more

If you already know what I'm going to say, why ask? You already know everything after all /s

You can find tons of details on "social calibration" by actually looking. Seriously. Google it. Try for like 2 minutes to understand a new term. It won't hurt, I promise.

A) if people are "gravitating towards" you at clubs, you're like 90% of the way there. But idk if I 100% take as gospel your read on the situation. What exactly are you doing and how are people responding?

B) This is the third time I'm asking about what "work" you've done, and all you're saying is going to clubs. I only know what you tell me, and you're not telling me the whole story.

C) If club girls aren't your demo, have you tried other venues?

[–]KinxTheTimeStripper1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]ItIsICoachCal7 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]KinxTheTimeStripper0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]ItIsICoachCal5 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Well, I'm trying and failing

Aside from saying "I go to the club" I still don't know what you've actually tried. In what areas have you applied effort to improve your life, work on your hangups, improve your approach, how you present yourself ect. I've asked four times now and gotten zero from you.

In the case of the OP, "keep going" is meaningless and just toxic pep talking that might let this guy down. It's not like he wasn't already going to

They're encouraging him to continue his progress. "Keep going" because he's on the right track. How you can read that as "meaningless and just toxic" says 100x more about you than anyone else.

I come here and ask what worked out for people in the past, and never get a straight answer that's actually helpful.. . .pushing a toxic "it will happen" narrative

You are the only one to bring that up in this thread. Everyone you've asked has reciprocated your level of effort in response, or gone further. The book that's been recommended will go into as much detail as you need if you want to sit and read a long guide. But you've brushed past that idk how many times.

Also you just told me that if I told you how I've tried improving my approach, you wouldn't have very much good advice on how to improve it further.

Where did I say that??

[–]mishaelinsight4 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]ItIsICoachCal4 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]KinxTheTimeStripper1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]ItIsICoachCal4 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I thought this whole thing was open ended, and there were no guarantees.

If we're at a free throw shot clinic, no coach no matter how good can guarantee you'll make any shot in particular. But if you're shooting off handed with your eyes closed, they can definitely improve those mechanics. And coming in with your overwhelming needy woe-is-me everyone-is-stupid attitude is like shooting free throws by trying to eat the ball and then spitting it at the hoop.

What you said was "no one can summarize dating in two paragraphs". Which means no one can summarize a good approach.

Let's google. It's this thing called a "search engine" so if someone recommends a book, you can google that name and "summary". Then you can look at the results!

Here's a summary!

here's another!

There's tons of em. If they're too vague, guess what, you can read the whole thing if you want. Jesus dude. You make it as hard as possible to help you.

You'd give me vague advice if I posted what my approaches look like. Want to put it to the test?

If you want me to go through that level of effort, will you be nice about it? Or shitty and complain before I even start? If you come at it with a positive attitude and a mindset towards being humble about what you don't know and listening, then yeah I'll be happy to help. Just before we start, with what I know or can surmise about you, the club is probably an uphill battle for you. I can explain why, but again, I'd like to see some sign you'll listen to at least some of what I say.

[–]KinxTheTimeStripper1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Let's do this. No, I won't be nice about it, I'm waiting with bated breath for you to simply say "your body language was off" or something.

Friday night. I went to the first bar, and got a drink to warm up for later. I noticed there was a girl sitting alone on a couch nearby. I went to go talk to her, asked her what she was doing in town. She'd just moved, and her roommate had coaxed her to go out. She seemed drunk and sort of tired, but she was receptive to the questions. Her roommate, who was talking to a different dude, was eyeing us, probably glad that her friend found someone to talk to. Then that dude spilled a beer all over her, and she came over to talk to us after cleaning up. She called me "cute", and we just talked about my state and some of the beautiful nature in it. Then the dude and some of his friends came over, and I sat back as they started talking about random shit, trying to make her laugh. Then they had to leave, she got his number and said "it doesn't have to be flirty," and he left. Then the three of us kept talking, and she said she had to get back home. I asked for her number, said I wanted to keep things flirty, and she said sure, and gave me her number. We texted back and forth a couple times on Saturday, but she didn't get back to me after Saturday, even when I asked if she was up for going out the next weekend.

Then, I went to a club. I was dancing, having a good time and meeting people. A girl kept eyeing me from across the dancefloor. Eventually, while I was just dancing by myself, she just walked through the crowd, right in front of me, like she wanted to grind... then, when I started putting my hands on her hips, she was like "whoa" and told me she came with a friend. I don't know how you'd explain that one...

One of the people I was talking to and making friends with was an exchange student. She was being very flirty and getting in my face. When I tried going in for a kiss, she deflected it, and I found out the dude she was with was her boyfriend.

Yet another girl I was talking to, who seemed to like me and hung around me, straight-up disappeared when I went to get a drink.

Then, during closing, I started talking to a couple girls waiting for an Uber. I just asked if they were from around here, and which clubs they went to, that kind of shit. One of them seemed to think I was cute, and her friend kinda egged me on, so I got her snap. The next day she didn't get back to my snap.

[–]ItIsICoachCal6 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

No, I won't be nice about it, I'm waiting with bated breath for you to simply say "your body language was off" or something.

So you're not going to actually listen to what I say, and when asking for help are going to be an asshole about it? Why should I help you if you're going out of your way to be a dick?

I'll bite:

scenario one: you did fine. Probably talked too much, but not every number leads somewhere. Maybe you were wetting the seat with excitement in front of her that she would dain to give you the time of day, so that put her off, but you probably wouldn't tell me if that's the case.

second scenario, you grabbed a random girl who was turned away from you. Big 'no no' in the club. Be glad you didn't get kicked out. Don't do that again.

third: you hit on a girl with a boyfriend. No shit it didn't work out.

Fourth: there's no detail. How the fuck could I tell off one sentence? she probably was 100% less interested in you than you thought.

fifth: they were drunk and you pressured them into giving you contact info and when they sobered up they didn't want to talk to you. You were obviously trying to get your dick wet at closing and didn't care who it was pointed at and everyone can see that a mile away.

overall you spam attention at any women who doesn't immediately reject you, get extremely salty when they do, even complaining that they give you mixed signals when they're there with their boyfriend, grab people with the vain hope that they'll like it, have zero awareness of other people's reactions to you, and overall spray neediness and desperation all over the club I'm surprised the bouncer didn't get involved.

Maybe that's overly harsh, but you want a raw opinion, that's my raw opinion. The fix is to check your intentions, grow as a person, and realize that the club is probably not for you at this time.

You won't do that. You want an easy answer for a complex problem. You want a way to blame this line or this "system" or women or whatever for your inability here, but the common denominator in all these stories is you and your inability to interact honestly and empathetically with people.

[–]cache_bag7 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]Zerschmetterding2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Oh we are in braindead robot mode again, looking for cheat codes.

You make a honest tinder profile, have a conversation that makes both of you laugh, plan a date to hang out, watch a trashy movie and drink a few beers together, have another fun conversation, start the movie and at some point look if body contact is well received or is initiated. She leans onto you, you take her into your arm, then at some point there will be eye contact that will lead to each of you leaning into a kiss, that will repeat some more and at some point hands are all over each other and the question if you two want to take things further gets asked by one party.

Or in your case: match, talk, (maybe meet), be repulsive, get rejected

But hey, maybe you are that ugly that you could be the best person ever and never get a chance. But from reading your comments, it's likely because your personality is ugly to the bone.

Either way, most people will find someone that wants them but some will never get lucky. That's life. Unfair. but whining will not get you anything other than being more undesirable.

[–]KinxTheTimeStripper0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]ItIsICoachCal1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]KinxTheTimeStripper1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]ItIsICoachCal1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I never said to have "normal conversations". I don't even know what that would look like.

As for the rest, it looks something like this:

https://markmanson.net/vulnerability-in-relationships

Now, I know you won't read that. You won't read anything linked to you because then you can't complain about not enough detail, so I'll copy paste:

Vulnerability is a cornerstone concept in pretty much all of my writing, from dating and relationships, to finding a career you enjoy, to connecting with the world around you—all of it. . . .Vulnerability is consciously choosing to NOT hide your emotions or desires from others. . .Practicing vulnerability really is as simple as just doing these things. But while being more vulnerable is simple, it’s not always easy.. . .

Ways to Be More Vulnerable: Take Responsibility Instead of Blaming Others

We all know someone who always seems to blame someone else (or everyone else) for their problems [hint hint]. . .The reason taking responsibility for your problems is so powerful is because it puts you in control of the solution. When you blame others, you’re handing over control to everyone and everything around you and—SPOILER ALERT—you can’t control everyone and everything around you. . . So, again, a lot of people will read this and still not have a good grasp on what vulnerability truly is. Typically, the confusion manifests itself in one of two forms: 1) using vulnerability as another “tactic” to get people to like you/find you attractive/sleep with you/give you money/etc., or 2) using emotional vomit as a way to be vulnerable.. . .Vulnerability Is Not a “Tactic”

Opening oneself up to vulnerability, training oneself to become comfortable with your emotions, with your faults, and with expressing oneself without inhibitions doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process. A grueling one at times.

But I can assure you, if you put in the work—if you have the difficult conversations, if you express yourself honestly even when it’s risky to do so, if you tell the world “this is who I am and I refuse to be anything else”—you’ll find new depth in your relationships. All of your relationships.

[–]KinxTheTimeStripper1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]ItIsICoachCal1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

What everyone says is pure bullshit, but they treat it like gospel truth because the amount of people they've managed to sleep with gives them enormous confidence

OK. I'm done here. We've arrived at the point where not only are you perpetually rude as usual, not only dismissing out of hand anything I say, but now dismissing the possibility I could have anything worthwhile to say based on flawed and easily correctable assumptions about my sexual history.

You're going to continue living this sad life until you stop and listen, until you open up to the truth that you're going about this all wrong, until you address the myriad of issues holding you back. I don't know if that day will come, but I know I've done all I can and then some. I won't be the first person to earnestly try to help you who you belittle and yell at until I give up, nor will I be the last. You will continue this pattern until you've satisfied yourself that no one knows what they're talking about except you.

Good luck out there: with your attitude, you'll very much need it. Turning off inbox replies.

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[–]cache_bag2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I've read all the discussions on this thread. People, especially one notably patient one was giving you tips and resources.

Look, you're asking for help at the level of which people have written books on, but refuse to even try to read the references given to you. All you do is reject and deny their help then repeat your own questions and negativity. You make it sound like you've done everything perfectly, but still cannot succeed, and nothing anybody else says can convince you otherwise.

This sub can be very shitty at times, but I swear this is one of the times its produced gold. You can pick it up... Or not, and continue as you are.

You want to get women interested in you? Well, ask yourself... Would you date you? Would you date someone as negatively toxic as you are?

Nobody owes you anything. Not advice, date, relationship or sex.

[–]naijaplayer5 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Youshaltnotgo3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]KinxTheTimeStripper0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Youshaltnotgo0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

See, all you care about is getting laid and that is not the way to go about it. If that's all you want then of course you can't be honest about it. Perhaps I worded it wrong, it's a bit more nuanced, women don't see you as honest if you interact with them with only getting laid as your goal.

You make yourself way too desperate in the above examples you've given, and women can easily sense that. In your case it's obvious as day. You're practically screaming that you want to get in their pants and that's a turn off. Instead, see them as a person, treat them like one, not an object of sexual desire. I'm not saying you can't want to fuck them, but that needs to be secondary. You have it mixed up.

Empathy... Well, unfortunately I don't think that's something you can easily obtain nor have at this moment. But that is what helps you build rapport and connection with people. After all you have to understand things from different perspectives and be able to feel what they're feeling first to genuinely get along with someone right? (Or at least make it much easier to, and definitely would help you avoid this whole comment chain...)

[–]KinxTheTimeStripper1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]Youshaltnotgo1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Alright man, so I just read all the replies you've given to the others.
Here is what I think the problem is, as you've mentioned, you've been sheltered as a kid, and it is quite apparent that it's messed with your ability to socialize.
You don't seem to understand social cues quite well, or can read between the lines. So you'll have trouble with saying/doing things at the right time/in the right mood. Both which are important in interactions with women. Perhaps the same with reading body language too. For example, when you said one of the girls rejected you due to your shoes, that's just an outright lie. She did not reject you because of a pair of shoes, but she didn't have the guts to tell you the truth, whether it's because you weren't attractive to her, or too needy, or something else that she didn't want to say.

I don't mean to offend you, but the truth is that you are quite "robotic" - where you only think in logic, and take everything face-value, not understanding implications or subtleties, and not quite being able to empathize. Women really don't dig that, I myself have been dealing with this problem too, but not to your degree. Again I don't mean to attack you, but I think this is the bulk of the problem imo.

[–]KinxTheTimeStripper0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Where did I say I get extremely salty? I take these rejections all right in the moment, then come to Reddit to get talked down to like this, and to have all kinds of words put in my mouth. You just assumed a lot of things about me, and seem to think that if I talk to girls normally, they'll instantly teleport into bed with me.

I don't want an easy answer, I want the circlejerk of "you're the entire problem, just work on yourself and you'll magically get laid" to stop. You're right, there are no easy answers. This shit royally sucks.

"Grow as a person" is laughably vague even though you'll never get out of your echo chamber for a second to think about why that shouldn't pass as useful advice.

So how do you interact honestly and empathetically with people in a way that attracts them? Once again... you over explained what not to do, and gave zero detail on what to do 🤣

[–]ItIsICoachCal2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Where did I say I get extremely salty?

All over this thread and every other comment you've made lol. Your whole vibe is salty. Salty that women give you mixed signals, salty they don't respond to your texts, salty that's no easy step by step way to get laid, salty people don't tell you exactly what you want to hear, salty they don't give "enough detail", salty when they give too much, salty all the way down.

You just assumed a lot of things about me,

I'm working with what you put down. You outlined 5 different interactions, 4 of them in just a couple sentences each. I'm not a mind reader and I wasn't there. More to the point you asked me to give my take on it, so that's what it is. If you can't take the heat, don't explicitly request to be in the kitchen. Did you want me to coddle you instead? Lie about what I think so you feel better?

So how do you interact honestly and empathetically with people in a way that attracts them? Once again... you over explained what not to do, and gave zero detail on what to do 🤣

You've been recommended Models a hundred times, which is literally all about exactly that. The subtitle is, verbatim, "Attract Women Through Honesty". I even linked summaries if you're too lazy to read the whole thing. It's all right in front of you regardless of much you shove your fingers in your ears and pretend it's not. You can either not read what's recommended, or blame others for not giving you enough information, but to do both at once is asinine.

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[–]Squeeky211 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]AutistNerd 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]fangclan 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[+]no_not_this -6 points-5 points-4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]fangclan 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]no_not_this -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]fangclan -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]redditor4206903 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	I did it!!!
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	317
Comments	166
Date	June 9, 2022 5:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/v8lfq0/i_did_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-did-it.1257530 https://theredarchive.com/post/1257530

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