"Looks don't matter"

Bacon_Crispies · 2017-03-16T01:29:33+00:00

Not everyone is going to be attracted to you, and not everyone is going to be attractive to me. Attraction isn't a choice. They either think you're good looking or not.

mcr00sterdota · 2017-03-16T01:38:24+00:00

I hate it when people pull "looks don't matter" especially when its to young naive children. If looks don't matter why are we expected to wear a suit to job interviews. Why aren't obese gamers dating super models.

Woujo · 2017-03-16T03:23:47+00:00

LOOKS DO MATTER.

BUT

Looks matter a lot less to women than they do men.

Also, "looks" are a different thing for women. For women, "looks" include how you carry yourself, how you act, your confidence, etc... Also, some girls just have weird preferences.

Also, even though looks matter, you can't really control many aspects of your appearance, and you have no idea if your looks are good enough for a particular girl, so thinking/obsessing over it doesn't mean anything.

JimBeamAndCoke2016 · 2017-03-16T00:50:30+00:00

Losing weight / getting fit will definitely make you attractive physically, however looks also matter in terms of facial genetics, and any improvement will only be the lost weight that alters your face shape.

I used to be fat and set about becoming healthier and fitter. I lost a lot of weight and hit the gym, and am probably the fittest I have been. Also, because of my body change, I had to revamp my wardrobe.

None of these improvements have had any positive effect on my lack of facial attractiveness. Unfortunately it's also one of the key areas where looks do matter.

abstractpickupartist · 2017-03-16T04:37:35+00:00

How about "looks aren't an excuse"?

So many people come whining to this subreddit "I'm not good looking enough", "I'm to short", "I'm too fat". Just fucking do it. There are other subreddits for whining. This one is for doing.

Hitting the gym is fantastic. Not only will you look better, and feel better, but you will pull better.

But don't wait until you are fit. Go out now and open ladies like you were already buff.

Do it now

sconosciuto1 · 2017-03-16T05:08:16+00:00

Another thing that irritates me is that everytime this point is brought up, some ignorant lazybone will say "oh I see/know a bold/short/ugly/ [insert attractive features] with a hot, blonde baby/supermodel all the time"

Corkfire · 2017-03-17T01:13:24+00:00

"Their personality makes that judgment" - well said.

To me its simple - be decent (as is everyone else), but be self-confident. This is the key to everything in life. It's hard for some to develop self-confidence, because it isn't something you just push a button to activate and, voilá, you're mountain. Self-confidence develops over time, with maturity and with a concept of what the world means to you and what really has value in life. People who have a crisis of identity haven't decided what they think, and are more gullible and insecure until they have.

As for looks or personality... if you're not taking any action and trying to make contact, then nothing will happen. It doesn't matter if you look good or if you have a great personality. The biggest issue in dating is fear and always will be. Thats why people turn to Pick Up Artist-material in the first place. We transfer our own insecurity to the heads of everyone we want to be with and reject ourselves before we give them the opportunity to do so.

So screw looks and personality, get rid of fear and anxiety of talking to girls first is my advice.

Windstrings · 2017-03-16T01:55:57+00:00

Losing weight and lifting have improved my life in so much more than dating-related stuff. Just feeling stronger is already enough of a benefit. There´s this primal feeling about being strong that simply exudes manliness and inspires confidence. And of course, being strong communicates high status so what´s not to love about taking care of yourself. A time will come when you will have to physically carry your woman and boy let me tell you, that is as manly as it gets. I agree with you OP, I hate when people give the typical advice of "Just wait and things will get better", I am of a mind with you in that we cannot wait for life to just happen, we have to take action.

P.S. Train your forearms gentlemen. Your handshake will be firm, your arms will look more vascularized, you will be able to arm wrestle well enough and ladies associate big forearms with manly men. Stay buff.

JanusForester · 2017-03-16T10:27:00+00:00

Once you do these things girls will naturally flock to you.

Funny, I go to university, and I know and see an awful lot of handsome, fit guys who get zero female attention. And I mean, ZERO. Unless they make a move or got insane swag, most girls will not look at them. It blew my mind when I first noticed it, and it's quite eye-opening.

Advice to people: Do not get fit to get girls. You won't, trust me. You won't start magically getting girls approaching you unless you've got the moves. I bulked up somewhat from being a total stringbean, and I can confidently say that if I wasn't making the moves and trying to change my behavior, I would still be invisible to women.

Get fit because it helps to be strong and physically adept. Also keep in mind that muscles are merely a tool for the mind to coordinate. Getting girls is more brain than brawn.

saulisdating · 2017-03-16T11:00:28+00:00

Sorry to break this to you, but it's not really true.

Looks matter in the sense that they will provide you with more CHANCES, and your whole seduction process will be somewhat easier since you'll make a better first impression and will be afforded a few occasional fuckups.

But ultimately, they don't matter in the end for you to get the girl, unless she's specifically looking for a ONS, a fling, or a fuckbuddy, where your looks matter more than everything else.

For normal relationships, however, it's the complete opposite.

Case in point - I had a client who's a Canadian male model. He hooked up with ease with some girls at bars who were drunk and were just there for a fuck. But he could never get a serious girlfriend, because he neglected developing himself as a person and only relied on his looks.

He complained that with solid 9's and 10's his dates wouldn't last more than 20-30 minutes before they left and gave up on him, since he was boring, self-absorbed, and so on.

I can even give myself as an example. Throughout my life, I've been in varying stages of fitness and handsomeness - I had a very fit body with a sixpack during university, and got laid occasionally. But it wasn't until I learned and mastered how attraction and seduction works that I got laid whenever I wanted... and that was a few years AFTER my university experience. And by that time I didn't have time to exercise or couldn't due to several big injuries... so I ended up being flabby and much less "visually appealing".

And I got laid MUCH MORE than when I was super fit.

So go figure... Game is much more important than looks. Your looks give you a slight advantage, but if you've got your shit together and know how seduction works - they are IRRELEVANT.

IAmVeryAttractive · 2017-03-16T20:52:40+00:00

Looks really should be emphasized more on this sub. Your appearance is your first impression. She will have an opinion of you before you even open your mouth.

Smell is important too.

DiViNiTY1337 · 2017-03-17T13:52:22+00:00

Definitely. The thing lots of people mean when they say looks don't matter when it comes to game is this; say, hypothetically, that there's a scale that goes from 0 - 100. 0 is when the girl has zero attraction towards you. 100 is when she's soaking and literally begging for your dick.

If you're fat, ugly and balding with a stained shirt a size too small you're going to be starting at 0 with almost every girl. But if you're fit, have nice hair, and your clothes show off that impeccable chest of yours, you'll start at 30, or 40, or even 50.

But in any case you will still need to work yourself up to 100, regardless of what you look like. If you look good though, you don't have to work as hard.

AIRSKI · 2017-03-16T05:26:19+00:00

Good way of putting it OP. Looks do matter but not as much as people make it seem. Think of an attractive guy that knows it. He approaches the 10 because he knows he's attractive and giving himself "permission" to approach. The girl thinks nothing of it and sees his confidence simply from him being tall and good looking.

The guy that isn't as attractive will approach the same girl. She'll think why is this ugly short guy approaching me, HE MUST BE REALLY COOL if he thinks he can do that.

The only thing looks really determines is the label a woman gives to a guy before interacting with him. Giving yourself permission to approach shows you're actually confident. Looking like a model helps obviously but simply taking care of yourself by working out to stay healthy/not being an overweight slob, dressing well, and carrying yourself with confidence shows you RESPECT YOURSELF. That's what actually makes you attractive.

bergkampinthesheets · 2017-03-16T11:14:55+00:00

OP you're kinda right, but you're reading it wrong.

"Looks don't matter" means that unless you have inner game, it won't matter how good you look.

A confident, authentic guy who looks average has a better chance of getting what he wants than a good-looking guy who uses PUA tricks to fake it but has no core, and who hesitates because it will be obvious that he is trying too hard.

Since inner game is about improving the quality of your own life, it's encouraged that you stay fit. But your drive and achievement of self-improvement will turn her on as much as your looks, if not more.

Sunframe · 2017-03-16T14:20:27+00:00

Looks do matter...to a certain degree. What matters more is CHARISMA, and how you carry yourself. How?

I'm 5'5", barely 120 pounds, and Mediterranean-looking. I've slept with bombshells who were way taller than me, but that's not to say I don't have a slight disadvantage. You just have to learn to adapt and work around it.

BaldiDog · 2017-03-16T13:20:11+00:00

I have found some "ugly" girls attractive and I'm average looking. Looks are inside us, I don't like most of TV models, I'd rather be with an average looking girl. Looks matter but everyone has its preference.

ttmae · 2017-03-16T16:42:54+00:00

Be careful you don't go to far in the other direction, as you may turn into an annoying arsehole. But it is good for a starting point

Damn_Croissant · 2017-03-16T18:37:59+00:00

You'd be amazed what 6 weeks of strict diet and exercise will do for you

che-ez · 2017-03-16T23:20:04+00:00

Looks don't matter that much. In fact my most recent hookup happened after a week of no laundry and 3 or 4 days of no shower or shave, wearing dirty work clothes.

Definitely not the end-all be-all, but at the same time you should try to look as good as possible.

TryingGTG · 2017-03-16T23:51:01+00:00

I'm not a bodybuilder but I attract girls or repel them based on what style I wear.

TryingGTG · 2017-03-17T00:17:29+00:00

My theory is that personality is more important to a girl but most ugly guys don't have the personality traits women seek for a sexual partner. Like, confidence, outcome dependence, outgoing behavior, edginess, dominance. Then since guys get turned on by a girls looks, they project that belief on women. When actually girls are more turned on by how a man behaves.

Abs are just accepted standards of attraction for a man. Give to society by hollywood. Giving the guy with abs or muscles instant status. So yes girls like them. but it's because of the given status by having them. Girls like status as well. The thing is put these two guys together and the guy with the personality traits will probably get the girl. Still trying to figure out why girls watch porn though?? If they aren't as turned on by looks like men. What makes them get off by watching porn??. They must be somewhat visual as well.

BrettEllisDotNet · 2017-03-17T01:40:25+00:00

I wrote an article about this. Looks do matter to a certain point, you just don't need to look like brad pitt in Snatch to get girls. But you can't be a fat piece of shit or a skinny runt who don't care about themselves. The article is here if y'all wanna get deeper: http://www.honestcasanova.com/blog/being-good-looking-is-not-enough/

2017-03-19T20:58:31+00:00

In my opinion there is some truth to looks dont matter. In my younger days, I used to be extremely conscious of how my face looked despite going to gym 5 days a week and eating a strict diet. Eventually, I took the looks dont matter motto on to give less of a shit about my face and work more on my personality. Now, after trying this for the past year, I never feel weary of how my face looks or in general, how I look in public. I use cologne, dress well and keep my hair trimmed but now instead of doing it or others, I do it for myself.

Naitto · 2017-03-20T01:07:52+00:00

A common thing is that looks do matter but the things that matter are actually changeable. Like the way you dress, your hair or your weight. Yeah, of course some things are harder ti change that other, but still, they are changeable.

Garthanthoclops · 2017-03-16T11:15:05+00:00

I would also like to add: a clean haircut and good fashion sense, especially when coupled with fitness, can drastically improve your looks. Hell, I always had bags under my eyes and was tired, I started to prioritize sleep, the bags went away, and I instantly jumped from probably a 7.5 to a 9/10. I know it sounds a little conceited, but that's just what I was told by some female friends I asked to rate me once the bags disappeared. Take care of yourself, women like that.

TheXXL · 2017-03-16T09:13:16+00:00

Sorry to break it to you but "Looks don't matter" is a term used to make fat people feel better.

Sources?

Looks do matter.

Of course it does, but not to the extent you want to make yourself believe.

Take pride in what you put in your body, exercise and lift.

Or don't , it's a personal choice.

Losing weight has completely benefited my life in all aspects including physical appearance,

So you were fat and now become one of those militant ex fatties?

confidence (yes that includes pulling girls),

That's sad... I mean you are more than just your shell, and if you can't get your confidence from who you are mentally, what you are doing instead of relying on your shallow appearance, well you will see what will happen as you get older.

academics, social life and self improvement (craving knowledge, reading and getting smarter).

And this is just because you are looking better? hahaha funny guy you are.

This is coming from someone turned his life around and went from nerd to jerk. Stop waiting for life to happen and learn to love yourself first and then start focusing on building relationships with women (long term or fwb.. whatever makes you happy). Once you do these things girls will naturally flock to you. Keep in thought that you WILL get shot down, but when life kicks you in the ass you have to pick yourself back up, and learn from your mistakes. Make the decision to change RIGHT NOW. Don't wait until tomorrow or the next day or next week. CHANGE STARTS NOW.

This sounds about right, agreeable. Even though you do something that i witness a lot in people, they see something, they analyze it, and they come to a totally wrong conclusion as to why something worked. Appearance is important, clothing for instance, being fit helps for sure, but it's only one way to get women to want you. If you cannot back it up with a certain set of behaviors, you are fucked, and not in the good way. All the while if you are not looking a male model, you can compensate with behavior and body language. It is always funny to see how people react when i (old guy with shaved head due to receding hairline and thin hair, having a visible dad bod) get more female attention than the self proclaimed "hot guys" just because i know what i am doing, and have a strong body language.

cajunspice · 2017-03-16T17:40:30+00:00

Men's attraction to Women:

80% Looks, 20% personality - Guys will say personality goes a long way with women, but the truth is that guys will sleep with a hot woman who has a shit personality most of the time.

Women's attraction to Men:

80% Personality, 20% Looks - Looks do matter, about 20% which is a good amount. But the hottest guys in the bars still go home with nobody most nights. Even the best looking guy will have a very hard time finding someone if he's creepy, weird or even boring.

So yeah, looks do matter, but they do NOT matter as much as we think they do compared to women.

olronk · 2017-03-16T09:44:01+00:00

Looks matter to an extent. I've seen very good looking dudes doing poorly, and very ugly dudes killing it.

failatsomething · 2017-03-16T16:36:09+00:00

lol y'all watched any RSD Tyler? You know, the fat, balding, ginger? I haven't. Check out a couple videos of the man and let me know if girls respond positively. Get back to me please.

Crashlands · 2017-03-16T17:06:57+00:00

Looks so matter...but so do other things. There are definitely short, ugly dudes that get laid a lot. But they're well groomed and stay in shape and develop their personality and skills.

I think a lot of people who aren't naturally good looking kinda say "fuck it" and don't even try. You don't have to be Brad Pitt. You don't have to be chiseled and 6 foot 4. But you also shouldn't allow yourself to be a fat slob that sits on the couch and plays video games all day, either.

SenorPuff · 2017-03-16T18:03:41+00:00

Looks matter and can help your chances, that said, work to improve yourself as possible and run game like you're a sexy motherfucker even if you're not.

You either can or you can't change things in life. Work to improve what you can, accept what you can't as unchangable, and move on.

Don't think too hard. Run game.

martianartisan · 2017-03-16T18:46:40+00:00

Honestly, looks matter only to get a girl's attention and can make it easier to approach. But that's all. If you don't have inner game, you can make yourself unattractive instantly.

TehGoobz · 2017-03-16T19:57:45+00:00

The whole idea of this is ridiculous. Looks can be changed. You can lose weight, change your hair, whiten your teeth, get a tan, change your clothes etc.

Title	"Looks don't matter"
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	166
Comments	148
Date	March 16, 2017 12:25 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5znckr/looks_dont_matter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/looks-dont-matter.1421902 https://theredarchive.com/post/1421902

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