Research overwhelmingly concludes that humor is one of the biggest components of attraction. How do I make myself funnier?

schotastic · 2014-04-09T09:52:01+00:00

You may indeed have it backwards. Evolutionary psych theory suggests that we laugh at jokes because we like the person telling the joke. To phrase it another way: liking begets laughing.

So, when someone tells you "I like someone who makes me laugh," you're being fed a tautology. They know that they like you because you make them laugh. They observe their own laughter, then mix up the cause with the effect. It's the equivalent of saying "I like people who I like."

It's exactly the same as when someone says "I don't want to do it because I feel tired." More often than not, what they really mean is "I feel tired because I don't want to do it." Fatigue is an internal signal that the focal activity is not sufficiently rewarding. Laughter serves a similarly epistemic role--it's an internal signal of liking that probably gets confused as the cause of liking, rather than the effect.

heavensrichs · 2014-04-09T10:25:20+00:00

Be spontaneous: Spur of the moment. It should come naturally. Jokes are like farts, if you force it it's shit. This is probably what some are born with. Maybe through practice one can obtain the ability to do so. Who knows?

Be creative: Think differently. Say something unexpected. The element of surprise by itself might just make someone laugh.

Adapt to the situation: Gauge the crowd around you. What sort of jokes would they like? A line that makes one crowd laugh might offend another.

Be knowledgeable: Ties back into the "adapt to situation". If you understand the topic you will have more to say, and therefore more funny stuff to say.

Be eloquent in your speech: Don't stutter or stumble. If it seems like a complicated sentence in your head, run through it a couple times to make sure it actually makes sense. Nothing more awkward than stopping mid sentence.

Sweet and short: If you're not gonna make them laugh with a few words, the same content in a paragraph's not gonna do it either. Some ideas are good in your brain but terrible in spoken word.

Be confident: Convince yourself what you're gonna say is gonna be funny. Deliver it with confidence. At the same time don't laugh at your own jokes. So what if it's not funny? You didn't force it, and thus it would add to the discussion anyways. Wait for the next creative spark and try again. There is absolutely no disadvantage to trying to be funny unless you're doing it wrong.

Just remember the golden rule, if you have to force it, it's probably shit

Blakest1 · 2014-04-09T04:03:42+00:00

I think it takes applied wit to make people laugh. You have to be quick on the draw and create a response to a current situation. Play with expectations and inconsistencies. Create a subtle change on something already happening.

For example, I was with a couple friends the other day, one of them new to me. He asked if we could exchange numbers. Once he had mine, he turned to the other friend and said "I finally got a guy's number!" (Self-deprecating humor). I then exclaimed "that's called pulling male."

I think having the intention to be humorous may backfire via over thinking. I would recommend being attentive to current situations, and liberal with your responses to people, words, and situations. I almost never plan a joke or humorous response. Your observations about the world and situations are probably unique, yet accessible to people in a way that may sometimes be amusing.

Say what you're thinking more often. More attempts = more hits.

seduction_sutra · 2014-04-09T13:25:34+00:00

Your post could've been made by me, I've been looking for exactly the same thing. Most of the comments here are generic stuff that I haven't really found useful, except for the "you get your "funny" from the people around you" comment - that has motivated me to watch more Louis CK and others over Youtube.

There's some stuff in Savoy's "Magic Bullets" related to humor, I'll paste the relevant parts below:

Humor can be learned like any other social skill. If you don’t have a good sense of humor, develop one. We polled members of our Forum (Chapter 24) – specifically those men who had sought out to improve their sense of humor – and these are some of the resources they recommended:
- Humor Theory: Formula of Laughter by Igor Krichtafovitch
- The Naked Jape by Jimmy Carr
- True and False: Heresy and Common Sense for the Actor by David Mamet
- Three Uses of the Knife by David Mamet
- Comedian (movie) by Jerry Seinfeld
Make a point of observing people who have a good sense of humor. Don’t just focus on what someone says; much more important is the associated timing, tonality, and delivery. Go to comedy clubs to observe professionals.
There are many types of humor: sarcastic humor, slapstick humor, satirical humor, etc. Make sure your sense of humor is wide-ranging. The same type of humor over and over can be grating.
Laughter is contagious. Even if you’re not producing all the humor, being able to find and laugh at other funny things that are going on will encourage others to laugh as well. This catalyzes good emotions and social bonding.

awhite91 · 2014-04-09T15:20:52+00:00

22F here, People have called me 'funny' since I first started feeling confident in myself. When I was in middle school and even the first few years of high school I was pretty shy and didn't think very highly of myself. Over time (break-ups, ending friendships, life experiences, etc.) I became more aware of my self consciousness and how others perceive it. I started realizing that when you appear to be confident in yourself, people respond well. When people respond well, you start to feel much more comfortable; making it easier to be a funny person. I think the whole being perceived as a funny person started for me with being sarcastic. If you use sarcasm correctly, people get it and feel comfortable with you because they see you as light hearted. It all starts with loving yourself :)

FinnMcGuffin · 2014-04-09T08:59:42+00:00

Improv classes will force you to interact and help with timing.

Allen_Yuan · 2014-04-09T04:16:51+00:00

It's no so much something you directly cultivate as a part of your personality which will naturally come out as you become more self-confident.

Become more self-confident and non-needy and you'll naturally become more humorous because situations are less serious to you. So do that. There's a difference between someone who has humor and a comedian. I personally find most comedians to lack a strong sense of humor, try to be the former rather than the latter.

OkayHozay · 2014-04-09T07:37:31+00:00

Ah its hard man. I believe you get your "funny" from the people around you. Its almost as if their humor sort of helps to build your own. In terms of finding books and stuff that will be hard and it will be a little awkward. Try to meet some funny ass people and spend time around them.

amadeus_x · 2014-04-09T09:06:01+00:00

Some things: Misinterpret things she does, ideally as attempts of her trying to pick you up. Exaggerate everything until it's obviously absurd. Say unexpected and polarizing things. Be sarcastic and ironic. Use a lot of adjectives to make funny stories more lively.

I don't think you should train some external activities to become more funny, the best practice is to just try to make every situation more funny. My personal favorite is to misinterpret everything that happens and get really deep into stupid alternative explanations of what happened.

Tundreo · 2014-04-09T16:10:03+00:00

I think it's a little different. Humor shows how you think, what you enjoy and presents a lot of your beliefs and values. Humor plays with expectations. If I encounter someone I think is funny, it's likely that we share a lot of other traits. That's (for me) why humor is attractive.

asleeplessmalice · 2014-04-09T16:34:20+00:00

Listen to stand up a lot more often. At first you'll just steal shit from comedians, then after a while you'll start to get what makes something funny and come up with the jokes yourself. That's how it worked for me. I was never one to make people laugh, now I'm the funny guy pretty often.

ScaredOfAPotato · 2014-04-09T12:29:14+00:00

Clown shoes. Every time.

BulldawzerG6 · 2014-04-09T13:21:15+00:00

Humor is an indicator of intelligence, yes, intelligence is an attractive quality.

tribun_al · 2014-04-09T14:22:32+00:00

Practice. It's the only way.

FindMitch · 2014-04-09T16:03:44+00:00

stop looking at research...this isn't some scientific formula to get women. it's an ART. art of seduction.

to answer your question:

agree and amplify - when someone says something negative about you, agree and take it to the next level in a over-the-top, comical way.
say things simply for shock value that you find funny. people will be surprised you said such a thing and they'll inevitably laugh.
make fun of people
dont fish for reactions when you say something funny. say it loud and proud, and do it for yourself.

really the key is to amuse yourself and show that you're amused. don't worry about other people's reactions.

joshsway · 2014-04-09T12:27:48+00:00

I'd say the four main keys are to not force humor, to be consistent with who you are, to use humor that makes sense for the audience, and to be funny as opposed to goofy. The last point is very important. You want people laughing because you are funny, not because you are acting like a doofus. I wrote a little more about this point here: https://www.joshsway.com/articles/view/be-funny-not-goofy

DrOrgasm · 2014-04-09T14:26:56+00:00

Learn up on loads of stuff and practice seeing the absurdity in everything. Don't tell jokes. Jokes are fucking lame. Do irony and stay clear of sarcasm.

allnose · 2014-04-09T14:49:07+00:00

It's tough to learn how to spontaneously point out humorous things, but, like another poster suggested, I'd try improv classes. The intro level tends to be short-form things, games and the like, but even that's a solid foundation for connecting with people and getting your mind to cycle quickly enough to come up with things to say. They also get rid of the fear of failing and looking stupid, which could help if you have any lingering AA.

If you like the first classes, it's worth it to try some long-form-based classes. These are great at helping you identify and address "the first interesting thing" someone says, and using it to bring humor to a situation structured more similarly to a conversation.

As far as learning principles of comedy and humor, don't rely on books. It takes a completely different skillset to be funny in print, and as far as theory goes, the fastest way to kill a joke is to figure out why it's funny.

Instead, watch comedy. Anything, TV shows, movies, standup. Get exposed to as many styles as possible and find one that you like AND can pull off. Lewis Black is hilarious, people who imitate him are more often just annoying. Mitch Hedberg is great, but if you use his deadpan sense of humor with people who aren't accustomed to it (or you), you run the risk of people missing the joke and just thinking you're weird. (It's not a bad polarizing technique though)

Of course, don't just limit yourself to people you can imitate. Any comedian can teach you timing. Even if you can't pull off Chris Rock's racial stuff, Louis CK's "I give up" style of bitterness, or 80s Eddie Murphy's homophobia, their timing is still impeccable. Watch enough of them and eventually it'll become an innate thing. You can't teach timing, but you can learn it.

2014-04-09T16:27:50+00:00

Watch something funny for 30 minutes every day. It can range from south park to stand up comedy. Important note: DON'T memorize lines. Humor is meant to be spontaneous. It's obvious when you've been "waiting" to use that.

torquesteer · 2014-04-09T18:45:47+00:00

The Art of Comedy by Paul Ryan, as recommended by Mark Manson.

Jesus people, just give him the answer to his question.

JJTheJetPlane5657 · 2014-04-10T13:36:36+00:00

Okay wow.... I'm sorry OP, most of these answers really suck.

Here's what I'm gathering:

Improv classes. Definitely sounds like a good idea. Check out /r/improv and /r/improvcomedy
Watch more stand up comedy, also a good idea. There's tons of stand up on YouTube and Netflix if you have it. I would recommend watching some shows like Who's Line is it Anyway and Key and Peele as well as solo standup. Check out /r/standup and /r/StandUpComedy
Check out Greek comedy. I disagree with the whole "The quickest way to ruin a joke is to find out why it's funny" train of thought, I think that identifying the core building blocks of humor from the masters is a great way to improve your own jokes. The Wikipedia page is a good start for some basic information. You can probably find some (or most) of these works on Project Gutenberg for free.

I read through this entire thread and literally the only worthwhile advice comes from these two comments: 1, 2

HappyJerk · 2014-04-09T09:40:35+00:00

Any other response in this thread is inadequate;

GO DO COMEDY

Every city has an open-mike/improv/stand up scene. Go participate. It's fun, you meet people, and you get funnier. And if you're scared of putting yourself out there in front of people, you sure as hell won't get good at seduction.

Otherwise, you can't fit funny into a formula.

puaCurveBall · 2014-04-09T04:23:18+00:00

You have it backwards... humor is the result of social value.

High social value dude says something not that funny = Gigantic laughs all around.

Low social value dude says something amazingly worldclass funny = awkward silence because no one wants to give him validation, lest their own value gets lowered.

DaSneakiKawiki · 2014-04-09T08:41:37+00:00

Watching standup comedy

2014-04-09T15:05:17+00:00

Watch a lot of comedy

dcthebrohan · 2014-04-09T15:37:25+00:00

Watch a lot of comedians. I don't really know how to explain it, but it kind of just rubs off on you.

sandgoose · 2014-04-09T16:39:22+00:00

There's a lot of good posts in here, a couple things I don't think you can overlook the value of is watching/thinking about stand-up comedy, and bullshitting with your friends. Sitting around with your friends is the perfect atmosphere to work on jokes, because you're comfortable and you already understand your audience. Stand-up is nice because you can see how different people apply comedy, and how things work for them. Lisa Lampinelli is very different from Kevin Hart who is very different from Mike Birbiglia.

Also lots of people are right, frequently when someone reacts well to your humor it's because they like you, and are engaged in the conversation with you, and not necessarily because you're that funny.

Abiv23 · 2014-04-09T16:45:39+00:00

Guys idea of humor: Standup, zany, wild, laughing out lout
Womens idea of humor when looking for a partner: makes them comfortable, is engaging

Getting the group to laugh isn't the solution you are looking for

rem0nster · 2014-04-09T16:54:12+00:00

I think they are mistaking cause and effect. The cause is being attractive, the effect is you can say anything and they will laugh.

shyosie · 2014-04-09T18:35:11+00:00

You don't have to make yourself funnier, just more confident in yourself. Girls will giggle if you at least try

Ragaby · 2014-04-09T21:13:10+00:00

Hang out with funnier people

TrinityBay · 2014-04-09T21:17:49+00:00

Good stuff in here!

Hero_764 · 2014-04-09T23:25:39+00:00

I honestly have no idea how I learned to be funnier. It just...happened.

Whalers7997 · 2014-04-09T13:51:56+00:00

Humor is KEY...

If you can't laugh at yourself for past mistakes and fuck ups, then you're doomed.

tabbytomo · 2014-04-09T14:29:46+00:00

When you meet someone special you won't have to try, it will just happen.

galactux · 2014-04-10T00:02:07+00:00

OK...Become incredibly insecure about your looks and introverted around women. After years of sexual frustration you will develop incredible observational skills about life and people, (either that or youll invent something fantastic) because you will be always on the outside looking in...This will almost certainly result in a sharp observational comedic wit.

That's why youll never see a model who can do stand up.

dj_bizarro · 2014-04-09T18:42:12+00:00

Please ask these questions on http://reddit.com/r/askseddit/ and not here.

Also it doesn't matter if that place is dead or not as popular, this is not the subreddit for these questions.

Title	Research overwhelmingly concludes that humor is one of the biggest components of attraction. How do I make myself funnier?
Author	chaosmosis
Upvotes	144
Comments	76
Date	April 9, 2014 3:24 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/22ksxy/research_overwhelmingly_concludes_that_humor_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/research-overwhelmingly-concludes-that-humor-is.1305606 https://theredarchive.com/post/1305606

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