Why approaching

Thin_Protection5616 · 2026-01-23T18:03:34+00:00

'Why do I have to move my body at all. The universe should magically shove food in my mouth, change my clothes, and remove my filth.'

Gen Z is so cooked. Listless people with zero vital spirit.

ImpossibleWaiting · 2026-01-23T21:47:14+00:00

Don't do it. More girls for me.

norwegiandoggo · 2026-01-23T18:11:20+00:00

You don't have to do cold approaching. Most guys who are in relationships met their girlfriend or wife through other ways. NOT cold approaching.

There's stats on how people met their partners. It's usually through dating-apps, friends, work, parties, university, gym etc. Not cold approaching a total stranger on the street or nightclub.

pdx-Psych · 2026-01-23T17:46:53+00:00

If you are genuinely confident and can handle rejection, it’s not self devaluation. Some people disagree with me and that’s fine but in my opinion, confidently asking a girl to take a step with you (asking for socials, phone number, a date, to go back to your place, whatever) and doing it well IS a display of value in and of itself.

Now, confidence is a skill that can be learned. One of the best ways to work out that muscle and get it strong is by pushing your limits and cold approaching. That’s why it’s a suggested exercise here.

Orange_Codex · 2026-01-24T03:40:07+00:00

'Cold approaching' is so f***ing dumb, man.

People don't appreciate being stopped in the street for the kind of soul-crushing inanity a conversation with a stranger is likely to provide, and the very fact you've done it proves you are desperate and un-busy. There's a reason all the rich, good-looking guys doing this are influencers, pick-up-artists, or some other non-profession, because the process of building yourself up to your estate or maintaining status among peers just does not let you pull this nonsense.

Back2theCouture · 2026-01-23T18:10:32+00:00

Let’s say you ask your friend in one of your social circles for a date, the person you already know. Don’t you think with the same mindset you mentioned, you’d devalue yourself by doing that?

So it’s not about approaching a random girl or someone you know. It’s the mentality or the mindset that comes with it.

rarely when I ask them about their contact

If the goal of your approach is to ask for their number or IG, you’re doing it wrong.

You can only ask for her number when the convo prior to asking is relevant (ie: “we should hang out sometime” or “you should go with me to the place you’ve said earlier. I’m sold!”).

So the number is the means to reach out to her so you could go out with her, not the goal. We don’t ask for their number so we can jerk off by it or ask their IG so we can again jerk off of their pics.

professionalfumblr · 2026-01-23T20:05:06+00:00

Cold approaching ❌

Warm approaching ✅

hunterpua · 2026-01-23T18:03:18+00:00

Isn't it self devaluation because you put yourself in a position where she either choses you or not

Whats the difference between cold approach and the vast majority of ways guys date?

When a guy asks her out he's putting himself in a position where she either chooses him or not.

Even when most guys go on dates, they're putting themselves in the position where she chooses them or not.

As someone who has been cold approaching for 17 years, I will be the first to say - Cold approach is not a requirement to have an awesome dating life.

BUT if you lack the social and flirting skills to connect with her, create tension, and arouse a woman and you're unhappy with the state of your dating life then cold approach is the most safe way to develop those skills and improve your dating life.

Cold approach is almost like a simulation in a way.

Why? Because you can do the most embarrassing shit in your life and one month later you and the girl can run into each other head first and not even recognize each other.

So you have all the freedom to practice and screw up with cold approach.

And you really only need to get consistent at getting dates from cold approach.

Once you're consistent with that, you can quit cold approach forever and you will already have all the skills you need to have an amazing dating life by just flirting with colleagues, meeting girls through dating apps, or putting together social circles that help you meet girls.

vesieco · 2026-01-23T18:44:28+00:00

It's about having the balls to go for what you want

MyUsername0_0 · 2026-01-23T19:59:53+00:00

I can already tell you need to see a therapist to help you with your mentality. Do this first. Also I can tell you lack experience with women and watch/read too much seduction/pick up content and don't take enough action.

Makakka2002 · 2026-01-24T00:21:48+00:00

I don’t (cold) approach for contacts that’s a only a bonus often I don’t even go for contacts. I do it to get pimp vibe from these hot girls energies and abundance from their attraction signals that make girls bend over in „rl“ is like going to the gym to improve looks for dating it’s Not really about the girls in the gym but outside…

MineDesperate2920 · 2026-01-24T00:42:24+00:00

How else do you meet someone. It’s just a method to do it. Can use whatever tool works for you

epimpstyle · 2026-01-24T09:05:40+00:00

i don't like the idea of me asking a random woman about her number or her contact

Before you even get to the stage where you ask for her number, there are a lot of steps. You’ll probably be the guy who just says ‘nice talking to you’ and walks away. You can’t know someone’s character from a single glance. She might look like a beautifully wrapped box, but once you open it, there’s trash inside.

And anyway, you don’t ask for someone’s number in 10 seconds. There will be a conversation, you’ll see how she reacts to what you say, and only if everything goes the way you like, then you ask for her number so you can continue the conversation another time when you both have more time.

you put yourself in a position where she either choses you or not .

If you don’t like this approach, change the plan. Don’t give her yes‑or‑no options, take a more indirect route. It’s much easier to start an innocent conversation that has nothing to do with her, and you only continue if you see a positive response and an open attitude. If that doesn’t happen, you walk away. You only lowered yourself halfway by asking a simple question, she didn’t get the full option to say a direct "Yes" or "No."

Here’s an example VIDEO I asked a simple question, and the girl immediately became talkative and curious. Clearly, it was worth continuing. If she had given me just a short, closed answer, I wouldn’t have stayed there to talk. Nothing crazy happens, there’s no making out in the street or anything like that. It’s just a normal conversation, and you evaluate whether it’s worth continuing or not. If you’re getting positive reactions, you become playful, make jokes, say funny stories, ask things about her, ask for her number. If she seems closed off, wish her a nice day and leave, simple as that.

Ok_Investigator7568 · 2026-01-24T11:27:04+00:00

Approach women that look at you and are dazed, they like you.

OpinionThink481 · 2026-01-23T18:01:05+00:00

I can't get it why do we need to do cold approaching

You don’t need to, it’s just something some people want to do. Wanting is not the same as needing to.

Why do people want to? Because it gives them the opportunity to meet a particular girl they wouldn’t be able to meet anywhere else.

A random girl you cross paths with that blows your mind and which you probably will never see again so it’s now or never.

It's just i don't like the idea of me asking a random woman about her number or her contact

Don’t do it if you don’t want to do it. It’s not obligatory.

Also, the goal of cold approaching isnt to straight up go for a number, it’s to go talk to her for 5-10 mins at least and see if you to click and only if you connect in that conversation you might suggest taking it further and ask for her number.

Am i not putting myself down for her? Isn't it self devaluation because you put yourself in a position where she either choses you or not.

No, you are giving each other an opportunity to get to know each other and see if you connect, and whether someone is interested or not in meeting someone doesn’t reflect on you, it reflects on their circumstances and priorities at that moment.

Some women you approach are busy and don’t have time in their life to engage in romantic pursuits with anybody in general, others are lesbians, others are already seeing someone, others are married, others are on a rush to get somewhere and don’t have time to stop, and sure some have a different type than you, and others despite talking to you feel nothing which only reflects lack of compatibility…

So it’s a lot of circumstances that don’t have to do with you if they turn down your offer.

Just because someone isn’t interested doesn’t mean you have to bitch about it and act butt hurt, cuz it’s not about your worth and rejection isnt something they do to humiliate you, if you feel humiliated is because you have a fragile ego, not because the rejection equals humiliation

FearInoculumTool · 2026-01-23T18:50:26+00:00

Easy. Just change the reason for approaching a woman.

tilldeathdoiparty · 2026-01-23T21:13:29+00:00

Just sit back and wait for her to come to you, it works like a charm.

insert pic of skeleton on a bench

TMGP19 · 2026-01-24T00:19:49+00:00

Cooked. Enjoy missing out on sexual opportunities. What a terrible mindset

Virtual_Ad_4817 · 2026-01-24T00:47:38+00:00

You younger guys REALLY need to get a handle on reality! Think of it this way:

Long before the internet, and long before we had enough abundance of resources as a species to get everything handed to us without doing anything, humans lived in a tribal setting on the Savannah of Africa.

We spent millions of years evolving in that tribal setting. And only 5,000-10,000 years in modern civilizations. Which is not enough time for evolution to catch up to living in civilizations.

So it follows that all of our brains, mating preferences, behavior, etc. is still set up to function inside of that tribal setting.

Now within the tribe, women wanted to mate with the guys who were tribal leaders because that gave their offspring the highest chances of survival. They didn't "know" this logically, it's just how evolution wired them to feel attraction towards men over many generations of women whose kids died out when they mated with "betas", and women whose kids had more kids because they banged the "alphas".

You communicate that you are a tribal leader by taking the initiative (among other things I won't outline here for brevity, but you should really read Mystery to find the full rundown).

When you are taking the initiative and walking up to talk to the girl, it's attractive to her because it communicates you are the tribal leader to her brain systems that are still set up for prehistoric times.

When you expect her to approach you... she instinctively knows that's not her job, no matter what modern-day feminism shoved down your throat in grade school. Her evolutionary wiring runs much deeper than that. It's instinctual.

It follows that not being afraid of getting rejected is also attractive to her. The fact that you are taking a social risk is attractive to her. If you handle your emotions and it's NBD to you when she rejects you, it still often communicates to her that you are the tribal leader.

And after you turn around and open a different girl after she rejects you, she will often proximity you later on giving IOIs and trying to get you to approach her again. Because you displayed tribal leader qualities.

This just grazes the surface. But it's a mental model that you guys should really adopt if you want to get this handled.

PostAvailable9966 · 2026-01-23T17:35:44+00:00

Any sustainable system needs:

- Lead acquisition

- Value Displaying

- Conversion

- And it has to be repeatable

You can be a rockstar and the girls will come to you.

Cold approach is just one version that works for most people. You can do social game and be just fine.

Relevant_Occasion_33 · 2026-01-23T18:03:27+00:00

You only need cold approaching if you want to date or have sex and your social circle doesn’t have people you want to do that with.

Title	Why approaching
Author	Kindly-Tough-2091
Upvotes	6
Comments	39
Date	January 23, 2026 5:33 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1qkx7ip/why_approaching/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-approaching.1571795 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571795

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