I blocked and deleted ...

quasarbar · 2021-08-22T00:25:11+00:00

Good on you, sis!

It's one thing to be habitually five minutes late. It's one thing to be occasionally hours late when you have an actual legitimate reason.

Being habitually hours late (because of a hobby?!) is so far beyond disrespectful I can't even wrap my mind around it.

And FWIW you're not alone. My dad never acknowledged my 40th birthday, or my 30th, or my 25th/21st/20th, or literally any birthdays in my entire life that I can actually remember with maybe one half-assed exception.

I haven't talked to him in years and never will again.

UnderwaterWriter · 2021-08-21T21:59:11+00:00

I recently went no contact with my mother. It’s been a peaceful 3+ months. I have not regretted my decision in any way. With time, you will feel calmer and more resolute in your decision. You’re doing the right thing to prioritize yourself.

HolaHulaHola · 2021-08-22T00:54:28+00:00

I'm so sorry he did that to you. What father blows off his daughter's special day for a hobby??

Look at it this way: You're 30. You own multiple companies so you're very successful. You have your whole life ahead of you as a successful woman who can decide her own fate. You don't need a man like this around, even if he is your father.

Have a belated birthday party with the people who care about you, serve good food and champagne and know your worth! 😃

MissIncongruousNY · 2021-08-22T00:33:37+00:00

If it makes you feel any better, my misogynistic father messed me up. I am still trying to recover from the damage that he created and how he treated my mother.

comet2004 · 2021-08-21T21:11:31+00:00

Good for you. I have a similar dad, and i've done the same. You won't regret it.

throwaway-fds · 2021-08-21T22:04:40+00:00

We are very happy for you, this is not an easy thing to do. I went NC with both my parents and although it'll get lonely sometimes, the peace of not having two narcissists in your life is truly bliss.

Winter-Firefly · 2021-08-21T22:02:58+00:00

When people are consistently late to appointments with you (dinner, being picked up from school, never on time), it's as if they're stealing your time. This is incredibly frustrating and demoralizing.

Good job for blocking him! Now he won't have the opportunity to steal your time in the future, and you can spend time with people who do prioritize you.

notbossyjustaboss · 2021-08-22T00:22:59+00:00

I just did the same last month. My dad left me and my mom when I was about 3 months old and got himself a divorce. She had a mental breakdown because all of a sudden she became a single mom in a town that she had no acquaintances. Throughout the years, we had scattered communication. In my early teens, despite knowing full well what kind of person he was, I decided to give him "a true chance" to be a real father. I did my best to forgive him, create a relationship with him and ignore A LOT of behaviors that I found repulsive. This lasted for a couple of years. It definitely worsened over time, with me crying after our meetings feeling bad for not speaking up for myself when he treated me so horribly. Once, he even said that he didn't have any choice but to leave me and mother, because she was insufferable and he was "hurting a lot" and said he didn't care at all about what was going to happen to me. If anything, he cared to "show me off" to his family (as if he's had any merit in bringing me up) like I was an animal from the zoo, everything for his big stupid ego.

I've decided to not pick up the phone anymore and he called a hundred times. Then he came to my house out of nowhere. I said I was busy and didn't have time for him in my best cold manner. The whole conversation lasted less than 5 minutes. He then wavered off (I could see his big ego hurt, that meant he wasn't going to call anymore). He didn't even ask why I was behaving that way, because he knew why. The bastard.

It was for the best. I don't want a person so low value in my life ever again.

Prioritizing ourselves is always the right answer.

Scu8agrl · 2021-08-22T00:10:41+00:00

Be proud of yourself for holding a boundary. I've been NC with my LVM father for 5 years and the peacefulness is wonderful

bombas- · 2021-08-22T03:15:24+00:00

Never, ever, ever share this information with a man you might like.

I’m so sorry this happened to you and good for you for choosing yourself! Wishing you healing.

Dnotchtiebd · 2021-08-22T00:48:26+00:00

You will be better without him dragging your spirit down. I feel much better since blocking him 2 yrs ago

corago513 · 2021-08-21T21:42:42+00:00

I'm sorry you've had to experience this from the one man in your life that is supposed to unconditionally love, support and protect you. My dad was a lvm, but great at hiding it to the outside world. He died on my 22nd birthday. I never got to get out how much he negatively affected my adult life, but I imagine he's in some purgatory hell and he knows. I'm saying all of this to say you're not alone, sending you hugs and go to therapy to start healing.

alien665 · 2021-08-22T01:37:19+00:00

That’s awesome good for you. He sounds a lot like my dad who I also blocked. They’re so selfish and narcissistic only care about themselves.

sjefsiljuuus · 2021-08-22T02:24:16+00:00

I am very happy for you! I understand that this wasnt an easy choice, however you do whatever feels good to you and whats good for your health. Even if it is a parent, they dont get a free pass to treat you like shit. Just remember that you didnt do anything wrong, and you didnt deserve that at all.

I went NC with my mother a couple of years ago. The whole time when she raised me, she never prioritized me. She was always on the lookout for some another man, so that she wouldnt be lonely. Sadly, those men were abusive towards her and us kids. She neglected us because she was too scared to be lonely. She has abuse trauma, so I can see where its coming from. The turning point was where her current husband was verbally, emotional abusive and she watched him hit me and didnt do anything. My dad took over the custody for me, and it has been almost 10 years of getting verbal abuse from my mother. She failed to be a mother, and she failed to show me how healthy relationships are supposed to work. I had to experience her abusive husbands and then two abusive boyfriends before I started to connect the dots and see the red flags. Everything I have learned here, is stuff she has failed to learned me. Important stuff. My dad had to learn me stuff she was supposed to learn me.

My mother is a narsississt, and she will never admit her wrong doing. She will continiue looking after some men that is abusive like her father was to her. I wont do that anymore. I try every day to be better version of myself, and try to become better than she ever was. To feel that peace inside, some self love and be able to protect your self from people that hurts you, makes your life more stable and you arent dependent on others to have a great life and great self esteem. I love my life now and not having my mother in my life makes it much better. If I ever get in a situation where she is in my life somehow, she will worsen my anxiety, depression and just make my life miserable. Therefore, NC is definetly the best option for me. She isnt my mother. My dad had to become both a dad and a mom for me, and has been thah the last 10 years, since she failed to be a mom.

I send you positive vibes and energy, and I wish you strength for your healing💗

quasarbar · 2021-08-22T00:29:13+00:00

And you just know this prick is probably whining on social media "I was going to take my ungrateful daughter out to dinner for her birthday but she stood me up and won't even speak to me! I'm such a victim wah wah." (well maybe not those exact words lol)

barbedwiredaisycrown · 2021-08-21T21:57:46+00:00

You sound so accomplished and awesome! Your dad is missing out and you deserve better. Good for you for drawing a line! 💖👑

GlitterLoveAngel · 2021-08-21T22:36:44+00:00

God I wish I could do this. It’s just that my mother continues to try to gaslight and manipulate me into having a relationship with him again. I’m in a situation where I have to be near him but we don’t have a connection at all. Every time I bring up what my father did in the past, my mother always comes to his defense and makes up excuses for his behavior.

My mother is currently angry at me for not replying to his texts and she’s trying to paint me as the selfish villain. I legit brought up when my father told me that he didn’t want me here and it was known that I was suicidal and self harming at 10 and she just said “He didn’t mean it.” That’s the excuse for everything. He threw my brothers to the wall? He didn’t mean it. He beat the shit out of me when I was 7 for talking to a guy my age? He was just angry at the guy and needed to take his anger out. He tried to see me naked when I was in the shower? I was just imagining things.

And then she wonders why I got myself landed into a abusive and toxic relationship when I was younger. Hell I was taught that no matter what a guy does, he didn’t mean it and he loves you deep down and was always sorry. I was also raised to believe that you were at fault if he acted out and hurt you. He hit me? My fault for being slow with getting what he needed. He yelled at me and I’m crying? My fault for being sensitive and taking everything so seriously. We need to stop treating men as though they are children who are unaware of their actions and can’t control themselves.

This is why I hate pick me's so much more than lvm. Especially women who choose men over their own children. My father would be no where near me if my mother got her head out of her a*s and actually gave a damn about her children like a grown woman instead of continuing to be the victim and go into the whole ‘woe is me’

Fdsthrowaway9090 · 2021-08-22T01:37:31+00:00

I’m sorry. I started to realize the same with my dad this year. I’m the one that usually puts in the most effort. He also asks for favors a lot which I don’t mind but when I ask its never even close to as often and a lot of the times he bails. My mom warned me but I didn’t listen. Hope your dad learns from his mistakes and changes for the better. But I wouldn’t hold my breath

t3ddi · 2021-08-22T01:25:49+00:00

Happy birthday! Stay strong, you deserve better anyways.

kinkardine · 2021-08-21T22:53:34+00:00

Same with my dad, he conveniently hid away even during our crisis, I kept him with me which seems like constant electric short circuit in my brain but if I let him loose he will just keep asking my in laws for money( I am a widow of 4yrs, never asked any help from my in laws, but my dad happily takes the interest of my marriage). Please read Adult Children of Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

SmoothDaikon · 2021-08-22T03:40:56+00:00

My dad is the same way. I’m in the process of unlearning everything I’ve learned from him. Unfortunately I am forced to live with him and would like to keep the peace in my family but I have stopped talking to him or expecting anything from him.

TERFSareawesome · 2021-08-22T00:25:34+00:00

I am so happy for you that youre making this step, and also sorry for the pain of this realization that youre going through. So often we as women just keep trying to make it work, over and over and over, and we give and give and give, and the men in our lives never reciprocate or figure it out. It's soooo destabilizing and such a waste of time.

I went NC with one parent several years ago and about to go NC with another and it was the best choice I ever made. I think the worst aspect of having a parent like that is just the after effects- you're upset for hours or days afterwards, which, if you're a business owner like yourself, is a huge loss of productivity and of manifesting the life you want. It's SUCH an energy drain and you only realize it later. I am so grateful and thrilled now not to have to have lost hours/days/weeks because of some messed up thing a parent did. It's truly such a gift.

I know it's hard now but know that later on, you will be so grateful to yourself that you made this choice.

curiousandbashful · 2021-08-22T05:17:10+00:00

I don't like that this happened to you but I am SO GLAD you see the value of your time and acted accordingly. Best wishes as you grieve what could have been. 💓💗

ThrwAwayMarshmallow · 2021-08-21T23:10:16+00:00

Wow, I am so sorry to hear your dad of all people did that to you. My dad hasn't been perfect, but he's been an overall good influence to my life. He would never be late to anything and would never bail if I had an emergency. It's so hard, as a woman, to know the guy who is supposed to be the most important guy in your life is an unreliable jerk. Again, I am so sorry.

I know I'm just a stranger from the internet, but I would totally take you out for your bday as a lady friend.

Happy birthday, btw! I'm 34... 30 was a great age for me.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-08-22T08:31:23+00:00

I went NC with my older sister, most of my cousins and MIL, SIL and BIL. The latter was my husband's choice.

For me it was like an exorcism. I don't miss any of them and we've since begun to build our own extended family. It's easier to build a new life when you're not vibing abject misery, grinding your teeth to nubs and writhing in sleepless angst over the last bout of family horror.

The final straw all around was how extended family treated my children because of my middle child's severe health issues. Tragically, this is a "thing" in disability families: when adults are bummed out by a child's "defects," don't want to witness the unpleasant struggle of health crises and don't want their kids being socially marginalized by association with a disabled relative, they'll pick fights with the parents over parenting.

The attacks on our parenting were arbitrary bullshit and just a cheap way to disguise what is actually rejection of a child as "concern" for the child. The dead giveaway is how it's really the child who suffers from being left out.

I have a pretty long fuse for petty bs and it's hard to get under my skin but nothing defines someone more than how they behave around disabled kids. There's a special hell for those who display Calvinist attitudes towards children and there's no going back after that.

These days, my son is vastly improved, very accomplished and virtually recovered. The days of constant chaos, medical debt and sleepless nights are fading into the past. But like the Little Red Hen, we're not sharing the bounty with those who weren't around for the low moments.

Extended family eventually figured out this wasn't a passing storm but a permanent arrangement. We're happier without them around. Blood may be thicker than water but so is used motor oil. And (mixing metaphors) we'll never regret getting sharks out of our tank before the kids were old enough to recognize the ugliness and have their hearts broken by it. The kids are accustomed to the company of "dolphins" and hopefully that's what they'll choose throughout their lives.

thirdtoebean · 2021-08-22T08:45:36+00:00

Be sure to take care of yourself. Even when entirely justified, like here, going NC with a parent isn't easy emotionally and the grief hammer can bop you at the most unexpected times.

myeggsarebig · 2021-08-22T10:29:56+00:00

I’m proud of you!!!!

fak_beauty_standards · 2021-08-22T03:05:23+00:00

I did the same. Parents deserve respect, not contact.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-08-23T03:13:07+00:00

I’m sorry. It’s very frustrating to think the world of a parent and they don’t have the basic respect to acknowledge your existence in return.

People are going to judge you for going no contact. Ignore them and you are not obligated to explain why you aren’t talking. Just say a variation of “it’s been a while, we don’t talk often, it’s complicated and I’m not going into it”

Because its never a snap decision to cut off a parent. It’s a mountain of little things and you decided that this thing was the summit and you are coming down and giving up mountain climbing.

JesusisKingisLord · 2021-08-23T03:42:00+00:00

He couldn’t set plans with you for a YEAR? Ugh. Good for you setting boundaries.

Title	I blocked and deleted ...
Author	macabrasive
Upvotes	1399
Comments	46
Date	August 21, 2021 9:02 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p8z8v2/i_blocked_and_deleted/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-blocked-and-deleted.1059444 https://theredarchive.com/post/1059444

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