Are these kind of posts actually empowering?

mashibeans · 2021-09-15T17:51:27+00:00

You can join FemaleLevelUpStrategy for focus on female level up.

I understand where you're coming from, but many of those posts are about awareness, because we live in a world surrounded by men, patriarchy and misogyny everyone, men getting away with rape, murder, abuse and pedophilia... The sad truth is that many of those posts make us aware of how insane and psychotic men can be, and that there are NO limits to how far they're willing to go to abuse and hurt a woman, sexual relationship or not.

But yes, I do 100% agree that sometimes it's too much, and too many. I'm not against very unique situations LVM subjected women to (like the man who was hiding slugs in his wife's food), but I feel depressed seeing too many of them. I can only handle so many of them in my feed.

This is something we should bring up to the mods. This isn't the first time stuff like this happened (too many posts of one type of content), so it's worth asking if it can be controlled more.

AnniaT · 2021-09-15T17:16:17+00:00

I get what you mean. But for some women on the beginning of their journey reading about LVM behavior with examples can be part of the learning process of detecting it and preventing. I understand that empowering content is the most important so that we can uplift each other but don't mind some exposing and calling out of scrote behavior.

Apprehensive_Slice28 · 2021-09-15T17:10:15+00:00

Suggesting to remove the male depravity from this sub is dangerous. Women need to be informed about how depraved men really are so that they don’t idealize men, and can see the world in a non naive way. It is integral to leveling up dating wise. These male depravity stories are tales of caution and help women understand how awful men can really be.

hedwighedgehog99 · 2021-09-15T17:15:14+00:00

Not directly empowering, but definitely enlightening. So much bad gendered behavior is normalized that it can be very eye opening to see one's own experiences described as abuse in the context of someone else's story. I can't draw good boundaries in my own relationships unless my eyes are opened to thinking in new ways about what is/should be acceptable. I found it so natural to automatically sacrifice so much to be a good person. FDS horror stories have really helped me see the bigger patterns of behavior that do not benefit, and/or damage women. I've redrawn a lot of lines and my marriage is better for it.

sexualfoodpantry · 2021-09-15T17:46:10+00:00

My theory is, it's not unlike the gory stories you hear in AA.

For a woman who's been here longer, they might not be as necessary as they were in the past.

For the newcomer who might be trying to break away from a bad or even abusive relationship, they can be necessary in order to find the strength and will to move on to a better stage in life.

pompommom31 · 2021-09-15T17:23:17+00:00

I get what you’re saying but I also see some value in the male depravity posts. I know it helped me when I first came to FDS. It was the shock I needed to wake up and other newbies might need the same. There’s an FDS LevelUp subreddit that might have more of what you’re looking for…

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-09-15T17:24:26+00:00

I think this platform is unique because we are identifying and breaking down red flags unapologetically and without much debate. This is part of the community that makes it safe for so many women to recognize the harms they’ve endured and how to mitigate it in the future. That work isn’t happening in other places so it seems to be oversaturated here.

So yeah, be the change you want to see! Post that encouraging, leveling up empowerment content but I definitely think being aware of the living, breathing, changing world of misogyny is crucial to reaffirming why were here in the first place and keeps us up to par with new concerns or some we’ve never experienced first hand (yet). This sub is specifically about dating and our interactions with men. If we had more positive examples with men then it would be reflective.

miss_peach94 · 2021-09-15T17:54:22+00:00

The depravity posts are needed because it helps us identify red flag behaviour

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-09-15T18:03:49+00:00

I see your point OP, but one really important thing this sub does for women is highlights just how eerily similar shitty men (and in fact, most men) are. It completely disproves the trope that there's something wrong with you when you encounter this sort of thing because "you're the common denominator in your dating life" (or you didn't cOmMuNiCaTe hard enough, or whatever the fuck responses you'll see on the main relationship subs when a woman encounters any version of scrotery), and puts the blame squarely on the shoulders of LVM, because you see the same shit happening to women everywhere, and thus see that men are the common denominator.

It helps us protect ourselves, especially since many of us are still holding out for/hopeful about having a relationship with an HVM, and thus are still dating, because the dating world is especially full of these depraved predators.

Ill-Steak-7672 · 2021-09-15T17:17:05+00:00

Those posts aren’t about empowerment, they are about awareness. Society already does not provide women with these reality checks. Especially single women, we don’t always see what goes on behind closed doors. We don’t have realistic expectations about men… Only what society tells us - that they are perfect, noble, without flaws. And men would like all women to have that perception of them, so that we are easier to manipulate. So yes, I believe we need any and every example of bad male behaviour and their disgusting way of thinking.

honeybadgerattitude · 2021-09-15T17:15:50+00:00

I agree to a point. Many seem to be posted as warnings of red flag behaviour but you’re right that a lot are just “look how insane this man is”. However, there may be some benefit to these types of post too. There are flairs for them. Also the fact that they are posted often means that this is probably the only safe space a lot of women have to post/discuss that sort of stuff. I get that. Maybe we need to expand our space to include that kind of post on another/a new sub that’s also women only and FDS based. I’m not saying I know the answer. I see what you’re saying and agree, but I also see there is obviously a huge need for women to have more safe spaces online.

catlady4u · 2021-09-15T17:49:07+00:00

Women who are new to FDS may not yet realize what they have experienced is actually abuse. It is educational for them. I still recognize myself and things I have experienced in some of the stories I read here.

strawberrykiwibat · 2021-09-15T17:58:35+00:00

If you want to read posts about being more empowered, maybe female level up strategy is the place? I think the mods made a post over there reminding people that the sub isn't about dating advice but about leveling up.

Vmchik · 2021-09-15T17:28:39+00:00

I think what you’re looking for is Female Level Up Strategy. Unfortunately, dating men means being exposed to the worst behavior and warning other women who might not know of these tactics or behaviors yet. While there are a lot of posts that focus on male depravity, they are important conversations to have because many recovering pickmes have a hard time accepting men’s true nature.

kortiz46 · 2021-09-15T18:04:39+00:00

I think it's helpful to see a screenshot or c/p of another post on reddit in order to get female-centric perspective on the situation away from the reddit echo-chamber. On relationship posts you get mostly men commenting, telling a woman looking for advice to "jUsT comMuNiCate" and "maybe he's just depressed, that's why he never contributes to the chores!" and make it seem like it's all the woman's fault. If only the woman would be more understanding. Very often advice to set boundaries or leave the relationship get downvoted and appear like unpopular opinions. We need a space to discuss the reality of men in relationships to allow for women to learn how to set boundaries and become empowered.

menina2017 · 2021-09-15T18:13:10+00:00

I would’ve never known about this stuff if it weren’t for this sub though. I grew up in a bubble. Very protected. So it is definitely awareness for me. Though I know what you mean. If it’s too negative for you, take breaks from it ❤️

sunset74420 · 2021-09-15T18:26:54+00:00

What helps me at times is just reading the Queen Sh*t posts when I am really not in the proper headspace to read some of the others. I wouldn't want anyone to feel as though they shouldn't share their negative experiences with men because it is definitely important to talk about. That being said, I just have to be mindful of my own triggers and be more proactive when I am scrolling through.

99power · 2021-09-15T18:08:11+00:00

Would you rather find out from here or from personal experience? The collective wisdom of this sub is protective.

europoor24 · 2021-09-15T18:36:40+00:00

i use this sub to be informed on what red flags to look for and the other one to level up honestly

Snugglyy · 2021-09-15T18:02:42+00:00

I agree with your point when it comes to reposting a news article when it comes to a mass shooter,domestic violence, murder, pedophilia etc... When it comes to things like posting text messages, MRA nonsense or other Reddit scrotery, FDS is very good at what it does when it comes to deconstructing the true nature of men’s intentions.

Personal bias here, but my favorite genre of posts happens to be “men telling on themselves” or “straight from the horses mouth” since I don’t have the stomach or patience to browse redpill and dating spaces so I always appreciate when another FDS member can find a teachable moment to share with us from that chaos.

dkwantsdk · 2021-09-15T18:24:53+00:00

There are some great comments here. I'd add that you may not want to come on FDS every day and it's important to take breaks. You can also sort posts to trickle the most impactful posts to the top (I always keep it on "hot" or if I've been off for awhile, the best of the last month).

Xlunas · 2021-09-15T17:55:38+00:00

I think about this all the time. I love this sub but the posts make me think:

"Okay, there are shitty men. Now what? Where is the strategy? How to find those who are not shitty? Or do I have to stay alone forever? Am I not going to experience anything positive for the rest of my life?"

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-09-15T18:11:49+00:00

I’m in agreement with the others that they are a necessary evil. But what I really hate are the posts that just link to like, an MRA YouTube channel or TikTok and provide very little analysis. Excuse you, I am not about to give these clowns my precious clicks and view. A hate-watch is still engagement and money in their pockets.

Latter_Ostrich2875 · 2021-09-15T18:17:48+00:00

I do think it’s good so I can remind myself of who’s potentially out there and sometimes people are able to talk about experiences they had but I agree, I wish there was more inspiration

sheokay · 2021-09-15T18:28:07+00:00

This is borderline pickmeisha. The posts aren’t about being negative, they’re about instilling a shift in the way we think. It’s not that LVM are the exception, it’s that HVM are unicorns and MOST men are depraved. Women need to quickly identify red flags and LVM behavior quickly for our safety, and the posts show us what that looks like. For me, personally, they’ve made me more comfortable with not making up excuses for men and sticking to my boundaries.

starlight_sequence · 2021-09-15T18:25:58+00:00

I agree. I’ve been saying this for months.

I think it can be useful to see examples of male depravity. I also think it could be limited to one day a week or a pinned thread.

Gourmay · 2021-09-15T18:49:30+00:00

Great post. I love this sub but I’ve come to realize seeing that much of that content is re-traumatizing me and triggering my CPTSD and fear response. It frustrates me as I do understand how they are useful for newbies. I also worry that we’re dipping into Internet outrage culture; I think it’s great that when the sub moved a little too much towards female celibacy, they made changes to have it be more balanced.

gigi_chi · 2021-09-15T18:22:57+00:00

I agree . Sometimes constantly seeing these posts make you want to give up on dating all together.

Title	Are these kind of posts actually empowering?
Author	PlusHunt
Upvotes	498
Comments	45
Date	September 15, 2021 5:02 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pou8a6/are_these_kind_of_posts_actually_empowering/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/are-these-kind-of-posts-actually-empowering.1070270 https://theredarchive.com/post/1070270

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