CMV: Preferences don't change

JMoon33 · 2022-06-14T17:10:49+00:00

My preferences changed with experience.

I didn't know I liked women who could be dominant in bed once in a while until I tried it. Before that I wanted girls that were always submissive in bed.

I didn't know I liked muscular girls until I slept with one and I much prefer them over the slim girls I prefered before.

I prefered completely shaved pussies before but now I prefer a bit of hair (trimmed, nothing wild), it looks sexy and feels good when I go down on the girl.

Preferences change all the time, it's normal, and it's not just for love and sex. My hobbies changed too, my food preferences, my clothes, etc.

bangitybangbabang · 2022-06-14T18:10:01+00:00

What's not to understand? I've grown and matured over the years

When I was a teen I was heavily influenced by what others said I "should" want from a partner, I've since had life experience and come to understand what works for me.

Teen me thought excessive tattoos were gross, probably cause I was raised by people who taught me tattooing is just permanent scarring that you'll live to regret. Then I met a lot of people with beautiful and intricate tattoos that changed my mind.

I'm just not the same person I was at 16, I have different wants and goals

toasterchild · 2022-06-14T17:32:43+00:00

I'm more likely to date a wider variety of people now that I'm older because i interact with a wider variety of people. Nerds never turned me off, they just never approached me when younger. I think the same type of guy still typically turns me off, like i don't think I'd ever be into a gym bro or a man with frat boy energy.

That said everyone is just a head bump away from a totally different personality. Enjoy the time you have with your partner now because shit happens.

tinyducklingal · 2022-06-14T19:28:44+00:00

I think experience plays a big role. I thought I only preferred scrawny nerdy dudes u til I got with my boyfriend, when he took his shirt of and all I saw was like genuine muscle it made me realize that I had limited my scope due to my personal insecurities of thinking only skinny guys could ever like me lol

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-06-15T00:18:32+00:00

I think preferences comes with a 'take what you can get' mentality. What I mean by that is that most when younger have an ideal type. In these cases, most men when younger have their eyes set on the woman with a supermodel type body, while younger women on the other hand have their eyes set on the fit looking guy. Then over time, whether it being with success, personal looks, or confidence, they realize that it would be difficult to be with the ideal person they had their eyes on at a younger age, so they more than likely think to themselves they have a better chance of getting with someone a little less than what they wanted before. For example, you see a woman, say 5'8" with a guy with the same height. More than likely when she was younger she preferred someone who was over 6' but as she got older she realized that there will be less of a chance being with someone who is that height, so she accepted the guy with the same height because "he checked all of her boxes". Same goes for men too. Sure there are some who end up with the same preference they had when younger but they are few and far in between.

Edit: For me as an example, before I came to Korea in my mid 20s, I never had a big preference for Asian women, but now I have since I arrived. So I guess for example, when you are a said location with different surroundings of people you never thought about being with, you will have to not be picky with your preferences. In my case the odds of being with an American woman were slim being in a foreign country, so I had to accept either being alone or start looking at Korean women who could match what I wanted, which I did and got married. Now I'm here.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-06-14T17:12:36+00:00

My tastes definitely have changed. In high school I liked long haired heavy metal boys. In college I liked long haired college radio guys. Around 30 I liked other young urban professionals. Now at 50 I like men with beards and tats.

Celestialpearldanio · 2022-06-14T17:18:01+00:00

If you can acknowledge that other people have their preferences change but you just "can't wrap your head around it" how is this even an argument or proof? You're basically saying "other people experience this thing but because I don't experience it, it doesn't exist." Your personal experience is not proof to say that "no one's preferences ever change."

Selkie-Princess · 2022-06-14T18:39:39+00:00

My preferences changed because I started off just assuming I must like what I was “supposed” to like. But then I started to realized what actually turns me on and it’s drastically different than what a woman like me is expected to want

ezbyte · 2022-06-14T19:31:06+00:00

I was never sexually attracted to older (45-60) men when I was in my teens-20’s. But now I find myself checking them out more than men my age or younger. And for all the red pillers out there, I’m not talking about as a provider. Like I straight up find them more physically pleasing.

roguish_rogue · 2022-06-14T21:12:51+00:00

I had a time when I was not into girl who were "too perfect" as in too conventionally beautiful, after I started having an easier time getting laid that changed again, I think most guys have kind of adaptive preferences/standards like that?

Sex is best with fit thin girls who are slightly shorter than me, and with some girls my slightly curved dick just really hits the spot so thats a bonus.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2022-06-14T21:32:37+00:00

My aesthetic preferences changed quite a bit. I'm not talking here even about lowering the bar, just shifting. If I were to describe physically perfect man, no compromises or realism, like a genie in a bottle scenario at age 16 and 30 the answers would be vastly different

I was very into thin, starving artist aesthetic. All body hair, facial included, was an turn off. Visible muscle - bleh. Dark, longer hair, much emphasis on boyish facial features, really young Depp and Nick Cave were my celebrity crushes.

I grew to be much more appreciative of masculine traits in look. I like the Chad-jaw now, hated it as a teen. Same with some muscle definition, nice arms and abs. Shorter hair too. I used to keep pictures of male hands with super long, delicate fingers, now I really don't dig those tiny wrists anymore.

I think part of the change is kinda-vaguely-hormonal stuff, it makes sense for a young girl to be attracted to young boys and for a woman to be attracted to men. Another part is subculture aesthetic which I now mostly dropped and remember it with a mixture of fondness and cringe, but it no longer makes my heart go faster.

flamingoinghome · 2022-06-14T23:42:31+00:00

Everything else about me has changed-- why would this one thing be immune?

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-06-15T07:13:24+00:00

I would say you don't date "the type", you date an individual, and when you click with someone their aesthetic, build and hair color doesn't matter anymore.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-06-14T17:13:49+00:00

A lot of my preferences have changed. I decided I didn't want kids, so I started eliminating guys who did (or already had them). As I got older, I became more interested in living in urban areas, so I stopped dating guys who clearly wanted to live in rural areas or the suburbs.

I'm not seeing what the difference is between a "preference" and a "priority." The bottom line is, you're deciding you won't date someone who is/isn't X.

sarkington · 2022-06-14T17:37:39+00:00

I had to date an artist and a writer to learn that artistic production, while interesting, requires a level of self absorption that is no longer attractive to me. The same for intellectualism, particularly academic intellectualism

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PlayfulLawyer · 2022-06-14T17:22:57+00:00

In terms of physical preferences, I mostly agree with you (although there's always somebody who can come along and awaken a curiosity within you) , but as you gain more life experience in terms of personality and what you may be looking for internally, it most likely will change, I even guarantee it

-passepar2t- · 2022-06-14T17:29:36+00:00

Of course preferences change.

Are you perhaps trying to say that standards don't go down? Or that women who like high-alpha men won't suddenly start liking high-betas?

Meihuajiancai · 2022-06-14T17:33:10+00:00

I think superficial preferences can change. I used to think that the alt girl and goth aesthetic was off putting. Same goes with tats and piercings. But today, those are usually the girls that I eye-fuck. Those aren’t the girls I attract because I don’t present myself in that style but I find it cool.

Other than that, fundamentals are the same since highschool. Anyone who’s lean, cute face, not annoying is enough for me.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-06-14T17:35:02+00:00

My preferences was for attractive, ready and willing when I was really young. Marriage felt like a million years off and so why would I be looking for LTR/wife material? Then I caught feelings for a hookup. But then I caught feelings for a hookup and it wasn’t just cause of the sex: it was cause of the way we talked and she challenged me and made me feel. And then suddenly my preferences were for women with “potential” it might be a hookup/or dating or who knows but I found myself trying to find “girlfriend material”. Just in all the wrong places. Did that fit a long time too. Now, happily married and older I find myself doing that thing where your preferences seem to start matching who you’re partner is at the present time. I think that’s natural. Part of being in love.

midwesternMD · 2022-06-14T18:12:31+00:00

If all you’re looking for is anecdotal evidence and a “why” for preference change, that’s easy. Here’s my story.

When I was a kid, my preference was petite, thin, not very busty, tan, and brunette. That was what my middle/HS crush looked like. Then I went through a busty phase, and later on a pale phase. This was in part because one of my exes was pale, petite, busty, and brunette. At some point, I started to notice tan/busty/petite blondes, then pale/busty/tall/redheads. Those two “preferences,” I believe, were informed by my favorite pornstars at the time. After a fling about a year ago, I’m way into slightly tall, very slim, not very busty women of any hair color. Best sex I’ve ever had. Hands down.

Besides “not fat,” there isn’t a single phenotype for my sexual preference that is fixed in time. My preferences changed based on my crush of the semester, romantic partner, favorite porn star, and casual partners.

Hell, I did an experiment on myself with respect to changing preferences. My ex was self conscious that she wasn’t the tan phenotype I previously lusted after. It took all of a few months of changing up my porn reel to only include pornstars that were pale/petite/busty/brunette before I stopped caring about tanned women.

06534956 · 2022-06-14T18:20:48+00:00

When I was younger, I preferred the musician/creative/artist types.

When I got older, I had enough experience to know that I prefer to be the creative/artsy one in the relationship and was more attracted to rational and level headed types.

I wanted to stay home and work on my projects, be imaginative and playful, and live in my own desires rather than being productive. It can work with two creatives, but it wasn’t working out for me. I wanted my energy and money to support my creativity, and so did the other person, so neither of us were focused on the daily grind. Getting things paid for was a struggle and I don’t like having that instability.

Now, I have married someone who channels his energy into the daily grind and doesn’t have much interest in creativity or being whimsical. It works out perfectly, because I get to bring my fun and play to the table where it’s appreciated, and he doesn’t have to strain himself to be fun and plan fun things for us to do. He goes with my flow.

ProseccoIsLife · 2022-06-14T18:36:48+00:00

My preference changed with experience and therapy. My father was an alcoholic, an abuser, a cheater. I had so many issues concerning fear to trust others, fear of a abandonment, seeking validation form individuals similar to him to "save" them from themselves. But luckily I had gone to therapy, got the professional help I needed. Now, when I came back to the dating scene some time ago, I could easily filter out the bad apples and say goodbye to them the instant a red flag was raised, instead of getting attached to them cause "for sure I can change them" as they smother me to death. Right now I'm with a guy who is pretty much the opposite of my two exes - he is a reliable, equal in every aspect partner, who supports me and allow me to support him

Tldr I went from the misunderstood "sad" boys with minus emotional intelligence and narcissistic tendencies to actually mature men with passions, plans for future and healthy communication skills

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-06-14T18:40:17+00:00

Lol at the turn of the century (1900s) American men were worried American women were too thin and wanted them to be fatter.

Growing up in the 90s I had literally no idea men liked fat asses until I was in my 30s. Absolutely clueless that any amount of fat on a woman’s body could be appealing to men.

bluestjuice · 2022-06-14T19:03:22+00:00

I think the thing that makes the difference is aesthetic vs. sexual attraction. When I was younger and less experienced I knew what I liked looking at but I didn’t know yet what I liked to experience. Interaction and good experiences with a variety of aesthetics and body types over time has led to the realization that there are so many other things that are a turn-on than just what I could identify in my late teens, you know?

Honestly it would be extremely weird if I was still only attracted to the same kind of skinny-AF artsy nerd boy I was attracted to in high school.

Novadina · 2022-06-14T19:06:32+00:00

My preferences changed a lot from when I was first attracted to boys at like 13 until I was like 25. When I was 15, I didn’t really know what I was into as I had not experienced anything. As I dated guys I realized things I liked it didn’t like, and they became preferences.

And my preferences also always change with age, because I am really only attracted to men around my age, which is increasing constantly. At 13 I was into 13 year old boys, but now I am not attracted to any teenagers at all. And I was never attracted to 40 year olds until I was around 30. I know many men apparently just stay attracted to young girls their whole life, but for me it doesn’t work that way. Some of my preferences that changed I think are related to age, like I wasn’t into beards or bald men when I was young, but now I am.

Younger you would have been just as certain of your preferences then as you are certain of your preferences now. Ten years from now, what’s to stop your preferences from changing again?

Well, people do get divorced because of changing preferences. However it’s much more common for preferences to change in younger people, once people get older they are a bit more set in stone. So a good way to reduce this risk is to not marry young, statistics show that divorce is more likely in people marrying young. I changed a lot between 15 and 25, even my tastes for food changed. This is a pretty common development process for humans, even if you haven’t changed much, not everyone is like you.

I think what’s actually changed is the person’s priorities.

Some preferences do change because priorities have changed. As a kid I didn’t care about a boy’s job at all. As an adult (and some experience dating broke men), I was looking for a partner, not a dependent, so had a preference for employed men. A preference based on priorities is still a preference.

While a man may prefer a healthy woman, as he’s gotten older his priority has changed from getting laid to having a family and therefore he overlooks her weight because having a family is his priority.

Well that’s not a preference changed, he still prefers something else, he’s just less picky about having someone that meets all his preferences. That is also something that can happen, standards can change, but that’s not a preference changing. A better example of a preference changing due to priorities changing is a man being only into party girls wanting quick casual sex, because that’s what he wants at that time, and not even caring whether the women want kids or not. Then later when he decides he wants a family, his preference changes to only women who want LTRs and want kids.

Creation_Soul · 2022-06-14T19:31:59+00:00

Someone else said it in a post some time ago and it stuck to me:

preferences may not change, but things that you may once have been "whatever" to, may become dealbreakers as you also mature.

the above post was said to explain why women may not mind the broke guitar player in her early 20s (more likely than not she is also broke), but the brokeness becomes a dealbreaker later.

Meihuajiancai · 2022-06-14T19:50:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-06-14T20:16:31+00:00

Depends i think.

Like I imagine when you're young and a teenager you're a very different person to who you are in later life.

For example i went through the partying phase at university. And I meant my husband at a party. And my ex-boyfriend were pretty party people people too. Not like party every weekend, but we partied at least once a month.

I'm too old for that now. I haven't "clubbed" in years. And honestly I wouldn't like a guy who did. My age group is now people who bbq or come over for dinner and have a glass of wine. That's a personality change.

Another might be people who when younger didn't care of you didn't have too much direction in life, because young people don't have much direction in general. But in my 30s? Of you're still in the stage that I was at 18 it's no longer attractive

Novadina · 2022-06-14T20:24:28+00:00

Edit to add: The preferences I’m talking about are either appearance based or personality based. Things like where they live, whether they shave their pubes or if the sex is good are not the type of preferences I’m talking about.

Second edit: Thanks for all the great responses so far. I see now that I should have been clearer that when I say ‘preferences’ I don’t mean passive ‘I like brown hair but half the women I’ve dated have not had brown hair”. I mean more like deal breakers.

Not sure how we can change this view when you are apparently meaning something different by the word every time you update. Your second edit contradicts your first one - edit one says you meant things “appearance based” and the second says you didn’t mean “brown hair” if they happened to realize this preference change by dating someone different lol. And your reply to majority of the posts is just saying “I didn’t mean that preference!” or that it doesn’t count if they reached the preference change in some unapproved manner.

Sounds like you do understand that some people’s preferences change, but you were just using the word preference for like two specific preferences or something. I even gave you examples of my preferences that changed, and they were deal breakers, and you just told me you didn’t mean those kinds of preferences either.

It also seems like you are disqualifying preferences changing due to dating people not meeting it. So like, you would accept a tattoos or hair preference as real, but not if you ever dated someone not to your preference… even if that’s why the preference changed. You only think it’s a real preference change if it spontaneously changed? It can’t be real that someone hated tattoos, but ended up falling in love with someone who had them and then was attracted to women with tattoos after?

So of course you can’t understand how peoples preferences can change, because when you say preferences, you are excluding all the preferences that change or the reasons for them changing.

It’s like me saying, “how can anyone’s food tastes change, it isn’t even real”, and when people say “I used to hate spinach and now I like it”, just replying “not that kind of change, if you didn’t like it the way I mean, you would have never tried it at all! So the fact you even tried it means that doesn’t count!” It would actually be impossible to change this view as the mere knowledge of the taste change nullifies it as existing…

pearllovespink · 2022-06-14T20:40:54+00:00

This must be exclusive to men because my taste has changed several times.

addarail · 2022-06-15T03:06:13+00:00

Yes Preference can change . Big time .

y2kjanelle · 2022-06-15T05:07:09+00:00

How much more experience do you have with people who don’t fit your preferences or aren’t like you than you did at 16? How hard have you tried to actively appreciate those who don’t fit your preferences?

Title	CMV: Preferences don't change
Author	Meihuajiancai
Upvotes	15
Comments	127
Date	June 14, 2022 5:06 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vc88rl/cmv_preferences_dont_change/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-preferences-dont-change.1116007 https://theredarchive.com/post/1116007

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