I don't understand why the hell I am still single

Whisper · 2021-09-02T21:59:29+00:00

You've told us how you see yourself.

But to answer your question, we would need to know how others see you.

MarchBaby21 · 2021-09-02T20:39:26+00:00

Difficult to determine from the information provided. Are you going out on dates with people and they’re flaming out? Do you have friends and a decent social circle? Are you constantly working? Do you think you could give off a vibe of being too independent or condescending?

The problem with seeking advice on this could be that you have total blindness to the flaw(s) that are preventing you from getting into a good relationship. Do you have anyone in your life who you think would be honest with you about this if you asked?

SunshineSundress · 2021-09-02T22:06:18+00:00

There is only one common denominator for all the men who are choosing not to date you: you.

If you’re truly as awesome as you say, then I would focus on your dating strategy - there’s probably something wrong or ineffective here. Rid yourself of the notion that “men love the chase” or that “men always make the first move.” They often do not - it is women who initiate most relationships by making the first covert move and sending come-hither signals. These come-hither are what we call IOIs, or Indications of Interest. Making eye contact, smiling at men first, initiating touch, are baseline IOIs; there are plenty more. My favorite type of IOI is The Art of the Bad Excuse - it got me from feeling how you did (unnoticed, unwanted, and undesirable to men) to being able to get attention from men I considered top-notch. All it took was a little nudge on my part. (I’m currently writing a post about IOIs, so I’ll tag you when I’m done with it!)

However, as u/plein_old pointed out, your description of your qualities lacks humility. This is a quality a lot of men look for, so coming to the table without ditching the resume and without being able to show, not tell men your good qualities might be the reason why you’re struggling too. Show him those altruistic and caring qualities of yours by doing something altruistic and caring for him, not just telling him about it or hoping that he can see it from how you behave at work. It doesn’t have to be anything big either - a nice home-cooked potluck date at the park or some homemade cookies or a thoughtful, inexpensive gift does wonders.

P.S.: for some reason, my reddit app won’t let me respond to any of your replies to me on your other post. Apologies for leaving you hanging, but I think you got a lot of good advice there from other people in general, so hopefully you have enough to think about there.

ladida1321 · 2021-09-02T20:30:28+00:00

Are you actively dating?

Also sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate!

Do you have a good social life? Friends that you see often not related to work?

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2021-09-03T00:33:41+00:00

Well from this post it seems like you’re the perfect woman! But that’s clearly not the case. There are negatives to every person, think about what yours are. If you genuinely cannot come up with any negatives then the problem is most likely that you’re narcissistic.

You say people admire you, does that mean they like you romantically or that they admire the work you perform? How many dates have you been on in the past year, and why didn’t they work out?

Describe the men who you have met who you would have liked to go out with.

A post with nothing but positives about a problem won’t lead to any answers. We need brutal honesty regarding your life to help you, otherwise you’re just gonna get a bunch of “just be patient, you’re such a catch! Who wouldn’t want you!?”, and that’s clearly not helpful.

CountTheBees · 2021-09-03T03:20:41+00:00

I don't have anyone to talk to.
Not only there is nothing wrong with me

I can see one thing wrong with you - you don't have any friends. How much of your loneliness would disappear if you made friends? You would gain a lot of internal strength from friendly support and having friends to talk to.

independent
have been supporting myself and my immediate family from a very young age

Independent women have a hard time attracting men because they refuse help and don't know how to be vulnerable. Men like vulnerable women because they enjoy taking care of them and helping them and improving their life. You have to learn to say things like,

"I really struggle with ____. Can you help me?"

And gratefully accept people's help. Yes, you will look less competent, but it will help your personal relationships since you will attract kind, helpful, caring people.

deadbegonia · 2021-09-02T21:09:44+00:00

Personally, I have known women like you. Women I admired and wish I could have been like them - perfect in every way, happy in solitude and enjoying life to the fullest and being excellent homemakers, conversation partners, bubbly personalities, kind souls. And yet - they have all been single. And struggling to find love.

It made me think about how I believe that men actually love imperfections. Imperfect life partners, ones with personality, traits and shortcomings.

And one of those imperfections we should not mask (and we are raised to hide) is the ability to be vulnerable, soft hearted, emotional and sometimes even weak, so there is a space for a man to fill. If you pose as a strong, independant woman, it will likely scare off men who are not equal to you, and challenge the rare few who will be.

abacabbmk · 2021-09-02T22:07:10+00:00

Look at it the other way.

What do you bring to a man? You seem like a leader, can you step back from that? Height and weight? Where do you go to meet people socially/with friends? Are you unapproachable in a public setting or are you warm and friendly? What age range are you looking in? Are guys talking to you at all, or are you rejecting them all?

See if you have any males in your life you can talk to and get their perspective (dad, brother, cousins, etc).

ChrimsonChin988 · 2021-09-02T20:57:46+00:00

Probably because you're so humble...

But in all seriousness, even if half the things you describe yourself as are true you shouldn't be having much of a problem.

Many women would probably describe themselves like you did. Lots of generalities, no specific mention of things you can do for a man, that are desired by men and differentiate you from other women.

Maybe you haven't read the post about girl game and how to be approachable and that might change things drastically for you though; it's hard for me to assess behind a screen based so little information through text.

But I think it's more likely that you're not all that honest in your (self)-assessment.

2021-09-02T21:05:40+00:00

It's frustrating, right?

Is there anyone YOU like right now?

Getting married isn't like a test you can pass, or a certain metric you can reach. It's a relationship. You need to have shared values, complementary personalities, etc. So while it is important to work on yourself, it's just as important to meet lots of people and find someone you mesh with.

plein_old · 2021-09-02T21:16:47+00:00

You forgot to tell us you're the most humble person in the world!

lol.

No, but my point is that humility goes a long way with some people. Even if you have some good qualities, people might not even notice them if you exude a sense of resentment about your life, or a feeling of superiority.

In a marriage setting, it's wonderful if your spouse can handle a lot of challenges without complaining. But a wife who says "I am better than this situation; I do not deserve to be in this situation!" That is the sort of potential wife than men are wise to run away from! If I may say so.

mr4kino · 2021-09-03T10:50:28+00:00

Strong independent woman. What could go wrong?

It's not that you are exceptional it's that those characteristics do not attract hvm. A man wants a submissive, attractive, useful wife. Not a competitor. Any hvm can get sex easily. What more do you bring to the table?

IcarusKiki · 2021-09-02T22:37:41+00:00

Is your job female dominated? Do you go out often? Have social mixed gender hobbies? Are you introverted?

tonyghow · 2021-09-03T01:52:38+00:00

Since you’re posting on RPW, I would venture to guess that your standards for men are high?

You’ve described yourself. Can you describe what you’re looking for and have you seen any examples of it that you passed up?

Disastrous_Ice_5073 · 2021-09-07T15:22:27+00:00

Tbh if u were all of the things you claim to be u would not be single. Men are far less picky than women when it comes to dating. Fat ugly dumb broke a bitch there are hundreads of millions of simps who will pay money just to talk to a low value women. Onlyfans proves this.

xbebe729 · 2021-09-02T22:37:14+00:00

Try dating apps! I met my bf on bumble and so far so good going strong!

Namedoesntmatter89 · 2021-09-03T05:48:08+00:00

You answered your own question in the first paragraph.

You dont have anyone to talk to. If you have all these people who admire you, why dont you have anyone you want to tell about your feelings?

This isnt an insult. It's a question. Take it seriously.

Fyi I'm male. The things you described dont make me think wow good mating material. They make me feel like you're competent, useful, but competent is also intimidating.

Dont worry tho it's all learnable

-Raksu- · 2021-09-03T02:04:04+00:00

Can you go into more detail on how you support your immediate family? Could this aspect of your life possibly be a turn-off for some guys?

Khabeni412 · 2021-09-03T16:46:06+00:00

Do you expect men to always be the initiators? Have you ever approached a man to start a conversation? Most men would be thrilled to have a woman talk to them. If you want a relationship you can't just be passive and wait for men. Go after them too. Are you making an effort to meet men? I met my wife on a dating site. Maybe try that?

andrew_X21 · 2021-09-02T21:11:59+00:00

probably you haven't searched for guys in the right places and the only ones reaching to you are only looking for casual sex and nothing serious, or maybe your standards are to high and intimidating men

Some_Milk · 2021-09-02T21:22:12+00:00

Maybe it's your location. Are there enough eligible bachelors in your area? There are billions of people in the world, don't expect to find your soul mate in your city, with all the preferences you have too. I'd like to think someone is out there for me, but chances are they don't even live in my country.

Is age a factor? Do you date down and how far up?

Standards could be an issue. You sound like a high quality woman. Your male equivalent(assuming you like males) is probably a really high quality man. 80% of woman are after the top 20% of men, while 20% of woman are after the other 80% of average/low quality men. You probably have alot of competition.

Do you get out much?

Do you have the opportunities to meet men in a casual setting?

Do you have many hobbies that show off more than your looks and career?

SG_3160 · 2021-09-03T07:16:39+00:00

In a males perspective men want more then just your independence, looks, and accomplishments especially high value men. If you need a little more guidence I would suggest watching a gentleman on YouTube by the name of Kevin Samuels.

LivelyLychee · 2021-09-02T20:46:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

zzpop10 · 2021-09-05T22:10:06+00:00

Ask someone you like out on a date

hordefeec · 2021-09-13T10:21:37+00:00

Men like imperfections and vulnerabilities in women.

LateralThinker13 · 2021-09-15T19:53:01+00:00

Okay, let's assume you are as high value as you portray.

How have you made yourself available to HVM for approach? How big is the pond that you swim in? What kind of fish are in it? Are you only meeting people on the job? Because that's not where you want to meet people. You want to meet them OFF the job. People who try to date coworkers or clients... yeah. You don't $h1t where you eat, as the saying goes.

Not only there is nothing wrong with me, but because I know I have reached that stage in life where I am confident I can maintain a healthy relationship.

This comes across as ego and arrogance. That's the last thing that a man finds attractive.

I feel I have reached the very bottom of my patience.

Patience with whom? You sound like you're directing that at the men in your life - and it's not THEIR fault they don't approach you. It's something you're doing. Is it RBF or a bitch shield? Or are you just not circulating in HVM circles? Where are you looking for men?

Finally, my standard question: What do YOU offer a HVM that other, younger women do not, that men value?

I am a 27 year old female, beautiful (as people often tell me and I believe it as well), slim, stylish don't care, feminine, well-read don't care, independent active negative etc.

I suspect you don't understand what men want. For starters, a man wants to be needed. So I reiterate my question: what do you offer a man that a younger, hotter version of you does not? Why should he pick you?

oriorioooo · 2021-09-30T05:53:11+00:00

Read thefemininewoman.com

Idk if its legit but i trust them personally

Remember its ok for u to make the first move but its mostly signalling on the womans part so u dont waste ur time. Etc etc ( but being genuine is more important)

Are u being genuine (not like spilling all the beans but like truly being u)? Are u bringing your natural energy and playfulness to the table? Know that men dont seek a perfect woman, its most important to be yourself and set good boundaries but also while channeling that femininity

bcapone27 · 2021-09-02T21:23:00+00:00

Well i would say the same for me - but i know why im Single. I want somebody on my attractiveless and sportlevel, should care for healthy Diary, should be a nice Person That Is Not afraid To do „dirty work“, it should match sexually and like my friends. To find that in one Person Is tough. Id say Most Girls that have mentioned Qualities tend To end up dating super hot, Rich, clever guys - im 28 now, Single for 5 years - Lets hope the Best i will meet someone matching

Title	I don't understand why the hell I am still single
Author	Davidoff24
Upvotes	9
Comments	36
Date	September 2, 2021 8:19 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pgpvbs/i_dont_understand_why_the_hell_i_am_still_single/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-dont-understand-why-the-hell-i-am-still-single.1067227 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067227

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