If your man told you he needed sexual variety and wants to sleep with other women, but still being dedicated to you, would you be okay with it?

LivelyLychee · 2021-09-27T17:37:18+00:00

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ubcthrowaway1996 · 2021-09-27T17:42:32+00:00

never mind what he's saying - is that what you truly want? I highly doubt it but you need to ask yourself that

ledatherockband · 2021-09-27T19:31:48+00:00

Fresh & Fit are bottom of the barrel and I’m saying that as a red pilled male.

I would never want my sons to ARGUE with women to get sex, manipulate OnlyFans girls into sex and then pressure them to kill their own children if there is no threat to the mom’s life, pay for sex, and get emotional when a woman disagrees with them.

SunshineSundress · 2021-09-27T19:35:24+00:00

A lot to unpack here.

First of all, I’ve talked about why Fresh and Fit are a bad representation of TRP: they work by generating outrage, not by creating solutions, and they have a somewhat rudimentary understanding of TRP theory and yet they are preaching and teaching. I wrote about it at length here.

Secondly, it is completely up to you whether or not you want a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship. It doesn’t really matter if other women aren’t okay with it (and as you can see, plenty of them here aren’t) and it doesn’t matter if other women ARE okay with it (come on, you KNOW there are plenty of wives who turn a blind eye to their husband’s extramarital side girls because their husband is so wealthy/attractive/desirable/whatever that they would rather let him than lose him). What matters is what YOU want.

From what I’ve gathered from your comments, you don’t want this. If you don’t want your fiancé doing this, you need to first make sure that your relationship is in a good place. Men often don’t just stumble onto red-pill material unless they are looking for it due to some kind of dissatisfaction (with women in general, with their past relationships, or with their current one). Make sure the quality of your relationship is actually good and implement the strategies we have spelled out on RPW in our wiki. The mods here have also been doing a month-long back-to-basics series that covers a lot of rudimentary RPW theory and girl game, so also look at those if you want more guidance.

After that, you need to figure out a way to explain to him WHY this is an undesirable outcome for you in a way that actually convinces him to take your side. You cannot achieve that by fighting, being petty/disrespectful/demeaning, or by taking a cold “I-don’t-need-you-anyways” stance. This might push him to do exactly what you don’t want from him or it might be the downfall of your relationship. You do this by bringing him your problem, not your solution, by appealing to his protective instincts in a strategic manner, and by being open and vulnerable with him and letting him know why him sleeping with other women would crush your spirit and hurt you deeply. Appealing to his instincts to take care of the woman he loves is the best way to get him to realize why sleeping with other people is not a good route to take for your relationship.

But at the end of the day, we cannot control others - we can only control ourselves. If he eventually convinces himself that this is what he will do, you have two choices: 1) stay with him because you cherish your relationship and you think this is the best man you can get, so you won’t have to start ALL over with finding a man with lower SMV and more baggage than when you started, OR 2) you accept that you have grown apart and have radically different life goals and you end the relationship and start fresh, lower SMV and more baggage and all. Both options have their merits and both have their cons, so it’s 100% up to you which one fits better for you.

LivelyLychee · 2021-09-27T19:07:41+00:00

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banalchenal · 2021-09-27T20:43:27+00:00

Male and female sexuality is different and we experience jealousy and possession in different ways. I agree there.

For me though, no. Absolutely not.

When I was younger I tried such an arrangement and in some ways it worked nicely. I got along with his other gf, I managed to separate my feelings of jealousy from the situation, etc. We had fun and I thought I was "poly".

But I later realised that this was only because I was luke warm about the guy. Once I experienced that real intense, dazzling infatuation and then love for a man, the idea of him sharing closeness and intimacy with another woman just made me feel sick no matter how hard I tried to logic my way out of it.

There's a lot of rationalisation in RP around this topic and I don't disagree in theory. I actually do believe that my SO could go and fuck a random girl and come back without it affecting HIS feelings for ME.

But at the end of the day, rational or not, I'm also a human with feelings. I joyfully make sacrifices every day for my partner's emotional wellbeing, and I need a man who cherishes and protects my own happiness in return. Even if it's "rational" that men's infidelity doesn't "matter", a man who sought that out knowing that it would hurt me is not a man who cares about me in the way I need to be cared for.

SnooChipmunks3163 · 2021-09-27T18:32:23+00:00

It’s a redpill sub here so….There are certain things that I agree with those guy. But it seems to me that they only care they are entitled to have sex with women. Cool, it’s not news anymore that men desire sex. There are certain type of men that are successful with women. Have your fiancé had a share of rotating beautiful women before he met you? Is he tall and the hot shit in town ? Does he earn good money ? Or is he the avarage guy with average income. Nothing wrong with being avarage but most likely women don’t like average men according to fresh n fit. We all want that 1%. If he is and you don’t want to lose his resources then have a good talk. Maybe he is just missing something in relationship and want to act out instead of talking to you. Set the rules if you agree. What did even mean with dedication? Only the relationship status isn’t working anymore because if he wants to have sex with other women he has to offer more stability than “we are engaged”

HappyBear1952 · 2021-09-27T19:07:59+00:00

The Fresh & Fit guys are really talking about very high values males when they make comments like this one on men having such variety. For men in the top one percent - think income over 1/2 million annually, they can have more than one woman. I find that virtually all women do not want this - and hence 98% will disagree with this statement (of course its a negative for the woman if he has more than one). But think about it for a moment - if a man is highly successful (i.e. earning over a million annually, owns multiple businesses, is a mover and shaker in the community, and quite adept socially), he will naturally have women a number of women who want to be with him, and they are willing to share him with others if that what it takes to be with him. Therefore, he truly does have access to multiple women simultaneous (including a number of married guys). So, regardless of what anyone thinks regarding if men 'should be allowed to have sexual freedom', the reality is that certain men do have that freedom. But again, this only applies to 'rock stars' - very high value men.

2021-09-27T18:23:24+00:00

If he's reading Red Pill literature with sincerity, I'd be really careful about making a lifelong commitment, as he reevaluates his values and morals. There's a chance he'll come out of that research feeling so differently about some major life issues, that your relationship may no longer work.

OursIs-TheFury · 2021-09-27T17:39:55+00:00

Yeah stoped reading after Fresh&Fit. It’s a shit podcast with shitty ppl running it that have tried to use their platform to get sex with women under the illusion of “collaborating”. They also been harassing this one pregnant women that exposed them for doing so.

anothergoodbook · 2021-09-27T19:01:39+00:00

My husband used to listen to that. He had told me that and he said it was bullshit. He was listening again later and I said, “you know that show is totally beneath you. It’s about a bunch of immature guys that just want to f*ck a bunch of girls. They don’t care about having a wife a kids. “. If he’s listening to it I leave the room because I can’t stand the way they talk about women. I haven’t heard him listening to it in a while (he may just not listen around me).

luliloo · 2021-09-27T20:23:56+00:00

I would not want him to but if he was high value enough, we could try negotiating something.

SouthernGrass3 · 2021-09-27T18:31:41+00:00

Not ok in my book. This things don’t occur in a vacuum. They detract time and energy away from you/your children (if you have them), expose you to increased ongoing risk of disease, invite excessive ongoing comparison between you and other partners, and men, while often less susceptible than women, are far from immune to getting attached to those they sleep with— especially if they have the option to sleep with people they find appealing rather than women who just meet their minimal requirements for sex.

Protocol_Apollo · 2021-09-27T17:44:36+00:00

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scaevities · 2021-09-27T18:22:01+00:00

christ

JadedByEntropy · 2021-09-27T19:23:02+00:00

The bf is free to have variety, but he can't come back. Have all the variety he can find, but not with me. He won't be as successful as he assumes. Especially once he doesn't have the regular-sex fall back option when they all reject him.

uniq0rn_qlitter · 2021-09-27T18:17:59+00:00

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2021-09-27T18:44:07+00:00

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2021-09-27T19:54:10+00:00

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softrevolution_ · 2021-09-27T20:38:03+00:00

Well, this blew up.

Look, as someone who has actually been involved in polyamory -- rules are important. But so is everyone's consent, and if yours isn't there, then maybe the two of you need to explore why he suddenly feels his sex life isn't enough. Maybe he is non-monogamous by nature (that's pretty rare, though). Or maybe he's young and sees a lifetime of being married to one woman and thinks that this should not be the end of his sexual adventures.

I think you both have some growing up and thinking to do, especially if you're marrying this man so young because you want to have a family with him. Unfortunately, I also speak from experience as the child of a man who thought his sexual adventures shouldn't have ended with marriage: it's horrible knowing that your own mother is being cheated on. And the kids will find out. Kids don't miss much. So... don't have kids with this guy unless you're prepared to normalize and be open about his non-monogamy from the word go. And that means it has to be open in your community, because you can bet those kids will draw the side chicks when it's time to make a family portrait in kindergarten. And then the teacher will see. And hopefully she won't judge, but... there may be some awkwardness at the parent-teacher conference.

I wouldn't do it again, personally, unless I knew that he was never going to leave me or split my share of the resources with someone else. I would also be uncomfortable with the possibility of illegitimate children and STDs. So for me, she would have to be a committed, integral part of our family where the boundaries had been thoroughly discussed and we know and like each other a lot.

Key-Progress-8873 · 2021-09-27T20:47:49+00:00

Personally I think that people in committed long term relationships should stay faithful to one another. I also think that women are most definitely not able to compartmentalize sex the same way men can, so it can be a cruel thing to do and cause a lot of emotional pain.

This seems like a bit of a twisted reading of how true patriarchal societies used to work, which is also how my country was until not that long ago. Basically when marrying their wife, the condition men would face would be to always come back to her at night. Cheating wasn't considered explicitly immoral, however, dishonoring your wife & family by being public with your mistress very much was. And for that, women could lock their husband out of the house and do other stuff to humiliate him publicly. And probably also divorce him. There was no decision she could make to acknowledge the adultery without staining her reputation and making herself look like a doormat. So cheating basically was done very discreetly.

I remember my mom telling me when I was still in school that this is what she asked my dad, just to come home to her every evening on time. My dad never took advantage of this though and he's a man known for always having eyes for his wife only. He always refused to spend time with another woman alone, under any circumstance. His dad, though, that was a different story. He was well known for being a serial cheater, his wife tolerated it stoically, under the condition that he remained a good provider. He was a strong patriarch though, through and through and was really the last person I knew in my life who was able to bring the whole extended family together and unite it, make fighting parties make amends and make them stay together. Just generally was an incredibly wholesome and strong man, who also happened to be a horndog cheater, for which he was mocked at times, but he brushed it off.

Just my experience with this, I guess, concept.

Mysterious_Safety_61 · 2021-09-27T20:49:36+00:00

Fresh and fit are talking about high value men. According to them, rich men making 300k a year should be allowed to exercise options. Average men making five figures are forced to be monogamous. Is he rich and high value?

cats5483 · 2021-09-27T21:43:12+00:00

personally, im a monogamous woman, so that would be a huge dealbreaker for me. even if he was very high value, i still wouldnt be able to put up with it. it wouldnt be worth the emotional pain

2021-09-27T18:50:49+00:00

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tradhinduwoman · 2021-09-27T18:05:36+00:00

historically all this was common, men had multiple wives, went to brothels but idk idc i won't be fine if my man does it at all. redpill should not be like totally returning to doing everything that was common back then, not cool and I hope you look out for any signs of him suggesting he might wanna do any of that

sushi_30 · 2021-09-27T19:14:19+00:00

Fresh&Fit is NOT RedPill. lol. I'd suggest a partner that isn't so easily influenced by fake masculinity, & can actually stand in integrity of his manhood.

Whisper · 2021-09-27T19:50:18+00:00

How much have you invested in this relationship so far?

How old are you?

Puzzleheaded-Gur2674 · 2021-09-27T19:34:22+00:00

F&F can be so scary & they really pull their audience in. My SO and I spent a lot of time watching that pod before the fall they had with ABA & Preach. It's honestly entirely up to you what you think about it & whether you're okay with it. If he's bringing it up to you- I would say it's because he's testing you to know if and when you would be okay with it. So ask yourself, how do you feel about it? Do you agree with that idea? And is he even a provider?

Sometimes men say they should be allowed sexual abundance/ variety, but they contribute NOTHING or little to nothing.

pearlsandstilettos · 2021-09-27T23:33:38+00:00

I've removed this post. The way you are framing it, it seems you are here for sympathy and validation.

Regardless of what Red Pill sources tell men, you are not obligated to be in a relationship that goes against your values. You seem to know this.

If you need help framing a discussion with him, you can post asking for help. If you need to reassess your relationship flaws, in light of his attraction to RP ideas, you can tell us about your relationship and ask for an analysis from an RP perspective.

And if you have any questions or concerns about this removal, write us in modmail.

Protocol_Apollo · 2021-09-27T17:51:38+00:00

Won’t say what you should or should not do.

But I’ll explain the psychology.

Girls prove loyalty sexually, guys prove loyalty emotionally. Egalitarian values see women prove loyalty through sex and have demanded men must show loyalty the same way. This is false.

Girls are the gatekeepers of sex/sexual investment, guys are the gatekeepers of time/commitment/emotional investment. Guys giving away sex to girls doesn’t hurt him because he’s not the gatekeeper of it, he’s not giving away his prized possession. (That would be his time/emotional investment).

This is why a guy can fuck tons of women and still love his main girl. He has not checked out of the relationship.

But a girl can’t. Once she fucks other guys, you know the relationship is over, she has mentally checked out of the relationship. That’s why she’s giving out her most prized possession (sexual access).

A guy checks out the relationship when he’s emotionally invested in another girl that isn’t his main one.

And this is what girls , and I assume these commenters, can conflate.

Girls see guys fucking someone else and think he’s emotionally moved on as well when that’s not always the case.

If he’s buying her stuff, spending his non sexual time with her, that’s when he’s moved on; he’s now emotionally invested in another woman. That’s the equivalent of a woman fucking another dude.

The difference between the main girl and any side is this, the guy fucks both but the side girl gets kicked out in the morning, the main girl probably gets fucked again and then accompanies him to brunch and gets bought a new purse.

That’s the difference.

So, ask yourself:

Do you trust him not to get emotionally invested in these girls? Do you trust it will be just sex and that’s it? Has he made this clear? Has he made the difference between you and them clear?
Is he emotionally invested in you? Is he investing a lot non sexually into you?

Tldr:

This can only work if you absolutely get his emotional/non sexual investment.

And the side girls get none of that.

If he starts buying the side girls shit, hanging out with them outside of sex, this is the equivalent of him checking out.

2021-09-27T19:00:01+00:00

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Protocol_Apollo · 2021-09-27T18:21:16+00:00

u/Whisper

Any thoughts?

sister-goose · 2021-09-27T18:48:05+00:00

Probably, yeah... I would just have to work on not being jealous. He deserves to have his sexual needs fulfilled. Even though I never deny him and always put out, it becomes exhausting and painful, so it would probably be okay if he could spread out his sexual endeavors... and yes, if he is the head of the household, he has a right to his desires being met. Part of me feels uncomfortable and sad to imagine him with another woman, though, but it's ultimately about HIS needs

Title	If your man told you he needed sexual variety and wants to sleep with other women, but still being dedicated to you, would you be okay with it?
Author	grimyraccoonhands
Upvotes	20
Comments	126
Date	September 27, 2021 5:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pwm34b/if_your_man_told_you_he_needed_sexual_variety_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/if-your-man-told-you-he-needed-sexual-variety-and.1073944 https://theredarchive.com/post/1073944

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