It’s not funny

PinkBlair99 · 2021-09-21T18:25:14+00:00

Ask him to explain what’s funny about it. Then, don’t react except maybe look mildly confused, and say you don’t get it, and ask again.

MissouriBlue · 2021-09-21T19:11:08+00:00

This is called a “Shit Test”.

He’s trying to see How much crap you’ll take from him and How far he can violate your boundary on offensive insults.

nutterbye · 2021-09-21T18:28:12+00:00

I love asking them to explain the "joke" because it puts the spot back on them and hopefully makes them ridiculous.

Ironsculpture · 2021-09-21T19:31:01+00:00

You think such a thing is worthy of a response? Grey rock and minimize all interactions. They're fishing for an emotional reaction because they're dead inside. Don't give a shit.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-09-21T19:41:20+00:00

Remind him that jokes are supposed to be funny and clever and since his aren't, he should either retire from comedy or resolve to learn about it before telling his next "joke". You can be condescending and add in a "maybe one day with enough practice you'll learn to be funny"

Guys really pride themselves on how funny they are, and when you inform them they aren't, it takes the wind out of their sails

Spittens · 2021-09-21T19:19:07+00:00

In the most innocent voice you can muster, with a matching expression ask them 'explain to me why that's funny?'

And watch them flounder.

my_curated_life · 2021-09-21T19:33:00+00:00

Don’t react, leave, block him and delete.

He knows, he just doesn’t care

annamae602 · 2021-09-21T19:42:26+00:00

I am a fan of playing the “dumb fox” and innocently saying, “Huh? What does that mean?” and repeat the process until he digs his own grave. If you don’t feel like engaging, just ignore him for good. But by no means educate.

AdmiralRando · 2021-09-21T19:34:04+00:00

I just say, “can I get that in writing?” They tend to change the subject after that.

CynicalSucculent · 2021-09-21T20:06:32+00:00

If you can, just get up and leave. Men don't respond to "being educated." They'll just think it's hilarious.

The language men understand is consequence. Enforce consequences by getting up and leaving. Disengage with him. Don't give him the floor to speak with you anymore.

curiousgoblin22 · 2021-09-21T18:56:18+00:00

I find complete non-reaction disarms people. He's probably doing it for a reaction - if you totally don't react & shut down, he'll have nothing to feed off and will learn that the consequence is simply the conversation ending.

When he next says this: - If in person, just say "OK" and walk away. - If it's via text, just stop replying. - If it's a date, please just leave. - If it's a work situation and others can hear, just pause and let the silence be awkward.

Edit to add: The above assumes there's a reason you can't block / avoid this guy. If you can though, then the best thing is to block/ignore and disengage completely.

Quirky_Confusion_235 · 2021-09-21T19:50:38+00:00

Thank you all for your replies. I think for me, grey rocking will probably be best the solution.

When I try to educate a man on why those type of jokes aren’t funny and are actually harmful, I’m laughed at and called too sensitive. Where’s my sense of humor?? I have a great sense of humor, and I don’t need to hurt others to be funny.

Alas, I am not the type of person who can fake not getting the joke and asking a man to explain it to me. I think I would explode on the spot. The only way I think I could do this is if very sternly said “hmmm please explain to me why you think that punchline was funny.” But that may invite unwanted confrontation.

08__80 · 2021-09-21T19:54:27+00:00

Get rid of him.

Love_Artemis · 2021-09-21T19:35:15+00:00

it’s good to laugh at the shit in the world.

Even if he's the one causing/encouraging it?

I just pretend I didn't hear them say anything. I saw someone either here or on a different sub say you should make them repeat or explain the "joke".

Like "Huh? What'd you say, I didn't hear it." He repeats what he said. Act distracted and say "...Sorry what? I wasn't paying attention." He repeats it again. Be distracted again "...Huh? Anyway..." And change the subject.

Or go the dumb fox route "I don't...Get it. What does that mean." He explains. You respond "Oh. Anyway..." And change the subject.

No reaction or anything just be indifferent to the "jokes"

If it's through text or online, just don't respond to it and change the subject.

Quirky_Confusion_235 · 2021-09-21T21:45:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

KindredMaximus · 2021-09-21T20:50:47+00:00

Why would you try to educate? He isn't a child. Yes, grey rock. If you must be around him (eg. work, family) make your communication short and utilitarian.
You don't have time in your life to put up with this.

Also, if he does it even when you are keeping communication utilitarian, my go to is to say "I beg your pardon, could you repeat that?" and make him repeat it - they NEVER ever do and it usually stops them making those remarks around you. As soon as they have to say it again - it shows how wrong the remark was.

ussr_ftw · 2021-09-21T22:37:50+00:00

He's doing it to get a rise out of you - think middle school bully mentality. Literally just ignore him - act as if he hadn't said anything and carry on. That drives them nuts.

GabbaG0ul · 2021-09-21T23:24:57+00:00

Him- “It was just a joke”

Me- “ Jokes are supposed to funny.”

If they push it, I call them out on their boundary testing. That’s what they’re doing. They know its not funny and you will fine it offensive. It’s not “edgy humor”. They are using this as an opportunity to see how far they can talk down to you without consequence.

dkwantsdk · 2021-09-21T20:26:23+00:00

Grey rock, act confused and ask him to explain it, say "ok" and then block, or shame/disgust (if you need to continue interacting with him).

Personally, I find a look of disgust/cringe and a bit of shame like "wow did you really just say that?" Or "I haven't heard that joke since middle school. Wow." To be super effective. Especially if done in front of other men. If you respond or explain, you are giving them exactly what they want - a reaction. But men are very very sensitive to women laughing or ignoring them.

jonbenetramseysnow · 2021-09-21T22:30:41+00:00

My ex used to constantly make edgy racist and sexist “jokes.” After I found out my sister was in a domestic abuse relationship, he decided to do impressions of the abuser and the situation. When i’d ask him what he found funny about it, he’d claim the joke was the absurdity because “he’d never do anything like that for real.”

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-22T08:31:25+00:00

If it's someone you don't have to interact with ever, just distance yourself. If you're stuck with them (coworker, relative etc) - ask " what did you mean by that? "

Title	It’s not funny
Author	Quirky_Confusion_235
Upvotes	260
Comments	53
Date	September 21, 2021 6:15 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/psoj0m/its_not_funny/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/its-not-funny.1075128 https://theredarchive.com/post/1075128

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