Hey everyone! We’ve talked about how to vet on the first date—don’t waste any more time than you need to weed out LVM—but it can be awkward and even dangerous to outright ask men about important values like future children, political alignment, porn use, religion, cleanliness, gender role expectations, financial health, video game usage.

So I’ve put together a list of questions that are conversational instead of direct, and they may help you vet without sounding like a job interview.

The goal is to weave these in as naturally as possible, so feel free to tweak them to your situation.

Results may vary; not every question will necessary give you a 100% answer but can be a good indicator of compatibility when combined with other factors.

  1. What TV or video game character do you think you’re the most like?

This can illuminate red flag personalities if he says he resonates with Rick from Rick and Morty, or an Adam Sandler Character, or literally anyone from The Office. 🚩

This also might clue you in to how much time he spends playing video games and watching TV and what kind of content he watches. I personally do not want to date someone who consumes a lot of violent/horror media, so if my date indicates that he does, I’d ask for the check.

  1. Do you have any nieces and nephews? Do you see them often?

This can illuminate his feelings about children. If he complains about them, he might not be ready or want children. If he gushes about them, it’s a good opportunity to ask about his plans for future children without it being awkward or too forward.

  1. Do you watch SNL at all? What do you think of the new guy?

SNL is very political and leans very left. The new guy is playing Joe Biden. Regardless of your own political leanings (conservative/liberal) this could give you insight on his political leanings and if they’re compatible with yours. For example, he could say he doesn’t like how political SNL is and that might indicate he has more conservative views.

  1. Are you close to your parents?

This is a great childhood question that may give you insight on behavioral patterns, family values, and even childhood trauma.

  1. What’s your favorite holiday?

This might tell you if he’s religious and how devout he is.

  1. What’s the best birthday gift you ever received?

This question may give you insight into what he values: thoughtfulness, experiences, material things?

  1. What’s your favorite restaurant?

A question that can clue you in on his finances and taste. Does he say a fast food restaurant? Or a unique, local, higher-priced restaurant? Does he say Applebee’s??? 🚩

  1. Do you follow any sports teams?

As someone who does not like sports, an affirmative to this would be an instant dealbreaker. But for those who like sports or are more in the neutral camp, this question and subsequent elaboration may help indicate how invested a man is and whether you’ll come before or after his dedication to sportsball.

  1. Do you like cats or dogs?

Pay attention to this. A man liking dogs or cats is not an automatic HVM. However, there’s a lot to be learned from a man who doesn’t like dogs or cats. Why?

Many men don’t like the responsibility of dogs. Does that bode well for responsibility in general? Someone who can take initiative? Stick to a routine? Care for someone else? IMO no.

On the other hand, many men don’t like the aloofness of cats. I’ve found that men who don’t like cats have issues with boundaries since cats have very strict and sometimes confusing boundaries.

So, beware of men who do not like animals and listen to their reasons why. They just might tell on themselves.

  1. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Hear me out nightowls: there are a lot of reasons to be a night person. Valid, healthy reasons. So it’s important to listen to the reasons a man gives if he’s a night person. Does he work the night shift? Does he have a flexible job or work from home? Is he a creative who works better at night?

Why you might want to avoid a night owl: is he getting enough sleep for his day job? Is he spending his nights gaming until 1am? Is he going to be able to adjust his schedule for future children who often wake up very early and need care? Or will he expect you to do that because he’s a night owl?

Bonus Question: What kind of porn do you like?

I can’t take credit for this one. It’s an FDS staple! But as always, it’s a great way to see if he watches porn at all. And if he does 🚩

Add your vetting questions in the comments!

EDIT: As a few users pointed out:

  1. Don’t ask these questions word for word! These are more like topics to ask about in a natural conversation and what a guys answer may indicate. Plus, men do lurk here and may take note of these questions and have answers prepared. Asking them in a subtle, conversational way will prevent them from picking up on any script.

  2. If a man answers yes or no with zero follow up, then he’s LV. You shouldn’t have to format every question like an open ended essay assignment for him to want to tell you about himself. It’s a date. The point is to get to know each other. It’s not your job to pull answers out of a guy.

Happy vetting!!!